Sunny Rain…..

Half sunny, half rainy, looks like the day isn’t quite sure how to feel…..it’s nice and light out one minute, then windy and cloudy the next. Then there’s rain, but it’s also sunny, it’s a balance kind of weather today, not sure why…….you know in a way, it’s kinda like making decisions……

You feel one thing, but your brain thinks something else and just when you think your coming to some kind of compromise……it starts becoming windy, cloudy and rainy again……but the sun’s still there, letting you know it’s alright and that a compromise will come soon enough……

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

The Road To Responsibility….

When you’re a kid you don’t really have that many responsibilities, but each time we get older we tend to learn a new one and then it just starts to form as something we don’t need to memorize because we’ve done it so much and once we become a full on adult, that’s when the responsibility really come around, we tend to handle more and more, our stress levels fly through the roof majority of the time and then we learn struggle………

You wonder if you’re able to handle it all, because when we’re younger we think that everything is easy, we don’t really have much care about anything, but then you come to that road where everything that you once knew or thought was simple and easy, ends up not being so simple and easy………you find that decisions become harder to make and that things become a whole lot much more tougher to get through.

We don’t see those kind of things when we’re younger, we don’t see the stress, struggle or all the other things people had to get through just to get to where they wanted to be……..to us as kids, we just see the results of it, not the hardships of it all. There’s so much more to it, there’s always a story behind it, everything has a story behind it, even if we’re not always exactly sure what that story is, there’s always one……..

When you come to a crossroad of responsibility and thinking things are always so simple and easy, which one would you go on choosing!? I’m going to guess the simple and easy road right!? That’s what we all want to say, but in a realistic world, it’s not always like that, we can try to avoid all the responsibility in the world, but we all know at some point, we’re going to have to take them on one way or another and it’s better to take them on once it’s in front of you then to keep leaving it for another time.

Leaving it for another time only delays it, it doesn’t make it go away, the more next times we give it, the more we’ll have to do and believe me when I say, you never want things to pile up, because you’ll just end up stressing more about it and you don’t want that.

Now I know why people plan things out sometimes, it’s because it helps them get things done better and helps them sort all they need to out, i’m not much of planner…….however, I do have a planner side to me though, we all have some kind of a planner side, even if we don’t use it much, when it comes to responsibility though, sometimes you need to use your planning side, otherwise how would we know where to start!?

There comes a moment where you have to step up to the responsibility of your life, even if you’re not sure how, you don’t have to do it alone, hopefully there’s some support there for you, but eventually we will have to walk down that path sooner or later, better sooner than later though……

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Feb 10, 2019

Hey everyone, I hope you all are doing well and you’re having a nice weekend, so………..i’m not really sure what I want to talk about today, I have some stuff on my mind, but I don’t really know how to word any of it and if I did know how to say it, I don’t even know if I want to say it, if any of that makes sense!?

All i’m going to say is, i’m doing a lot of thinking at the moment, however i’m not going to bother talking about it, I don’t want to have it where I feel i’m complaining or putting my emotions or anything like that on to you guys…………..yes there’s things on my mind and yes I might be trying to keep my emotions in and keep myself calm, but I don’t want to bring how my mind is to you guys because it’s a lot and if I were to even try and explain it, it wouldn’t really make much sense………………you ever find it weird how it’s always so hard explaining the way you are when talking to someone else!?

It’s like you know how you are and the way you think and everything, but when it comes to explaining it to someone else, it’s like speaking a whole different language that only you mainly understand and trying to explain it to other people, you find that it’s really difficult you know!?

However, sometimes we also have trouble decoding our own language that is ourselves, it’s a little confusing I know, but hopefully it makes sense in a way though……………….although we feel we should know ourselves inside and out, even we at times have to try and crack the code of the way we are and how we think as well and that can be frustrating, but it doesn’t always have to be, I mean who says we can’t make it fun someway!?

Let’s face it we all love a little mystery, even if it means that mystery is ourselves sometimes……………..

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Feb 1, 2019

SO as you all know today is the first day of February, which means we have left January behind, it’s insane how quickly time goes ain’t it!? not really sure what to write and talk about, i’m in a bit of a mood today, i’m trying so really sort myself out, because i’m at the point where if I don’t i’m just going to continue to feel not 100 percent happy and I can’t keep feeling not 100 percent happy, I know i’m lacking in the “be in the moment and enjoy things more” department, I don’t know how to get out of being there.

It’s like although i’m trying so flipping hard to come back to being my old self, I know that i’m still not entirely there and everyone keeps telling me that i’m constantly stress and that i’m not the same, as if I don’t know that!! I know the stress I feel, I have to keep on a lower level compared to how I was initially feeling it and i’ve been working on that, now the whole i’m not 100 percent myself part, that’s a little hard at the moment.

When you’ve been feeling a certain way for a good while, you’re not just going to go back to being 100 percent right away, everyone knows that and it’s like everyone want me to be back already, i’m trying, but right now i’m trying to keep myself focus, i’m trying to figure things out on where i’m supposed to go, my minds is constantly all over the place and i’m trying to keep it in a state that is manageable to where i’m able to control it, all it really is, is me trying to have some kind of balance once again.

I know i’m a certain way and i’m trying to not only work with it, but also change it to a different way to what i’m use to if any of that makes sense!? When it comes to the way I am, I can’t really explain it to you, I just do things and work a different way than most people do and that’s for a reason, but that shouldn’t be an excuse, not that i’m trying to make like it is, i’m just saying that…….because of the way I am, i’m trying to fix the way I process and do things and it’s not easy, but i’m trying………….I know I need to get out more and push myself to doing things that I normally wouldn’t………

It’s a lot of pressure not just from around me, but also from within myself, i’m very hard on myself when it comes to a whole lot of things and one of the main things is coming out of my comfort zone, i’m so use to it, but I know that everyone has that issue so that’s not an excuse…………I know that everyone is worrying about me and I know that they’re not happy, but what am I suppose to do, i’m doing the best that I can and I really am trying……….

I will say though……….I do need to work on enjoying things more, it’s not like i’m not, it’s just taking me a bit longer than I expected to really enjoy it properly, but i’m going to continue to work on that and have a bit more fun more, even though i’m trying to stay focus on where i’m going in my life, I know that’s one of the things i’m lacking and i’ll work on it more.

I do hope that i’m getting somewhere though and that i’m doing alright in my life, that’s one of my main thoughts all the time, that and wanting things to be better, with the little bit of hope i’m trying to keep near me always……………….I hope it does.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Jan 29, 2019

So we’re having a bit of a snow day where I am at the moment and it’s only Tuesday………the days going alright, not to bad you know, I don’t really have much to write about when it comes to this entry here, i’m kinda just writing whatever comes to me as i’m writing, sometimes I feel that when there isn’t anything you really have or want to say, sometimes just writing and seeing what comes out as you’re going along tends to work.

That being said though, i’m kinda having a bit of trouble with writing down thoughts here, the only thoughts i’ve had today were random thought, you know stuff like how you want to start your day or how you shouldn’t have had 4 cookies and 2 brownies as a midnight snack haha, well those are the thoughts that I had this morning………….you ever just talk to yourself about things!? I tend to do that all the time, i’m always talking to myself.

I know that probably sounds weird and everything, but come on we all talk to ourselves at times, they say it’s actually healthy for the mind you know, just having a casual conversation with yourself……..no i’m kidding when I talk to myself it’s mainly because i’m thinking out loud, I don’t really know how to think in my head, also I try not to think in my head too much, by me doing that i’ll just end up staying there for a long period of time and yeah wouldn’t want to do that.

I always prefer when i’m thinking out loud because I don’t know, I guess for me it just helps me think better doing it that way. I know everyone’s different though, some think better to themselves, others think better out loud and some have different ways of thinking, which is pretty interesting if you really think about it, all the ways you try and figure things out you know!?

Wow can’t believe i’ve written this much already, i’m saying that as if i’ve never written this much in my life……….I just meant as when you’re freely writing is all and didn’t have anything prepared, you know that kind of writing, who would’ve thought that it would be all about the different ways of thinking though…….I guess just writing and seeing what comes out really does tend to work, ain’t that something!!

So tell me, how do you guys prefer to think!? Out loud, to yourself or do you have a different way of thinking and figuring things out!?

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Action……

So I tried to write a poem on the word action and I couldn’t really think of anything so I ended up writing a different one. Action……….I don’t know what exactly it is about the word, but for some reason I can’t help, but feel a little nervous with it and I know that sounds silly, because who would be nervous just seeing the word action, it’s just a word right!?

Yes and no, it’s a bit of both really, most people wouldn’t mind the word overall, it’s a form of productivity, you know getting things done and everything, so why can it make us feel nervous or scared!? Why does it tend to make us freeze or frantic about sometimes!? If I had the answer i’d tell you, believe me I would, but i’m not really sure about it myself……….

I guess when it comes to it the whole phrase “Actions speaks louder than words” it can leave you feeling this pressure which can cause you to want to either go into frantic mode or panic mode. This may sound very silly, but as i’m writing this i’m actually feeling a little anxious, makes no sense I know, but that’s an example of when I say it can it can leave you feeling pressured.

It doesn’t matter whether we’re up and moving with it or not, we’ll always have some kind of pressure added with it and that’s because we naturally put pressure on ourselves. Some of us put too much pressure and some of us find a way to add the right amount of pressure that’s needed, how I have no idea, I guess it’s just because some of us are better at handling pressure.

I’m not really the best under pressure though, I always tend to beat myself up when it comes to things in general, so when i’m already doing that and there’s more pressure added to that, it just makes things worst and believe me sometimes I wish I wasn’t so bad under pressure, but because I know that I am, i’m trying to keep myself calm and not get so worked up easily.

I also know that when it comes to action, I panic before the whole action part and I don’t understand why that always happens with me, but it does, I have ideas and sometimes it’ll take a while for me to actually go through with them………..it’s just a lot of things I guess I don’t know………….i’m not really sure where it started, where I started being afraid of taking action!?

It’s weird because, i’ve been going back into my mind, thinking about the times where action wasn’t a problem, i’m trying to figure out when exactly it happened to where I started going more and more into myself, wanting to understand why I have so much trouble with going fourth with certain things and why i’m always thinking about things too much!?

Why is action always a brick wall in my mind!? I don’t really know why and I don’t think I should ask why, the action part of me I know has to come out eventually and the part that likes to sit and do a deep analyze on whether I should or not, needs to come up with something, patience with a little assertiveness added, might just be the trick to keep the pressure balanced.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Pondering….

I sit and ponder, thinking about everything, not knowing exactly what i’m thinking, I sit and ponder some more……

Writing with some background noise, thinking as i’m messing with my mechanical pencil trying to write, I ponder some more……

Pondering and pondering, is all that i’m doing, wondering and wondering as if it’s my hobby, we ponder to think and we think to ponder…..

As I wrote that last line, I think “does that make sense!?” hmmmm maybe i’ll just ponder on it some more or just leave it.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Don’t Speak…..

Besides this being a title of a few songs, sometimes we will say things, but kinda wish we didn’t at the same time………….we express our feelings though because we feel like letting them out, yet sometimes those feelings that we’re trying to get out, we tell ourselves afterwards that maybe we should’ve just not have spoken about them. If they are things that aren’t making us feel good why even say it!? If we’re just going to end up upset over it why even put those thoughts and emotions out there, it’s not your story to try and read, you’re not suppose to give your input if you know that it shouldn’t have been asked for.

We still do it though, we still will say the things that we’re feeling because it’s how we’re feeling. Sometimes we do it to help people see and because we want to try and help them and sometimes we’ll say it because we feel it should be said, but does it really matter!? Does what we express mean anything!? I’m not sure, maybe it does, but maybe sometimes it doesn’t……..maybe we shouldn’t speak, maybe we should just keep to our own mind and thoughts and only worry about what we’re doing and if we’re doing things alright, at least with that the only stress and worry we’ll need to worry about are our own.

Who are we kidding though……………..as much as it’d be a whole lot easier to keep to ourselves and not get involved like we keep saying to ourselves, we will always worry and say our feelings when it comes to those we really care about…………..even if it does stress us out.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Figure It Out…..

Easy statement to make, yet a little harder to do……….we stress ourselves out whenever we know we have to figure something out, I mean we could try and sit with our ourselves and thoughts calmly, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t………..we think and think and think, until we feel like our brains are going into overload causing us to crash because we’ve been thinking for hours and hours, trying to figure out some kind of solution to a problem or situation that is happening. Sometimes we just sit and ponder for so long because we’re wanting to know where we fit, if we have what it takes and if we’re doing alright in everything in general…………..

We wonder whether we’ll ever figure out the thing we’re trying to figure out, whether we’re heading in the right direction where we’re walking. We wander about because we want to know where exactly we’re heading and while we’re wandering, we ourselves are trying to figure out where we want to go……………we fill ourselves with emotion and with the struggle of just wanting to know, but it’s hard to know where we’ll be heading in the wander of our lives, it’s also hard because we wonder when we do finally see where we’re being guided to, will we be able to handle and really embrace it when we finally are face to face with it!?

We may walk around aimlessly and unknowing of where we’re walking, but the one thing we always tend to realize is that even when we don’t know………..we find that, the fact that we’re still even walking and wandering around even if it’s in circles, we still have that something inside us, that something that is hoping we’ll soon have the answer to the question we’ve been wondering and that we will have figured it out in the end.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Lightbulb Confliction…..

Alrighty so i’m having a small conflict about an idea that I have in mind, now there was another post where I talked about having an idea and that I was going to go for it, not backing out, I want to stick with what a said, the small conflict though is about whether I should give it a try here or make a new site with the idea that had and keep this one as a personal blog!?……………..You know on second thought as i’m writing this, i’m feeling like that wouldn’t be the best idea. Every time I create a new thing off something else I end up not……….I wouldn’t say caring, I just end up forgetting about the other things that I tend to start and yeeeeah that always left me feeling very stressed out afterwards.

So i’m thinking it would make more sense adding it to here maybe and then i’ll just create different pages for all the different topics that I have going just to make it easier and simple and whatever posts you guys are interested in reading, you can just find it……….hmmmm, I guess it wasn’t all that hard to figure out after all……….never mind then, just forget I even wrote this even though i’m still going to post this because i’m still writing as i’m going so yeah………….Good day to you guys!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~