Update: I wrote this post 2 days ago as you can probably tell, but I wanted to keep it how I originally wrote it, so here are my thoughts and feelings from Friday.

I just realized that we have 3 more days left until this year switches from being 2018 to 2019……….i’d say that’s insane, but is it really!? Based off my expression that you’re unable to see, yeah it’s insane!!! This year really went by like nothing, I can’t believe this is the last Friday of the year and that December is close to being over………i’ll be honest with you I might be freaking out to myself a bit, i’m trying to stay calm about it though, i’m not exactly sure why i’m freaking out though, I really shouldn’t be, but I am.

I guess if I have to do some reflection on this year I might as well do it now, this year has brought some good and also some bad moments that I wasn’t expecting……….i’ve gone through a whole lot of emotions more this year than any other year before, I made a few mistakes, i’ve thought a lot and when I say a lot I mean A LOT……………i’ve been thinking about my future more than ever this year and what I would like for it to be like, you’d think i’d know, but i’m still not exactly sure, there are things that I want to stay in my life and there are things that I know i’m needing to desperately change.

Am I frightened about this upcoming year!?…………Yeah, I am………I don’t know what to expect and what’s gonna come from it and that’s kinda what scares me the most, it shouldn’t, but it does……….i’m hoping to really have a lot of courage and surprises coming from myself this year…………i’ve been holding on to my comfort zone for so many years now, i’m not really sure how to let go of it……..it’s very scary for me, because it’s all i’ve ever known, but I know that if I want to live a better and happier life, me keeping myself to myself and in my room 24/7 that’s not gonna make me happy, that’s just gonna keep me more closed in myself and I can’t keep doing that, it’s not healthy and I know that even though i’m really scared, I have to move on.

I have to stop being afraid and I have to let myself embrace things that i’m unsure about, if I continue to let fear keep me from moving forward, i’ll never be happy and I want to be happy and if being scared, but trying my best to move forward and not stop myself like i’ve been doing is the only way that’s gonna happen then I have to let myself be scared………and that’s something i’ve always tried to avoid, but I can’t keep avoiding it, I have to learn to face it and even if I hesitate, I can’t let those hesitations stop me unless I feel it’s really really important………..I don’t know what 2019 is going to bring and what it’s gonna be like, but i’m really really hoping that I can make this year a surprising one for myself and not let my fears interfere.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~