8am Chat……

Good morning everyone, right now it’s around 8:20 in the morning where I am right now, almost 8:30am by the time you see this it’ll probably be past 8, but i’ll try and get this to be up still around the morning time. I hope everyone’s doing alright and are doing their best to keep well, now i’m going to be honest, i’m not really doing the best right now, I didn’t really want to admit that, but it’s how i’m feeling so I feel I shouldn’t keep that in

I woke up a little too early this morning, about i’m going to say 7:30am, 7:40am around those times anyway, but I didn’t get up to about almost 8am…….with everything happening, there’s so much different emotions going around and a lot of people are stressing out, i’ve been trying to keep as calm as I can and stay low on the stress levels, sometimes they want to go high, but I try and keep them intact as best as possible, but I still have moments where I just don’t feel the best and my emotions start kicking in.

It’s funny though, because me and a friend of mine we’re talking yesterday about all of this stuff happening and were saying that even though theirs a lot of negative energy in terms of thoughts and emotions involving everything, we should try and look at the positives to it, now most would say there aren’t any, but there’s always a positive in something right!?

It’s just I guess it’s not easy to find one right now with all that’s going on, it’s kinda like spotting something that’s extra ordinary within a specific place and you see it and you’re so mesmerized by it, as you try and get closer a closer look at it, all these different things start happening all at once, but it’s still in your view to where you can see and just when you think you’ve caught a moment to get closer to it to where you’re almost able to grab it,

Everything just goes and starts back up again…….like seeing a very bright star in the sky in the night sky, you always feel you can grab it, even though it’s like a trillion miles away…..but maybe that’s the good thing to it, as long as it’s still in view, you’ve always got something to leave you feeling hopeful and with that, it lets you know that everything is going to be alright.

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Vividly Dreaming…..

We all have dreams, even though some of us don’t really tend to remember most of them, now you might be thinking, didn’t we talk about this before!? Possibly yes……okay yes we did, I did a recent video about it about last week or so, I was thinking of doing a video about it earlier, but I figured since I already did one it wouldn’t make sense, but maybe i’ll still do it, I feel like I didn’t quite say the things I wanted to quite the best in that one a little,

plus in this one, I would’ve spoken about an actual dream had or just vivid dreams in general……I mean have any of you ever had a dream where you remembered EVERYTHING that happened within it and if not EVERYTHING, most of it at least!?……Have you ever wondered after waking up from that said dream to what exactly it all meant and why you dreamt what you did!?

As we all know most of dreams, if we remember it, have a way of feeling very real sometimes, say for example, in the dream you’re having a conversation with someone on the phone, that conversation can really make you feel as if you actually spoke to whoever you spoke to in a phone conversation, I mean it’s not like you’re just talking into a phone,

You actually hear a voice on the other end, telling you things, expressing themselves……those moments can really leave you scratching your head sometimes…….you might even recognize the voice if you’re really paying attention, sometimes you won’t, sometimes the person speaking to you is someone you sorta know, but haven’t seen before properly……..

There could even be moments where when you’re having a conversation with them and they might start speaking in a whole different language in which you don’t really know that well or not at all even, it’s weird…….

You’re wanting to understand what their saying and there’s moments where you don’t, I know that’s a very specific example, reasoning for that is I had that kind of dream last night, where there was a phone conversation and at the end of that conversation the whole language changed, it went from normal to where I was understanding everything to the last few lines being said in like Spanish or something, it was weird…..

Besides that, dreams are quite something, most of us probably don’t think of dreams to be anything other then, some kind of entertainment or things that play in our heads while we’re sleeping, but dreams they’ve got a lot of hidden messages within them, it all just really comes down to whether we choose to pay attention to our dreams and what exactly they’re saying, in order to actually receive and know or at least get some kind of idea to what those hidden messages are, we may not know right away, but it’s always good to look into them just to see if, maybe we’re missing something.

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Hope You Don’t Mind Me Checking In…..

Hey……i’m not really sure how to start this conversation or slight conversation, i’m just checking in, I hope all is well and that your day was good, I know it’s a specific kind of day for you today, i’m not really sure how you’ve been feeling or if you’ve been okay, i’m sure you’ve been fine and are actually doing pretty well, I mean I know you’re doing well, but you know what I mean, not trying to be weird here or anything……

How was your day, I hope it went well and everything, I also hope that everything went well last weekend with what you had going, I didn’t forget, I know I probably could’ve messaged you this, but I didn’t know how or whether it was okay, but I still wanted to check in, since I knew what today was and just see how you were doing in someway, I hope that’s alright.

Anyway, I don’t think I have anything else to say here, but I hope you had a good day and are doing and feeling alright…..

All The Love ❤ ❤ ❤

Lexa

Hey, What’s Going On!!

Today, i’m filled with a sense of calm and some alertness, well I was earlier anyway, not really sure how those two ended up combining, but i’ll take it for what it is I suppose, how are things with you, are you well, happy, are you enjoying yourself!? I don’t really know the kind of questions to ask,

I know today’s your day and I hope things are okay with you, if i’m being honest, these past two days have been something and I don’t really know why, it could’ve been for a number of reasons for all know, today though, it’s okay……in case you didn’t know, you’ve been in my thoughts, maybe you knew that, I don’t know sometimes you can think of someone, but they don’t know that you are, but inside you hope that they can feel it or sense it, you know!? Sometimes they might and you don’t have any idea on it…..weird right!? I hope you know I miss you and always keep you in my mind,

Even when I may not know it……I don’t know what you’re up to or if you’re doing okay, but I do hope that you are and that things are going well, can you believe it’s your birthday, i’m trying to figure out how old you would’ve turned today, but I wouldn’t know, 25, 26……around those yeah!? Don’t quote me, I hope you went by Sam and said hi, I know she misses you too

We always do……i’m not getting emotional here, no matter what you may think or say alright!! It’s hard not getting to speak to you when we need to, but I know that even when we can’t hear you, that you still listen and are always there for us if anything…..i’m okay if you’re wondering, not sure on Sam, but i’ll be sure to check in on her and make sure she okay, you stop by too and see as well okay……anyway I won’t make this too long of a post, I just wanted to say a big Happy Birthday and that I hope you’ve been doing well.

Miss you always Ang….

P.S. I hope I got your birthday right, i’m sure I did though, I wouldn’t forget….

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Let’s Talk: Blogmas….

So blogmas, where to start…..it is quite the keep up let’s just say!! This is my first time really trying this out, although I don’t feel i’m doing it properly, but writing a post everyday, I mean normally it’s hard to keep on top of blogging about things all the time, but once you sorta or really sign yourself up to make sure you blog and write something everyday up until a certain day……*sigh* goodness, it’s not as easy as it seems, i’ll tell you that,

Especially when you don’t always have interesting topic to talk about, a lot of the time I just come up with stuff and go based off feeling instead of really sitting down and planning out what my posts should be like and that’s probably why i’m finding Blogmas to be quite the task, right now it’s around 10pm and since going along with this monthly blog challenge,

I normally would start writing a little bit earlier, like in the afternoon around 12pm and for the past two days, both days being weekends, i’ve been wanting to simmer down and give it a bit and it’s not because I haven’t been wanting to write, I just haven’t been super inspired when it comes to topics, again I do most of my postings off of feeling and just choosing the first thing that comes into my mind, so if i’m not feeling the desire to write

I just won’t and that’s because I don’t want to just post for the heck of it and if I do happen to post a non interesting post, I also explain and say “hey I don’t really have anything interesting to talk about, but I hope this post is alright” I try not to write uninteresting posts, but sometimes you don’t always know what’s good and what’s not, I can’t really tell the difference if i’m being honest, but I still always try to make it somewhat interesting!!

That all being said, although Blogmas is a task and you find you have to keep at it, it’s not really been demanding, at least it hasn’t felt demanding, to me anyway, I think when it comes to challenges, in this case I get it can feel very stressful because you have to get something out at a certain time,

I think it helps to not stress with it, because if you do then you’ll feel on edge and start panicking about how you have to get a post out, but if you take your time with it and stay calm, you already know in your head, you have to write something, so it’ll automatically be natural for you to post.

It’s kinda like when you know you have to get up at a certain time and your body keeps that as a reminder and it makes sure you are up either before your alarm or when it rings, so it becomes a natural reaction, you don’t have to stress about it or worry or make yourself feel on edge,

You’ll just naturally know “okay better get writing” whether that’s early in the morning, mid afternoon or late in the evening as long as your post is ready before midnight or before you’re heading to bed then you’re good, back to blogmas though, it hasn’t been too stressful for me, even when i’m having days where i’m just everywhere let’s just say, even on those days, writing a post a day especially as a challenge, i’d say it’s been okay!!

Do I always have interesting things to write about!? NO, but for me, I find when even when I don’t have a good topic to share, having these chatting sessions and just talking or writing more like in this case, helps, it’s good to have posts where you just want to talk, we don’t always have to be interesting, we can just be human and talk about whatever it is thats in our heads or whatever you choose to write about, sometimes I want to talk about nothing, sometimes something and other times specifically!!

I think that’s okay and if you guys want to write about something or nothing, all that jazz, that’s okay too!! It’s why most of us created our blogs in the first place right!? We all just wanted a place to talk…….well that is all I have, I don’t know how long this post is, but I hope you enjoyed it for what it was, whatever that is exactly…….you all have a goodnight or good day wherever you are and i’ll send over a new post for you tomorrow!!

P.S. We’re at 11pm again…..

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Just A Casual Post…..

It’s almost 11pm where I am and I literally don’t have anything prepared to write today……it’s just been one of those casual days I guess you can say, so I didn’t really think about what I wanted to write today, I knew I wanted to write something, I just don’t know what…..I guess we’ll just have a chatting post today, unless something happens to pop out of nowhere becoming a topic as i’m writing along, in the meantime, let’s just chat!!

What about I have no clue, all I know is it’s around 10:40pm pretty close to midnight, but also not too close, just yet anyway, it’s almost…….I don’t even have a title ready, normally I write that first, but I decided to write what I wanted before titling this post, it’s not like it’s the first time though, it happens from time to time, it’s just been a while since i’ve done that.

So how are you guys!? I don’t think i’ve ever asked you that in a whole post before, I know i’ve said I hope you all are doing well, but never how are you!? It doesn’t seem all that weird though……I hope everything’s going alright and that the week and weekend have been good for you!! If you had a rough day or week, I hope you pulled through it okay, I know some days are harder than most, but I hope you’re all doing alright!!

I really don’t know where i’m going with this post, i’m kinda just talking and I guess trying to start conversation, I know it’s probably not all that interesting, but I mean I hope it’s okay!? Maybe i’ll just stop while i’m ahead, hopefully I have a better post for you guys lined up tomorrow….

Sorry for it being so short, but I hope you enjoyed it somehow, I hope you all have a goodnight and day if it’s daytime, not sure where you guys are exactly, but I hope you’re having a good one wherever you are!!

P.S. It’s now 11pm, well it will be when I post this

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Last Minute, Check In….

I thought about you today, as I know that today, well yesterday now was your birthday…..i’ll admit in my head I was slightly debating whether or not I should wish you a happy birthday or not, I kinda wanted to, but I didn’t, I didn’t forget about it though, how could I!? I hope you had a good time today and that you enjoyed yourself whatever you did, not sure if you did what you planned on doing originally or if you decided to save it for another day and just relax and enjoy your time with the day…….whatever you did or ended up doing, I really do hope you enjoyed yourself.

I hope you’re doing alright too, the last time we spoke you said you were happy and in a better place……I hope you’re still feeling like that, I always hope and want you to be good and i’ll always want you to be careful and safe as well, I know I didn’t have to write this, but I wanted to, it was in my mind to do so for some reason, I know your birthday’s over now where you are and it’s pretty late over there, but it’s still your birthday here and I just wanted to wish you a happy one and say I hope all is still well which i’m sure it is and that I hope you got to do something nice for it!!

I don’t think I have anything else I want to say, I just hope everything continues to go well for you and I hope you’re doing okay, there’s never a time I don’t wonder how you’re doing……but anyway, you keep safe and be careful and do always take care of yourself, happy birthday!!

All The Love ❤ ❤ ❤

~Lexa

Saturday Evening…..Part 2 (Oct 14, 2019)

Last time on the part one side of my Saturday evening post, I talked about something I didn’t like…..being mocked, let take a read back on that shall we!?

Recap: I knew they were joking and I know that I probably shouldn’t have taken it the way I did, which I will admit, gotta gain a little bit more of a backbone I suppose, but still if you’re just meeting someone for the first time, mockery is probably not a good impression starter, because you don’t know how someone will take it, had I known the guy for a bit of time and he did that…..it’d probably be different, but I had just met him and after that happened, yeah I made sure to keep my distance from him…..

but I know it was no harm done, i’m just not a fan of mockery, unless i’m really close to you and I know i’m able to throw it back at you, playfully of course, then i’m i’m fine with it, but if i’m just meeting you for the first time and you’re just doing that off the bat, to be funny……yeah I don’t know how i’m going to feel about you too much.

And we’re back, I know that was probably lame by the way, I wanted to try something different as an opener though, was it a sink or swim!? I have no idea, let me know your thoughts on it, you might actually prefer to forget it and hey that’s okay, I might actually look back at this later in time and think “Oh gosh, that’s bad, why did I think that was good!?” I might also laugh, because I tend to laugh at most of my lame attempt at things, well things I thought would work, but probably didn’t…..carrying on now (you’re welcome) finishing the rest of my Saturday evening and night post,

Yeah the bonding, connection experiment thing, didn’t work all that well, I mean there was someone I talked to, which was nice, the chats that we had, they were alright, I can’t say they weren’t, because we did talk for quite a while, now i won’t say we bonded, bonded, at least not in the way that I would normally connect with someone, but they were pretty cool to talk to.

Overall though, I just didn’t feel like I fit in with them all that much, I felt like I was just there, tagging along and nothing else, but that…..I did debate on going home straight after the movie was finished, but I thought let me try a little bit and see what else can happen, was it worth the stay!?

Meh….it was okay, I mean I chatted with someone, but if i’m being honest, I was kinda already done being there after a while, I just don’t think that was my scene or crowd, I felt like I stuck out so much being there with everyone, everyone just pretty much did their own thing, which is fine….

It just sucks when you’re within a group and feel like you’re not suppose to be there……..but it is what it is…..I did at one point get a little anxious, started to get a little green in the gills (queasy) I just wanted to say green in the gills because I thought it was cool, yeah haha. Moving on, I could’ve really used some mint/green tea on Saturday, but I had water with me so that kinda helped keep my stomach leveled.

by the way I wasn’t like that the whole time, it was just after everyone got together again when the movie was finished, my friend likes doing group photo’s after a big movie and when there’s a lot of people, luckily though, no group photo’s we’re taken, which was great because to be honest I wouldn’t had wanted to be in the photo and I know that sounds wrong to say, but I would’ve felt awkward had we took a group photo that night.

After everything was over, I came home and had a tiny, mini breakdown to myself, I couldn’t tell you why exactly, but yeah it kinda just happened, I ended up calling a good friend of mine, one of my best friends that I hadn’t spoken to in a while and yeah we had a pretty good chat, it was nice!!

We listened to some music, watched some videos, laughed it was good, we don’t always speak, but when we do it’s always good, we ended up having a 3 hour conversation on the phone, we started at 10pm and finished around 2….in the morning, yeah I know, crazy, that’s the latest i’ve ever slept in a very long while…….but again it was good talking to her.

Saturday was something, it wasn’t a bad time, but it wasn’t the best either, I got to sorta hang out with my old friend even though I barely saw him at the same time, only in the beginning, he’s more outgoing, with me it depends who i’m around, if I feel like i’m going to get along with you pretty well, I can be pretty outgoing, but if it ends up being how it was Saturday, there’s a strong chance, that i’m going to feel pretty awkward and might not talk all that much, but it was quite the experience I guess you can say……

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa

Saturday Evening…. Part 1 (Oct 13, 2019)

So this weekend was something, Saturday probably more something then yesterday sorta, it’s just been a pretty weird weekend all together, shall I tell you about it!? Hopefully you said yes because i’m going to anyway, well i’ll tell you about Saturday at least….Sunday…..let’s just talk Saturday okay!!

Alright, so I went to watch a movie with an old friend on Saturday evening, plus a group of other people that I didn’t really know, but it was okay……for the most part, before I even got to the movies, I started to get really nervous, but I did my best to try and relax and tell myself it’ll be fine and everything. One thing I can tell you is I liked the movie, we went and watched Joker in case some of you are wondering, if I had to say anything about the movie, i’d probably wouldn’t know what to say actually…….

I don’t really know how to put that movie into words, but at the same time I don’t really know how to review movies in general so yeah…..however, I did feel a lot watching it, it was interesting, it had a lot of stuff to it, it was also pretty mad in a sorta gruesome way, don’t worry, I won’t spoil it, not that I could, you watch it if you want, I enjoyed it for what it was though.

but let’s move on from the movie and let’s talk the group we were watching the movie with…..i’ll say it in less words than I normally would and as nice as possible……I FELT SO OUT OF PLACE BEING THERE!!…..like extremely out of place, seriously i’m not kidding, I felt like I walked into the wrong room or something, I kept expecting something different to happen, but nothing would, I mean things happened just not in the way I liked…..

It was just wrong like trying to put a square block into a rectangle wrong, like you know when kids have those shape things to put the right shapes where they belong and most of them try and see where the other shapes can go before putting them in the right place!? Yeah it was something like that or when you put a land turtle in water knowing it’s suppose to be on land…..you get the point i’m sure, but yeah it was quite the evening/night.

I mean don’t get me wrong it was fine being with everyone and watching the movie, but goodness were the vibes just not there, as much as I probably shouldn’t say this, sitting in the movie theater with all of them, actually felt like I was sitting in the movie theater for the very first time by myself, everything just seemed and felt off, even the movie portion of it.

It was like I was placed there randomly, I kept hoping to get some kind of familiarity of some sort, but it wasn’t quite working all that well, even though I knew one person, I still felt out of place……it’s crazy, when you’re in a crowd and you see that even the person that you know is unfamiliar, you start to really think…..what’s even crazier though is a stranger can seem more familiar then someone that you actually know……which is insane!!

I say that because there was someone that I saw that seemed and looked familiar to me, yet I don’t ever recall seeing her before, but I had this feeling as though I knew her from somewhere, but I didn’t as well…..that was just a little random thing that happened, but anyway let’s continue on…..

In the beginning when I arrived at the cinema theater, there was a moment that I didn’t quite enjoy all that much, but before we get there, i’ll tell you real quick on the first meeting when I first met two of the group members, so I tried connecting by talking about anime shows, now i’m going to be straight with you, when it comes to anime, i’m not really a super fan,

Like i’m not apart of the fandom is what I mean, but i’ve watch a few shows here and there, ones that I have found interesting, long story short though, I tried to converse, start a conversation and oooh goodness did that go well *note the sarcasm i’m using here*

Okay so the person asked me how far I got into an episode one of the anime shows I was going on about and I went to explain the last episode I saw, because I didn’t know the name of the episode and yeah it just sounded like I didn’t know what I was talking about……it was so awkward……I knew what I was saying and trying to explain, but yeah the person quickly went back to reading the book they were reading and I went to say how i’m not the best at explain and they were like “I know what you’re trying to say” they most likely didn’t, but I just left it alone and wondered off somewhere……

So that happened for one……the next part is the one that I didn’t quite like very much, the same person I tried to converse with, about two anime shows, ended up doing something that I didn’t find funny and my only friend, the only person I knew in that group he joined in beautifully, but don’t worry I got him back later for it, he didn’t know, but I made sure to mess with him a bit at the moment he least expected it, it was fun.

No, but in all seriousness I knew they were joking and I know that I probably shouldn’t have taken it the way I did which I will admit, gotta gain a little bit more of a backbone I suppose, but still if you’re just meeting someone for the first time, mockery is probably not a good impression starter, because you don’t know how someone will take it, had I known the guy for a bit of time and he did that…..it’d probably be different,

but I had just met him and after that happened, yeah I made sure to keep my distance from him, I could’ve said something, but I didn’t, because I was too busy trying to keep myself calm and keep from making a bigger fool of myself…..emotionally, but I know it was no harm done, i’m just not a fan of mockery, unless i’m really close to you and I know i’m able to throw it back at you, playfully of course, then i’m fine with it, but if i’m just meeting you for the first time and you’re just doing that off the bat, to try and be funny,

Yeah I don’t know how i’m going to feel about you too much….but anyway that was just a moment during the evening I could’ve done without, but it’s fine……okay so I decide to make this a two parter post, the second part will most likely be shorter, i’m only making this a two parter because this ones pretty long already so with that, I shall see you all in the next post!!

To be continued….

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa

Never Mind……

I messaged yesterday after not replying for a few days, in that message I asked if we could speak sometime soon, it took me a while to actually ask that question, every time I went to write back to you that was one of the main questions I wanted to ask, but I wasn’t sure whether I should’ve, I did in the end and also explained how I understood everything that you wrote back to me……after I sent my message back, I went over in my head on whether sending you that message was good or not, i’m not sure if you read my message back or if it was left discarded, thinking back on it now,

Maybe I should’ve just left it……maybe I shouldn’t have continued on knowing I already knew what you were trying to do, I can’t help, but leave things alone I guess, I was just hoping we could speak you know!? But maybe that was a stupid idea……I haven’t checked to see if you did see it, normally I would, but I just left it this time…..I saw a post on where you asked what’s the actual point, I didn’t know what you mean’t,

I thought maybe it was about all of this, but last time I thought something, it wasn’t actually confirmed…..you know sometimes I wish I could just let things be and not bother so much about it…..I just always have the need to keep on pushing, you’d think persistence would be a good thing, but I guess it’s not always, sometimes it’s better to let things be, kinda like the Beatles song, I know you don’t like old songs much, but you know I always have to make a comparison to some kind of song, I can’t help it…..

My mind is asking me why i’m even writing this, I don’t know, I guess a part of me thinks that you’ll see this way better than you would if I just messaged you, I feel this is the only way i’m able to actually speak to you in way, even though I know there isn’t much talking be heard back.

I need to leave it alone don’t I!? I should leave it alone, all this does is make me seem and sound pretty needy, plus desperate if i’m being honest, cause who doesn’t love that right!? I just miss you, whether that’s I should or not isn’t a question, because I do, even though we haven’t spoken for over a week and counting, you’d think that I wouldn’t be bothered as much and i’d just be used to it by now, but….i’m not, because every time it gets close to the time we’d normally speak, I still have that hope that we will,

but then the time goes and we haven’t….I shouldn’t expect it, but I do and I know I need to let it be, you already explained you’re reasoning twice and here I am, focused on wanting us to speak, but that’s not what’s important, focusing is and keeping focused as well on where you’re wanting to go……why can’t I just leave this alone!?

You say things won’t change because they haven’t and never will, but I still think they can, maybe that’s stupid, but so be it, I still have hope with it, maybe I should just throw away the hope, but I can’t, because I still believe in us, maybe that’s wrong, but my heart doesn’t want to let it go…….

I want to say never mind on the message, that’s what I originally planned on writing out, but at the same time I don’t, because I want to talk to you and I can go and forget it, but it’s not that easy, however i’m not going to force it, if you want to talk and I mean properly talk, I have to let you do so when you want to, if you ever want to…..again this is probably stupid to even write all of this, because I know you’re focusing and not wanting to be distracted dealing with drama and everything in between.

What am I doing!? look whether you see this or not, just never mind all of this writing…..i’m just writing out of missing you and just wanting to hear from you, this is stupid……I just hope you’re well and doing alright, I proud of you by the way, always am and really happy for you, I saw the photo earlier you posted, i’m sure you’re doing a very great job with the team….

I hope they’re having a good time learning from you……i’m going to stop writing now, despite all I said in this, I really do hope you’re doing well, I still will want to always hear from you, that’ll never change, but if I don’t i’ll try and continue on dealing in the best way, none of this is to make you look bad or anything like that by the way, I don’t know if that’s what you think or not, but i’m just writing this because it’s the only way I know how to cope with not talking to you like I normally would, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want, but just know i’m always going to secretly want you to…..

Anyway, I love you always and miss you always too!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa