August Kind Of Monday….

Yeah I know, what does that even mean!? Honestly I have no idea, but it was the first thing that came into my mind so I just went with it, there really isn’t any sorta meaning behind the title here! Speaking of Monday, I really hope you’ve been enjoying yours and that it hasn’t been too busy for you guys or anyone who happens to come across this post…..It’s really been a good minute since I’ve written anything here, my last post was a month ago! Hopefully you’ve all been doing well…..maybe we should do a bit of a catch up yeah!?

Where to start is the question!? I’m not really one for self promotion, but I hear it’s a good way for growth, even though I really am terrible at it, I don’t really like to put myself in the spotlight all that much, sometimes I do it though to allow myself to feel uncomfortable until I feel comfortable enough to where it starts to become natural and personally, I think I’ve improved a bit in saying that I’m very happy to share that I have given streaming a try after debating with myself on whether I should go for it or not and genuinely enjoy it!

If I’m being honest though, I did get a bit of push from my sister in law who has really helped me with more things that I can put into words and has also inspired me to go for it, I didn’t have the thought to stream until maybe a year ago (at least that’s when I had it as a though mostly) if I were to ask myself then if I ever imagined that I would be streaming, let alone interesting in doing so…..I think I would 1. be confused because I didn’t really know streaming was a thing until a maybe 2 years ago give or take and I think I would’ve liked the thought of streaming, but I don’t think I would have thought I could do it myself….so I probably would’ve said no had me now told me this before in all honesty.

Now I know I probably mentioned that I have been streaming in my last post and about the whole, not highlighting my first stream, because I was still new at it and didn’t know that was a thing….but I just thought I’d share on how it’s been since I started, I got to say it’s been pretty fun! I’ll admit though, I do still feel nervous everytime I stream, but I find once I’m in the zone….I can manage pretty well….that doesn’t mean I don’t still get anxious though, but regardless to those feelings, I do really like it, even if I am still learning as I go!

Although live streaming is something I would’ve never considered before, the fact that I have tried it and have been doing my best to keep at it….I’ve found that personally, it’s the first time in a while that I genuinely look forward to something I’ve worked, despite only having 1 set day of streaming….I have been adding other random days though so at least I’m getting somewhere.

It’s a little mad to think about, because whethe you are familiar or maybe some of you are new to my blog site, believe it or not, maybe it’s not that hard to believe, but anyway I used to struggle a lot with my confidence, especially when doing something, that I really wanted to do! I was the type where I would always start something, but wouldn’t always finish it and it always left me feeling…..like I didn’t have much direction going and I think this is the first time I’m actually admiting that, I’d always think of an idea and would do my best to keep at it, until I found myself not really feeling interested in going much further with whatever project I had started.

I would be so hard on myself about that kind of thing though, you wouldn’t know it too much, because I never really attempted to express that out loud let alone in writing….I guess you can say that I held myself back a bit to expressing things truly to how I feel them, well I still sorta do honestly, but I always do my best to express the best way I’m able to in the moment until I feel ready to really say how I actually feel. I think had I gave myself the choice to say all of this before, I wouldn’t have been ready to admit it fully…..

So the fact that I’m saying it now, just shows that I have grown a bit more to be open about my feelings even if it’s only a level of growth, it’s still growth nontheless and I’m glad to say I’m proud of myself for that because one other thing I struggled with the most was, well expressing myself! It’s for that reason I started this blog in the first place so I could share whatever was in my heart and mind to share, even when I did withhold certain things, I still made sure I at least tried saying what it was I wanted the best way I knew how at the time.

Which again was very hard for me to do, but I knew that in some way I could do it in written because, writing for me has always been my outlet for saying things I didn’t have enough confidence to say out loud and why you may ask or wonder, well I just felt like, whenever I did express myself….I didn’t feel like I was being truly listened to or understood the way I wanted to be understood, plus there would always be some kind of issue when I did say something I truly felt…..so I just didn’t bother.

However when I do end up expressing myself to people, it’s because I trust them and know that with those people I don’t have to worry about feeling as though I’m not being understood properly, because their willing to take the time to listen and not just hear their own voice you know what I mean!? Maybe down the line, I will share a lot of my story, but I’ll do that when I feel ready.

In the meantime, I’m okay with getting more comfortable with being more open to say what it is I feel I need to say, but to bring everything back in a circle, because that’s something I’m oddly good at, getting back on track after I’ve gone off a bit haha……Streaming has been a whole new experience and whole new way of expressing, only difference is, I get to play my favorite game while meeting new people who also share an interest in that same game as me, which is both amazing and beautiful!

I was actually telling my partner that the other day, where I do my usual and just chat non stop on something that I’m excited about, but don’t worry he’s used to it and doesn’t mind, which I love! Even when I know I can be very chatty at times and somewhat difficult…..he’s always shown a lot of patience for me and accepts me just the way I am! Not only that, but he’s one of the people in my life that has been a big part of how much I’ve grown as a person and for that I’m always grateful for him!

I do also want to take a moment to thank a special friend that I actually just made, another streaming buddy who actually inspired me to write this post today, he reminded me to never stop expressing myself and by him saying that…it unlocked a new side of me, when it comes to stepping into myself more and for that, I just want to say how appreciative I am, it’s funny because he doesn’t even know he inspired me, thanks Dottie if you’re reading this!

Since we haven’t done one in a while, today’s creator spotlight is my streaming buddy Dottie: I definitely recommend checking out his streaming channel, he’s a funny one, I don’t remember what he said his streaming schedule is even though he said it yesterday whoops, all I know is he streams more days then me haha, but if you’re curious and what to check out what he’s playing on his streams when he’s live, you can find it here: DottieDotDot

Anyone who is curious and checks his channel out, I think you’ll like his energy and you’ll have a good time aswell, if you enjoy video games and chatting that is (not that you have to chat)

As for my channel, if anyone is curious on what I stream or would like to come on by and say hi, you can find me here: TheWanderingDaydreamer like I said earlier in this post, I only have 1 set day of streaming for right now, which is Fridays, usually around the same time which would be 1pm-ish, my time….I’ve been doing pretty good at staying on top of streaming Friday’s unless something comes up of course, but 9/10 you can catch me live streaming on that day!

I do randomly add in other days when I feel I want to stream, so far, every other Wednesday and Thursday have been where I find I’m streaming the most between the two, but it’s not always those days, I have yet to figure out which other days I like best, so only Fridays for the time being! Currently I’m only playing Animal Crossing, but I do plan to switch things up along the way and add in new games, but yeah if your curiousity is too much to handle, stop on by and say hi if you like! Well that’s my self promotion of the day, I think it’s time I wrap up this blog post…hope you all have a good rest of your day and thank you for reading if you did!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

4 Years Of Sharing My Thoughts!

Gooooood morning, everybody! I hope you all are having a good Monday and the days treating you well, we’re nearly half way through this month, talk about what the heck am I right!? It’s a bit of an early morning for me, not super early, it’s around 9am currently as i’m writing this! I know it’s been a while since I’ve written anything lately, I’ve been meaning to do some writing, but I haven’t really gotten around to it, I try not to rush/force when it’s time to write because for me it doesn’t really work all that well!

I know some people are really good at forcing themselves to write even if they aren’t quite feeling it and hey that’s great, because it just shows how good they are at honing their craft and creativity even when pressure rises, i’d like to say I am good at doing that myself, but that wouldn’t be true, I don’t do too well under pressure, I do my best at handling it to a certain extent, but me and pressure don’t really see the same side of the painting, which is fine, everyone is different!

Anyway there’s a couple of things I wanted to express on today, possibly at least, the main reason to why I decided to take the time to write today is…..well it was on this day, that I went ahead and created this blog! I know quite surprising…..honestly it feels longer than 4 years, which is weird to think about! A lot has changed for the most part since I created this blog, when I first started I tried to write as much as possible on here and I found that I enjoyed it and at point I thought, “hey I finally found what I am good at” fast forward 4 years today and you’ll find out that I don’t quite have that same thought process now!

I’m not saying that my thoughts of it have changed completely, I do still enjoy writing, I mean it’s pretty much in me to write, always has been since I was young, but from when I first started where I would constantly write to nowadays, i’m finding myself on cruise mode with it! Instead of feeling like I need write something everyday, to the point where I would stress myself out about it sometimes, I write when it feels right to me if that makes sense!?

I’ve been down a very interesting path that I can’t quite explain, there’s moments where you think you got it and then out of nowhere, you find that you’ve gone ahead and gotten yourself lost again somehow or just happened to wander off because something caught your eye to the point where you felt the need to check it out because curiosity, you know that kind of thing! So blogging these days have sorta been…..around the area, but not exactly near the area…..it doesn’t mean I don’t write anymore, I do, but a lot of my writing has become personal, sometimes I share them and depending on how personal it actually is will determind whether people are able to read it or will be unable to see it because it’s privately posted and only those I want to read it will read it!

There’s parts of me I’m open to share, but there’s also parts of me that I’d like to keep personal and I’d like to think that it’s okay because everyone has a right to what they want to share and what they want to keep to themselves! That being said, I personally didn’t think I would last this long blogging in all honestly, I’ve had moments to where I thought about….I don’t want to say quitting, but more on not wanting to write at all on here, but then I thought I don’t know how to not do that, so instead of leaving this blog behind,

I felt that it’s okay if I’m not always in the mood to write….because anybody who is naturally creative and who gravitates to things that allow them to be who they are and share what’s inside in someway…..they too have moments of ups and downs with their creativity, it doesn’t mean they don’t love it, it’s just part of the process of being creative, if you don’t have those moments of doubt, of not feeling motivated or just burnt out and uninspired then you’re not really experiencing the true journey of creativity!

We need to understand that we’re not always going to have all these ideas right away, it’s important to wander off sometimes so that you can return refresh and ready to go, being excited and not really knowing what it is you’re going to do next, it’s also good to discover different kind of things too that can help your creativity grow and feel like it’s getting the best energy of it’s life as well as allowing yourself to grow and evolve in ways that you never thought or imagined possible, so it’s because of that knowing inside of me that I don’t really stress much about feeling the need to write and only doing it when I feel it to be of some kind of importance or if I feel it’s going to help me grow better as a person!

I’m not perfect, no one is to be fair, but I do my best with what I know and even when I don’t know, I still try my best to understand whatever it is that I’m learning and to take it in the best way I’m able to and when I feel like I’m getting the hang of it, that’s when I will take it and try to make it into my own little thing! I know that there are other things that I wanted to say, but I feel like it would be more appropriate to write in a whole new post, I say that because it’s something that I recently started and I really want to share what it is, but I think it would be better to share it seperately…..that’s everything I have to say for now, I’ll try and write on what else I wanted to share later on today, in the meantime, I hope you all enjoy the rest of your day!

By the way, for anyone who happens to come across this blog and go out of their way to share their support in whatever way that is, I just want to say thank you sooo much!! It really does mean a lot knowing that what I write, people are enjoying themselves and that also goes big time to those who have been with me on my blogging journey from the beginning/middle up until now, I can’t express how much that means and if ever I wrote something that helped someone in anyway……then I’m happy! Take care and I hope you have a good one ^_^

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Don’t You Ever Grow Up….

There comes a day when you start to realize just how quickly everything goes….at first you don’t really think all that much about it, until that wave of realism comes rushing over you. At times it can be extremely overwhelming and hard to grasp, but the more you go about it, the less anxious it gets, sometimes it can make you feel a bit more anxious then what you thought….but it’s important to find some kind of grounding with those kind of moments and try to push through them!

This journey that we’re all on, although very much different, is still quite the same….what I mean by that is for one, we all have some kind of challenges to face, we have to get over bumps to be able to head towards where we’re going and many other things….one thing for sure though…..we’re all just a little or very much scared with each unknown thing that we come across! It’s not until we actually face those uncertain moments that we become less worried about them!

When we’re kids, there’s not really much to worry about is there!? At least for us kids, it’s the parents that do all the worrying, while we’re being quite the curious beings we are, trying to explore all that’s around us…..once we become teenages well that’s where all the challenges come in and where we start to discover who we are just a little bit more….some of us become trouble makers and some may still be trying to find their own voice! I won’t tell you which one I was, although you can probably guess….if you took a guess and said troublemaker well you would be somewhat correct, but more opposite based then what it may seem.

I enjoyed testing people as a kid and if I didn’t like something I would have no problem saying it…..I was a lot tougher and outspoken as a kid more than as a teen……I was what you would call the quiet kid during my teenage years, especially in high school, you would think that, it’d be the other way around, but no…..I didn’t really step out of comfort much during the higher level that life had going for me then…..I became what everyone loves to be (sarcastically speaking) a people pleaser…..to keep the story short…..it took a very long time to get myself out of that!

When I say a long time, let’s just say it wasn’t until recently that, I let that side of me go….well most it at least and when I say recently I mean about…..2 years ago…..it may seem long and yeah it is, but at the same time no it’s not! I’m 27 now and to quote one of my all time favorite artists Alexz Johnson and her song Aftermath “Who I was back then I barely recognize her” which is the truth, right now at this moment….I never thought I would be where I’m currently at now in a more, as a person kind of base, as well as a bit of surroundings!

There are days where I will randomly sit with myself and take everything in and even though I know i’ve gone through it…I still get a bit surprised on how much I’ve transformed as a person and for me it’s a little hard to believe sometimes! There’s still stuff that I know will eventually be improve on, but to collect on everything so far, it’s a little of a wow moment….it may not be a lot to you, but for me it’s a lot….but that’s what growth does to all of us…..we don’t realize certain aspects to ourselves until it sorta hits us in the face and at that point, you have no choice, but to really look at it for a second, to look at yourself and all that you’ve overcomed, each and every challenge that you didn’t think you would possibly get through!

Mind the fears and anxieties of those particular moments and not realize through everything you did eventually get through them, there may have been a lot of ups and downs, hard turns, feeling like you’re going in some kind of loop and let’s not pretend that, there weren’t a couple crashes in those times as well…..we’ve all felt like we hit a dead end and just when that hope and wonder of not knowing whether you’d get out or not, enters your mind…..there would always be that one thing, that made you feel like “I can’t give up…I need to keep going” we might’ve not known where you were going, but you had something in your heart and deep down where you knew….the more you went you would be alright!

We always know the way….even when we think we don’t, it’s always important that we take a moment to listen to our hearts as well as intuition…..it can be hard though because sometimes we do fight with ourselves about what it we actually feel, but even if we aren’t exactly sure in the moment….all we have to do is just go with the next best thing that feels right and makes sense to us…..it may not make sense to everyone else, including those close to you, but honestly the only person it needs to make sense to is you…..no one is really going to truly understand the jouney you go on or that I go on, because it’s not their journey it’s yours, it’s mine, it’s ours as a collective, we’re all experiencing things differently and the older that we get….it can become more difficult to choose the right direction.

Here’s the thing though, there’s really no wrong way of doing things…..if you feel it to be right then it is, who cares if people don’t see it the same way, if it really wasn’t going to be the best for you…..you would know and you’d be told in some way, but you’re not ever going to truly know if you don’t take the chance in finding out! You can be scared and nervous, but don’t ever let it stop you, you got to go for what it is you believe in, because that’s where you will see how much growth you’re going to get from it. You don’t need to feel like you can’t because of whatever or you feel it’s going to upset people….as hard and frightening it is to grow up a bit….it is absolutely necessary especially when you know you want it!

You want to be able to say you tried everything and learned a whole lot from it, all while also saying “I discovered this and I love it” or “Yeah I’ve seen this and even gave it go….it wasn’t my favorite thing, but it was alright” take that in whatever context you want, however I mean it more in a sense of, experiencing all that you have yet to see and would like to see, but not being afraid to step out of comfort, those kind of things! Channel into your kid energy, which by the way is always there, you just have to allow yourself to bring it out at times, but when it comes to curiosity and fearlessness that’s where it can really help guide you!

Just bare in mind that, there will be unexpected and uncomfortable situations that you’ll have to go through and that’s okay! You may not enjoy the things you came across along the way fully, but you’ll still learn something from it and hey even with those not so great moments, there is still something great within them….but a lot of the time, they show themselves when you’re not really paying attention, so if you want to catch them just be aware and stay open to the possibilities!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Friday Moods

Happy Friday! I hope everyone has been well and that you’ve been enjoying the new month! I’m a little surprised knowing that we’re in June now, normally when a new month rolls around I just accept that it’s here and leave it be, but we’re really in the month of June…..and we’re at the second week of it at that…..It’s a little weird because it sorta feels like mid June then beginning of it, which technically we are nearing the middle of June so i’m not too far off with how this month is feeling.

We’ve come to another end of the week, part of it went pretty quickly, honestly I think the only day that felt very long was Tuesday other than that, this week pretty much flew by, maybe it’s just me, I don’t know the second week of June has felt somewhat weird, not in a bad way, but it did feel weird. You know i’m just going to be honest here, I’m not really sure what exactly I’m trying to write here in this post…..I felt the need to write something, however I don’t necessarily know what I was feeling to write, so there’s a good chance that this post won’t really be that long, sorry about that….I’m not going to count this one as my monthly chat where I express how the month as been and how it’s going, if I am to be honest….I sorta woke up feeling….how to express it!?

Maybe a little unmotivated as well as not even sure what I’m feeling to be fair, sometimes I’ll just have random moments where I don’t feel like I’m there, like I know what I’m doing and I can see myself doing certain things, but I’m just not 100 percent there and when I run into those kind of days, I try to figure out what it is that I’m feeling and sometimes I can pin point it a little, but there’s other days where I find myself having somewhat of a hard time figuring it out! I’m not exactly sad and I’m not angry, but I’m also not quite up there energy wise…..

If I had to give it a percetage, I would say….45/50 ish percent on the mood scale, I feel fine, but not fine! I don’t usually express on my moods honestly like that, but I’m hoping that it’s okay to feel that way and be open about it….I’d say that it’s okay that I am feeling that way, because as human beings we don’t always allow ourselves to feel the things that we’re feeling in the moment, especially when we know we aren’t feeling the greatest or we’re not exactly feeling like ourselves and maybe that’s why we give ourselves a hard time, we’re always trying to push those unwanted feeling away and just pretend that we’re okay when we know that we’re not really doing okay and it’s completely alright to not feel 100 percent all the time!

At the end of the day, we’re all human, we all feel and sometimes our moods are just not there and that’s okay, we need those not so great days in order to continue to be our best selves, it’s not always the good moments that allows us to be who we are, it’s important that we have crappy/shitty days, we need to feel those things in order to grow, without those not so great days we wouldn’t be 100 percent us, we’d only be half of that, it takes a lot of strength to be honest about how you’re really feeling even if you aren’t feeling great, now you don’t need to say it out loud, but it is important that you at least acknowledge your emotions, especially when you don’t want to, because when you find yourself not wanting to be bothered with your own thoughts and feelings that’s when you should check in the most!

Again you don’t have to express it out loud if you don’t feel like you want to, but just identify it, see it, feel it and allow them to be! If you want to express those feelings you can, only you will know whether you feel like letting it out or not, but if you don’t know that it’s okay too, when you’re ready you will, but don’t push them away from yourself if you need a moment, be sure to take that moment and remember that this too shall past and eventually you’ll start feeling okay!

I honestly didn’t expect to write this much, I really believed it was going to be a short one, but apparently I needed to say this….so if by any chance someone right now happens to come across this post and you find any of this helpful, I’m glad to hear it! I hope that you’re doing alright and enjoying this Friday and if you’re not I hope that you have a well deserved relaxed weekend and I really hope this upcoming week is a little better for you! Take care ^_^

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

The Heat & Rain Of May….(Monthly Talks)

Happy Sunday! As you may all already know, we’ve come to the last 2 days of the month of May and boy have a lot of things been happening this month, I’d like to say that, it’s been more eventful during the months of May then the other months that have gone by, but then again, every month has it’s moments, don’t you think!? I’m now 27 thanks to May and no my birthday is not today, it was earlier into the month, I don’t normally speak on when my birthday arrives, because I just don’t like to, let’s just say I’m not one to like too much spotlight on me!

I’d like to think my birthday was somewhat decent this year, I didn’t really do too much, but I did sorta enjoy myself leading up to my birthday…..I was kind of nervous and then it came and yeah I didn’t know what to feel, if i’m being honest I still don’t know what to feel…..it’s a little hard to believe that I’m already 27, but we all know that eventually we’ll just keep getting older even when we don’t actually feel it! If anyone is even curious at all to what I think, I feel that this month has taught me a lot, to explain it would be very difficult on my part, but if I had to try and put it into words the best way that I can…..one of the things May has had me really look at is, how ready you actually are, plus really seeing the kind of growth and transformation one has made…..

Does any of that makes sense!? I’m not sure, but I did say I would try and explain it the best way I could didn’t I, well that’s my way of explaining it, I felt a lot of emotions this month and excuse me for a moment because I’m going to do something I never actually do too often and that’s being honest with you all…..I like to keep my emotions and thoughts to myself usually because to express them out loud, is not only very and extremely difficult for me, but you might as well knowing everything about me! You see if I were to just say everything that’s in my heart and in my head….I think I would be in a lot of trouble because I know that there would be a hand full of people that would not be happy with me…

So as much as I struggle to keep everything under control and away from the mic when asked what it is you feel….I do my best to swallow all those things and keep them from escaping my mouth because I don’t know how else to do it, but I’d like to think I’ve improved at making people believe that it’s all good under the surface, but I’m also a little aware that people aren’t stupid and if my hunch is right then their able to sense something within me that I’m not saying, but are kind enough to not ask me unless I feel the need to want to talk about these things….little do they know, I’ll never be the one to go up to them and just say what it is i’m feeling.

It’s not something most people would admit, but it’s the truth…..the only way you’re going to get me to say what I’m thinking is knowing me extremely well, but take what I just said there with a pinch of salt because even though there are very few and I mean it very few that I can sit and genuinely speak to about my feelings without judgement or worry, I still won’t express myself to just anyone, not my family and sometimes not even my best friend and she’s my best friend….but I don’t like to talk about my feelings so I keep them to myself…..there’s only 1 person whose able to get me to say what I need to say without fail and that’s only because eventually I just tell on myself and let it out, but if I can help it….I won’t say a word!

I always feel whenever I do express myself, I wish I hadn’t, my emotions get too much for me and so when I am being honest about my feelings, it makes me feel as though it’s too much for other people and then I get upset with myself where I’m always thinking “I always say too much or write too much” and then I wish I could just take everything back into a vaccuum (or hoover is some places) it’s already hard for me to want to be open with some people and so when I do I always want to feel that it means something and is being understood properly and that I’m not just talking a load of rubbish shit and things like that…..but another thing that I’ve really tried soaking in this month is that, there are things that you have to be brave enough to say by yourself even if you find it hard to say out loud, you still should say it in the ways you do feel comfortable!

I know I’ve not written a lot these days and that’s because I was trying to challenge myself a bit, see if I could be open about specifics with just saying it, not by writing, but by actually saying it….spoiler…..it’s not really been vocalized too much and whenever I felt I failed to speak it out loud, I would get frustrated with myself because I would find myself going for it, but would hold back so I didn’t….however with every non vocal words….i’d force myself to write about it even when I didn’t want to….I felt like if I didn’t I was going to become angry with myself, due to the fact that I was holding it in.

It took a minute before I realized that, just because I can’t say it out loud just yet, doesn’t mean that I need to get upset with myself, I had to give permission and be okay with the fact that I use writing as a way of expressing what I have hard time saying out loud, not that I didn’t already know that, I mean it’s the reason I started this blog in the first place I needed something so I didn’t feel like I was holding everything in, so if writing is my way, then I have to accept that and remember it helps me to get my real feelings out, at the end of the day, I still try and so the more I try, the better I know I’ll become!

This month has also given me insight of what happens when you continue to hold yourself and take it from me if you can help it….do NOT wait too long….if you have something in your heart and on your mind constantly, don’t about too much, just go for it…..the longer you wait the more likely you are to lose it….I might’ve risked something extremely important to me and the fact that I always take forever on everything is one of my traits that I absolutely, I won’t say hate because that’s a strong word, even though I just kind of said it, but it’s one I really don’t like….although I understand…..it really does bother me….but the way I need to look at it is,

That part of it is done and has been like it for a while, but just because 1 road closes, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t other back ways to take….so I need to be brave enough to go a different route, I’m not going to give up and although I know I haven’t been given up on…..I still feel like it’s my job to really do something this time around and not wait anymore, so however it’s going to play out….I need to allow it, because if I want to get there, no amount of words is going to get you there…..you have to be willing to really go for it, even if it does leave people upset with you, life doesn’t wait, so you have to not be scared to do what it is you want, you have to show yourself that you can do it and that you will, otherwise you’re going to be there waiting forever!

So I just hope that I didn’t lose that chance to proving myself and going after something that’s important to me, other then that, that’s everything I needed to say for this month….hopefully you all had a good month to May!

All The Love ❤ ❤ ❤

Lexa

Early Morning Thoughts….

Well it’s about 4am at the current moment, yeah I’m not really sure why i’m up so early either…..I’ve tried going back to sleep, but I haven’t had much luck so here I am writing a post this early in the morning! Hope everyone’s morning is going well so far, I know it’s been a bit of a while since I went ahead and wrote anything….I’ll be honest I haven’t really felt the need to write, lately I’ve only been writing every now and again. I guess that’s just where I’m at currently just writing every now and again, when I started this blog, it was because I felt I didn’t really have much of a voice, I was having a very hard time expressing myself out loud vocally

It was thanks to a very good friend of mine where I found out about WordPress, she helped me set it up and everything and from there I now had a place to express myself freely in anyway I liked and saw fit, plus I always used to write anyway just in a journal, I never really thought to express my feelings using a blog site before, but after learning about it, I started writing to help me get my feelings out that were hard for me to express naturally! It’s coming to 4 years of creating this blog and although I don’t write as much to when I first started, I still hold a very big fondness of the site I created….I know it probably sounds weird that I’m speaking about this especically so early in the morning, let alone randomly, but I’m hoping that you understand regardless!!

I’m always writing, even when I’m not writing if that makes sense!? No matter where I am or where I go I tend to have some kind of journal on me, I may not write in it all the time, but I know that if I were to need it, all I have to do is go into my back and jot down a few things and then some….but I should try and be honest and say that I do sometimes get tired of writing and when I say it like that I don’t mean it in a bad way, I’m not saying I don’t ever want to write again….I just for one know myself very well and I know that me not writing just won’t happen, but sometimes I write a lot, like more than I expect sometimes and although I’m always amazed by how much I get out that way…..

I just would like to be able to show myself more and be okay with expressing it vocally without feeling like I’m going to say the wrong thing or just not have that same confidence that I do when I am writing, I really don’t like having to be afraid of saying what it is that is on my mind and hoping that when I’m expressing it, I’m not sitting there wondering to myself “is it going to be understood, will I say it the same way I’m thinking it!?” because I always know that it’s not going to come out the same, it always comes out a totally different way and having to explain what I actually mean to certain people, just….raises my Anxiety and stress levels up, I try not to be that way at times, but sometimes it’s a little impossible especially when you’re someone with a lot of patience who does their best to make sure they’re really understanding people and what their feelings!

That all being said however, as much as I may not want it to be sometimes, writing is my way of expressing myself clearly without much worry, even when I’m afraid to say things….it always shows patience with me as weird as it is to say, but it’s the truth! If were to tell you the many times I was terrified of writing things down, always getting myself anxious and stressed out because I didn’t know where to start, but eventually something would come out and I would just follow it from there, I know I’ve improved in being more open when I speak,

but I also know that I still struggle to get my true feeling inside out, especially when I need it to count most and that’s what where I need to build my courage towards standing up for the things I feel strongly about regardless to how it gets interpreted and if I have to write it down just to get it out there, then I need to not be afraid of using what works to my adventage when I feel myself struggling the most to get it out vocally…..it will always leave me emotional, for different reasons 1. because of how easily frustrated I get with myself and 2. because I know that once I do get out what it is I need to get out, that I am going to feel loads better about it and say “see it wasn’t so bad….sorta” right after i’ve given myself so much headaches about it!

It can be a lot to deal with sometimes, but I know that the only way things move forward is by trying even when it seems hard, I always feel the need to say something, but never do because I hold myself back a lot, I know I’ve evolved a lot from before, it’s just putting those things into orbit that I have trouble with, oh and in case it wasn’t clear….this is me also apologizing for not writing in a while, even though I did say that my writing was slowing down and that I wouldn’t be writing as much, but still I always feel I should at least write sometimes….but I’m giving myself permission to be okay with writing when I feel it to be necessary,

We’re all human and we shouldn’t put ourselves in a tight hold so much, but anyway it’s almost 5:30am as I wrap up this post, I’m going to try and get a bit more rest, I’ve only slept 4 hours, I’ll be missing the sunrise, but that’s okay I’ve seen half of it, hope you guys have a good rest of the day, take care and stay safe!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Levels Of Growth

Maaan has it been a while since my last post, it’s not yet been a month, but it’s been a while! Honestly I’ve wanting to write something for the longest, yet nothing ever sparked my interest enough to say “yeah this might be a good thing to talk about” We’re already in the middle of April and each day that came by I would just say to myself, I haven’t written not one thing this month and maybe that’s alright, but to me I just felt like What is going on there!? Today however, I feel a little bit inspired to write so I shall take whatever this inspiration is and do my best to just go with it! It feels good to write something that I can share after a long while….

Now before we continue on, I just want to say that I have been writing this month, I just haven’t written anything to share, my writing have been more personal based these days, I guess that’s just where I’m at currently, which I know isn’t a bad thing, but still I have been wanting to share something and I guess that’s where this post comes in! As you can see I’ve titled this post levels of growth, why exactly? That’s a good question, let’s just say it was something that felt right to title here…..growth is a significant thing that we all experience in our lifetime constantly, be it a small growth or a really big way of transforming…sometimes we can see it pretty clear and sometimes we don’t always know when the next transformation will be….we can sense it and feel it coming, but we don’t always know, but that’s the beauty of it yeah!?

Life has many ways of challenging you, as well putting you in a postition of what you feel to be the best way to grow and trive, but it doesn’t mean that it’s entirely easy…..it can be as simple as choosing your favorite game to play or what kind of snack you’re in the mood for, I know pretty weird seeing it that way, but what I mean by that is life is that simple most times, it’s just other things that can make it seem difficult! When you look at the word Growth on it’s own, it makes you feel something doesn’t it? You know it’s got an importantance to it, yet the word looks simple, it doesn’t really look all that intimidating when you’re just reading the word….but the feel and experience that comes with it can be quite frightening when you’re looking at it more deeply.

It’s like when admiring a flower, you wouldn’t think they’re able to harm you, but look at roses, although they’re very beautiful to look at, you got to be careful when picking them, because they hold thorns….if you look at cacti you know not to touch them because you can see all the little needles it’s got, but even with knowing that people like to have them as plants and then there’s the Aloe plant although it’s got healing abilities, it too has it’s own thorns/needles, if you really think about though, the Aloe plant kind of has an accidental proneness connected to it, I say that beacause even when it hurts you, it’s character speaks loud without actually talking and it let’s you know “Oh i’m sorry, didn’t mean to hurt you, here let me help you”

I know this is probably getting off track, I was trying to make a point where I explain how just like some flowers have a bit a gray area, so does growth, I don’t know if I tied it in nicely enough, but hopefully it makes some kind sense! Anyway back to what I was saying….we all experience growth differently and sometimes it can be hard to embrace different levels of it, due to the fact that it can require a lot of braveness, courage and strength to help unlock that next transformation that we’re needing and majority of the time, however you feel yourself growing and changing, it’s not always going to be ideal for others, even those who are close to you….

You see for some, even when you are putting it out there how much you’ve progressed and evolved, sometimes it doesn’t get taken seriously and it can get very frustrating, because although your doing your best to show and let people know who you are and who you kind of always been deep down…..it can feel like they’re not really seeing you the way you’re wanting them to and are still sorta treating you the same, even when you know you’ve grown from that point. There’s going to come a moment where you know that, even though you may not want to, you’re going to have to do something so out of character where they have no choice, but to notice and really get them to see and think to themeselves “this is not the same person that I know”

After the reactions, you will probably most definitely feel a bit of a shift following that experience and to be honest there’s probably going to be some hurt involved and that’s going to probably hurt you, but with growth, you have to be strong and brave, you have to hold that courage inside otherwise what was it for!? If you want people to start seeing YOU and taking you more seriously…..you can’t be afraid to push back! Now even if you happen to leave someone hurt….don’t see it as an automatic negative experience, growth comes in many forms and although we all like life to be smooth sailing…..it’s not always going to be like that, there will be moments where you have to choose the road that involves a bit more…..deep breathing to get through and you will have to make a choice!

We always hear, take the road less traveled and I’m starting to realize and understand that, the road less traveled gives you the most experiences and how you choose to travel through it really comes down to what you feel inside and what your inner compass/heart is leading you toward….so if you feel you want to go a specific way, but you have people telling you to do it a certain way, you have to go with your own feelings, because at the end of the day….it’s your journey, we all share life, but we all have our way of living it, so if you feel strongly about something and you want to do it…..do it…..even if it requires you to go into the unknown of it and it may upset people, we shouldn’t have to feel like we can’t do something because it’ll make someone upset!

Sometimes we can get caught up in what others are saying, that we forget we have our own voice too and we don’t have to always go by what they say, if they can’t support you in the journey you choose for yourself then you have to know that it’s not on you to make them understand, cause they’re either going to understand by you be honest and letting them know right away or by you saying I’m going to do it anyway whether you like it or not and who knows maybe you’ll get the combination which can be more challenging and if you do get them both, it just shows you got more edge to you and your a badass kind of person!

Whatever is in your heart to do, please don’t hold yourself back, growth is scary, yes, but it’s also necessary for you to grow into the person you feel yourself to be….so with all that said, I shall leave you all with a quote, one of my favorites actually ^_^

“Don’t Hold Back, For Anyone…..The Further You Go, The Prouder I’ll Be”

Ming-Turning Red

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

You Can’t Hide From Yourself….

Let’s just get it off our chest, we’re uncomfortable…..we don’t like it and we want it to stop, buut it’s not going to is it!? As humans we always think we can escape our own uncomfortability, but the one person that you’re unable to get away from is yourself so what exactly are you doing!? You want to know why I’m uncomfortable!? Well, I’ll try to explain it in a way that, hopefully doesn’t reveal to many personal details, but to keep a long story short….I’m uncomfortable with the fact that, when I’m thinking about something that I know I want to do I will take FOREVER just to decide on it, even when I know I want to do it….

However, one thing about me that I know is my least favorite trait to my personality is…..I’m always siking myself out of things or I overthink it too much to where I already know it frustrates those around me, they don’t have to say it to me because I can feel it and by knowing that, it’ll brings me more stress and frustration because you know the reason you feel like that is due to the fact that you’re afraid to let people down, which wait for it…..adds MORE stress because you’re also fighting with yourself thinking “Why are you worrying about everyone else!?”

Asking yourself that question then just makes you want to scream because although you know why you worry, part of you just wish you didn’t worry or care so much about these things…..and all of that starts mixing together because you could never put you, nor your needs and wants first, leaving you to feel a little upset with yourself, where you’re just like “You always worry about other people and how they’re going to feel” although there’s nothing wrong with caring about others and wanting to make sure they’re going to be okay….

You as person also have to know when it’s time to say “I love you, but no” and be okay with choosing to honor yourself and the things you want to go after! That being said, we also have to live and embrace the uncomfortability of it all!! No matter what we do, we will always be uncomfortable, there’s no way of escaping it, we live to experience, we live to discover and to be amazed along with all the other emotions and feelings we go through within our journey here!

We have to be uncomfortable in order to know what we’re comfortable with, once that’s discovered, we then find and learn what our comfortablities are and how to embrace them along with the uncomfortable! It’s not something we have to necessarily like feeling, but it is something we have to accept whether we want to or not! We have to be okay with the shadow parts of ourselves…..if you really think about it, we’re practically yin and yang inside, we all have the light part of us and the dark part, if we are always leaning towards the light and pushing the dark away, we’re not really giving ourselves the chance to truly experience who we are all the way around…..which isn’t fair!

Just because something is dark doesn’t mean that there isn’t any goodness to it! I may have said this before already, but we all know how diamonds are formed, they go through a lot of pressure before turning into something beautiful!! Amethyst forms from volcantic lava and pearls can be found within oysters, before stones become stones they have to go through some kind of dark experience themselves before we get to see the true beauty of them…..it’s never easy when you feel like every wall is caving in on you or where things are just not going well whatsoever, BUT it’s important to be aware that, all of it is necessary and instead of seeing it as a negative experience automatically, we have to understand that, it happens because we’re evolving and we need it in order for our growth to thrive and for us to continue to be the best versions of ourselves that we already are wheher we see it or not!

We can’t have the good without the bad, even if we prefer it better, the more we try to resist the uncomfortable the more worst and uncomfortable it’s going to get, so allow it, accept it and be okay with it, you don’t have to love it, but honestly who loves being uncomfortable!? Allow the transformation that you’re going to be experiencing to unfold and happen and be amazed at what you see!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

On The Horizons Of Spring (Happy Birthday Animal Crossing: New Horizons)

Good Afternoon, now before we get into the post, I just want to say that I’ve broken my own streak of only sharing post on Tuesdays this month, which actually happened unexpectedly, don’t ask why I’ve only been posting on Tuesdays, because honestly, I didn’t even notice myself until I shared last weeks post and saw the calender to all my postings this month, I guess Tuesdays were the days for March! The only reason I’m choosing to break my own streak is for two reasons….

1. To welcome the new season that we all know as Spring, my birth season as well and also to wish one of my all time favorite games a big happy birthday, for those that may not be aware, today marks 2 years that Animal Crossing: New Horizons made it’s debut after so many years of not having a main console game since New Leaf, I will always remember the unexpected announcement that we got when the trailer of New Horizons was revealed, oh was it an exciting feeling, just knowing that we were going to be getting a new game, although we had to wait another year for it when originally told it we would be getting it in 2019….it was defintiely worth the wait when the trailer showed March 20th 2020 and honestly it couldn’t have come at a better time as well!!

As we’re all very much aware 2020 was quite the year and not in the best of ways clearly with the whole start of the pandemic and having to go into lockdown, we don’t need to talk to much about it, but just the fact that, while all that was happening, New Horizons was the game that pretty much saved and helped a lot of people’s mental state and anxieties during those hard stressful times…..2020 was and let’s be honest, it was a quite shit year and for someone who doesn’t really swear much unless I feels the need to let emotions out strongly, although I always say the same 2-3 swear words all the time, me saying it that way really says it all when it comes to 2020….

it really wasn’t a great year, but despite that being said, there were some things within that year to help us cope and take our minds off things for a while and one of the big things to do that was the release of this game! Most of you who come across my posts already know how much Animal Crossing means to me, no matter how many times I try to explain my love for the series, I don’t think I’ll ever really be able to express it the exact way I feel it! On surface it doesn’t really look like the most appealing game, but there’s more to this game then I’m able to truly explain, but for those that do play it and see it the way I see it….

You guys are the ones that know exactly what I mean, Animal Crossing has always been the kind of game that is hard to explain and when trying to explain it, it always sorta feels weird, but one thing I’ve realized is that when you love something so much that you can’t even begin to explain, but you express so much passion for it and you know it shows, you find you don’t even need to try to explain it because it just naturally flows out of you so by sharing the things you love and that are of interest to you, you’re bound to get others to be interested and inspired to look into it and try it for themeselves even and that could be with anything really….

For me though it always starts with Animal Crossing, because I just love that game so much and I’m not just talking about New Horizons, but just the series in general! That being said the fact that New Horizons is 2 years old today and that it literally was released the same day that we enter the season of Spring….well that for one says a WHOLE lot on it’s own, not only did it arrive within a new season, but it also came into light when everyone needed it the most, call it “Perfect timing” if you like or “Coincidence” if you want, although I like to believe that there are no such thing as coincidences, that’s just me though!

To wrap it all up….like I said this game could not have arrived at a better time, it really gave people something to not only enjoy, but to help give light and hope during times of uncertainty and it’s for that reason, apart from loving the game as a whole why I want to wish Animal Crossing: New Horizons both a Happy Birthday and 2 year anniversary thank you for bringing hope to everyone that needed it at the time and continuing to be a game that people enjoy today!! I know this ones a short one, but in all honestly, I wasn’t expecting to write today, I thought about it, but I didn’t quite have anything in mind to write about, but I knew today was the 2 year anniversary of New Horizons so I thought why not!?

Hope you all have been enjoying your weekend, take care, stay safe and have a good rest of the day!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Unlocking The Messages Within The Subconcious, In Other Words Dreams!

I’ve been having a lot of weird dreams lately these past few days, some of them feel a bit like nightmares with the nightmare feeling, some leave me so confused that I don’t even know how to word them when I try to look into them and the rest is just very hard to think about. I know people don’t really talk too much about dreams because maybe it’s a weird topic or you just can’t remember and if you do remember them, most people don’t really care to look into them, you’ll just say “well that was weird!?” and just go about the rest of your day!

I’m the kind of person where if I have a dream and I remember it vidly enough….I will look into it and even if I can’t quite remember it, but I feel like I did have a dream….I will sit there and try my best to remember it so I can try and figure out it’s meaning…..I know a lot of the time, my dreams do tell me things, it’s just trying to decipher what exactly those things are…..now some dreams have a way of projecting fear, even when you think you’ve put it in the back of your mind….just because you put it there, does not mean that it won’t show up in other ways and what I mean by that is a lot of what we feel and think stores itself within our subconcious minds when certain things haven’t quite been resolved!

Sometimes it’ll just be there when we’re wanting to remember a specific thing, other times it’ll just show us all the things we have yet to look at, people are always wondering why exactly we dream and it’s such an unclear question that not even scientists are able to give an actual fact to the reason of it, they can come up with different theories about it, but it’ll always be a question that’s up in the air!

I like to think that the reason for our dreams is it tells us what we need to know, but also what we may already know, it sounds a bit weird I know, but it does make sense, plus I feel you get more out of dreams then you may just trying to process thoughts and feelings in your waking state, we may try and decompress and relax, but whatever we have yet to get out of heads will always stay in our subconcious minds and a 9/10 of the time, those things will make their way into our dreams in many different shapes, forms, scenary….any way it sees fit that will allow us to really understand what it’s trying to tell us.

Even the people that show up in our dreams, sometimes they will just be there to act as filler, but most times they may even act as dream guides/regular guides to help us navigate easier when getting back into our waking lives, sometimes they may show up as a mentor or just a messager of some sort for you whenever you find yourself faced with a challenge or when you’re needing a little bit of help with a problem you’ve been having lately! We dream when we’ve not looked at something clearly, dreams form when there’s something we need to pay attention to, I’m sure there’s a lot of you out there wondering why you’ve been having the same dream non stop, if that is the case and you have been finding yourself dreaming of the same things for the past 3 days,

That’s a clear sign that there’s something in your waking life that needs your attention, it’s like going on an adventure or playing some kind of puzzle related game where you’re having to really think of what the next move is, where should the next piece of the puzzle go or observing around until you eventually find the hidden object that you’re having to look for! Sometimes it can be very confusing and overwhelming because when you think you’ve figured it out, there’s a whole new area that gets unlocked and now you’re having to figure that out…..I’ve had dreams tell me something ahead of time and then later have those things happen…..it’s not a constant thing, but it does happen sometimes and after I’ve seen them,

I think to myself “That’s what the dream was telling me” at the time I’d be very confused about why I had those dreams, whenever I do come across dreams like that though, I always wonder to myself if whether I should speak on them or just let them play out, a lot of the time I let them play out, but I also think “had I said something before on the message about this dream/situation, would it have changed the way everything is now!?”

Sometimes I feel like maybe yes, while other times I feel like it would’ve turned out the same either way, so I leave it alone…..dreams can tell you a lot of what may be going on all while giving you a few solutions to it, but only if you’re really paying attention, if you’re not there’s a chance you’ll miss a lot of things, sometimes it’s the small things within a dream that helps to unlock the bigger things that you may have an a problem with at first, but then just like magic it’s resolved!!

I know this is a bit of a weird post, but I just kind of felt I should write it, hope you all have a good rest of the day!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa