Month: January 2021

January, January….

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With this month pretty much over now, you’re probably asking yourself “hey how do you think it went!? Don’t ask me i’m still wondering that myself, you got your good days and your not so great day, but overall i’m still not completely sure how this month went, after being away for 3 months on here and just recently returning, you’d think i’d have a lot to say, well to tell you the truth, I really don’t!! Not as often as i’d like at least! However, I still try to bring something and i’m realizing that it’s probably going to be in the spare of the moment for a bit longer, unless I have something I really want to talk about, not thoughts related, but more on things that bring joy and happiness to me in the moments that they do.

My thoughts lately have been a bit everywhere these days with reasonings to it, but also just because they’re everywhere, whether that makes sense or not, hopefully you still get what i’m trying to say….i’m trying to find different things that I can share that will have me coming back here just wanting to share and maybe it’s going to take just a little bit longer and that’s something I have to be okay with….not just with being on here,

but in general, there are things in mind that I have been jotting down and although the thought and idea of it makes me excited….it’s still something that I get nervous about because it’s a whole new thing that i’ve yet to try and take a chance on…i’ve been trying to map it out, in a way I feel might work for me, in a sense where it doesn’t appear as too intimidating, as well as just trying to get myself warmed up for it!!

I may have it written down in a journal yes….but I know there’s a difference between it being an idea and thought compared to actually giving it ago and that’s what i’m trying to get myself warmed up for, being ready for this step of trying something new and just seeing what happens and it’s something I also find myself worrying about, but at the same time i’ve been trying not to bring it as a worry, but see it as something that i’m just preparing for and wanting to have it work out alright before fully getting into it, it’s just a double checking of everything making sure i’m okay with what I have set to go forth with if that makes sense!?

If I had to say how I think this month went, I guess that would be it, just having the thought of wanting to be better prepared for what i’m actually trying to do or better yet, having the idea of what i’m wanting to do….a lot of stuff has been coming out of nowhere and not saying that it’s a bad thing because most times things that come out of nowhere tends to be good and work out well, but sometime you just want to take a moment to really say to yourself “okay let me think about this for a second” with life a lot of things get rushed passed you and it can get very overwhelming and so having that little bit of spared time to really sit and reflect can save a lot of stressful days and help to clear the mind a little so you can feel a little better with where you feel you’re going with whatever journey you find yourself walking….that’s my view of this month!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Portals With Feelings Of Connection…

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Happy Saturday to you all, it feels a little odd, yet not that odd to be writing again on here, I kinda feels like I haven’t left, but I know that it’s been a bit of a while since i’ve been here as well, now the title of this post might be a little weird to most of you, but it’s based around some dreams I had and these dreams are a little hard to not only explain, but to look towards the meaning of as well, believe me I tried to looking them up, but I could never figure out how to word them so what’s the next best thing!?

I write about them!! I won’t go into the fullness of the dream, mainly because I don’t quite remember everything from it, but for the parts I do remember, i’m going to try and share them in the best way that I can. We’ll start with the portal part of the title, it’s a little weird so we’ll get that out the way first…..part of me thinks that it came off of inspiration from a show that i’ve gotten into, that show being Once Upon A Time!! In case some of you know the show and haven’t gotten around to watch it, I will not spoil, there will be non of that here…for those that don’t know about it, the show is based off fairytale stories turned into Disney movies,

with a good amount of twists added, along with a few tales from nursery rhymes as well! It’s a pretty good show, on the second season of it now, but that aside….I feel my dream, that part of the dream, came from the show….I guess there’s small spoilers, a portal is involved at least in the last episode that I watched, but that’s all I will say, in case some of you are interested in checking it out! I’m not sure why I had a dream where a portal was in it, but who said dreams were easy to figure out!? In the dream the portal was made of water and it was like there was a hole within the ground, but at an angle it was the weirdest thing!!

In this part of the dream I was going into this portal I guess to get someone….but what was odd with this portal is that it didn’t really take long to get to wherever I was going, it was literally like a step in, kinda like a door, you go in and there you are, also this portal was outside within nature, now in this moment i’ve gone into this water portal and it’s lend me to a new part of the dream and this part of the dream, I see a gate and on the other side of the gate was a man and a little boy, the person I was with trying for us to not be seen just yet, at least that’s the feeling I get from this dream, we’re not in a place out of the ordinary, we’re actually in like a park area or I guess you can say more like an open field park type area with a wooden treehouse near ones that you build it was like a balcony…

I also feel there was a lake on the other side, further away, overhead, I was also talking to somebody and then out of nowhere a dog shows up, a big brown dog barking with it’s paw on the wooden railing like part of this treehouse and his leg paws standing, this dog later jumped off it, it wasn’t all that high don’t worry then it came towards me and the person still barking, but I felt calm with it, it never attacked us though it just barked and then out of nowhere this older guy shows up, trying to get the dog to bark more as if he wanted the dog to do something, after a while awhile the dog came closer me and I gave it a pet and then it was calm and for some reason the guy looked a bit upset about that, it was weird…..but that’s that part of my dream

The other part which won’t be as long comes more from different things and is more feeling based than anything, I saw myself painting like first person, so here’s the painting, I see the painting, kind of thing…and it was like the closer I got to painting more i’d get this feeling of where things started to make sense, like when you’re actually getting something and this isn’t the first time it’s happened, i’ve been having these kind of dreams where this feeling has been coming quite often lately to me, i’ve also had this happen with me playing one of my favorite games within my dreams, as i’m planning what I have in mind to do with it in my dream,

That feeling of “i’m getting it” comes back, I don’t know how to explain it other than everything feels like it’s piecing together and connecting in the way it’s supposed to and that is what I mean with the other part of the title, i’m not really sure why, but i’ve been having these feelings and weird dreams for some time now and I find myself trying to understand it, by going back into those dreams and seeing what else I can see to help me get it better, but maybe it’s for a reason that I shouldn’t question and that will soon later make sense!!

P.S. I also got to have a conversation with one of my favorite musicians, which was awesome….I just wish I could remember these conversation, that I have with the people I talked to in these weird dreams, it might help a bit….

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Hiii…..Happy Late New Yeeear Along With All The Other Holiday’s Prior!!

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Alright let’s get this all out of the way without being awkward about it!! I’ve been gone for quiiite a while now as most or some may have noticed, my last post was back in October of last year, but as we all know we’re now in the year of 2021, it’s a bit crazy when you think about it I know!! Now we are in mid January close to moving to a New month, but we’ve still got a couple more days to this month before we transition over to that month so don’t go worrying too much about it!!

You might be wondering why i’ve been away for quite some time and the truth to that is……there was nothing for me to bring here…..I didn’t have much to say…..i’ve been also trying to figure out a lot of things in terms of not just new ideas, but I wanted to bring for myself, now whether that makes sense or not is to tell…..I didn’t feel happy with a lot of things, as much as I tried to share here, nothing ever felt important to share and because of that…..I just felt like I needed to step back from the things that I was doing within that time.

There was a lot of sorting that was needed from me and I felt and knew that, i’d like to say that i’ve sorted it all and i’m all good to go, but the truth is that’s not the case lol, there are still things that i’m working on, but from where I was and where i’m at now i’ve gotten a bit better that i’ve had the most trouble with, that aside I do still feel like I have a bit more to go before i’d say i’m at least 80-95% good!! 100% is a little too high right now for me to rate, but i’m in no rush to get to that percentage if i’m being honest I know i’ll get there eventually!!

In terms to how i’m feeling, obviously you have your days, that’s just part of being human, but for the most part i’d say i’ve been pretty alright, I feel good, but not GOOD with capital letters, it’s a little hard to explain,

I guess it’s kinda like a temperature thermostat, but instead of it telling you where you’re at on a hot/cold scale, it tells you where you’re at on a feeling scale and mine is at pretty alright/good, pretty alright is the middle and good (lower case letters) is just above it!! That’s where i’m at right now overall, which is good for me for now, I still worry about a lot of things that’s never going to change, but i’ve been slowly trying to embrace things more which is still new to me, but i’ve gotten better at it that I can say!!

I like to say that i’m still a work in progress, but slowly, yet surely I feel myself getting there little by little and i’m happy with myself about that, I still feel scared a lot of time with not really knowing where i’m going next, but that’s a fear within me that i’m doing my best to get over, I have been thinking of ideas where I have in mind of heading next, it’s something I have yet to try, but it’s something that has caught my interest and once I sort that all out i’ll speak of it more later down the line of course….

I do have another idea in mind that i’m probably going to try to mix in with my other idea, however this idea is one i’ve already had in my head for a while now…..again still have to sort it out first, obviously i’ll be doing it one by one because that’s the only way i’ll be able to fully give attention to it, but that’s just the half of it kinda….i’ve already written down slight notes to what I have in mind so i’d have an idea of how to do it, but because it’s something new and something that i’ve yet to try, I get nervous about it not knowing how it’s going to be, but if i’ve learned anything lately it’s to just let things happen when they happen and try not to think about it too much….which is something i’m still getting used as you can tell ha……

I’m sure once I get there, everything will just come through right then there, I just have to not think too much on it and let myself explore and figure it out on the way as scary as it may be and all, I just have to keep my focus on one thing at a time and know that everything else will follow along in the time that it’s supposed to. Excited, yet terrified in a good way of course!! I hope you all have been well and that this year has been treating you well, if you too are still on the journey of discovery of ones self,

know that no matter how worried you may be or how scared you may be…….it’s okay to feel that way….just take it one by one and whatever moment you’re in right now, embrace it and let it lead you somewhere you’d never think of going, in someway it’s bound to surprise you with where it takes you and wherever that may be….I wish you all the best on your adventures ^_^ Happy New Year and here’s to unexpected journey’s!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa