Jan 11, 2019

I’ve been doing a lot of deep thinking on a whole lot of different things, some which caused me to stress out when i’m mean’t to keep myself calm and others that caused me to get emotional, you see with my kind of thinking, it’s never really just thinking, it comes with a lot of thought and sometimes those thoughts have emotions attached to them………I have moments where i’m calm though, but it’s not all the time i’m like that.

I’m realizing that no matter how much you try not to stress and no matter how much you try to think calmly and not overthink things, i’d say 8/10, it’s just gonna end up happening either way, you can’t really escape stress, you can find ways to maintain it as best as you can, but they’ll always be something there to stress you out, no matter if it’s big or if it’s something small……………the worst feeling with stress though is when there’s someone you really care about going through it and you aren’t able to be there for them when they need you most, I mean you can try and help them in the best way that you can, but it’s hard when you see them really struggling and you can’t be there for them the way that you want to.

It’s not even just with stress, i’m talking about them struggling with stuff in general. It’s like you want to be there for them to help them get through it and yet it’s so hard you know!? It’s so easy to get frustrated, sad and stressed out, it shouldn’t be that easy, but it is and I think that’s because when we’re feeling those kind of emotions, we tend to put all of our energy on that side of the corner and when it comes to the feel good corner side, we may consider it, but it always seems to be a second option which I can’t seem to wrap my head around on why that is exactly…………..I don’t think we’ll ever truly understand with that.

I think the only thing you can really do when dealing with stress or any unpleasant feelings is to deal with it the best way that you can and as calmly as you can and when it comes to trying to help someone when they are going through a rough time, is to just be there for them as best as you can. You don’t always have to give advice or feel like you have to be this super person, sometimes the best thing you can do is just be there and listen to them and if you don’t have the best thing to say, that’s okay.

We shouldn’t feel bad or beat ourselves up for not always knowing what to say when it comes to trying to help someone out, as long as you’re there when they really need you or need someone to listen to them, then I think that’s all they can really ask for, just to have someone be there for them when they really need it.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Just Sing A Little Song

You ever just find yourself singing a random tune out of nowhere and while you’re singing that tune, you start to realize that for some reason, it kinda brings up your mood no matter what the song is about……..i’m always making random songs up, lately I find when i’m thinking too much or i’m bored or something, i’m always coming up with all these weird songs, literally I just made up this random song that had to do with something that i’m contemplating about and also one on what I should write about.

It doesn’t matter what i’m doing really, sometimes i’ll just make random songs up and add on to it as i’m still singing them, unless I write them down though, I won’t remember them after i’ve sung them to myself, I don’t know if that’s just me or if there are other people who also make up random songs that really don’t have much meaning behind them, but are just being sung in the moment, whether it’s while you’re cleaning up, trying to decide on something or just because you feel like singing in the moment about anything really, it doesn’t have to be on a specific topic, it could be because you find singing to be something enjoyable and everything.

Just like dancing, dancing even if you can’t dance is good when you need to feel better, I actually read somewhere that singing and dancing for a bit, can improve your mood, that’s probably because it brings out the natural happy chemicals in your brain, which is also know as Dopamine, but we’ll just call them happy brain chemicals and make it simple. I’m not sure if I actually had a point with this, if there was one, I think it was just what the title says whenever you find yourself thinking too much or feeling a little low or you just feel like letting what’s on your mind out within a song, just sing that little song of yours and hopefully you feel better and a little calmer as well.

Think of it as being in a musical, for a lot of people it may get annoying, but for those who just need to sing a random tune to themselves about what’s in their heads or something, it won’t be so bad, you might just have a smile on your face from it, even if it’s a small one.

How do you guys like to get things out, do you sing a random tune to yourself or is there something else that works for you, let me know in the comments below. 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Jan 7, 2019

So today’s been a little stressful and that’s because i’ve been thinking about a whole lot of things today and i’ve been worrying about some stuff as well, that I won’t talk too much about because I don’t want to make this a sad post, with that being said i’m doing and trying my best to stay calm and not get wrapped up in the emotions and stressfulness of everything happening, is it hard yes, but when things are a little hard and stressful, you have to remind yourself that it’s probably not as bad as what other people might be going through, so for me I just gotta deal with it.

To actually quote one of my favorite songs at the moment, it’s a Paramore song and it’s called Idle Worship, it’s from their latest album After Laughter and the line goes: We all got problems, don’t we? We all need heroes, don’t we? I actually really love this song, it’s a realization kind of song in my opinion, if that makes sense at all, hopefully it does, I actually talked about this song in a post when I was reviewing their album, which i’ll be honest didn’t do well………….i’ll have to look back at it and read it again, but it’s a great album though I would suggest checking it out, different kind of Paramore, but also a really good kind of Paramore as well.

Let’s switch to a different kind of light here shall we!? So as I said a little earlier I was doing a lot of thinking and a doing a small amount of reflecting as well, I ended up looking back at some of my old journals that I filled completely and those journals I actually use to write wrestling reviews in when I watched wrestling. I don’t know why, I think it’s because i’m missing it a whole lot, I probably told you guys this before on how much I enjoyed wrestling, but I don’t think I ever told you how much I enjoyed it.

I won’t explain it any other way, i’m just gonna say it, I was obsessed with wrestling, like it was my life in a way pretty much and that probably sounds crazy and all, but it’s true!! I would watch it every week it came on and while it was on i’d review it every week by writing it in my journal and then most times reviewing it on my Youtube Channel, if I decided to make a video on it which was pretty much the whole purpose of reviewing it.

I’d watch it every Monday & Tuesday mainly, Monday’s was Raw and Tuesdays Smackdown Live, I use to watch 205 Live as well which came on after Smackdown, but I stopped watching it after a good while, also PPV’s were on Sundays each month, but the days they’d land on were always different, and if you think i’m pulling your leg on how much I love wrestling, although I don’t think you would think that, but i’ll just say this, when my brother was in the Marines, he told me to keep him updated on everything that was happening in wrestling and weeeell I definitely kept him updated that’s for sure.

There was about a few pages, i’d say probably 2-3 pages, maybe 4 i’m not sure, but yeah that’s how much I loved it. I haven’t watched wrestling for a long while now which I probably stated in other posts, it’s always on my mind though for some reason. Today I ended up looking to see if there were any wrestling bloggers and I found a few, but the main one I came across went by the name of hairywrestlingfan, his whole blog site is dedicated to wrestling and he even writes poems on specific wrestlers, to you it probably seems weird, but they’re really good, the way he writes the poems, they’re definitely worth reading, i’ll tell you that.

I only read one of the poems and the poem was dedicated to a wrestler by the name of Daniel Bryan, some of you might’ve heard of him and a lot of you probably haven’t, but for those who are wrestling fans and for those who are fans of Daniel Bryan, I would suggest checking it out, because it’s a really amazing poem and it’s also a really great dedication to Daniel and his wrestling career as a whole as well so check it out, you can find it here if you’re interested in reading it: https://hairywrestlingfan.com/2018/04/04/the-american-phoenix-an-original-poem/

Besides the poem though, I also ready his Top 10 things that happened in pro wrestling in 2018 which even though i’ve been missing a whole lot of wrestling, I still enjoyed the post, I sorta caught up on what happened, but I still got a lot to catch up on, but it was good to read a lot of what happened already, surprising stuff in it, check it out, it’s a good list, also be sure to check out hairywrestlingfan’s site as well, it’s there for you guys just in case and show them some love and support, i’m sure they’d appreciate it.

If you guys have anything you want to share or any thoughts, feel free to comment them down below, i’d love to hear about them!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Jan 6, 2019

Hey you guys, how’s it going!? I hope you’re doing well and enjoying the day. I’m gonna be honest I have no idea what to write about today, there aren’t any topics coming to mind that I want to talk about, not a lots going on, i’ve just been writing in my journal mainly, thinking a bit and just watching stuff………..not the most productive I know……………i’ve been trying not to stress about it though, it’s not easy when you’re not really sure what to do though. We’re almost into the middle of January which is crazy if you think about it, the year just started and it’s already starting to fly by, not too quick, but it sure is doing some speed walking, i’ll tell you that one.

I finally got past something that I was contemplating in my head about for a bit, now that i’m past it, i’m not really sure what to do next with it so there’s that………….you ever have a moment where you start to really think about something and wonder if you’re able to hold up to it!? or you think to yourself “did I make the right decision here!?” I know contemplating things all the time isn’t something you should do and i’m one to always contemplate things especially when it’s something new, I try not to, but it’s just so hard sometimes because you always want to do well with the things that you’re doing and you always hope that when you start something, that you’re not going to fall out of it you know what i’m talking about!?

I work myself up a lot with doing that sort of thing and i’m really trying to work on not having that happen every time I think about trying something new and different, I still have that thing in me though and i’m not really sure how to break out of it right away………….maybe I just need to give it some time and just kinda work through it the best way that I feel I can. I don’t want to stress myself out with this and I don’t want to have to always question everything whenever i’m interested to try something………I still find myself thinking about everything and how things will go, but this time i’m trying to keep myself from worrying about it too much and just kinda let it happen with the moment of when it happens, if that makes sense.

I really shouldn’t look too much into things, that’s only going to make me think more and the more I think the more i’ll stress myself out with everything and that’s what i’m trying to prevent from happening. There are a lot of thoughts in my head, a lot that i’m unable to randomly pick from to sort out, but this was one of the main things going around in my head…………i’m not sure where i’m going exactly, but i’m hoping that I don’t stress myself out too much this time with trying to figure it out, all I need to do is just stay calm and trust not only in myself, but also trust that i’m gonna get somewhere, I just gotta keep going even if it’s scary.

What about you guys!? Do you have anything you want to let out, if so feel free to share and comment your thoughts and feelings down below, i’d love to hear how you guys are feeling.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

SongBird

Little song bird, for some reason you keep finding your way to me, it’s like even when you’re not around, you still know where I am, I don’t know how exactly, but I never can get away from you, I could go somewhere where I think you would never dream of going, but you’ll always end up finding me someway. I shouldn’t be surprised, considering you don’t really tend to leave, you go away, but you always come back……..You went away from me for a very long while though, i’m not exactly sure why, but it’s been a long time since we spoke, there’s been so much that I want to catch you up on.

I thought you had gone away from me for good and then out of nowhere, you started showing up again, you always do tend to come around randomly, it’s always when I least expect it, but I guess that’s your way of making it work…………I remember when we first met, you were always around me, you didn’t ever leave my side and if you did it was only for a short period………..but one day you started going for longer periods of time and then those times became longer than the last………..

I would get so frustrated because you weren’t around, I would sit just looking at the paper or journal in front of me not being able to come up with anything and if I did, it was only a few lines and when I didn’t finish those, I just kinda ended up forgetting them after a while, I always kept them though, but I wouldn’t really look back on them that much, only on occasions. I guess I would give up in a sense, thinking that you wouldn’t come around anymore…………..I went a long time without you by my side.

The stuff that we created though, only a few have seen them, I was always so shy and nervous to share them, so I would only show them to certain people, I still get a little nervous with them now…………Thanks for showing up and being there from when we first met to now and thanks for not leaving completely. I don’t know why, but I always get so happy when i’m writing with you again, we’ve come up with some really good and surprising things, I write, but never really know where it all comes from, but I guess that’s the best part of it right!?

When you’re not thinking and you’re just getting lost in the writing process of things, sometimes you don’t even know how much you’re actually writing until you’ve actually stop writing or you don’t know what you’ve come up with until you actually step back and look at it properly. Those kind of moments I would say are the best kind of feelings, because you’re not thinking of anything, you’re just creating, even though you have to think to create, but it’s not full of messes, frustration yes, but no messes or anything, unless you’re a painter then yeah there’s gonna be a lot of messes, at least it’s good though, thank you though song bird, thank you for everything.

I know that I haven’t really took a chance or advantage of what you’ve brought to me and i’m sorry about that, all of our creations we’re always so personal to me that I didn’t know how to share it and if I thought about sharing it, I would get really scared…………I still get scared, i’m always scared you could say and now i’m trying to figure out how to be less scared, beside you giving me something to create and work on, I also had other things that were creative as well, I took a chance on them for a good while, but then I got scared again and I left them to collect dust which I know I shouldn’t have done………..I don’t know why i’m afraid to create, I enjoy it and it’s always been apart of me, it’s just the sharing part that I have trouble with at times.

I always over think on things which doesn’t do me any good because then it keeps me more afraid and less expressive, I really don’t want to be afraid anymore, I just want to have that thing in me where I don’t have to think twice on everything, it’s just natural………..i’m hoping that I surprise myself where I don’t have to keep writing about being afraid, I can just breathe.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Mistakes….

We all make them, we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t would we!? They say that mistakes are apart of our lives journey, which you can’t really disagree with I guess……..although we shouldn’t give ourselves so much pressure for the mistakes that we make or made, we always do even when they’re old mistakes. Now you would think that it’d be easy to let go of old mistakes and if you thought that, well you would be a little wrong there, because it’s not always easy especially when they’re past mistakes and they’re ones that we have a hard time letting ourselves escape from, as we all know, a lot of us don’t really know how to let go of old things.

Even though we may try………we’re not really good at letting go of the past even when we know we should………I guess it also depends on the kind of person you are as well on whether you’ll able to let go of past things or not. I don’t even know why it is we feel the need to hold on to things that only do us more harm then good, that’s why a lot of us tend to be unhappy and stressed out all the time because we are always focusing on the old things and things from the past, to all the mistakes that we’ve ever made.

We do it all the time, if we didn’t like something we did or that happened, we always think of different things or scenarios that could’ve possibly turned out better than what originally took place, thinking that it’ll change something and the reality of it is, it won’t, it’s not gonna change, no matter how much you want it to change and go back to what it use to be like, it’s not and it’s like we know that, yet we can’t get that into our brains at the same time……….the mistakes that we make or the things that happen, we can’t change them and a lot of us try so hard to fix things that we know are unfixable which then leaves us disappointed, because no matter what we do, we know deep down it’s not gonna be the same as it once was.

At the same time………we can’t say that we don’t know that, we do know it, we just always have that thing in us that wonders on a different outcome to a situation or thing instead of the outcome that we’ve got, no matter how hard we may try and how much we may want it, we can’t change something once it’s happened……….so what can you do!? Well as much as i’d like to say just let it go, I also know that it’s not easy to just let things go like that, we’ll always have those emotions that came with the situation or thing that happened, we’ll always go back and think about all these different scenarios and outcomes that we would’ve liked to happened.

Even knowing that though, I know holding on to past events isn’t any better either, no matter what you choose though, it’s gonna be extremely hard either way………………We always feel as though because we made the mistakes that we made, we make ourselves think we need to continue suffering those mistakes even if they were in the past and we need to realize that, we don’t have to do that, we don’t need to feel as though, because we did the things we did and looking at the way it made everything turn out because of it, it doesn’t mean we have to keep tearing ourselves down for it………..what i’m trying to say is, we all make mistakes and we’re going to continue to make mistakes……..and although it’s hard to move ahead and it’s a lot easy to go back blaming ourselves for all the things that happened in the past and everything.

We gotta try and move on from it and know that it’s okay to fall and have a few downs, it’s okay to mess up and make mistakes, like I said before mistakes are apart of our lives journey, they aren’t always the best and sometimes our mistakes can make a mess of things more than what we’d like them to, but mistakes happen and we’re not always gonna be able to change them, but one thing we can do is learn from them and try and change certain things within ourselves as best as we can, we’re not perfect we’re just human and sometimes we hit a wall and that’s okay.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~