Take A Little Walk With Me……

Hey everyone hope you’re all well, okay so i’m gonna be honest……i’m not really sure what to write about today so I thought i’d just take you on a walk into nature, don’t worry you don’t need to walk anywhere unless you want to then go right ahead, although I must say this, I already went for a walk which is why I said you don’t need to. You see the cover photo of this blog post!? it’s nice isn’t it, i’d say it is, but that’s only because I took that photo, now i’m not saying i’m the greatest at taking photo’s but i’m actually quite happy with this one, I took more, but you’ll see them soon.

Anyway let’s talk walks in nature, have you ever noticed how nice and relaxing it is when you’re just walking!? I’m sure a lot or some of you have, for those who love walking and enjoy being outdoors i’m sure they know exactly what that’s like. Sometimes you don’t realize how nice and beautiful nature really is, the way the trees look, the way they move and sway with the wind pushing and flowing through their leaves. You also have the wind itself, the wind actually as a very interesting sound to it, I was walking and this time i brought my headphones because as some of you may remember I forgot them the last time I went for a walk ha…..but yeah so I brought my headphones and put on some music as I walked but before I put my music on, I could hear the wind blowing through my earphones and it was mainly when I was moving, when I stopped it didn’t really make that much sound.

Now if you’re the kind to take in everything you would know that nature has a lot of sounds to it, the wind has a very unique sound to it, obviously I can’t mimic it, but we’ll just say that it’s very unique. When it comes to nature itself everything is unique and has a very specific sound to it, birds with the way they sing, we all know that every bird is different, even trees have a sound to them when the wind flows through them, just everything. It was really hot out actually, very hot, but there was also a good breeze happening as well so that was nice, but anyway back to what I was talking about, so I went for a walk and I ended up going to this little park close by, now this was the first time I ever went to this park, i’d always pass it, but never thought of giving it a chance, but today I decided to give it a try, see what it was about and it was actually pretty alright, is it my favorite!? no not really, but it was still nice.

So I walked around the park for a good while, took a picture of a flower bush and while I was walking through the park, there were some dragonflies flying around and flying through this little grass hill, one flew over my head and kinda followed me a bit, but then flew off somewhere else. I spent about an hour or so there and in the park they have a little playground, but I wasn’t a huge fan of it that much though. I continued to walk around the park for a good while, I sat on the benches that were there too a little bit, I was gonna walk back home after being there for a bit, but something told me to stay for a little bit longer, so I did and I saw another dragonfly and it was flying around of course and I watched it fly around and you know how when you see something and it kinda puts you in this little trance for a bit!? well that’s what happened with me, as I was watching the dragonfly I couldn’t help, but want to follow it so I did.

As I followed the dragonfly, it ended up flying somewhere else after a while of course, but I walked up the grass hill and like I said the park isn’t that big at all, but when you walk up the grass hill it, it makes it seem like there’s a bit more to it and believe it or not there was bit actually, when I walked up the little hill there was this fence and some more trees, but I also discovered there was a little passage way with a river, I think it was a river, I was gonna go down the passage way, although I wasn’t quite sure if I should’ve went, but I saw someone else down there and thought maybe it’s okay to go and I started to kinda go down the way to see more, but as I was walking down, I found that the walk down was very steep and I was really nervous because I was like I don’t want to fall down, there was so many stones and rocks and I didn’t want to risk going down there, so I said you know what i’ll just come back when i’m wearing proper shoes next time.

I was wearing comfortable shoes, I had my bob shoes on and if you own a pair of bobs you know how comfortable they are, they’re so comfortable, however I felt I needed better shoes to walk down the trail, so i’ll wear some sneakers or boots next time I go, that way I know i’m okay. So instead of going down the trail fully, I took a few pictures of it, there was some ducks in the water, very cute, although the pictures with the ducks in it are on my camera and I only put the pictures I took on my phone on here so yeahhhh…..but the pictures are nice, I think they are anyway ha. After being at the park for a good period of time I started heading back home, I found a feather on my way back and I also spotted this really adorable bird it was yellow and black, very cute.

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Don’t worry I have it here to show you, it was flying around this garden of a shortcut I took home and I wasn’t even paying attention that much and then all of sudden my eyes took focus on this little bird who was in someone else’s garden and when I saw it I had to take a photo, it kept flying around and I thought I was gonna miss it, but it actually let me take a photo of it on my phone, I tried to take one on my camera as well, but it ended up flying away, but hey at least it let me take a photo of it right!?

After I watched the bird fly off, I continued my way back to my house and i’m listening to my music, now I don’t really know where it came from, but out of nowhere, my attention went towards another little feather only this one was floating through the air, now normal people would just keep walking, but nope not me I stopped and started following the feather and it kept on going and going and the way it was floating, was as if it was leading me somewhere, i’m not really sure it’s probably just me, but I followed it and although I was in the middle of the street which isn’t smart, I caught the feather, lucky there wasn’t any cars when I was in the middle of the street, however once I got on the sidewalk a car came by so that was a close one, although now that I think about it, i’m not sure if it came the way I went or the other way, away from where I was!? We have two different ways cars can come from, ones a one way I think and the other cars can just come by with no problem.

Yeah so that was my day, nothing else really happened within my walk, once I came back I sat in my backyard for a bit and yeah that was it, thanks for taking this little walk with me in nature, I hope you guys found this interesting, I know you can’t really take anything from this, but I hope you still enjoyed it, I didn’t know what to write so I thought why not share and bring you on a walk with me and tell you all about the cool things I discovered, but anyway I hope you enjoyed this and I hope you all have a goodnight, morning and or evening 🙂

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

In A Whirlpool Of Emotions…….

What do you do when you don’t know what to do!? I know that what I just asked may be super confusing to a lot of you and you maybe trying to figure out what exactly i’m talking about and to be honest, i’m not even sure……..all I know is that my brain is swirling with a whole lot of things, trying to come up with the right words to say……but not really knowing how to say it exactly. It’s so easy to plan out every single thing it is that you either what to say or do in your head, but when it comes to taking action on those said things, for some reason that’s a little bit tougher and it shouldn’t be that hard, but it is………especially when there are things that you’ve been trying to face for a very long time. You think to yourself “it’s easy, why are you making it so hard, just go, do it what’s wrong with you?”

It literally feels like there’s always two versions of you the one that helps you map everything out for you so your not stressing about how to go about things and then you have the one that you get ready to do what you and your assistant self just went over, but the minute you come face to face with whatever it is you’ve been preparing yourself for, you freeze and you find that your words aren’t coming through, you try though, but every time you go to speak or you think of speaking…….you can’t and the assistant version of yourself keeps looking at you confused, wondering why it is you aren’t saying anything, why you aren’t expressing your emotions and while you’re frozen dead in your tracks trying to form some kind of sentence, you find that you aren’t able to, now while your just standing there speechless, the other version of you is screaming in the inside trying to be heard and trying to get you to say something, but you can’t.

Now you’re away from the situation or whatever it is you tried to face before and you find that now you have all these things you could’ve said and different ways you would have said them or things you could’ve done and all the different ways you could’ve done them and you would think you’d be calm about the situation, but because you know how you are with these kind of things, you know that you’re not gonna be calm about it, you’re gonna be angry with yourself, you’re gonna pace back and forth or sit with yourself and pretty much tear yourself to shreds by questioning everything you could have done or said in that moment when you had it. “Why didn’t you say anything?” “What happened you were right there?” All these different things start to pop up in your mind making you overthink and analyze everything, causing you to now have your emotions show up to the party that you didn’t even want in the first place.

So after all that happens and you’ve calm yourself down, you think to yourself “okay so we didn’t do what we planned before, let’s see if we can try a different approach” Your assistant version of yourself then helps you plan something else out, but while your in the middle of planning, another version of you joins in, only this one tries to talk you out of what you’re planning by doing this “Ahhhh hey don’t mean to be a bother or downer here buuut, that’s not gonna work” you and your assistant version of yourself look at this new version of you, who they like to refer to as the analytical version of you who always has to over look the assistant version of yourself’s plan by pointing out all the things that can transpire if you go through with the plan causing you to then really think about it and say “you know she does have a point, maybe we shouldn’t do this plan”

What i’m saying is when you think about approaching a situation, you tend to think of all the different scenarios that could take place and that causes you to not even want to bother because you feel “well I already know how this is gonna play out, so why even try!?” but you know that something in you is gonna tell you that you should still face it no matter whether you know what’s gonna happen or not, but just the thought of you wanting to express yourself, but not feeling like it’ll make a difference because you know how it’s gonna go, it gets to you, but even you know that avoiding situations aren’t the answer especially when it bothers you more than you want it to…….sigh………so that’s why I asked in the beginning of this blog, what do you do when there’s something you know you want to express, but you just don’t know how to express it!? or you feel because you know how it’s gonna go, is it still even worth expressing!? So i’ll ask once more, what do you do when you don’t know what to do about something!?

That’s all I have to say with this blog post, I know I haven’t been writing lately, I mean I have, but I haven’t been posting what I write only because I just haven’t felt that what I was writing was good enough to post because it didn’t really have any feeling to it and I never want to post stuff that I don’t put feeling in because then it would be random non meaning kind of writing and I always want my posts to have meaning at least some kind of meaning and I want to be able to have it help you guys as well if you too are going through a similar thing that i’m going through in some way. I hope you’re all doing well and I hope you all have a goodnight morning and or evening.

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

 

Self Rebuilding (Still In Progress)

Hey everyone, I hope you’re all doing well, so I just wanted to talk about something that was stuck in my mind before i’m not quite sure how exactly to talk about it, but i’m gonna do my best to express it in the best way that I can…….okay so lately i’ve been feeling like everyone wants the old me back……..however I feel that in a way I do want the old me back as well, but at the same time I don’t. Why you may ask!? because the old me isn’t what I want to strive for you know, You see lately I find myself changing and trying to come into my own, now with me still working on myself and trying to figure things out as I go along, it’s not really making some people around me happy for reasons I get, but at the same time I don’t really feel like i’m doing anything wrong with how I am or what i’m doing.

Everyone expects you to just kinda stay the same and i’m at the point in my life where I don’t want to stay the same, I want to be a different version of myself everyday, everyone knows that staying the same for a long period of time is gonna get really tiring and boring when trying to live up to a person that you know deep down you just aren’t anymore and that’s the thing with people, they expect you not to change the way you are and if you do start to change things about you that you feel are good for you, they see the change, but they don’t like it, so they point out all the things that are wrong with the new you, instead of trying to understand why you’re the way you are now, everyone changes and there’s nothing wrong with that…….I talked about outgrowing things and people before, you can read it here if you like A Few Topics In One Blog Post That Are Important To Take In and Keep In Mind…. that also goes for yourself too.

Everyone goes through that stage where they outgrow themselves a little and it’s not a bad thing, there are things we never out grow and then there are things we do outgrow and sometimes personality is one of those things, so if people have only seen you a certain way for a very long time they’re gonna expect you to be that way all the time and what everyone needs to know is that, that’s impossible, no one stays the same exactly everyone goes through certain changes that maybe good for them, but aren’t so good for everyone else. If you base your life on what everyone else thinks of you or you let yourself be shaped and molded in the way of others, then you’re gonna have a bit of a hard time finding out who you really are, due to the fact that you let people decide for you and that’s not what you want, you should never let others shape you to be a certain way.

Keep in mind that once you go on a search for yourself you’ll start to notice that you’re not the only one going through the change, so is everyone around you, so while you’re on a hunt for your true self and you’re finding out different things about you, know that it will effect people, depending on the person it’ll either effect them in a good way or a bad way, because they’re seeing from the outside the different things about you that they’ve never experienced before, they don’t see what it is that you’re going through in your head, to you the changes happening within you depending on what changes you’re going through it’s all new to you as well, so it’ll also either effect you in a good or bad way. If you find the changes within you aren’t beneficial to you, you’ll think to yourself okay so this isn’t really working how can I fix this to where it’s helping in a good way!? Sometimes you’ll find that it’s not always easy trying to figure that out, but eventually you will.

When you start to change your image and personality, keep in mind that it’s not gonna make sense to a lot of people, you might find that when you’re changing certain things about you, there will be things that you do that you may or may not notice that you’re doing, but it’s just something that has come natural of you to do and so to you, it’ll be perfectly normal, but to others it won’t be that way, for example: you might find that you’re not speaking to people the same way as you normally would or you might find that you’ve become less lively and more neutral when being with people as well and when that happens, people will start to feel very confused and won’t be happy with the change of mood that you now have and that’s something that can be very hard to not take in because when you have people saying they miss the old you while you’re in the process of self rebuilding it can really get to you in a way.

You know that you’re only self rebuilding because you aren’t happy with yourself and the way you do things, but others don’t see that, they just see this new change in you and because they don’t like it, they’ll express it thinking that if they tell you that they don’t like the way you are, that’ll get you to stop self rebuilding and they will get the old you back, but what they don’t know is, once you have your mind set on rebuilding yourself, you’re not gonna go back to your old self at least not in the way they want you to, if there’s certain things you want back, you’ll get it back, but if there’s things that you want to get rid of that no longer benefits you then that’s gonna be long gone. Once you decide on rebuilding yourself it becomes a good thing because it means your really trying to better yourself and become happy again, but it’ll also be a bit of a bad thing as well…….

Good because you’re trying to get rid of old habits, you’re focusing more on yourself and the goals you have set for yourself and other things too, however it can also be a bad thing, because not everyone is gonna like it or get it, but it’s called self rebuild for a reason, it’s not meant for everyone else to understand, you’ll have some who will be very supportive of you wanting to work on yourself, but you’ll also have those with mixed feelings about it and that can be very hard to deal with, but that doesn’t mean you should let yourself be pulled back into the madness that you no longer want to be surround by if you know it’s not really helping you. You have to really help yourself stay committed and stay focused on your self rebuilding, because although it’s easy to fall into old habits that aren’t good for you, you’ll be so much happier and very proud of yourself for sticking with everything that you started with even if people try and kinda make you feel bad about it.

My point is, people change and no one stays exactly the same, if people expect you to just stay the same all the time then they aren’t giving you the chance to really come into your own, no one should ever make you feel like the decisions that you make for yourself are bad decisions, just because they’re not happy with them, the changes that you make in your life are the changes that you make for you so you can be happy, don’t let others take your happiness away from you, if you feel that the changes that you’ve made for yourself are beneficial to you and you find yourself becoming a little happier everyday because of it, then keep doing what you’re doing, don’t let others opinions change your mindset. You just keep focusing on your self rebuilding even when sometimes it may seem hard to do.

Annnnd that is from me for now, I really hope this made sense and I hope that you we’re able to take somethings from today’s blog post and if you’re self rebuilding as well, I wish you all nothing, but the very best and I hope through your self rebuilding, you find happiness within yourself, I hope that you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening.

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Pep Talks With Coffee And Me……Plus Learning To Spend A Little Time With Yourself…….

Have you ever given yourself a pep talk before you did anything first!? If so let me know how that goes for you and if it makes you feel any better, does it give you more of a confidence boost just share your thoughts, I would really like to know. The reason why i’m asking is because today I had to give myself a pep talk for the very first time in a long time, now a lot of you who read my blog posts probably know that I don’t leave my house much due to the way I am, but lately i’ve been slowly progressing and getting out more, mainly with just going and sitting in my backyard. I’ve actually been sitting in my backyard a lot more recently, I use to go like once or twice, but lately i’ve been going in my backyard a lot more than I normally would, i’m finding myself to really come to enjoy sitting in the back and just kinda taking everything in and sitting with my thoughts.

Anyway back to pep talking, so like I just expressed normally I just sit in my backyard but today was different, why was it different you may or may not ask and wonder!? Well today was different because for the first time in a very long time, I decided to take myself out for coffee, because I really wanted it, now i’m sure all of you are thinking “Why would you take yourself out for coffee, don’t you have a coffee maker at home!? (maybe you’re not thinking this I don’t know) but to answer your question if you have thought it…….yes I do have a coffee maker at home, but I was really feeling for french vanilla coffee today and we don’t have french vanilla, plus I kinda wanted to walk at the same time so I thought “You know what!? i’m gonna go walk down to Dunkin’ Donuts and get me a french vanilla coffee” if some of you are wonder why french vanilla, well that’s because french vanilla is my all time favorite coffee, I love it!! I have other favorites, but yeah I won’t bore you with that lol……..anyway……..So yeah I got dressed and took my dog for a walk first before I went to get coffee (btw I got my coffee a little late it was like 11am when I went so yeah, i’m sure it doesn’t make a difference though)

After I walked my dog, I gave her some water and some food and this is where the adventure starts for me……..okay so before I left the house again, I had to make sure I had everything that I needed, I always do that before I go anywhere or leave somewhere just to make sure you know!?…………So once I checked my bag to see if I had everything, I then headed on down to my destination and it was alright not too bad, every step I took, I gave myself a little boost of confidence saying “See this ain’t so bad” and also “you’re doing great” a little way of walking I then thought to myself, do I have my headphones!? cause I kinda wanted to listen to some music and so I stopped to check my bag to see and what a surprise………I didn’t have them…….thought to myself “YEP forgot my headphones”

Now what i’m about to say is a thing that actually came out of my mouth, I then said this “looks like it’s just me and thoughts then….great” not kidding that’s actually what I said and you can’t see me right now, but i’m laughing to myself because I just remembered I said that…….moving on………so i’m walking to get my coffee, observing everything, taking in the scenery. Half way of walking I start to contemplate in my mind, don’t worry I was just contemplating what it was I wanted to order, I knew I wanted coffee, but as you know, there’s a lot of coffee to chose from, but I was just thinking if I wanted a hot coffee or a cold one, reason being was because it was sorta hot out today and I wasn’t sure if I wanted a hot beverage on a hot day, I mean who wants that right!? (if you’re the type of person who does get hot beverages on a hot day, then power to you no judgement here)

So long story short I get to my destination I even said it as if I was a GPS when I walked close to it……..i’m not kidding (I know i’m a nerd, but I embrace it) anyway so I get to Dunkin’ Donuts and when I was walking in I saw this girl with a dog outside, I said hi when I walked in, the dog was cute it was a pug just in case you were wondering, so I go inside and there were a few people in front of me and while they were ordering, I of course start scanning the menu and then I realized while in line…….I forgot my glasses………i’m not really the best at seeing from afar…….soooo I had to just squint my eyes to see what I wanted, now my eye sight isn’t that bad or anything, I just can’t see that well from afar mainly with words……anyway I ordered my stuff and then went back home, after a little while of eating my stuff, I went to the backyard again and sat there for a good while and was just you know taking stuff in and everything.

Now what I realized today was, it’s been a good while since I hung out with myself, I mean normally i’m with myself in room all the time and you would think that it wouldn’t be weird because i’m always to myself, but when you take yourself out be it going to get coffee or just even going for a small walk by yourself, it’s a different feeling compared to just being with yourself in your home you know!? Going to get coffee by myself…….I mean it wasn’t weird, but it also was at the same time, I don’t know if that makes sense, but yeah it was a bit odd, because I don’t normally take myself out. Now this may sound like i’m going off topic but hear me out, some of you know that I loved where I use to live, it was one of my favorite places ever and there was a time where I did go on walks by myself, whether it was to meet up with my friend or getting something from the store and it was like I enjoyed it there more then I did going to get coffee today.

Now i’m not saying that it was terrible going for a walk and treating myself to some coffee outside my home, i’m just saying it was a bit weird for me because i’m not use to taking myself out and just treating myself to things, sometimes that even happens when i’m with people and they tell me to get something that’s on the expensive side of town because they know I don’t treat myself but 1. I’m not really into getting myself super expensive things especially if I know i’m not really gonna use it or if i’m just not feeling it, in order for me to get something that’s a bit more expensive compared to what I’d normally spend money on, I would have to really like it or really want it and 2. The things i’d normally get for myself don’t really cost that much and that’s because again i’m not into super expensive things, I prefer to just get stuff that i’m gonna use and that I know will bring me more joy for example: journals, band/graphic tees, books, I love Funko pops as well certain ones, stuff like that, you know things that I feel would mean more to me.

Now there are a few things that i’ve bought myself before that was on the expensive side of town and some I use and others I don’t use that much which is why I don’t buy things nowadays, but my point is I don’t really treat myself to stuff that often only when I really want it or if i’m interested it in and it’s not just things i’m talking about here, I don’t treat myself to much in general. It’s pretty rare for me to just take myself out, enjoy the day and spend time with myself outside of home, in all honestly I actually prefer to be home instead of going out, if I go out I like to be with someone I just feel it’s more fun that way, but i’m also realizing that it’s okay to treat yourself once in a while and just be with yourself even if you’re just going for a walk. Sometimes you need that alone time to gather your thoughts, really get to know yourself as a person more and just see how you feel sitting or spending time with yourself, sure if you’re not use to getting yourself out and treating yourself to not just things, but also a good time, it’s gonna feel weird and you’ll most likely feel very uncomfortable in your own skin, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least give it a try, do go for that walk alone and do sit with yourself.

Pushing yourself to kinda get out a bit more or treating yourself to things, can help you really get to know yourself on a deeper level to what you’re use to. You might find a lot of new things out about yourself that not even you knew and you may think “we’ll i’m with myself 24/7 what wouldn’t I know everything about myself!?” There might be a lot of things that you don’t realize about yourself actually…….I found out today after a very long time, that when I push myself and help myself do things that i’m not use to, I actually feel a little better, I won’t lie to you……I was actually super nervous leaving the house, I mean I walked my dog first and that’s not something to be nervous about of course, but it was knowing once I finished walking my dog, I would be walking alone to get coffee and it may sound dumb and not that big of a deal, but when you’re use to something and then you find yourself pushing past the things you’re use to……it can be kinda scary and it’ll make you anxious, but once you set your mind to it, you don’t try and second guess yourself and you just kinda go for it, you realize it’s not so bad.

It’ll be weird yeah, but if you just kinda give yourself that pep talk to boost your confidence a bit so you don’t try and psych yourself out, then you’ll find yourself just going with it pretty much. So if you think about maybe going on that walk alone, maybe treating yourself to some lunch or something, give it a try, see if it’s something that you might enjoy and if you do, see if you want to do it again. Don’t let your mind keep you from wanting to do certain things and don’t be afraid to spend a little time with yourself. You don’t even have to do anything big, just sitting alone in the backyard with you and your thoughts will do, once you find yourself doing that and you start to feel comfortable enough in your own skin and mind, try going for a good walk by yourself and just keep working towards certain things until you feel really confident within yourself to want to do a bit more and all that.

Work at your own pace and don’t worry about everyone else, just do things when you feel you’re ready for them. You’ll know you’re ready when something inside you kinda gives you that push and you find yourself just kinda doing things that you normally wouldn’t do, everything will just come to you and you won’t know why, but you’ll find yourself just going with it and when that happens, you’ll see that you’ve reached a certain level on your confidence bar which is good and it’s also something to be proud of yourself for, because it means you’re growing and coming into your own little by little.

Annnnd that is all from me for today, I don’t really have much to say, buuut I hope you were able to take something from this and that it helped some of you in some way, anyway I hope you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening 🙂

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

A Few Topics In One Blog Post That Are Important To Take In and Keep In Mind….

You ever find yourself stuck in the middle of something to where no matter how hard you might want to ignore it or try to ignore it, it’s quite impossible!? Yeahhh I know that feeling all to well too, you think to yourself is there anyway to ignore it!? and the truth is……not really you have to sometimes face it and deal with it in the best way that you can, even when you don’t really want to. So what do you do when all you want is to focus on yourself, but there’s always something there to kinda take you off balance!? Just go with it, but also remember not to let yourself be consumed by the chaos of it all, if you find yourself getting too overwhelmed with a situation happening know that it’s okay to remove yourself from that said situations if you really need to.

If you still feel like you’re stuck in the middle of it and something in you is telling you to let it be, you can either politely remove yourself from it or speak about how you feel on the situation, either one of those will not only keep you from feeling uncomfortable, but you would have also let your feelings known and may have even defuse the situation a bit while you’re at it. We all know that with certain situations there are things we can add our input to, but there will also be situations where sometimes it’s better not to say anything, we all know that saying that goes “somethings are better left unsaid” which is true, i’m learning that not everything needs a responds, but i’m also learning that you shouldn’t stay quiet for everything either, if you know that something is messing with you or there’s a situation to where you can’t just ignore it then definitely speak up on it.

I always feel that if you’re going to speak up about what you feel you need to speak up on, you should always handle it maturely……..sometimes though even when you do handle it maturely the other person or whoever you’re talking to, may not handle the situation in the same way and that’s something that can really get to you and can make you have a very sour taste in not only your mouth, but in your mind as well and when that happens……weeeell, let’s just say it’s not good……..especially when there are two people with similar mindsets and personalities in a way. It can be very tough getting to someone who’s mindset is a mindset that you know deep down is hard to change, not saying you should ever change anyone and what they think because it’s not gonna happen especially when they have always used that way to help them in life.

What I am say though is when dealing with people who are hard to reach and you see that the conversation isn’t really getting anywhere, it’s best to just stop talking and move on from the situation because 1. It’ll keep you from getting annoyed fully while having a headache at the same time and 2. There’s no point in talking to someone who you know isn’t going to listen when it comes to what you’re wanting to say, however if you get the opportunity where the moment has presented itself to express your thoughts and emotions on something that still isn’t quite fixed, then give it another try and if it’s still the same then just leave it because you’re not gonna get anywhere, all you’re gonna do is  continue to tire yourself out or get very fired up trying to get to someone who isn’t really gonna hear you anyway.

People who like to throw you into the mix of things without any warning because they need a second opinion on something or they like to target you on things, those are the kind of people you need to keep your eyes peeled for and kinda step away from a bit and just stay to yourself, but if you know that it’s impossible to keep away from people like that, just continue to stay to yourself, aquatint them, but make sure that you keep the things that are closest to you near you at all times, there’s a saying that goes “not everyone needs to know everything about you” they may know some things, but only share what is close to you with those who are sincerely important to you and who only bring joy, happiness and positivity into your life, because those are the ones who are gonna continue to be there for you when it matters most.

There’s nothing wrong with setting a few boundaries with people, especially if you know that they aren’t going to bring what it is that you need into your life, don’t let those kind of people who only tend to bring more negativity into your atmosphere tell you that you shouldn’t place boundaries with them. If you feel within yourself that the people you’re normally around or that you encounter aren’t the best people to keep in your circle and that they aren’t helping you in a positive way, know that it’s okay if you find yourself distancing away from them. It doesn’t mean you don’t care or love them in anyway, it just means that they aren’t the best people to have around when you are trying to move forward in your life, they may see and take what your doing as cruel and offensive, but don’t let that discourage you and make you feel a certain way, if it’s not good for you then it’s okay to let it go or at least distance yourself from it.

You may feel a little bad about it and think to yourself did I do the right thing!? but I want you to know that sure you may question yourself and think that what you did was horrible, but sometimes in order to live the life you want and in order to grow while going for your goals in life, you have to do that because that’s how you become a little more happier and that’s when you find yourself developing more confidence in yourself. Think of it as your some kind of animal so for example: A hermit crab or a snake just any animal that either outgrows it shell or sheds it’s skin, think of yourself as that animal and know that eventually there’s gonna be times where we outgrow certain things and sometimes people are one of them, think about it.

We’ve all have or had friends that we’ve hung out with since we were either kids or that we’ve met a little later in life, but we also know that we’ve had friends that we kinda drifted away from and haven’t spoken to in years not because we wanted to, but because either they weren’t healthy for us or because we outgrew them with the changes due to our personalities, mindset, different perspective on things, stuff like that and that isn’t a bad thing or anything it just happens, it doesn’t mean you planned on not speaking or hanging out again, it’s just something that happens to us in our lives, we’re always gonna outgrow something eventually that’s just apart of life. You can try and stay where you are, but you know that deep down, it isn’t gonna make you very happy, so when it comes to outgrowing something just embrace it and go with it, sure it may seem weird and uncomfortable at first, but once you let it sink in a bit, you’ll find that it’s not so bad.

Annnnnd that is all from me today, I hope you were able to take something from this and I hope I was able to be of some help if anyone out there is going through something like this, i’m learning a lot still and i’m just trying to embrace it a bit everyday, you don’t have to embrace it fully all at once, you can just do what i’m doing and let it come to you little by little, anyway I hope you all have a lovely night/morning and or evening 🙂

 

 

All The Love

~Lexa~

Dear Little Me……

Dear Little Me,

I hope your doing okay, it’s been a while since you and I enjoyed times together you know……i’m not really sure what it is I want to say to you, but i’ve been thinking about you lately, I think about you all the time actually…….I always wonder if the things i’m doing are the right things for you……i’m gonna be honest with you because you deserve that, I feel I haven’t been doing us proud when it comes to helping you achieve more in life, I want to say i’m doing so much to make sure you’re happy and are enjoying yourself but I don’t think I am……and……I want to apologize to you for that, because you deserve to have good things, you deserve to be happy and to really see everything. I sit to myself a lot and go back and forth wondering if i’m making you proud to be me older…….I wish I was able to know what you think of me now…….

We’ve been through so much in our lives, we had to literally fight to be here and a lot of people don’t know that, some do, but others don’t……….a lot of people didn’t think we’d make it, but we did and that’s all because of the fight you put up for us to be here, i’ll tell you one thing you are a whole lot stronger and tougher than me for sure ha………the crazy part is i’m you older and I can’t even say that for myself now and i’m sorry for that, i’m sorry for putting so much stress on you, i’m sorry for not letting you reach your full potential when I know that you could be great, but most importantly i’m so sorry for neglecting you when I knew that you needed me………I didn’t mean to do that to you, you didn’t deserve that, especially when all you ever did was fight for us to be here………you were always a very happy person no matter what was happening and you were always the type of person who wanted to do her own thing even when people didn’t understand it……..I may not have told you this, but I always admired that about you.

You’ve helped me discover a lot of different things about us, like for one, did you know that we have a knack for editing!? We didn’t even learn from watching someone else, we just kinda picked it up ourselves after having to do a portfolio on our projects in school, it was a simple thing, but we made it more than simple and we we’re proud of it, although you did have me try and find a song for it first and you know what i’m glad you did because even our teacher thought it was good even though it was simple. She even admitted to being hard on us because she saw potential in our abilities which was surprising to hear, but it was also pretty nice to hear as well. Did you know that you became obsessed with journals…….yeah you have a few actually (17 to be exact) and they are all for different things, we really love writing, speaking of writing we started a blog last month and it’s actually growing too, I guess all the topics we love to talk about are really helping people and it’s helping us as well I think……..we haven’t written anything new though it’s been a few days, that would be my fault though, I kinda took us away from it, as I tend to always do with everything that we start………..

You always guide us to do things and you have us get to a good point and then I go and ruin any chance we had at making it really bloom and grow……..I don’t know what my problem is and why I keep doing that to you……..all you ever wanted was to be able to express yourself, while trying to have fun and while we’re enjoying ourselves, if we were lucky we’d help and make someone else’s day because we were just being us. I always wonder where you’ve gone because I know you’re still around, but you also hide away and I don’t know why!? Is it because of me, are you unhappy because i’m making you unhappy by the way i’m doing things!? if that’s what it is……..i’m really sorry……..I never meant to turn you this way and make you unhappy, all I ever did was try and make you very happy and I feel like I failed you in a way and I never intended to do that………I really miss you, you know!?…….I miss how you gave me confidence and how you didn’t care what anyone thought of you, because you always stood true to what you were, you didn’t care how weird you were or how much you spoke, you just enjoyed the moments.

You always laughed at everything and sure you were a little too sensitive for a lot of things, but that’s because you stayed firm to what you believed in, plus you had a different sense of humor to those who thought certain things were funny, your sense of humor was laughing at everything that didn’t make any sense to laugh at, expect certain things which I never understood and still don’t, but the thought of you just being happy and laughing at things that to most wasn’t funny, made me the happiest……..I always think back on when we were younger and how we’d play by ourselves with our dolls and make up stories for them, in all honesty we’d find anything that entertained us to play with, we were very weird, still are actually, but that’s because we we were always just happy and so full of life……….you always tried to be friends with everyone and always wanted to be around people even when they didn’t always liked being around you, even when that happened though you still made the most of each day……

After a while though we kinda started to become very quiet and to ourselves because of the fact we got so use to being alone and so when it came to being around people you didn’t mind it, you enjoyed hanging out with people, but as we got older we started spending our time with certain people, is that a bad thing, no I don’t think it is, it’s just the way we are and some people may not like it, but it’s not about them, it’s about you and me. There’s a lot of things I could go over here about you, but all I really……I guess want to say is 1. i’m really sorry for abandoning you and not taking care of you as I should have, we we’re literally inseparable and you always made me stay true to who we were for so long and I kinda forgot about that and i’m really sorry 2. I miss you and how happy and excited you got every time something brought you joy, knowing we were happy made everyday a little better even when we didn’t have the best of days, we always tried to make the most of it…….There’s a lot of things though that we’ve adapted into our lives that we once didn’t have, the main thing being Anxiety we found out that we had it at a late age (late teens) and we battle through it everyday, i’m not gonna lie to you little me, although we don’t get it everyday when it does hit us, it hits us pretty hard, but we need to keep in mind that, it doesn’t define us okay, we are who we choose to be……..

Sure we may live with being anxious a lot more often then we’d like, but we have the power to let it consume us or fight against it and i’ll always do my best to make sure we fight against it more than i’ve been doing lately……there’s a lot more I can tell you, but this would be a very long blog post, I mean it’s already 1,368 words in and still counting. The main thing I want to say to you though was how sorry I am for how I treated you, I shouldn’t have done that to you and i’m gonna do my very best to make sure that from here on forth I make you proud to be me older in the best way that I can, because I don’t ever want to let you down again if I did, I hope that you can forgive me and that you come around a little more and help us achieve what it is we want to achieve without hesitation and with a bit more confidence because I want to make sure I do you well this time and know that you’re happy again……..I will do my best to only focus on all things positive and all things good, so that you can feel okay and feel safe, we can do it and we will, we just need to believe more in ourselves and build our confidence again……..

That’s everything I want to say to you I guess, hope you’re doing alright and I want you to always keep this in mind, you are worth every struggle we had to go through and all the things you blamed yourself for isn’t your fault, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, we got this far together who says we can’t continue on, we will get where we want to be…….we just have to work hard towards it and it maybe a bit scary, but we can do it…….I know we can, together we can do anything that we put our minds to, we just have to keep remembering why it is we started in the first place and then keep going every time.

 

 

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

A.K.A. Your Older Self

 

(Originally Written Aug 17th) 

 

Feeling Like You’re Not Making Progress (Inspired Blog Post)

So I was watching one of my favorite Youtuber’s earlier and the video that I watched was titled “When You’re Not Making Progress” the topic was discussed by a British Youtuber named Lucy Moon, she talks about a lot of different things on her channel, surrounded by life, she has podcast and this really cool monthly series called The Sunday Social (I don’t always watch them on Sundays I pick and choose when I want to watch it haha……ehm…..anyway) her channel is pretty much on the lifestyle sort of town at least I would say, she runs her channel a specific way that I enjoy, but anyway back to the topic of this blog post…….So I was watching her video and she was talking about how when it comes to making progress in our life be it within ourselves, relationships, the things we do and just life in general, no matter how hard we work sometimes for some people we don’t always end up where we think we should be.

She also talked about how it can be very frustrating to know that you’re putting in the hard work with everything that you’re doing and you still end up not really moving in the direction that you want to move in and having that feeling of “well i’m doing everything here and yet I still feel like i’m getting nowhere” that kind of feeling can really put a damper on you and make you unmotivated to want to do anything. She also talked about what she learned saying, even when it gets to that point, you should still keep pushing and work hard because even though you may not be at that point in your life that you want to be, you should still keep going because eventually all that hard work will pay off in the end, so that’s what I want to talk about.

I want to put my thoughts in to what she was saying in her video because when I watched it, everything she was saying, I too had those feelings before and i’m still going through those feeling in a way sometimes, but i’m also learning that if you want to get somewhere, hard work, determination and consistency (is the key word for me) is what you have to keep your focus on if you want to move forward, as well as small steps too. She then compared her life and work schedule with all of her friends, saying how they’re doing so much more than what she’s doing and said how everyone knows that comparing yourself to others isn’t the best thing to do, we all do it and it’s just one of those habits that we find hard to get rid of, because most times we’re surrounded by people who have already achieved so much and here we are just kinda on the same boat, floating by wishing we were in their shoes and that kind of thing can lead to discouragement for some people.

We start to think to ourselves “oh well, since i’m not where everyone else is in my life, is it even worth continuing doing what i’m doing!?” and the answer to that is yes, do continue, because yeah sure it’s hard and it’s super super frustrating to put so much hard work, heart and soul into something and yet still feel like no matter how much hard work you put in to everything, it’s like you still don’t move and you know you’re working really hard, but sometimes things just don’t happen to us as quickly as others or as we would like it too, but even when that happens that still shouldn’t discourage you from continuing building what it is you have already built for yourself.

We get so caught up in other people lives that, we start to have this mindset because someone else did it, we did it……..but they’re moving forward and we’re in the same position and with still being where we are, we tend to kick ourselves down and wonder why we can’t have that kind of life and the thing is, we can…….we’re just too afraid to and so instead of working toward giving ourselves the kind of life we want to have, we just kinda start to envy other people for having the exact life we dream of having and that’s not good, because we shouldn’t ever compare our lives to someone else’s. Everyone has a story to them that we don’t know and everyone has a battle they go through that we don’t see or even acknowledge. My point though is I went off topic…….I meant to talk about making progress no matter how slow you go, but it just ended up turning into when you’re not making progress so we’re just gonna roll with it okay, yeah, cool….awesome!!

So let’s talk feeling like you’re not making progress especially when everyone around you is in a world where everything they do gets them to a place so much faster compared to where it gets us……..we all know that progress is all about doing things in the pace you’re able to handle, hence why it’s called progress, it’s all about how much and how well you’re doing that will determine how everything else is gonna go in your life, so if you do things slowly it might go a little bit slow, but if you’re the kind of person to get things done when they need to be done then, you’re not really gonna have a problem with getting to the places that you want to get to. Some of us are turtles (me) and others are bunnies (my boyfriend) just giving you some examples on what i’m talking about.

Anyway you shouldn’t think of progress as a race is what i’m getting at, everyone has their own pace that they go at, some are slower while others are a bit faster and that’s okay, you don’t need to try and out run everyone, you just do things your way and at your own pace. Progress is all about building, it takes time to progress in something, first comes an idea of some sort, then there’s a goal you’re trying to reach and then from there you keep working toward building to get to that goal and the more you keep on going the quicker you get there, it may not be right away, but you’ll always come close to reaching it.

Progress like I said takes time, sure we may all want things to happen to us right away, but if we’re being real we know that it’s not, it doesn’t mean we won’t ever get there it just means that we’ll have to go through the dirt a bit to get there. I’m not saying you have to throw yourself through the dirt fully (okay maybe sometimes) but you’ll have to get a little messy and you’ll find that getting a little messy is sometimes worth it………..unless you just bought yourself some new clothes and you’re having the best day ever and then out of nowhere something happens to where you get your clothes dirty and your now standing there shocked, angry and ready to scream your heart out because you just got your new clothes dirty…….but besides that getting messy is worth it sometimes.

It’s okay if you start things off a bit late or slower than others when trying to make progress in reaching your goals, keep in mind that in order for others to have reached their goals it too took them some time, but they still got there and you will too. Don’t sweat on how long it’s taking you to reach your goal, it may not happen for you right then and there, but know that you’ll get there soon enough, just keep on going and keep on working hard and know that eventually your time will come, the more progress you make from constantly going, the closer and sooner you’ll get to where you want to be. Keep your head up, mind focused and keep on filling that progress bar of yours, you’ll be happy that you did and remember don’t worry about what everyone else is doing because it only matters what you’re doing and how proud you’ll make yourself in the end.

That is all from me for now, I hope this helps some of you and you’re able to take something from this, if you’re interested in wanting to watch the video I was talking about you can watch it here: When You’re Not Making Progress (Lucy Moon) It’s a really good video and me watching it helped me feel better about myself and it helped me just kinda accept that it doesn’t matter how slow you go, as long as you just keep going and i’m doing my best to remind myself everyday of that. Maybe you’ll also learn something from this video like I did and who knows you might actually find yourself someone new to watch, I would recommend watching her other videos too because I think she’s great, I love watching her videos because 1. Their cozy, 2. You can sometimes learn from her videos and 3. She’s just great, I know I said that already, but it’s true……but yeah I hope that you enjoy the video. If you don’t that’s fine, it doesn’t have to be for everyone, but I just wanted to share this with you guys just in case you want to check it out, if you do like Lucy Moon and content videos show her some love and support, i’m sure she’ll appreciate it, but anyway I hope you’re all having a lovely day and if not well I hope you find something to make your day better 🙂 (Originally Written Aug 13th) 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~