2 Weeks Away, Almost 3….

How’s everyone doing these days, hope well!! Now I know what some of you are probably thinking, “Where have you been!?” and if you aren’t thinking that well then, that’s okay, but I will sorta explain why I haven’t written anything new for the past 2 to almost 3 weeks, I think the longest i’ve went not posting is about a few days maybe a week, this times a new record, we surpassed a week of not posting, can we get an hurrah!?

No i’m kidding, I haven’t posted on here for a reason, you see i’ve been away due to my brain thinking a lot mainly on where i’m going or want to go at least……there’s a lot of things that I haven’t really expressed on here, I might do that one day, not sure when exactly, but one day……

I still haven’t gained that much courage to do so just yet. Now even though I haven’t written and posted anything new on my blog in a good while, I have been still writing, just more handwriting then typing, i’m actually close to filling one of my journals, not quite finished, but it’s getting there i’d say.

So yeah, i’ve been trying to really think on what I want to do (career wise) this isn’t anything new really, it’s something that i’ve been switching back and forth with for a good while now, i’ve just been putting it off for a good amount of time and you know what that’s no one else’s fault but mine, you think you’re fine with something, but then realize you’re not.

So yeah there’s that for one……i’ve also been trying to get better at certain things…..still sorta working on that……i’m kinda feeling a bit of stress and pressure and that’s me doing that to myself because I really want to get somewhere and feel good about it, I mean we all do don’t we!?

There’s a lot let’s just say, but i’m doing my best to work it all out so I could move forward from where i’ve always been stood, if that makes sense!?

I must say this has got to be the most i’ve written in a while on here, which is surprising for some reason, because normally I write a lot, in my journals at least, i’m not sure how often i’ll be posting on here, I kinda purposely stepped away from here just so I can get my head straight and that, plus i’ve been wanting to make this blog better and i’m not sure in what way I want to do that, maybe it’ll be more personal or something, i’m not sure yet.

Hopefully it’ll all just happen naturally, but yeah that’s just a bit of an update I guess you can say, I don’t know what else to say, I hope you’re all doing well and having a good day sorry it’s taken me a few weeks to write, I kinda felt as though I didn’t have much to say so I didn’t, I have missed it though I won’t say I didn’t, i’m always on here believe it or not haha……

That’s all I have for now, but I will post something again soon, maybe not this week or maybe, who know, I might surprise you and post something one of these days or during the weekend, i’ll go based on if I feel I want to say something or how i’m feeling, right now it’s just how things are going,

But you guys enjoy the rest of your day or night depending on what time of day it is where you are and i’ll write to you guys again soon.

P.S. Since we’re coming to the closing days of Summer I thought i’d share something I made a while ago, I was meant to post it, but never did…..

All The Love ❤ < 3

~Lexa~

Don’t Forget To Take A Breath (June 19, 2019)

It’s been a while since i’ve written down my thoughts…..kinda, not my actual thoughts just a simple write down, i’m sure you know what I mean.

*Takes a deep breath and releases* Maaan am I mentally all over the place today, it’s so easy I tell you haha…..all you have to do is let your mind go in a million one places and there you have it, scattered thoughts everywhere!! That’s how you do it, in case you’re wondering how to easily stress yourself out……it’s always like that ain’t it!? So easy to drive yourself mad, yet so difficult to keep yourself sane and calm…….

I made this here creation as I like to call them, a long while ago…….I was meant to use it after I made it, never really quite did though, I guess I felt it wasn’t the right moment or something I don’t know…..funny, I think my reasoning for making this was because I was having a day like today.

As you can probably see in the picture, there’s some words in a spiral, but they aren’t just any words, they’re lyrics to one of my favorite songs by one of my all time favorite bands who I actually wrote a post about the other day. The name of the song is called Take A Breath and it’s by of course…..One Direction…….I mean the Jonas Brothers *nervous laughs*

One Direction had 3 more years left before they went on the X factor, auditioned and would then later be formed into a band…..there goes my brain huh!?

Also you guys probably think I planned that, but trust me, I did not….. I went to say the Jonas Brothers and ended up saying One Direction instead, to myself, out loud, as I was writing it…..not kidding……and if you think it’s a one time thing, no that’s how my brain actually is at times, can’t help it.

Back to what I was talking about though…..this song is off their 2007 self titled album, but on the deluxe version of the album, it’s a really good song, it’s an early 2000’s kind of song of course, a little upbeat, but not too pop sound-ish, it has some edge to it, at least I think it does anyway…..if you’re a Jonas Brothers fan you’ll know what i’m talking about.

It’s one of those tunes that you listen to not only for that nostalgia feeling, but also when you need that reminder to breathe and relax a bit you know!? Try not to worry as much, it helps for a moment, but with the way our brains like to be, it can take a lot of reminding……

For me singing the lines, “Don’t forget to take a breath” plus the rest of the chorus, as well as the whole song……it works for the moment, plus it’s good to sing, I mean we all know there’s nothing like singing our favorite songs to help boost our moods a bit and make us feel a little better.

Here’s the song if you want to give it a listen: Take A Breath remember it’s by the Jonas Brothers NOT One Direction (this is a reminder to myself by the way……I honestly don’t know how I messed that one up, they’re my favorite band…..so is One Direction, but the Jonas Brothers are always first)

P.S. I feel like I might’ve shared this song with you guys before, but I also feel like I didn’t, if I did sorry, hope you don’t mind be sharing it again…..but if I haven’t, I hope you enjoy it or at least find it interesting if you do give it a listen!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

24….

Yesterday was quite a day, i’m no longer 23, but 24 now……if you ask me how it feels I actually wouldn’t know what to say, it doesn’t really feel like anything not extremely anyway……..it feels the same, but also not at the same time, I can’t really explain it……

24……it really doesn’t seem all that scary and it’s not, it’s having it’s fair share of stuff to it, but it’s okay……the aftermath of it has been a little bit everywhere i’ll admit, but i’m hoping that everything that is going on is sorted in a neutral understanding, without there being any more back and fourths or misjudgments on things and I really hope that nothing continues to boil over anymore than it already has……..

I just want everything to be good again and for the water to be cleared that’s all, no more back and fourths, no more misjudgments, just an understanding…..a proper understanding without cutoffs or conclusion jumps and all that jazz, I just want things to be good again, that’s all……

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

No Questions….

I see you, I know you’re asking yourself a million and one questions about what to do, how you should do it, even asking yourself if whether you should do it, no no you, no more questions…….

Sometimes we ask questions because we think each question has an answer, when we know that, that’s not entirely true, some questions are left to be wondered, thought about, that’s what keeps it interesting.

Have you ever noticed that in the word question, there’s another word in it!? Would you like to know what word that is!? I’m sure you do, however I don’t think I really need to tell you what it is, because you already know.

Look closely to the word question, you’ll notice that the word that you find is what the word means when you find it…….sounds confusing I know, but it’s not, it only seems like it because you aren’t looking hard enough at it.

Once you find the word you’ll see it and you’ll know, try not to think too hard on this one, try not to stress yourself out trying to figure it out, the only way you’re going to find it, is by keeping calm and by looking closely until you see something out of the ordinary, i’ll leave the findings to you and I hope you come back with something extraordinary!!

If you need me, i’ll be here, not to answer any questions you already know, but to answer ones that you may need some guidance with, remember it’s okay to wander off and get lost, sometimes you tend to find the most unexpected things that way, but even when it feels like you’re completely lost just know that you aren’t always…..

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

So Many Things…..

Alright so, i’ve sorta maybe, okay definitely caught interest in something that I feel is good, there’s so many different things to it, but because there’s so many different things to it, I am on the fence on whether I should give it a go……I mean have you guys ever found yourself so intrigued and drawn to something, but at the same time you aren’t sure whether to continue to let yourself be drawn to that thing…….does that makes sense!?

It’s like you feel it’s something good and you feel like you should try it or embrace it, but then you have that something in you that’s like mmm should I, should I not!? I don’t know……

Anyone else get that feeling with certain things!? It’s like you feel it, but then you have all these nerves coming through and you’re like ahhhh I don’t know, but you also have that thing inside you that’s like “I mean you’re here and you have looked at it quite enough so why not!?”

It’s like a kid walking into a class for the first time, but being so scared and nervous because they aren’t sure how it’s going to go, so they kinda just stay to themselves until they feel comfortable enough you know!?

So many things…..I just don’t know…..Maybe!?…..I’ll figure it out…..

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Focus….

Keep your focus, try not to get distracted on things that don’t matter, I get it it’s hard to stay focused when there’s so much going on around you, but you have to keep your mind on the things that matter to you, the more we focus on the things that irritate us, the more things are going to irritate us……..

Yes I know all of that is easier said then done, but you have to try, you don’t want to keep having yourself move backwards, you have to want as well as do your best to move forwards no matter how scary it may seem……

It may leave you unsure moving forwards, but it’ll make you feel so great knowing that you did it and that you are moving somewhere, yeah it can be nerve wrecking and all, but don’t you think it’ll be worth all the nerves!?

I’m sure there’s no better feeling than seeing yourself become something you never imagined and just seeing how far you can really fly!!! You know you want to and you know that you also need to, also try not to look so much into things, you’re only distracting yourself more doing that…….

Even if you feel the tension or you’re feeling stressed out and everything, just keep going and keep focused, believe me you’ll thank yourself for it.

Don’t bother with the words of other people, keep attempting that jump to fly, because trust me you can do it, it’s there, you just need to trust yourself.

Don’t think about it too hard and don’t stress so much about it, just stay focused and keep on going, you’ll get it, you just have to trust and believe.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Just Keep On Thinking…..

Now that’s something I can do, although there’s times where I just want to shut my brain off, but doing that for just one second, is impossible, it’s like your brain forbids you from doing so…….

The minute you start to think about something, just one little thing, that’s it you’ve step on a bobby trap and now you’re going to be thinking for the next few hours, how great, I mean who doesn’t love thinking to the point of no return, I know I do……no but seriously sometimes I wonder why it is we think, not that it’s a bad thing, it’s just sometimes it can be a whole lot to deal with, especially when your emotions decide they want to get involved.

It’s like no, this is not a party, I already have all these thoughts coming in unannounced, I don’t need you here too emotions……like why is that a thing!? Why does thinking become so intense to the point where you want to just throw all your emotions at someone or at the window, I mean if we could wouldn’t we through our emotions out the window!?

I mean I might, but then I guess if you do that, you just won’t feel anything……even though it can be a pain to feel, sometimes we need to feel emotions that way they become easier to deal with and to process, although when you really think about it, it’s not always easy processing emotions……

Sometimes they end up having a mind of they’re own and then your forced to try and control them as best as you can, which isn’t always easy either…….but I tell you if thinking was some kind of contest, let’s face it we’d all be winners, even though some of us think more than others, so I guess there would be some kind of tournament for it, which makes me wonder…..

What kind of thinking tournament would it be!? Would we have to think on all things bad or maybe we’d think of fond memories, it could be a gauntlet of things who knows…….as you can tell i’ll be here thinking for a while…….

At least I have tea, just in case I start to feel stressed out or something…..

Gotta love tea.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

An Hour Before Midnight…..

11pm.

I was in a deep sleep, but was awaken,

By the sound of chaos filling this house….

I try and head back to sleep, but it’s no use

The chaos only grew louder and louder….

Stuck in a tense state, wanting to scream

Wanting to shut off the noise, but unable to….

My emotions then start to go into hyperdrive

A growl with the words “shut up” escaped my mouth,

Only no one could hear…..Chaos that’s all we ever hear

……..

Outside now…..it’s calm,

No noise, just me and the cold air

I sit with my tea in hand,

Looking at the night sky, gazing at the few stars in it……

Planes in the sky, oh how I wish that was me on them.

I look around a bit and then back at the sky

Thinking to myself about everything in my mind

The night sky sure is lovely don’t you think!?

Makes you not want to leave it…….

………

Back inside, I walk around a few rooms

Now in my room, tired, but also restless

1am, the clock reads,

Around 1:30am is the time I finally get to sleep

A lot in my head though, but not too long

That hour before Midnight,

Soon turned into the morning…..

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

If I Was A Painter…..

Let’s do something different today…….let’s pretend we’re painters, if you were a painter what would you paint!?…….if I were to tell you what i’d paint, i’d just say that at the moment I don’t know, right now, i’m just looking at a blank canvas trying to figure that out myself………

If I had to describe what i’d want it to look like though, I don’t know, I’d probably want it to have a calm feeling of someplace that calls to me, i’d probably would use greens, maybe some blues, browns, you know colors that feel nice and calm…….

I’d want it to have a special kind of feeling, that’s slightly hard to imagine, but is also very easy to feel, something that when you think about it, it brings the biggest smile to your face and makes you happy to be there……

You know like you’re right where you should be……I want it to be a place that isn’t too hot, but where it isn’t that cold either, a place that has just the right amount of both cold and hot……..i’d love for it to rain, not too much of course, but just enough you know, wouldn’t want it to be too big of a place, but I wouldn’t want it to be too small either.

I’d like it to be a place that makes you go, this feels right and it feels good……..i’d love for there to be cafes, but i’d also love for there to be a lot of nature around, it would be nice if it had an old timey (if that’s a word) feel too it, enough where it just feels good to be around.

Have it where it has a rustic, but slightly modern look to it, not too modern though, more like an old town where you can feel the story behind it, as well as feel yourself connecting to it……….some type of village of some sort, you know!?

I don’t know, I guess if I had to paint something, i’d want it to have those kind of descriptions to it, you know a place that feels right, the moment you’re in it…….that’s a portrait i’d hang up on my wall and look at a lot.

How about you guys, what would you paint, if you were a painter!?

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Sacrifice…..

The word that fills you with both stress and nerves, but it’s not a bad word, it’s just a risky one and sometimes you find out it’s something you have to do, even if you’re not happy with it. There’s little sacrifices and there’s really big ones, the littles ones aren’t so bad, but the really big ones are the scary ones, because with the big sacrifices, comes a really big change and with a really big change, you tend to come across something new and with something new, that means different, not necessarily a bad different,

Just not the same as what we would normally be used to…….and maybe it’s not a bad thing, scary, yes very and that’s because we don’t know where it’s going to go or how it’s going to turn out, but should we really be scared about it!? Should the word sacrifice really be something that we hide from!?

A lot of people sacrifice to make things better for themselves and those they care about, especially when they really love someone…….a lot of the time though we pass on it because comfortable seems like the better thing, but a lot of the time it’s not, sometimes comfortable can hurt you and it can end up stressing you out more than if you were to change things around…….

Yeah it’ll be a very scary decision and who knows what it might bring, but we shouldn’t be scared, if anything we should feel excited about it!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~