So it’s midnight, first day of October, goodness gracious did that go by quick…….I just wrote and reviewed one of my posts, that’s very long for those who happen to read it, sorry for the longness of it, I had a lot I needed to get out on a personal level, i’m sure you knew that if you did read it, it has a lot of feelings that I felt obviously not good ones, hopefully you just bypassed it, but i’m sure you didn’t, I was very nervous posting that.

I knew once I did, it was going to be there for everyone to read, but I wrote it for a reason, for someone specific and the only way I felt they’d possibly look at it is by posting it, I debated sharing it on my social medias because of how personal it was, I haven’t posted it on my social medias, it’ll be there here though, they say when you feel something, you have to let yourself feel it and be aware you’re feeling it and you have to ask yourself why you feel that way, I never ask myself why I feel a certain way, I just know i’m feeling it and when I feel it, I feel it really hard and I just let it out naturally.

If you read my last post you might be wondering what that was all about, i’d tell you, but you might already have it pieced together and if you don’t I wouldn’t want to share how it is because it’s very personal, not personal enough to write all that I did I know, but the writing and feeling behind it was just a little letter/message, remember when I said I have a hard time expressing how I actually feel, yeah out loud I can’t say how i’m feeling, to most people, I think it as loud as possible in my head, but never express it.

Writing helps me express those pent up emotions like that, I didn’t know what else to do, I just had a lot in my head and the first thing I did was grab my laptop, okay I grabbed my phone first, but when I realized I had a lot that wanted to come out, I grabbed my laptop and typed away, I sat with what I wrote for a bit, read it a few times, when I felt it was alright I posted it, I then started to panic a little and re looked at it, I took a few things out then changed some stuff and then updated it and then I sent it to the person I wrote it for after going over my head about whether it was a good idea or not, I still don’t know if it was, they might not even read it….I hope they do.

I’m really tired and it’s pretty much 1am already, I should sleep, but i’ve been having some trouble sleeping these past few days, so me sleeping now i’ll just end up tossing and turning and thinking too much, relaxing isn’t really my strong suit, you see, I try to, but i’m just not good at it.

It’s now 1am am as i’m writing this, I could sleep now, but the question is how long will it take me to sleep!? I hope what I wrote didn’t come off in a way that to how I tried to prevent it from coming out, if that makes any sense, these would be the thoughts that keep me up in the night. I just can’t help not thinking, when something goes off balance to me, everything is just off and it feels weird and although weird can be a good thing at times…..

The weird i’m talking about isn’t, it’s uncomfortable to where you just can’t sit still and you want the time to go by quickly, but it doesn’t and it drives you mad and you just don’t know what to do with yourself in that moment. I don’t have anything else to say, I think I said the last of what I wanted for now, so i’m going to try and get some sleep, I don’t know if i’ll be able to, but we’ll see, I let you know in my next post if I have anything good to write tomorrow now today, but anyway thanks for reading and listening if you did, you all have a good night or day since it’s morning already.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa