It’s midnight and I went to sleep 3 hours ago, I just couldn’t shake off this thing I had thought about, it was cutting and distrubting my sleep so I had to get up come over to my computer and write about it.

Now I don’t know how exactly this post will be taken, but all I know is that it has me feeling super curious on the way I operate and how big my awareness on things are, i’m not sure how to actually write upon this feeling and I hope it doesn’t come off weird in a sense of not knowing something fully the way that I should.

Most people might already have an idea and can fit in well with knowing how social awareness goes right!? However I know that there are people out there who may feel the way I feel, maybe this feeling is for a moment or maybe this is me finally coming to the realization of what I never really put into words until now.

So here it is, I went to see the new scary movie (the funny one, I don’t do actual scary movies) with my brother and a friend I knew since the 4th grade now in my opinion the movie was really good, however on the funny scale I’m trying to figure out where to put it and that’s what had me thinking about this.

I knew the scene’s were funny and the movie was really entertaining, but although funny and entertaing it was I can tell alot of the jokes went over my head on some cases. Like I was laughing at them, but I guess what I’m trying to say is I couldn’t relate to a lot of what was said, not that I need nor want to relate to it.

It was like I could tell that although I experienced certain things similar, like being bullied for the color of my skin and people not quite understanding me with the way I am and how I process things, I could tell a lot of the stuff refrenced and laid out I never actually experienced the same way some of the people in my family have experienced it, which would explain why I always felt like the odd ball in my family.

I gather things quite well around me and I am like I said quite aware of a lot of things, some stuff I probably shouldn’t be too aware of, but I am because of the people I’ve been around and I learned and understand better from them, plus watching certain shows as well. Now i’m thinking, possibly that maybe it was just the movie, but I also think that some stuff I said could be a factor as well.

My social awareness may not always be on par and my radar of what I should know, but don’t quite know well enough isn’t a me thing it’s the fact that I grew up personally different, because I chose to move in a different direction to the way people around me lived or I just was moved different to them naturally.

I always knew what I wanted even if I didn’t always know it and with that, it also meant with the way I chose to bring myself up, like my mom raised me, but I also raised myself on how and what I like and don’t like. I’m very proper, but I also have my what I call 90s style of living so slight street smart, but more book smart and that’s what I mean by social awareness

I hope that made sense, I might explain it better another time, but that’s my midnight thoughts for now