SongBird

Little song bird, for some reason you keep finding your way to me, it’s like even when you’re not around, you still know where I am, I don’t know how exactly, but I never can get away from you, I could go somewhere where I think you would never dream of going, but you’ll always end up finding me someway. I shouldn’t be surprised, considering you don’t really tend to leave, you go away, but you always come back……..You went away from me for a very long while though, i’m not exactly sure why, but it’s been a long time since we spoke, there’s been so much that I want to catch you up on.

I thought you had gone away from me for good and then out of nowhere, you started showing up again, you always do tend to come around randomly, it’s always when I least expect it, but I guess that’s your way of making it work…………I remember when we first met, you were always around me, you didn’t ever leave my side and if you did it was only for a short period………..but one day you started going for longer periods of time and then those times became longer than the last………..

I would get so frustrated because you weren’t around, I would sit just looking at the paper or journal in front of me not being able to come up with anything and if I did, it was only a few lines and when I didn’t finish those, I just kinda ended up forgetting them after a while, I always kept them though, but I wouldn’t really look back on them that much, only on occasions. I guess I would give up in a sense, thinking that you wouldn’t come around anymore…………..I went a long time without you by my side.

The stuff that we created though, only a few have seen them, I was always so shy and nervous to share them, so I would only show them to certain people, I still get a little nervous with them now…………Thanks for showing up and being there from when we first met to now and thanks for not leaving completely. I don’t know why, but I always get so happy when i’m writing with you again, we’ve come up with some really good and surprising things, I write, but never really know where it all comes from, but I guess that’s the best part of it right!?

When you’re not thinking and you’re just getting lost in the writing process of things, sometimes you don’t even know how much you’re actually writing until you’ve actually stop writing or you don’t know what you’ve come up with until you actually step back and look at it properly. Those kind of moments I would say are the best kind of feelings, because you’re not thinking of anything, you’re just creating, even though you have to think to create, but it’s not full of messes, frustration yes, but no messes or anything, unless you’re a painter then yeah there’s gonna be a lot of messes, at least it’s good though, thank you though song bird, thank you for everything.

I know that I haven’t really took a chance or advantage of what you’ve brought to me and i’m sorry about that, all of our creations we’re always so personal to me that I didn’t know how to share it and if I thought about sharing it, I would get really scared…………I still get scared, i’m always scared you could say and now i’m trying to figure out how to be less scared, beside you giving me something to create and work on, I also had other things that were creative as well, I took a chance on them for a good while, but then I got scared again and I left them to collect dust which I know I shouldn’t have done………..I don’t know why i’m afraid to create, I enjoy it and it’s always been apart of me, it’s just the sharing part that I have trouble with at times.

I always over think on things which doesn’t do me any good because then it keeps me more afraid and less expressive, I really don’t want to be afraid anymore, I just want to have that thing in me where I don’t have to think twice on everything, it’s just natural………..i’m hoping that I surprise myself where I don’t have to keep writing about being afraid, I can just breathe.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

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