August Kind Of Monday….

Yeah I know, what does that even mean!? Honestly I have no idea, but it was the first thing that came into my mind so I just went with it, there really isn’t any sorta meaning behind the title here! Speaking of Monday, I really hope you’ve been enjoying yours and that it hasn’t been too busy for you guys or anyone who happens to come across this post…..It’s really been a good minute since I’ve written anything here, my last post was a month ago! Hopefully you’ve all been doing well…..maybe we should do a bit of a catch up yeah!?

Where to start is the question!? I’m not really one for self promotion, but I hear it’s a good way for growth, even though I really am terrible at it, I don’t really like to put myself in the spotlight all that much, sometimes I do it though to allow myself to feel uncomfortable until I feel comfortable enough to where it starts to become natural and personally, I think I’ve improved a bit in saying that I’m very happy to share that I have given streaming a try after debating with myself on whether I should go for it or not and genuinely enjoy it!

If I’m being honest though, I did get a bit of push from my sister in law who has really helped me with more things that I can put into words and has also inspired me to go for it, I didn’t have the thought to stream until maybe a year ago (at least that’s when I had it as a though mostly) if I were to ask myself then if I ever imagined that I would be streaming, let alone interesting in doing so…..I think I would 1. be confused because I didn’t really know streaming was a thing until a maybe 2 years ago give or take and I think I would’ve liked the thought of streaming, but I don’t think I would have thought I could do it myself….so I probably would’ve said no had me now told me this before in all honesty.

Now I know I probably mentioned that I have been streaming in my last post and about the whole, not highlighting my first stream, because I was still new at it and didn’t know that was a thing….but I just thought I’d share on how it’s been since I started, I got to say it’s been pretty fun! I’ll admit though, I do still feel nervous everytime I stream, but I find once I’m in the zone….I can manage pretty well….that doesn’t mean I don’t still get anxious though, but regardless to those feelings, I do really like it, even if I am still learning as I go!

Although live streaming is something I would’ve never considered before, the fact that I have tried it and have been doing my best to keep at it….I’ve found that personally, it’s the first time in a while that I genuinely look forward to something I’ve worked, despite only having 1 set day of streaming….I have been adding other random days though so at least I’m getting somewhere.

It’s a little mad to think about, because whethe you are familiar or maybe some of you are new to my blog site, believe it or not, maybe it’s not that hard to believe, but anyway I used to struggle a lot with my confidence, especially when doing something, that I really wanted to do! I was the type where I would always start something, but wouldn’t always finish it and it always left me feeling…..like I didn’t have much direction going and I think this is the first time I’m actually admiting that, I’d always think of an idea and would do my best to keep at it, until I found myself not really feeling interested in going much further with whatever project I had started.

I would be so hard on myself about that kind of thing though, you wouldn’t know it too much, because I never really attempted to express that out loud let alone in writing….I guess you can say that I held myself back a bit to expressing things truly to how I feel them, well I still sorta do honestly, but I always do my best to express the best way I’m able to in the moment until I feel ready to really say how I actually feel. I think had I gave myself the choice to say all of this before, I wouldn’t have been ready to admit it fully…..

So the fact that I’m saying it now, just shows that I have grown a bit more to be open about my feelings even if it’s only a level of growth, it’s still growth nontheless and I’m glad to say I’m proud of myself for that because one other thing I struggled with the most was, well expressing myself! It’s for that reason I started this blog in the first place so I could share whatever was in my heart and mind to share, even when I did withhold certain things, I still made sure I at least tried saying what it was I wanted the best way I knew how at the time.

Which again was very hard for me to do, but I knew that in some way I could do it in written because, writing for me has always been my outlet for saying things I didn’t have enough confidence to say out loud and why you may ask or wonder, well I just felt like, whenever I did express myself….I didn’t feel like I was being truly listened to or understood the way I wanted to be understood, plus there would always be some kind of issue when I did say something I truly felt…..so I just didn’t bother.

However when I do end up expressing myself to people, it’s because I trust them and know that with those people I don’t have to worry about feeling as though I’m not being understood properly, because their willing to take the time to listen and not just hear their own voice you know what I mean!? Maybe down the line, I will share a lot of my story, but I’ll do that when I feel ready.

In the meantime, I’m okay with getting more comfortable with being more open to say what it is I feel I need to say, but to bring everything back in a circle, because that’s something I’m oddly good at, getting back on track after I’ve gone off a bit haha……Streaming has been a whole new experience and whole new way of expressing, only difference is, I get to play my favorite game while meeting new people who also share an interest in that same game as me, which is both amazing and beautiful!

I was actually telling my partner that the other day, where I do my usual and just chat non stop on something that I’m excited about, but don’t worry he’s used to it and doesn’t mind, which I love! Even when I know I can be very chatty at times and somewhat difficult…..he’s always shown a lot of patience for me and accepts me just the way I am! Not only that, but he’s one of the people in my life that has been a big part of how much I’ve grown as a person and for that I’m always grateful for him!

I do also want to take a moment to thank a special friend that I actually just made, another streaming buddy who actually inspired me to write this post today, he reminded me to never stop expressing myself and by him saying that…it unlocked a new side of me, when it comes to stepping into myself more and for that, I just want to say how appreciative I am, it’s funny because he doesn’t even know he inspired me, thanks Dottie if you’re reading this!

Since we haven’t done one in a while, today’s creator spotlight is my streaming buddy Dottie: I definitely recommend checking out his streaming channel, he’s a funny one, I don’t remember what he said his streaming schedule is even though he said it yesterday whoops, all I know is he streams more days then me haha, but if you’re curious and what to check out what he’s playing on his streams when he’s live, you can find it here: DottieDotDot

Anyone who is curious and checks his channel out, I think you’ll like his energy and you’ll have a good time aswell, if you enjoy video games and chatting that is (not that you have to chat)

As for my channel, if anyone is curious on what I stream or would like to come on by and say hi, you can find me here: TheWanderingDaydreamer like I said earlier in this post, I only have 1 set day of streaming for right now, which is Fridays, usually around the same time which would be 1pm-ish, my time….I’ve been doing pretty good at staying on top of streaming Friday’s unless something comes up of course, but 9/10 you can catch me live streaming on that day!

I do randomly add in other days when I feel I want to stream, so far, every other Wednesday and Thursday have been where I find I’m streaming the most between the two, but it’s not always those days, I have yet to figure out which other days I like best, so only Fridays for the time being! Currently I’m only playing Animal Crossing, but I do plan to switch things up along the way and add in new games, but yeah if your curiousity is too much to handle, stop on by and say hi if you like! Well that’s my self promotion of the day, I think it’s time I wrap up this blog post…hope you all have a good rest of your day and thank you for reading if you did!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

4 Years Of Sharing My Thoughts!

Gooooood morning, everybody! I hope you all are having a good Monday and the days treating you well, we’re nearly half way through this month, talk about what the heck am I right!? It’s a bit of an early morning for me, not super early, it’s around 9am currently as i’m writing this! I know it’s been a while since I’ve written anything lately, I’ve been meaning to do some writing, but I haven’t really gotten around to it, I try not to rush/force when it’s time to write because for me it doesn’t really work all that well!

I know some people are really good at forcing themselves to write even if they aren’t quite feeling it and hey that’s great, because it just shows how good they are at honing their craft and creativity even when pressure rises, i’d like to say I am good at doing that myself, but that wouldn’t be true, I don’t do too well under pressure, I do my best at handling it to a certain extent, but me and pressure don’t really see the same side of the painting, which is fine, everyone is different!

Anyway there’s a couple of things I wanted to express on today, possibly at least, the main reason to why I decided to take the time to write today is…..well it was on this day, that I went ahead and created this blog! I know quite surprising…..honestly it feels longer than 4 years, which is weird to think about! A lot has changed for the most part since I created this blog, when I first started I tried to write as much as possible on here and I found that I enjoyed it and at point I thought, “hey I finally found what I am good at” fast forward 4 years today and you’ll find out that I don’t quite have that same thought process now!

I’m not saying that my thoughts of it have changed completely, I do still enjoy writing, I mean it’s pretty much in me to write, always has been since I was young, but from when I first started where I would constantly write to nowadays, i’m finding myself on cruise mode with it! Instead of feeling like I need write something everyday, to the point where I would stress myself out about it sometimes, I write when it feels right to me if that makes sense!?

I’ve been down a very interesting path that I can’t quite explain, there’s moments where you think you got it and then out of nowhere, you find that you’ve gone ahead and gotten yourself lost again somehow or just happened to wander off because something caught your eye to the point where you felt the need to check it out because curiosity, you know that kind of thing! So blogging these days have sorta been…..around the area, but not exactly near the area…..it doesn’t mean I don’t write anymore, I do, but a lot of my writing has become personal, sometimes I share them and depending on how personal it actually is will determind whether people are able to read it or will be unable to see it because it’s privately posted and only those I want to read it will read it!

There’s parts of me I’m open to share, but there’s also parts of me that I’d like to keep personal and I’d like to think that it’s okay because everyone has a right to what they want to share and what they want to keep to themselves! That being said, I personally didn’t think I would last this long blogging in all honestly, I’ve had moments to where I thought about….I don’t want to say quitting, but more on not wanting to write at all on here, but then I thought I don’t know how to not do that, so instead of leaving this blog behind,

I felt that it’s okay if I’m not always in the mood to write….because anybody who is naturally creative and who gravitates to things that allow them to be who they are and share what’s inside in someway…..they too have moments of ups and downs with their creativity, it doesn’t mean they don’t love it, it’s just part of the process of being creative, if you don’t have those moments of doubt, of not feeling motivated or just burnt out and uninspired then you’re not really experiencing the true journey of creativity!

We need to understand that we’re not always going to have all these ideas right away, it’s important to wander off sometimes so that you can return refresh and ready to go, being excited and not really knowing what it is you’re going to do next, it’s also good to discover different kind of things too that can help your creativity grow and feel like it’s getting the best energy of it’s life as well as allowing yourself to grow and evolve in ways that you never thought or imagined possible, so it’s because of that knowing inside of me that I don’t really stress much about feeling the need to write and only doing it when I feel it to be of some kind of importance or if I feel it’s going to help me grow better as a person!

I’m not perfect, no one is to be fair, but I do my best with what I know and even when I don’t know, I still try my best to understand whatever it is that I’m learning and to take it in the best way I’m able to and when I feel like I’m getting the hang of it, that’s when I will take it and try to make it into my own little thing! I know that there are other things that I wanted to say, but I feel like it would be more appropriate to write in a whole new post, I say that because it’s something that I recently started and I really want to share what it is, but I think it would be better to share it seperately…..that’s everything I have to say for now, I’ll try and write on what else I wanted to share later on today, in the meantime, I hope you all enjoy the rest of your day!

By the way, for anyone who happens to come across this blog and go out of their way to share their support in whatever way that is, I just want to say thank you sooo much!! It really does mean a lot knowing that what I write, people are enjoying themselves and that also goes big time to those who have been with me on my blogging journey from the beginning/middle up until now, I can’t express how much that means and if ever I wrote something that helped someone in anyway……then I’m happy! Take care and I hope you have a good one ^_^

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Don’t You Ever Grow Up….

There comes a day when you start to realize just how quickly everything goes….at first you don’t really think all that much about it, until that wave of realism comes rushing over you. At times it can be extremely overwhelming and hard to grasp, but the more you go about it, the less anxious it gets, sometimes it can make you feel a bit more anxious then what you thought….but it’s important to find some kind of grounding with those kind of moments and try to push through them!

This journey that we’re all on, although very much different, is still quite the same….what I mean by that is for one, we all have some kind of challenges to face, we have to get over bumps to be able to head towards where we’re going and many other things….one thing for sure though…..we’re all just a little or very much scared with each unknown thing that we come across! It’s not until we actually face those uncertain moments that we become less worried about them!

When we’re kids, there’s not really much to worry about is there!? At least for us kids, it’s the parents that do all the worrying, while we’re being quite the curious beings we are, trying to explore all that’s around us…..once we become teenages well that’s where all the challenges come in and where we start to discover who we are just a little bit more….some of us become trouble makers and some may still be trying to find their own voice! I won’t tell you which one I was, although you can probably guess….if you took a guess and said troublemaker well you would be somewhat correct, but more opposite based then what it may seem.

I enjoyed testing people as a kid and if I didn’t like something I would have no problem saying it…..I was a lot tougher and outspoken as a kid more than as a teen……I was what you would call the quiet kid during my teenage years, especially in high school, you would think that, it’d be the other way around, but no…..I didn’t really step out of comfort much during the higher level that life had going for me then…..I became what everyone loves to be (sarcastically speaking) a people pleaser…..to keep the story short…..it took a very long time to get myself out of that!

When I say a long time, let’s just say it wasn’t until recently that, I let that side of me go….well most it at least and when I say recently I mean about…..2 years ago…..it may seem long and yeah it is, but at the same time no it’s not! I’m 27 now and to quote one of my all time favorite artists Alexz Johnson and her song Aftermath “Who I was back then I barely recognize her” which is the truth, right now at this moment….I never thought I would be where I’m currently at now in a more, as a person kind of base, as well as a bit of surroundings!

There are days where I will randomly sit with myself and take everything in and even though I know i’ve gone through it…I still get a bit surprised on how much I’ve transformed as a person and for me it’s a little hard to believe sometimes! There’s still stuff that I know will eventually be improve on, but to collect on everything so far, it’s a little of a wow moment….it may not be a lot to you, but for me it’s a lot….but that’s what growth does to all of us…..we don’t realize certain aspects to ourselves until it sorta hits us in the face and at that point, you have no choice, but to really look at it for a second, to look at yourself and all that you’ve overcomed, each and every challenge that you didn’t think you would possibly get through!

Mind the fears and anxieties of those particular moments and not realize through everything you did eventually get through them, there may have been a lot of ups and downs, hard turns, feeling like you’re going in some kind of loop and let’s not pretend that, there weren’t a couple crashes in those times as well…..we’ve all felt like we hit a dead end and just when that hope and wonder of not knowing whether you’d get out or not, enters your mind…..there would always be that one thing, that made you feel like “I can’t give up…I need to keep going” we might’ve not known where you were going, but you had something in your heart and deep down where you knew….the more you went you would be alright!

We always know the way….even when we think we don’t, it’s always important that we take a moment to listen to our hearts as well as intuition…..it can be hard though because sometimes we do fight with ourselves about what it we actually feel, but even if we aren’t exactly sure in the moment….all we have to do is just go with the next best thing that feels right and makes sense to us…..it may not make sense to everyone else, including those close to you, but honestly the only person it needs to make sense to is you…..no one is really going to truly understand the jouney you go on or that I go on, because it’s not their journey it’s yours, it’s mine, it’s ours as a collective, we’re all experiencing things differently and the older that we get….it can become more difficult to choose the right direction.

Here’s the thing though, there’s really no wrong way of doing things…..if you feel it to be right then it is, who cares if people don’t see it the same way, if it really wasn’t going to be the best for you…..you would know and you’d be told in some way, but you’re not ever going to truly know if you don’t take the chance in finding out! You can be scared and nervous, but don’t ever let it stop you, you got to go for what it is you believe in, because that’s where you will see how much growth you’re going to get from it. You don’t need to feel like you can’t because of whatever or you feel it’s going to upset people….as hard and frightening it is to grow up a bit….it is absolutely necessary especially when you know you want it!

You want to be able to say you tried everything and learned a whole lot from it, all while also saying “I discovered this and I love it” or “Yeah I’ve seen this and even gave it go….it wasn’t my favorite thing, but it was alright” take that in whatever context you want, however I mean it more in a sense of, experiencing all that you have yet to see and would like to see, but not being afraid to step out of comfort, those kind of things! Channel into your kid energy, which by the way is always there, you just have to allow yourself to bring it out at times, but when it comes to curiosity and fearlessness that’s where it can really help guide you!

Just bare in mind that, there will be unexpected and uncomfortable situations that you’ll have to go through and that’s okay! You may not enjoy the things you came across along the way fully, but you’ll still learn something from it and hey even with those not so great moments, there is still something great within them….but a lot of the time, they show themselves when you’re not really paying attention, so if you want to catch them just be aware and stay open to the possibilities!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Friday Moods

Happy Friday! I hope everyone has been well and that you’ve been enjoying the new month! I’m a little surprised knowing that we’re in June now, normally when a new month rolls around I just accept that it’s here and leave it be, but we’re really in the month of June…..and we’re at the second week of it at that…..It’s a little weird because it sorta feels like mid June then beginning of it, which technically we are nearing the middle of June so i’m not too far off with how this month is feeling.

We’ve come to another end of the week, part of it went pretty quickly, honestly I think the only day that felt very long was Tuesday other than that, this week pretty much flew by, maybe it’s just me, I don’t know the second week of June has felt somewhat weird, not in a bad way, but it did feel weird. You know i’m just going to be honest here, I’m not really sure what exactly I’m trying to write here in this post…..I felt the need to write something, however I don’t necessarily know what I was feeling to write, so there’s a good chance that this post won’t really be that long, sorry about that….I’m not going to count this one as my monthly chat where I express how the month as been and how it’s going, if I am to be honest….I sorta woke up feeling….how to express it!?

Maybe a little unmotivated as well as not even sure what I’m feeling to be fair, sometimes I’ll just have random moments where I don’t feel like I’m there, like I know what I’m doing and I can see myself doing certain things, but I’m just not 100 percent there and when I run into those kind of days, I try to figure out what it is that I’m feeling and sometimes I can pin point it a little, but there’s other days where I find myself having somewhat of a hard time figuring it out! I’m not exactly sad and I’m not angry, but I’m also not quite up there energy wise…..

If I had to give it a percetage, I would say….45/50 ish percent on the mood scale, I feel fine, but not fine! I don’t usually express on my moods honestly like that, but I’m hoping that it’s okay to feel that way and be open about it….I’d say that it’s okay that I am feeling that way, because as human beings we don’t always allow ourselves to feel the things that we’re feeling in the moment, especially when we know we aren’t feeling the greatest or we’re not exactly feeling like ourselves and maybe that’s why we give ourselves a hard time, we’re always trying to push those unwanted feeling away and just pretend that we’re okay when we know that we’re not really doing okay and it’s completely alright to not feel 100 percent all the time!

At the end of the day, we’re all human, we all feel and sometimes our moods are just not there and that’s okay, we need those not so great days in order to continue to be our best selves, it’s not always the good moments that allows us to be who we are, it’s important that we have crappy/shitty days, we need to feel those things in order to grow, without those not so great days we wouldn’t be 100 percent us, we’d only be half of that, it takes a lot of strength to be honest about how you’re really feeling even if you aren’t feeling great, now you don’t need to say it out loud, but it is important that you at least acknowledge your emotions, especially when you don’t want to, because when you find yourself not wanting to be bothered with your own thoughts and feelings that’s when you should check in the most!

Again you don’t have to express it out loud if you don’t feel like you want to, but just identify it, see it, feel it and allow them to be! If you want to express those feelings you can, only you will know whether you feel like letting it out or not, but if you don’t know that it’s okay too, when you’re ready you will, but don’t push them away from yourself if you need a moment, be sure to take that moment and remember that this too shall past and eventually you’ll start feeling okay!

I honestly didn’t expect to write this much, I really believed it was going to be a short one, but apparently I needed to say this….so if by any chance someone right now happens to come across this post and you find any of this helpful, I’m glad to hear it! I hope that you’re doing alright and enjoying this Friday and if you’re not I hope that you have a well deserved relaxed weekend and I really hope this upcoming week is a little better for you! Take care ^_^

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

The Heat & Rain Of May….(Monthly Talks)

Happy Sunday! As you may all already know, we’ve come to the last 2 days of the month of May and boy have a lot of things been happening this month, I’d like to say that, it’s been more eventful during the months of May then the other months that have gone by, but then again, every month has it’s moments, don’t you think!? I’m now 27 thanks to May and no my birthday is not today, it was earlier into the month, I don’t normally speak on when my birthday arrives, because I just don’t like to, let’s just say I’m not one to like too much spotlight on me!

I’d like to think my birthday was somewhat decent this year, I didn’t really do too much, but I did sorta enjoy myself leading up to my birthday…..I was kind of nervous and then it came and yeah I didn’t know what to feel, if i’m being honest I still don’t know what to feel…..it’s a little hard to believe that I’m already 27, but we all know that eventually we’ll just keep getting older even when we don’t actually feel it! If anyone is even curious at all to what I think, I feel that this month has taught me a lot, to explain it would be very difficult on my part, but if I had to try and put it into words the best way that I can…..one of the things May has had me really look at is, how ready you actually are, plus really seeing the kind of growth and transformation one has made…..

Does any of that makes sense!? I’m not sure, but I did say I would try and explain it the best way I could didn’t I, well that’s my way of explaining it, I felt a lot of emotions this month and excuse me for a moment because I’m going to do something I never actually do too often and that’s being honest with you all…..I like to keep my emotions and thoughts to myself usually because to express them out loud, is not only very and extremely difficult for me, but you might as well knowing everything about me! You see if I were to just say everything that’s in my heart and in my head….I think I would be in a lot of trouble because I know that there would be a hand full of people that would not be happy with me…

So as much as I struggle to keep everything under control and away from the mic when asked what it is you feel….I do my best to swallow all those things and keep them from escaping my mouth because I don’t know how else to do it, but I’d like to think I’ve improved at making people believe that it’s all good under the surface, but I’m also a little aware that people aren’t stupid and if my hunch is right then their able to sense something within me that I’m not saying, but are kind enough to not ask me unless I feel the need to want to talk about these things….little do they know, I’ll never be the one to go up to them and just say what it is i’m feeling.

It’s not something most people would admit, but it’s the truth…..the only way you’re going to get me to say what I’m thinking is knowing me extremely well, but take what I just said there with a pinch of salt because even though there are very few and I mean it very few that I can sit and genuinely speak to about my feelings without judgement or worry, I still won’t express myself to just anyone, not my family and sometimes not even my best friend and she’s my best friend….but I don’t like to talk about my feelings so I keep them to myself…..there’s only 1 person whose able to get me to say what I need to say without fail and that’s only because eventually I just tell on myself and let it out, but if I can help it….I won’t say a word!

I always feel whenever I do express myself, I wish I hadn’t, my emotions get too much for me and so when I am being honest about my feelings, it makes me feel as though it’s too much for other people and then I get upset with myself where I’m always thinking “I always say too much or write too much” and then I wish I could just take everything back into a vaccuum (or hoover is some places) it’s already hard for me to want to be open with some people and so when I do I always want to feel that it means something and is being understood properly and that I’m not just talking a load of rubbish shit and things like that…..but another thing that I’ve really tried soaking in this month is that, there are things that you have to be brave enough to say by yourself even if you find it hard to say out loud, you still should say it in the ways you do feel comfortable!

I know I’ve not written a lot these days and that’s because I was trying to challenge myself a bit, see if I could be open about specifics with just saying it, not by writing, but by actually saying it….spoiler…..it’s not really been vocalized too much and whenever I felt I failed to speak it out loud, I would get frustrated with myself because I would find myself going for it, but would hold back so I didn’t….however with every non vocal words….i’d force myself to write about it even when I didn’t want to….I felt like if I didn’t I was going to become angry with myself, due to the fact that I was holding it in.

It took a minute before I realized that, just because I can’t say it out loud just yet, doesn’t mean that I need to get upset with myself, I had to give permission and be okay with the fact that I use writing as a way of expressing what I have hard time saying out loud, not that I didn’t already know that, I mean it’s the reason I started this blog in the first place I needed something so I didn’t feel like I was holding everything in, so if writing is my way, then I have to accept that and remember it helps me to get my real feelings out, at the end of the day, I still try and so the more I try, the better I know I’ll become!

This month has also given me insight of what happens when you continue to hold yourself and take it from me if you can help it….do NOT wait too long….if you have something in your heart and on your mind constantly, don’t about too much, just go for it…..the longer you wait the more likely you are to lose it….I might’ve risked something extremely important to me and the fact that I always take forever on everything is one of my traits that I absolutely, I won’t say hate because that’s a strong word, even though I just kind of said it, but it’s one I really don’t like….although I understand…..it really does bother me….but the way I need to look at it is,

That part of it is done and has been like it for a while, but just because 1 road closes, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t other back ways to take….so I need to be brave enough to go a different route, I’m not going to give up and although I know I haven’t been given up on…..I still feel like it’s my job to really do something this time around and not wait anymore, so however it’s going to play out….I need to allow it, because if I want to get there, no amount of words is going to get you there…..you have to be willing to really go for it, even if it does leave people upset with you, life doesn’t wait, so you have to not be scared to do what it is you want, you have to show yourself that you can do it and that you will, otherwise you’re going to be there waiting forever!

So I just hope that I didn’t lose that chance to proving myself and going after something that’s important to me, other then that, that’s everything I needed to say for this month….hopefully you all had a good month to May!

All The Love ❤ ❤ ❤

Lexa

Levels Of Growth

Maaan has it been a while since my last post, it’s not yet been a month, but it’s been a while! Honestly I’ve wanting to write something for the longest, yet nothing ever sparked my interest enough to say “yeah this might be a good thing to talk about” We’re already in the middle of April and each day that came by I would just say to myself, I haven’t written not one thing this month and maybe that’s alright, but to me I just felt like What is going on there!? Today however, I feel a little bit inspired to write so I shall take whatever this inspiration is and do my best to just go with it! It feels good to write something that I can share after a long while….

Now before we continue on, I just want to say that I have been writing this month, I just haven’t written anything to share, my writing have been more personal based these days, I guess that’s just where I’m at currently, which I know isn’t a bad thing, but still I have been wanting to share something and I guess that’s where this post comes in! As you can see I’ve titled this post levels of growth, why exactly? That’s a good question, let’s just say it was something that felt right to title here…..growth is a significant thing that we all experience in our lifetime constantly, be it a small growth or a really big way of transforming…sometimes we can see it pretty clear and sometimes we don’t always know when the next transformation will be….we can sense it and feel it coming, but we don’t always know, but that’s the beauty of it yeah!?

Life has many ways of challenging you, as well putting you in a postition of what you feel to be the best way to grow and trive, but it doesn’t mean that it’s entirely easy…..it can be as simple as choosing your favorite game to play or what kind of snack you’re in the mood for, I know pretty weird seeing it that way, but what I mean by that is life is that simple most times, it’s just other things that can make it seem difficult! When you look at the word Growth on it’s own, it makes you feel something doesn’t it? You know it’s got an importantance to it, yet the word looks simple, it doesn’t really look all that intimidating when you’re just reading the word….but the feel and experience that comes with it can be quite frightening when you’re looking at it more deeply.

It’s like when admiring a flower, you wouldn’t think they’re able to harm you, but look at roses, although they’re very beautiful to look at, you got to be careful when picking them, because they hold thorns….if you look at cacti you know not to touch them because you can see all the little needles it’s got, but even with knowing that people like to have them as plants and then there’s the Aloe plant although it’s got healing abilities, it too has it’s own thorns/needles, if you really think about though, the Aloe plant kind of has an accidental proneness connected to it, I say that beacause even when it hurts you, it’s character speaks loud without actually talking and it let’s you know “Oh i’m sorry, didn’t mean to hurt you, here let me help you”

I know this is probably getting off track, I was trying to make a point where I explain how just like some flowers have a bit a gray area, so does growth, I don’t know if I tied it in nicely enough, but hopefully it makes some kind sense! Anyway back to what I was saying….we all experience growth differently and sometimes it can be hard to embrace different levels of it, due to the fact that it can require a lot of braveness, courage and strength to help unlock that next transformation that we’re needing and majority of the time, however you feel yourself growing and changing, it’s not always going to be ideal for others, even those who are close to you….

You see for some, even when you are putting it out there how much you’ve progressed and evolved, sometimes it doesn’t get taken seriously and it can get very frustrating, because although your doing your best to show and let people know who you are and who you kind of always been deep down…..it can feel like they’re not really seeing you the way you’re wanting them to and are still sorta treating you the same, even when you know you’ve grown from that point. There’s going to come a moment where you know that, even though you may not want to, you’re going to have to do something so out of character where they have no choice, but to notice and really get them to see and think to themeselves “this is not the same person that I know”

After the reactions, you will probably most definitely feel a bit of a shift following that experience and to be honest there’s probably going to be some hurt involved and that’s going to probably hurt you, but with growth, you have to be strong and brave, you have to hold that courage inside otherwise what was it for!? If you want people to start seeing YOU and taking you more seriously…..you can’t be afraid to push back! Now even if you happen to leave someone hurt….don’t see it as an automatic negative experience, growth comes in many forms and although we all like life to be smooth sailing…..it’s not always going to be like that, there will be moments where you have to choose the road that involves a bit more…..deep breathing to get through and you will have to make a choice!

We always hear, take the road less traveled and I’m starting to realize and understand that, the road less traveled gives you the most experiences and how you choose to travel through it really comes down to what you feel inside and what your inner compass/heart is leading you toward….so if you feel you want to go a specific way, but you have people telling you to do it a certain way, you have to go with your own feelings, because at the end of the day….it’s your journey, we all share life, but we all have our way of living it, so if you feel strongly about something and you want to do it…..do it…..even if it requires you to go into the unknown of it and it may upset people, we shouldn’t have to feel like we can’t do something because it’ll make someone upset!

Sometimes we can get caught up in what others are saying, that we forget we have our own voice too and we don’t have to always go by what they say, if they can’t support you in the journey you choose for yourself then you have to know that it’s not on you to make them understand, cause they’re either going to understand by you be honest and letting them know right away or by you saying I’m going to do it anyway whether you like it or not and who knows maybe you’ll get the combination which can be more challenging and if you do get them both, it just shows you got more edge to you and your a badass kind of person!

Whatever is in your heart to do, please don’t hold yourself back, growth is scary, yes, but it’s also necessary for you to grow into the person you feel yourself to be….so with all that said, I shall leave you all with a quote, one of my favorites actually ^_^

“Don’t Hold Back, For Anyone…..The Further You Go, The Prouder I’ll Be”

Ming-Turning Red

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

You Can’t Hide From Yourself….

Let’s just get it off our chest, we’re uncomfortable…..we don’t like it and we want it to stop, buut it’s not going to is it!? As humans we always think we can escape our own uncomfortability, but the one person that you’re unable to get away from is yourself so what exactly are you doing!? You want to know why I’m uncomfortable!? Well, I’ll try to explain it in a way that, hopefully doesn’t reveal to many personal details, but to keep a long story short….I’m uncomfortable with the fact that, when I’m thinking about something that I know I want to do I will take FOREVER just to decide on it, even when I know I want to do it….

However, one thing about me that I know is my least favorite trait to my personality is…..I’m always siking myself out of things or I overthink it too much to where I already know it frustrates those around me, they don’t have to say it to me because I can feel it and by knowing that, it’ll brings me more stress and frustration because you know the reason you feel like that is due to the fact that you’re afraid to let people down, which wait for it…..adds MORE stress because you’re also fighting with yourself thinking “Why are you worrying about everyone else!?”

Asking yourself that question then just makes you want to scream because although you know why you worry, part of you just wish you didn’t worry or care so much about these things…..and all of that starts mixing together because you could never put you, nor your needs and wants first, leaving you to feel a little upset with yourself, where you’re just like “You always worry about other people and how they’re going to feel” although there’s nothing wrong with caring about others and wanting to make sure they’re going to be okay….

You as person also have to know when it’s time to say “I love you, but no” and be okay with choosing to honor yourself and the things you want to go after! That being said, we also have to live and embrace the uncomfortability of it all!! No matter what we do, we will always be uncomfortable, there’s no way of escaping it, we live to experience, we live to discover and to be amazed along with all the other emotions and feelings we go through within our journey here!

We have to be uncomfortable in order to know what we’re comfortable with, once that’s discovered, we then find and learn what our comfortablities are and how to embrace them along with the uncomfortable! It’s not something we have to necessarily like feeling, but it is something we have to accept whether we want to or not! We have to be okay with the shadow parts of ourselves…..if you really think about it, we’re practically yin and yang inside, we all have the light part of us and the dark part, if we are always leaning towards the light and pushing the dark away, we’re not really giving ourselves the chance to truly experience who we are all the way around…..which isn’t fair!

Just because something is dark doesn’t mean that there isn’t any goodness to it! I may have said this before already, but we all know how diamonds are formed, they go through a lot of pressure before turning into something beautiful!! Amethyst forms from volcantic lava and pearls can be found within oysters, before stones become stones they have to go through some kind of dark experience themselves before we get to see the true beauty of them…..it’s never easy when you feel like every wall is caving in on you or where things are just not going well whatsoever, BUT it’s important to be aware that, all of it is necessary and instead of seeing it as a negative experience automatically, we have to understand that, it happens because we’re evolving and we need it in order for our growth to thrive and for us to continue to be the best versions of ourselves that we already are wheher we see it or not!

We can’t have the good without the bad, even if we prefer it better, the more we try to resist the uncomfortable the more worst and uncomfortable it’s going to get, so allow it, accept it and be okay with it, you don’t have to love it, but honestly who loves being uncomfortable!? Allow the transformation that you’re going to be experiencing to unfold and happen and be amazed at what you see!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Changes and Transformations….

Good Morning, hope that you all have been well these days! We’re now a week into the month of March for many out there, a lot has probably happened already be it big or something small that you’ve been also looking forward too and for others March might still feel like you’re just getting started and that’s perfectly okay! We all have a specific pace that we start with, things could be going really fast and quick for a lot of you, while for some March could be catching you by surprise where things start feeling a bit unexpected, in a sense where, you may find yourself more busy then usual or in other ways where you may not normally be used to if that makes sense!?

Yesterday I found myself deep in thought about a lot of things, I was out for most of the day so it was a bit productive, however I wasn’t really in a talkive mood, I mean don’t get me wrong I did speak a bit, but I wasn’t in my usual talkive state that I normally am….a lot of the time when that happens, it’s because I just have a lot on my mind and it gets to the point where I don’t really want to talk…..in those moments talking for me becomes a bit of chore to deal with so I like to say as little as I can if I’m able to! I started to become a bit more chatty during the evening though, but it still took me a while!

I guess it’s just my way of processing my own thoughts and dealing with them in some way, I normally try and distract myself when I start getting really into my own mind, but I also know when I need to allow my thoughts to be what it is they are and not push them aside, by doing that it’s only going to come at you harder so you want to make sure that your being considerate with yourself in those times of deep thinking…..yesterday I had a thought to myself regarding my surroundings, but involving how everything’s changed!

All the places that I once knew and saw growing up, most of them are all different now, building that, were once there are no longer around and if they are, they’ve changed so much to where you don’t really recongize them, it’s kind of like seeing a time lapse of what you used to know recontructed right before your eyes, but you’re seeing the transformation of what it was then, to what it is now and seeing that, seeing all the places that you’ve grown up with change and look completely new to what you used to see, it really hits you just how much things really transform an old shop that you may have gone to a lot when you were a kid, is either no longer there or isn’t quite the same as you once remembered it!

It’s a mind blowing experience because even though you know it’s different, there something in you that feels like you still need a bit of time to process it fully, yet you never really get the chance to, due to the fact that it’s already changed and transformed so much that you don’t get much room to feel it entirely the way you want. It’s the same with people, although they have certain things with them that stayed the same, you already know that they too have transformed and are a lot different to what you remember them to be, but be it so,

There’s always that part of you that hopes that the relationship that you had with them and the bond that you once shared didn’t change and a lot of the time you find it did, but you do get those one of kind moments where even though you and that person have grown and seen things in a more….I guess you can say mature perspective to how you used to see things….even though all that’s happened, you find that it’s easy for you to just come back together as if nothings changed at all and just pick up where you left off….with those moments though it can feel a bit nervewracking and scary, it’s like meeting someone that you already know for the first time all over again….and it’s not something you would normally think to get nervous about, but you do because you know it’s different!!

You start feeling like you have to prepare yourself again and get ready for it, it’s like a new journey and adventure that you know, but don’t know at the same time so you’re kind of just hoping for the best and for things to turn out okay, it’ll sometimes even leave you wondering if they still feel the same about you even if you know they do, you still can’t help, but have those thoughts in mind that, now that doesn’t neccasarily mean it’s a bad thing, it’s just curious wonders! That being said, you won’t really know unless you put yourself out there to feel those things and be okay with feeling them, I like to think they’re normal, it just simply shows how much you really truly and deeply care as well as how much that person still means to you!!

Fear or no fear, changes and transforamtions will always happen, even if you don’t really get the chance to take it in the way you want or you find you aren’t able to really prepare, it’s okay….I guess the best way to look at it is to just give it a go anyway when it involves a new experience, but if it involves a change that you have no control of, like seeing a place you once knew when you were younger in a whole new way, you kind of just have to adapt the best way you can with it, keep those memories close to you always and whatever connection you made with it…..just know that it will always be with you, never be afraid of changes and don’t be afraid of transforming the way you feel you are wanting to, it’s all part of living life so try not to hold yourself back from experiencing all that you want to experience at the end of the day you gotta do what makes you happy!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Let’s Talk: Happy Home Paradise Along With Some Deep Unresolved Feelings I Guess….

Welp, we’ve arrived at a new month, Happy 1st of March everyone!! Hope you guys are feeling alright and that you’re doing okay….March already is starting to feel like it’s going to take a bit before people start getting comfortable with it, but it’s important that we do our best to try to get through it even if it feels a little hard to do at the moment…..anyway Happy Tuesday, can you believe Spring is almost here, because I can’t, I’ve got two more months left until my birthday (also the word birthday didn’t look like it was even a word for some reason) and I don’t even know how to feel about it…..but that’s not for another two months so I don’t have to really worry about it just yet so it’s all alright!

If I were to be honest to how I’m feeling today….I’d tell you that I don’t know because I honestly don’t know, I’m aware I’ve got a few things in my mind at the moment, but the start of March has kind of put me in a interesting we’ll say headspace, I feel okay, but I also feel a bit overwhelmed, but I’m going to try and take it down a bit and focus my thoughts onto something else and do my best to keep my nerves together somehow someway…..funny it’s about 12:30pm in the time of writing this and you’d think that it’d not be so bad, but today is surely taking it’s sweet time to the point where you feel it….it’s like you want it to hurry up, but you’re also saying to yourself “It just started why am I trying to already rush it!?” I guess it’s just one of those days….

Moving on to the topic of this post, because we’re in the month of March and we’re coming to the anniversary of it in a few weeks, I thought we’d talk some Animal Crossing, because well…..I already had it in mind to talk about so…..I feel why not!? The fact that we’re nearing Spring and we’re coming into two years that this game made it’s debut is insane…..everyone in the Animal Crossing world didn’t even think we’d get a new Animal Crossing series game until Nintendo decided to announce it unexpectedly blowing everyone’s minds when the trailer of New Horizons dropped!

I’ve been a fan of this series, for as long as I could remember and so just the realization that we’ll be coming to two years of Animal Crossing: New Horizons…..is just amazing!! Now I may not have started my island the day the game released, like how most people did, but you don’t have to start a game the moment it comes out to enjoy it, as long as you’re enjoying it, when you actually start it doesn’t really matter, you play when you feel it to be right! Now that that’s been said, we’re not actually here to talk about New Horizons exactly, but the second installment of Happy Home Designer that was only playable on the 3DS, Happy Home Paradise!!

I’ve actually been meaning to discuss, HHP for quite a while now, but I just didn’t feel it to be the right moment then, I’m not even sure if now is the right moment, but I wanted to talk about it so, I’m going to take it as it being an okay time to do so! Now I’ve actually played the first installment to HHP, Happy Home Designer and to give some thoughts about, I also felt Happy Home Designer to be okay, it wasn’t something that I neccasarily was in love with, but it wasn’t something I didn’t not like at the same time, if that makes sense!?

It was an okay game to keep it simple, I used to only play it every so often and then after a while, I just never picked it up from there, plus I wasn’t really into the whole Designing homes…..until I started playing New Horizons where it was more encouraged to do so, with decorating being more apart of the new series fully, so when the last big update happened back in November and we were told all the things we’d be getting…..Happy Home Paradise was not something I personally expected to be apart of that big update, until it was shown in the Animal Crossing Direct!

A lot of what we got in that Direct was not to be expected, there was so much that, you found yourself having to really take it in, I wasn’t actually sure if I even wanted to get Happy Home Paradise at first, with the knowledge of how much I barely even played the first game HHD, so I waited a while before actually deciding I wanted to give it a try and honestly I preferred Happy Home Paradise over Happy Home Designer, I guess it was because there was more to it and it allowed you to be more creative and step out of your comfort, especially if you’re someone that isn’t all for designing, it allowed you expand on something you already had knowledge of and just see what you can do with it!!

Me telling myself and thinking you know what “I want to see what this game has to offer and what’s different about it, so let me download it, it doesn’t hurt to give it a try” by taking that chance and seeing where it went and what the creators did with it….it gave me an experience that I didn’t even expect and honestly it was very exciting and nerve wracking….I say nerve wracking for the simple fact of….I wasn’t confident in my decorating abilities, I barely know what to do with my own home in my Animal Crossing game so, I honestly wasn’t sure how I was going to do designing a villgers home……

and before it’s even said, yes I am aware that it’s just a game so I shouldn’t really being feeling anxious of making a home look nice in it, but Animal Crossing is my life, I love this game with every part of soul and body and luckily you can’t actually see me, because if you did you would see how hard I’m trying to hold back my emotions, yes I know weirdo here, but honestly that’s how much this game means to me…..also you don’t know it, but you will now…..I’m getting annoyed with myself because of how emotional talking about it is making me, it is what it is and I shouldn’t be ashamed of it, not that I am!

Anyway you’ve heard me speak about this game loads of times so those who look forward to reading my posts will know how much I love this game!! I never knew you could feel so much for something that isn’t even real first off haha, but you still are constantly drawn to it……Animal Crossing has always been a game that I could turn to whenever I felt I couldn’t be who I felt inside to be, it’s hard to explain, but…..it’s my home away from home….no matter what is going on….even if I did take time away from it, I knew that it was always going to be there to welcome be back……as most of you know…..I don’t do words right most times…..so it really does take a lot in me to finally get what I want to say out, even in real life!

It’s something I actually worry about a lot, whether what I’m saying is coming across well or if it’s even being undersood and even though I’ve improved a lot better in communciating my feelings and that….it’s still hard for me, so I always do my best to take my time when I need to express something, for most people a post like this might only take them an hour or maybe less, but for me….it’ll probably take 3 hours or so, I can write less, but when I feel I need to really say things that’s when it’s more!

To get back on track though….this game has helped me through so much to where I can’t even explain it to you, so that’s why I will always talk about it, because it was the first game that I got into that allowed me to be myself and not have to worry, it gave me something to experience, it is a weird game, but it’s a weird game that I love and I will continue to speak about until I can’t speak about it anymore….but back to Happy Home Paradise…I love it, do I play it all the time, no, not really, but when I do push myself to head on over to the Happy Home Paradise island, I always enjoy myself and leaves me inspired without knowing I was inspired!!

I’ve made some interesting homes, some were great in my eyes and some I know still needs work, like I actually need to speak to some of the villgers whos homes I’ve decorated to change it, but I only play it when I’m either really wanting to because it’s been a while or when I’m feeling inspired, I barely go on that island, but that’s also because I’m too worried about my own island and what I want to do with it, right now inspiration is not quite up there, but whatever burst of inspiration I have, I go with it when I’m feeling it in the moment and it’s kind of been like that in real life too if I’m being honest, it’s not something I like to admit, but it’s the truth which is why I don’t post much everyday…..

This series Animal Crossing, anything I was afraid of…..it helped me to not be afraid of it, but it also help give me a voice, it was my company when I didn’t have much company and I like to see it as my good luck charm, it’s the one thing I’m always talking about and you know what it’s okay because it means that I’m really passionate about it! It was the one game that I never thought I’d ever understand even though it honestly is quite simple, yet at the same time it was something I always felt I needed to play, like it was a calling of some sort!!

I just love this game as well as Happy Home Paradise, the series as a whole, brings me so much joy even when I can’t see it sometimes, because real life is kicking in, but I always feel grounded with it and that’s what I appreciate about it!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

February Is On It’s Way Out and Soon We’ll be Marching Into Spring!!

Happy Weekend Everyone!! Hope you’re having a very good Friday, I can’t believe that we’re pretty much done with the month of February…..it seems like it only just started and now it’s about to set on it’s journey to wherever all the months that finish up go!! It’s been a while since I’ve really spoken about how each month has been….I like to think that it’s had it’s ups and downs, but I guess that’s just something that always sorta happens, some days are better than most, while others have that inbetween thing going on.

It’s been quite the month February and although it’s not neccsarily done, it also practically is come Monday and then we’re into the month of March….which is nuts to think about, but then again, February isn’t really that long of a month anyway so, this one doesn’t feel like it went by all that quick, because it’s already a quick month anyway, with it only having 28 days to it……that being said it doesn’t mean there weren’t some hard moments with it, there’s still a lot going on and I feel like it’s going to be like that for a bit.

This year two different vibes to it, there’s apart of you that feels like you have to do it now, whatever you feel that to be for you and then there the other part of it where it’s like…..you can’t really put your finger on it, but it’s important to know….like I said this year just has the inbetween feeling and you’re having to make some big decisions and take action on them, because if you don’t your going to miss something and you’re going to wish you had!

I get it, it’s tough because it feels like you got two different parts of you talking and you’re trying to figure out what part to listen to…..even when you may already know…..with Winter on it’s way out the door and Spring around the corner, you just feel like it’s getting to a point where you know you have to make a choice and trust that, whatever choice you make will be good, although they say no choice is ever bad, it just leads you down a different road, but you have to ask if that road is something you’re okay with going down!?

If it’s a road that has been on your mind for quite some time, shouldn’t that say something? It’s not about fear anymore, it’s about taking that chance to see where that road leads you, the only thing you have to do is decide and make that choice already, because the more you think the less you’re going to actually go for it, so what’s it going to be? Will you take that chance or will keep thinking about it, you already know what you want to do so what’s stopping you!?

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa