Music Album Review: Paramore’s After Laughter Album (Dec 19, 2018)

Originally Written Dec 17

Hey there everyone, okay so i’m not sure how long this is gonna be, it might be very long, but it might not be at the same time, we’ll just see as we go along. I hope you guys are all doing well, today I wanted to discuss and review an album, i’ve never reviewed an album before, only certain songs, but I thought i’d give it a try and just see how I do with it, today we’re gonna be discussing Paramore and their latest album After Laughter. Now for those who don’t know Paramore well they’re a band of course, their genre of music goes from: Alternative rock, Pop punk, Pop rock ect….

Obviously when you’re a band or an artist, you tend to want to change your sound if you’re feeling you want to mix it up a bit, instead of always sticking to the same one, now before we talk Paramore’s latest album, I just want to kinda do a little backstory on them just so you can learn more about them, so without further ado, let’s talk a bit about Paramore: Paramore’s first debut album was All We Know Is Falling which came out back in 2005 and featured songs like Pressure, Emergency and Conspiracy, now i’ve heard Pressure and I believe i’ve heard Emergency not sure on Conspiracy, but at the same time I feel I might’ve heard it once or something i’m not sure.

Their 2nd album Riot! came out in 2007 one of the famous songs from that album is the good ole’ classic Misery Business, as well as other songs like CrushCrushCrush, That’s What You Get and one of my favorites When It Rains. Now even though Paramore had made two albums and all these lovely songs, it wasn’t until their breakout hit Decode to where they started to become well known and very popular. Decode featured on a popular hit movie that i’m sure all of you are aware of and if you’re not then don’t worry it’s okay, you’re not really missing much in my opinion, but the song appeared and was one of the featured tracks off the famous movie Twilight.

Everyone (mainly teen girls) loved Twilight, if you haven’t heard of it again don’t worry about it, but if you have, you know what i’m talking about here, there was even teams made from that movie, not kidding!! Twilight came out in 2008, it’s about this sparkling vampire guy named Edward, a teen girl, I think her name is Bella and a werwolf name Jacob, there’s more to the movie of course, but i’m not gonna go into it because this is about Paramore, I just thought since I brought up Twilight, might as well give you a brief description on it.

As I said before Decode was one of the featured songs off there and was actually very popular too, I remember coming across that song because the music video was on and also because it was one of those songs that was just everywhere, no matter where you went, you would be sure to hear that song. I can’t remember exactly, but I believe I wasn’t too fond of the song at first and i’ll be honest I think I might’ve judged it quickly because of the fact that I didn’t like Twilight (still don’t really like Twilight) I do however like the song decode now though. Decode also appeared on Paramore’s 3rd album I believe, Brand New Eyes, along with the songs Ignorance, Playing God and Brick By Boring Brick making it’s debut in 2009. They have more albums, but those are just a few of them that I wanted to talk about, but let’s get on to their new/latest album After Laughter and talk about the songs.

These are the songs off the album with small descriptions to them, all the songs are about Hayley Williams and her bands personal life:

1. Hard Times– Is pretty self explanatory, it’s all on Hard times and how even though we have them we don’t ever hit rock bottom (that’s an actual line in the song)

2. Rose-Colored Boy– This one is a little hard, but I think it has to do with someone who’s always so optimistic, while everyone else isn’t.

3. Told You So– This ones all about having those people who love to look for and call you out on your mistakes and love the whole Told you so line that Hayley sings about in the song.

4. Forgiveness– Is on the personal side of town, Hayley sings about not being able to forgive someone that hurt her really badly.

5. Fake Happy– Is a very clear song about pretending you’re happy when you’re not, but also knowing that you’re not the only one feeling that way.

6. 26– Is about keeping hold of what’s left of your hope and happiness the older you get, so this is one of her reflective songs.

7. Pool– Is metaphoric dark love song, you’ll have to hear it to understand it

8. Grudges– Pretty self explanatory, it’s all about letting go of grudges that we hold against someone.

9. Caught In The Middle-Is what I would probably say to be a reflection songs on Hayley early days in Paramore as well as her life in general.

10. Idle Worship-Is a song to all of her fans where she expresses that she shouldn’t be looked at as an idol.

11. No Friend– Is a letter she wrote to her fans, but it’s not sung, it’s spoken and she doesn’t speak the words, but a friend of hers does and it’s pretty interesting, different, but I like it.

12. Tell Me Now– Is…….i’m actually gonna let this one speak for itself, so give it a listen if you’re curious.

Now a lot of people complain about Paramore’s new sound and everything, but in all honesty I like their new sound, it’s different, but good different in my opinion. I think what it is that people don’t like about Paramore sound is the fact that’s it’s all poppy sounding now and I get having a favorite artist or band and knowing them from when they first started and being so used to the music they use to make, we all would love to have our favorites stay with the same thing, but at the same time if they feel they need to grow and want to experiment with other sounds then who are we to say they can’t.

These artists and bands make music not for us mainly, they write their songs from personal experiences that they share with us and maybe it’s different to how they use to do it, but if they decide they want a different sound then they have every right to change it up, I mean it is their music, we aren’t in any position to demand they stick with the new sound or old sound at all. If we really love that said band or artist we will grow with them and their music without hesitation, plus I always feel that sometimes it’s good to change it up as well as giving things a chance before judging it right off the bat……..I like their new sound, but that’s because I like Paramore and again if they felt in their hearts they needed to change something with their music then you gotta trust and embrace them on their sound, even if you may not like it.

Also if you think that these songs are just pop songs really listen to the lyrics, just because a song is upbeat doesn’t mean that the lyrics don’t have a deeper meaning to them, this whole album is upbeat with the exception of 26, Tell Me Now & Forgiveness (theses are the songs I consider to be not so poppy, but still great songs) The lyrics hidden behind the poppy dance music are actually very deep and dark when you really listen to it.

It’s all about reading between the lines, with this album and I love it, i’ve become very obsessed with this album and I just heard it the other day, some of my favorites are: Fake Happy, 26, Hard Times, Tell Me Now, Rose Colored Boy & Caught In The Middle, these are the songs i’m constantly playing over and over, although I love the whole album in general, it’s great, but Paramore has always been great, even with the sound change they’re still an awesome band, but that’s just my opinion.

Let me know your thoughts on After Laughter, have you heard it and if so what are your favorite tracks from it!?

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Music Song Review/Song Interpretation: She Used To Be Mine By Sara Bareilles (Inspired Post) (Dec 14, 2018)

Originally Written Dec 9, 2018

Hey there everyone, hope you’re all doing well, today I want to talk music and the artist and song that i’d like to talk about today is Sara Bareilles and her song She Used To Be Mine. Just to give you guys a heads up, I actually wrote this post a couple of days ago, but didn’t really get around to finishing it, until now. I had the song in my head for two days and so I thought, let’s talk on it and while we’re at it, let’s see if we’re able to interpret the song as well.

So to kinda introduce Sara Bareilles a bit, just in case you aren’t completely sure on who she is, Sara is a musician well a singer/songwriter, you might have heard a few of her songs before, she had this one song that was pretty popular back in the early 2000’s called Love Song. I think that was actually her breakout hit, but i’m not sure, so don’t quote me on it. You might’ve also heard Brave which is another popular song from her, i’m sure there’s a lot of songs that are very well known, but for those of you who have heard the songs or they sound familiar to you, well she’s the one who sings them, in case you didn’t know.

She’s also an actress, but is known for musicals mainly, i’m not sure if she’s been in movies or anything, but I know that she has starred in a couple of Broadway musicals before. You might be aware of one, the most recent musical that she’s been in is called Waitress, I think she’s a writer to that musical, I don’t think to the play, but I believe she wrote a few songs for it.

She of course has her own music, I have two of her albums…….well one is her album and the other one is the soundtrack to the musical Waitress, the album that I have is called The Blessed Unrest which came out in 2013, you can find the song Brave on that one and as for the other song that I mentioned before, Love Song can be found on her album Little Things which came out in 2007, there’s a whole lot of other albums and songs that she has, but those are the two that I thought i’d talk on a bit since those are the two songs that most people might know from her.

Moving on though to the song that inspired me to write this post, now if you didn’t know or maybe you did, the song Used To Be Mine comes from the musical Waitress……..now i’ve never watched Waitress, but i’ve been wanting to watch it ever since I heard Sara Bareilles was gonna be apart of it, but it would only be for a short time and every time I would think of checking it out……I would always miss her, but I found out a few days ago that she’s coming back for a few more shows next month and will only be there until February, so I still have a chance to go see the musical and see her as well in it, I heard that it’s very good, so I really want to check it out.

Let’s go on with the song shall we!? Used To Be Mine is one of my favorite songs from Sara Bareilles, it’s a very beautiful song, when you hear it, it just grabs you and pulls you in, at least that’s what it does to me when I hear it. The lyrics are very deep and let’s not even forget the piano that brings it all together as well as the other instruments with it………..I can’t even describe it, it’s just amazing, we’ll just say that!! The song is just great as a whole and Sara’s voice with it, just brings the song to life in a way that……..is just hard to explain, it’s like………I don’t know how to describe it, all I can say is, you really feel the song and the emotion that she brings to it, if you haven’t heard the song, listen to it, really listen to it, you’ll know what I mean when you do.

Now I know that everyone will most likely interpret this song in many different ways, which is expected when listening to a song, even if the artist themselves tell you exactly what the song means, you’ll always have your own meanings for it. When I first heard this song, i’m sure it got to me, I can’t really remember my actual reaction of it, but every time I hear it now, the lyrics, reading it and the song in general, gives you that feeling of woah because you connect with it right away and for a lot of people like myself it’s relatable.  

Here are some of the lyrics to the song: 

It’s not simple to say
That most days I don’t recognize me
That these shoes and this apron, that place and its patrons
Have taken more than I gave them

It’s not easy to know
I’m not anything like I used be, although it’s true
I was never attention’s sweet center
I still remember that girl

She’s imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies

She is hard on herself
She is broken and won’t ask for help
She is messy, but she’s kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine

I was originally gonna break down the lyrics to this song, but I decided instead I want to let it speak for itself, looking at these lyrics, there isn’t any other way to interpret them. I tried to break these lyrics down and I was having trouble doing so and that’s why I would rather the lyrics do the speaking then me try and break them down and my words end up all over the place you know!? That being said, my interpretation on this song, my meaning for it, is completely, different to it’s actual meaning. It might be the same, but it’s also very different………..In the song she’s pretty much reflecting on the way her life is and looking back on who she once was, compared to who she is now……..from the lyrics you can see that the reflection that she’s expressing, she isn’t all too fond of the way things are going, but also from a different angle you can also see the emotions that she’s feeling, is more on the scared side of town and being confused and just overall thinking about everything that has happened.

In the chorus you can see that she is aware of all the flaws that she carries with her from being imperfect, to saying that, although she says that she’s good, she isn’t truthful about her actual feelings, she’s her own worst enemy when it comes to wanting to get things right and even though she knows that she needs help and is broken inside, she won’t let people know that, because to her it’s being vulnerable and she’d rather pretend that she’s fine then have people see that she’s hurting and unhappy, so that’s the first part and chorus (Hook, to be more technical) of the song.

Here’s more of the lyrics from the song:

It’s not what I asked for
Sometimes life just slips in through a back door
And carves out a person and makes you believe it’s all true

And now I’ve got you
And you’re not what I asked for
If I’m honest, I know I would give it all back
For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two
For the girl that I knew

Who’ll be reckless, just enough
Who’ll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up
When she’s bruised and gets used by a man who can’t love
And then she’ll get stuck
And be scared of the life that’s inside her
Growing stronger each day ’til it finally reminds her
To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes
That’s been gone, but used to be mine
Used to be mine

So this part of the song, i’m not even gonna break it down or interpret it, at least not all of them, certain parts I will, but only to interpret what I originally thought it was about. As you can see there’s a lot more emotion put into this part and you can probably figure out what it’s about or maybe you already know because you’ve heard the song already, but i’m not gonna tell you what the actual meaning to this song is, because I want to see if you’re able to figure it out if you don’t know what the actual  meaning to it is.

This part of the song always makes me want to get emotional, in this part of the song, it picks up and becomes a lot more intense to where you really feel it, you don’t even have to listen to it to feel it, just reading these lyrics, if you’re like me and love finding out the meaning to songs and pretty much everything else, you feel it……….not just the song, but you feel for the writer of the song as well, because they went out of their way to write this powerful, emotional and touching song that just leaves you speechless, they didn’t have to write any of it, but they did because although it was extremely personal, they still felt they needed to share it, which is incredible. 

Now here’s the part where I tell you my interpretation on the song, well certain parts of the song that is and what I thought it mean’t. In the second verse, if you look at the lyrics……..there’s a part in it where she talks about, the way life does things and how it presents you with something or someone in this case, pretty much throwing you off which is why she says to herself that if she could, she’d go back and change a couple of things and have it play out a different way to how it turned out to be.

In that whole part, you can kinda pick up that she’s self reflecting, whenever she sees and feels that she’s different and is completely disconnected from her old self in a way. She sees this new version of her and is having a hard time relating and embracing it in a way, which is why she sings the lines “You’re not what I asked for, if i’m honest, I know I would give it all back for a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two, for the girl that I knew” Those lines right there, are one of the lines I relate to and i’m sure a lot of you do too if you know the song. 

I’ve changed a lot this year and I can’t tell whether it’s good or not, for me it’s half and half, but I know that a lot of us go through a change that we weren’t really expecting and sometimes we change and become a whole new person, which we know means that we’re growing and coming into our own in a way, but sometimes it’s hard because when you’ve been a certain way for so long and something or even a few things start to change with you or about you, it’s like you’re meeting and seeing this whole new person, but you aren’t exactly sure how you feel about it.

Being someone you don’t recognize, when you thought, you knew the kind of person you were, automatically you’re gonna want to go back and change a few things, but you know that you can’t, so it’s like you’re completely stuck with this new version of you that you really didn’t ask for and even though, you try to get back somehow, you feel deep down somewhere that, no matter how hard you try, you’re not gonna get  that version of you back, at least not in the same way you always had her or him.  

The last part of the song that I want to talk about is the part where she sings: “She’ll get stuck and be scared of the life that’s inside her, growing stronger each day, til it finally reminds her, to fight just a little and bring back the fire in her eyes, that’s been gone, but used to be mine” Now this part always gives me goosebumps and sometimes leaves me emotional, because I relate to it so much for a reason that is hard to explain, I love that line, it’s one of my favorites in the song, it’s just one of those lines that speak to you on a deeper level and that’s why I love this song so much, because there’s certain parts in it that I feel and connect with emotionally.

The actual meaning to it, knowing it now, when you hear it, it makes sense and you won’t be able to see it as anything else as much once you know the actual meaning, but for me when I first heard it, I interpreted it in a completely different way to how it is originally, the meaning I took from that part is a very personal one, but overall I looked at the song as her singing about self reflection as well as self discovery.

It’s amazing how you can listen to a song and even when you find out the actual meaning to that song, we still create our own interpretation for it. I can see why a lot of artist when you ask them what’s the meaning to a song that they’ve written, a lot of the time they won’t say because 1. they know even when they tell us the meaning, they know that we’ll just come up with our own and 2. sometimes their songs don’t really have a deep meaning behind it, sometimes the song just comes to them without having a specific backstory on it and if there is one, it’s just a random one.

That’s why a lot of them just say they’ll leave it up for interpretation so they won’t have to give it away or sometimes it’s just too personal that they would rather have people come up with their own meaning then have it be explained. So that is all I have for this post, let me know in the comments below, what your thoughts are on this song, have you heard it and if you have, feel free to share your interpretations on it. 

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~

Lyrics Source: https://genius.com/Sara-bareilles-she-used-to-be-mine-lyrics

Chatting Session: Letting It Snow While Reflecting & Talking All Things Random (Dec 13, 2018)

Disclaimer: This was written earlier in the day 

That title there kinda makes it sound like I have some kind of super power or something, although I wish I did have some kind of superpower and it would be real nice to control the weather a bit, i’m not storm from X-Men though, so I can’t do that. Even if I did have a superpower I wouldn’t chose to control the weather actually, i’d go with teleportation I don’t know I always thought i’d be cool to just be able to be anywhere you wanted in flash you know!? How about you guys, what would you’re superpower be if you were giving one!? Also I hope you’re all doing well.

Okay now that we’ve talked on what kind of superpowers we’d have if given one, let’s talk snow!! The reasoning for talking about snow is because it’s snowing where I am, not sure when it actually started, but when I woke up it was snowing which then made me start sing one of of my favorite Christmas songs, Let It Snow sung and maybe written by Dean Martin, I know he sings it, but I don’t know if he wrote it, but anyway, I like the snow, not a big fan of the cold, but the snow it’s pretty alright. It always looks so nice when it starts coming down, it starts off slowly and then quickens the more snow there is………I love the peaceful feeling the snow brings, it keeps you calm and when you’re looking at it, you don’t feel stressed, you feel cold, but not overwhelmed or anything like that.

You know it’s quite interesting when you learn that all snowflakes aren’t the same, they all fall a different way, they’re different sizes and shapes, but even though that is true, you know that they all get to the ground eventually. It’s crazy how some of them are very noticeable and then you have those that aren’t as noticeable, some are for a second and others you don’t see them, when there’s a lot of snow though, that’s when you start wanting to sing Winter Wonderland. Seeing a whole blanket full of snow is like being in a whole new world, makes you want to lay in it even though you know that if you did, you’d be freezing………i’m sure it would still feel nice though in a way ha. Everyone loves whenever there’s snow on tress, it’s probably because it gives them some sort of character, you look at them and right away you’re in awe.

The fact that it’s even snowing tells us how close Winter is, it’s literally next week I believe, gotta love the cold weather right!? You know it’s crazy because even though, i’m not a huge fan of the cold, it seems to be the one season that sticks with me through all the seasons, there’s not one day where i’m not super cold, unless it’s very very hot. If I were to turn on the fan I have, give it a few minutes or so and i’ll either be putting on a cardigan or i’m turning it off, that’s how easily cold I get, don’t know why, i’ve just always been the cold one. I’m sure you all know the movie Frozen right!? Well i’m not a huge fan of the movie, it’s not a bad movie it’s just not my favorite, but i’m pretty much Elsa when it comes to the cold, just to give you an idea. 

I’ve been doing some reflecting today a bit, which I tend to do quite often these days I find, maybe this years just a year of reflection I don’t know………Christmas is around the corner, I hope you guys are excited, it’s crazy how close it actually is, once that’s up the New Year will be here………..it feels like 2018 just started and now it’s coming to an end, I guess we say that every year don’t we!? I think it all depends on whether the year made an impact on you or not when it comes to reflecting on it. I think if the year didn’t leave you looking back on it, it wouldn’t feel like anything changed for you, it just would feel like another year.

Everything goes by so quickly, which I can see why they say not to blink otherwise you just might miss something important……..although we have our reflection kind of days, it’s not until you get to the end of the year where you find yourself really looking back on things, I didn’t really start reflecting much until the ending of 2017 for certain reasons, before then I didn’t really look back on the years prior, at least not as much as I have this year. I know we still have a few more days, 2 more weeks until this year is over, so i’ll be reflecting a bit more, as i’m sure you guys will too before we have to look back on 2018 one last time.

Let me know in the comments below what your reflections are for today and feel free to share if your guys are excited for Christmas and if you’re looking forward and are ready for 2019 to arrive.     

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~

Photo by Nathan Fertig on Unsplash

Reflection (December 5, 2018)

Hey everyone hope you’re all doing well today, as you all know we’re still in the beginning of the month December, todays the 5th of course and so I thought let’s do a little reflecting on some stuff……….where do we start!? We all do a little reflecting from time to time, sometimes their good and other times they don’t feel the best, but no matter how they come about, they can help even if in the moment it doesn’t seem like it.

Today for me, my reflective state is more on the not sure side of town, I feel alright kinda, I guess…….it’s just i’m not sure on a lot of things and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, I don’t know how to really balance things out or if I do balance things, i’m not sure whether to look at it in a positive light more or the opposite. I don’t really want to look at it in a bad light, it’s just when you feel something, it’s hard to not really look into it a certain way you know!?……..I’m not sure if i’m making sense right now, but I hope you understand what i’m trying to say. 

I’ll just get to the point of why i’m in a reflective mode at the moment. So I was looking to add a different profile photo to my blog site and my social medias, but as I was doing that, I couldn’t help, but look at some of my other photos in my gallery and looking back at them………well i’ll just say it, I smiled for a bit…….and then I found myself getting emotional after………..I don’t know why………okay I do know why, it was because I realized how much I really changed from those photos. In them I would always smile, I would even take random photos of myself when I was having a really good day or if I liked the way I looked, I know that probably sounds real shallow or something, but believe me I wasn’t doing it for attention or anything. 

I’d just take random silly photos because I was happy and those photos I never posted because I didn’t feel the need to, I just felt I wanted to take them so I could look back at them. It sounds crazy I know, but really they were just photos to look back on for me. As I was looking back on them though, I couldn’t help, but go into deep thought mode……….I wrote in my writing journal that most people when they reflect they don’t question their changes, at least I don’t think they do……….me though i’m always going back and forth with my changes, had I not changed would things be different!? I don’t know…….it’s like I have days where I feel the changes that happened to me are i’m sure for the better, but at the same time I also wonder if me changing………was it wrong!? should I have done that!? I don’t know……….

I know a lot of us don’t plan on changing, it just happens and a lot of the time we aren’t prepared for it, I didn’t expect the changes that occurred, to turn things upside down. It’s kinda like being in the middle of an ocean or river………everything’s fine you’re enjoying all that is happening around you and it’s just great, you feel great………then out of nowhere you find that the current of the ocean or river start picking up, at first you think you’re able to handle it and that you will bounce back and everything will be okay again………but then it starts to get worst and the current from the river or ocean, you find is going into speed mode and you’re holding on as best as you can, but you know that it’s not good enough.

You’re trying to stay calm and not panic, but it just keeps getting stronger and faster, now you find yourself starting to freak out “What is happening!?” “Why is this happening” “I don’t know what to do” all of those things keep running in and out of your head, but even though all that is happening, you still do your best to stay calm even though you’re freaking out. After a good while of dealing and going through all that mess, things start to calm down and the current starts to go back to normal a bit………the only thing is now, you find yourself constantly having mental breakdowns and becoming unsure of a lot of things, some days your good, other days your not……..time passes though and you feel a little better, you find yourself kinda getting back into the groove of things, you’re doing the best you can, yet you know that deep down, not only are things not the same entirely………..but neither are you.

You sit with yourself, contemplating in your mind how everything go so out of wack so quickly, what happened!? why did it happen!? and then you kinda start to blame yourself, saying things like “If I hadn’t changed or if I hadn’t done this……..everything would be fine, non of this would’ve happened”……….It’s crazy you know, that saying that goes ” A lot can happen within a year” is true, you could go from feeling the greatest that you’ve ever felt in a long time, to constantly feeling unsure of everything and constantly wondering………now maybe all that is for the better, who’s to say it isn’t right!?

Sometimes though, it’s that curious side to us that has to always wonder whether it is or not. Even if we ended up getting caught in a huge current, that we weren’t prepared for………..we still should look at things from a different perspective, maybe all that was to see how much you could handle, maybe you’ll look back at it and reflect on it differently, who knows………for now, we’ll just do our best and try to take in everything around us again and when the current starts to pick up again, we’ll be as prepared as we can be and hopefully this time it isn’t all that bad.

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~ 

Photo by Michael Niessl on Unsplash

Everything Changes Eventually (Nov 23, 2018)

Evening Pages (Nov 23, 2018): If it wasn’t so cold outside i’d be writing this in the backyard, instead i’m writing this in my room with the window open a bit, listening to everything that’s going on outside. I did go outside though, only for a bit of course, I walked around a bit in the backyard, holding my journal and pencil close to me……as I was back there, I couldn’t help, but look at everything, I looked at the grass, the trees, I looked at the birds that flew by, just everything. As I looked around, I thought about how everything eventually changes, the seasons are a clear example of that, we all know Winter doesn’t stay long, same goes for Autumn, Spring and Summer, eventually those seasons come to pass after they’ve welcome their stay. The seasons know they can’t stay for long, which is why when their time comes to move on, they don’t, well sometimes they tend to stay longer then they should and sometimes they’ll even switch in between each other, just so they don’t have to leave so soon, at least that’s how I like to see it. (End of Journal Entry) 

This was a small entry from my writing journal, that I wrote yesterday……there was more to it, but I just wanted to write that part here and see if I could explain something different on this post. I talked about observing things in my last post and it seems as though I find myself doing that a lot, as well as reflecting on everything. While I was outside in my backyard, I was thinking on how I remember being back there and it being summer and the way I was during that time, I was a complete mess those days………i’d go back and although I wouldn’t dare admit this on any other day, I would go back there to mainly reflect and think, but whenever I’d do that, I would find myself crying a lot of the time back there too……..it wasn’t because I wanted to, but anytime I felt I needed to let my emotions out, that’s where i’d go, not a lot of people know that, so for those reading this you guys are the first to know.

I was really stressed out most of the summer and still kinda stress now, although I try and keep myself calm when I feel myself stressing nowadays, it’s not always easy though. You might want to know the reasons why I was or why I would cry to myself a lot of the time, if I sat here and told you why we’d be here all day, because there was a lot of reasons to it, one of the main reasons though was, well I was stressed for one and also because I would constantly worry about everything, whether I was doing okay, how everything was gonna go…….everything, I still worry about those things now, but I try my best to minimize how much I worry. In those days though, I think the best thing to come from all of that, was that I had my blog and my journals to write in when I needed something and although it took me a while, writing everything out I was feeling in the best way that I could, really helped.

It’s crazy how everything can just go from one thing and then be something completely different the next time you encounter it………It’s like when you really look at things from a different perspective and everything, you tend to find out different things then what you already know and in those things that you know, you find that it doesn’t matter what you do, some things are bound to change and no amount of trying to fix it is gonna work………but even then, it’s all about trying your best and doing your best to keep going, no matter the pain, stress, worry, uncertainty, all of it…….you just gotta keep going, even on those days where you aren’t sure whether you want to or not, just keep going. No matter what kind of changes take place, just try and go with it as best as you can, even if they aren’t the ideal changes that you wanted………..eventually things change and it’s just something we have to accept.   

My quote of the day:  You know I always loved Autumn, there’s just somethings about it, maybe it’s all the colorful leaves that lay on the ground or it could be the way the trees go from being brightly orange with a mix of red and yellow leaves attached………to nothing at all. It’s also the feel of it too.

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~

Photo by Jonah Pettrich on Unsplash

I Don’t Even Know, What To Title This

Hey everyone, i’m back with another blog post, i’m gonna try and make this one not so long, so that way I can get some sleep, you’re probably thinking “well gee why don’t you just sleep if you’re so tired!?” I could do that yeah, buuuut I told myself i’d write two blog posts today, since I not only didn’t record a new video, but I also haven’t uploaded my other video from last Saturday, which is kinda stressing me out a bit, but that would be my fault because, I could’ve did it earlier, but I didn’t so I have to deal with it of course.

I will upload it in the morning though, although it should’ve been uploaded already, talk about making things harder on yourself right!? It’s just too much at times, especially when most of your days are up and down, there isn’t really ever a middle ground most times, but I guess it could be if you just make the most of it right!? As well as making things a little bit easier for yourself and not stressing yourself out every minute of the day with trying to do everything all at once or thinking you have to do loads, because you really don’t have to, you just have to find some kind of balance to where everything seems manageable. Maybe by doing that, it will become less overwhelming and you’ll tend to feel a little bit at ease doing things that way……….am I making sense!? I hope so, right now I don’t have any idea whether or not what i’m writing is coming out right, that’s how tired I am at this very moment, but i’m trusting myself and hoping it is coming out okay.

Do you guys just have days like that where, sometimes you just write, but you’re not quite sure if what you’re writing about is coming out alright or if it’s making any sense or is that just me!? I can’t be the only one, I hope i’m not the only one……I think we all tend to have days like that, I feel with days like that, it might actually be good, because then whatever has been hiding away from you, could come out without a care and then maybe you’ll feel better because of it.

I mean who says we can’t have days where we just write whatever is in our minds or just random posts to where it doesn’t have to make sense for once it can just be freely writing, if that makes any sense, I don’t know if it does, but I hope you all know what it is that I mean………I feel i’m gonna look back on this post and just go “WHAT DID I JUST WRITE” I might regret it, I might not, hey I might just even look back and laugh at it or even be surprised I don’t know, I guess i’ll see tomorrow morning.

I’m gonna head to sleep now, okay i’m gonna get a snack first and then head to sleep, I hope you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening, it’s gonna be something looking back at this post tomorrow.

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

Photo by Ben Bowens on Unsplash

A Little Bit Of Reflecting (Oct 21,2018)

Today was a very something kind of day, I was having one of my deep thought kind of days and every time that happens, I become a mess, I start overthinking, stressing out, which then causes me to become very frustrated and when i’m frustrated I can get pretty emotional…….which isn’t my favorite thing, because then it causes me to lose focus on the things that I try my hardest to not lose focus on especially when i’m dealing with days like this. The only reason i’m expressing all of this is because there was a lot that i’ve realized about myself, i’ve spoken before on how I don’t give myself the chance to really let something grow once i’ve gotten it up and running, which I don’t like that I do that.

Lately, i’ve been getting very frustrated, i’m not even going to try and pretend that everything’s been all that great, everything’s okay i’ll say that, but i’m still having some trouble really enjoying my days and i’m gonna explain why that is and the reason I keep going into deep thought mode, a lot of the times. I’m not quite sure how to write this part, but i’m just gonna write it however it comes out.

I enjoy writing, being able to write helps me get my mind in order a bit……..now for the past few days i’ve been writing in my thought journal, and I found myself writing something new every day or every other day, sometimes I write a lot, other times I don’t, sometimes my entries don’t even get finished properly. When I bought that journal a few years back, I said to myself that I wasn’t ever gonna write my own thoughts, that I was gonna use it to only write positive journal entries……….now I haven’t done that in a while, but what I have done was do exactly what I told myself I wouldn’t do.

You’re probably thinking what do you mean, it’s a journal you’re meant to write down your thoughts and feelings!? Yeah I know that, but when I would write in my thought journal, i’d only write the title of what I was feeling……but whenever i’d go to write whatever I wanted to express based off the title, it wouldn’t feel like they were my words if that makes sense!? It would always feel as though someone else wrote it, yet I wrote it, you know what I mean!? It’s like if you were playing a character in a movie or something, but you’re writing instead…….and you know, you say and write all these things and when you go back to read it, it’s as if it’s not even the same person and you’ve just found this journal lying around filled with thoughts and advice on the things your dealing with.

I’ve said before how sometimes i’ll read one of my journal entries and while i’m reading it i’d be surprised, because it wouldn’t even seem like I wrote it……like if you were to say “Hey look I found this journal filled with all these different advices” changed the cover of it and then handed it to me to read……..I probably would think it belonged to someone else at first and then maybe after reading a bit of it, i’d recognize it and say “Wait this seems familiar……oh wait this is my journal!?” So it’s kinda like the way I started writing in it when I first got it, I was writing it as if someone would find it and maybe be curious to read it, but in an advice guide kinda way, I don’t really know how to properly explain it, but I hope you understand what i’m trying to say here.

Although I enjoying writing………i’m constantly trying to figure out what else I could do to keep my spirts up, stay motivated and all that. Writing is great, don’t me wrong……..I love being able to express myself in a way I didn’t think I knew how, being able to bring in some of my ideas to here, like you know talking about bands or video games that I enjoy, asking random questions, you know stuff like that……..but I feel as though I need to showcase my personality a bit more if that makes any sense, it’s like when I write about something that i’m super excited about, I really get excited, but you wouldn’t quite know that exactly, just by me writing my words.

What i’m trying to say here is, i’ve kinda I won’t say lost, but I will say i’ve just……..I just feel as if some other stuff is missing, like some excitement I don’t know………i’ve realized tonight that i’m not very nice to myself, I know i’m hard on myself, but i’m not that nice. I don’t let myself be great, anytime I have new ideas on something I stop them from taking flight before they even get on board and I can’t keep doing that if I want to see myself succeed and do well.

I’m always complicating things when I know that I don’t need to and I cause myself to constantly overthink on things which I know isn’t good……….if I were to just to stop and breathe for a second, anytime I started to worry about something and just say to myself: “Hey, what are you doing!? All these things that you’re thinking about and stressing yourself out about, aren’t that big of a deal as you’re making it………You can do these things if you just stopped worrying on how it will turn out or whether or not their good enough……they are good enough, you just have to help them come to life and show everyone how passionate you are about them, even if they don’t get it.”

Everything I just said there in that little small dialogue I created, is my problem I overthink, because I worry about whether my ideas are good enough and when I do that this thing in my mind tells me that it won’t work and I shouldn’t continue on with it, but I know by doing that, I don’t win, because I let myself talk me out of ideas that once brought me joy or that I wanted to try, all because I was scared and didn’t think people were interested………..but I know that’s not a good way to think, if I always based everything I do on whether people would like it or not, then it only hurts me, because i’m not giving myself a chance nor am I giving my ideas a chance and whether people like something or not, it shouldn’t stop you from still seeing if you could do well with it.

There’s a lot of others things to it, but lately the way i’ve been feeling is more with me  and whether or not i’m getting things right and I always just hope that I am and I think for me I just have to stop worrying and that’s something that has always been hard for me, because i’ve done it so much throughout my life it’s gonna be a little hard to get rid of it right away………but I want to be able to try a little bit more, I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and say “I’m proud of you and you’re doing very well.” while also being able to look back and be proud of something that I built myself like this blog for example.

I don’t want to be in this constant funk that i’m in, all because i’m constantly in my mind trying to figure things out when it comes to helping myself enjoy things more. I’m gonna do my best to stop worrying so much as best as I can and just try and do a little bit of everything if I feel that I should or need to, because the only person who can get me out of these deep thought sessions with myself……..is myself, I need to stop letting myself get so consumed in my own emotions and thoughts when it comes to things that I could just easily snap out of and i’m gonna do my best everyday to get better and do better, so I don’t feel the way I have again or at least as much as I have.

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

Featured Photo By: Jan Phoenix on Unsplash

Dealing With Funks (Inspired By AmyRightMeow)

Hey there everyone hope you’re all doing well, todays topic on todays post is a bit on the serious side of town, now I didn’t really expect to write about this, but as I was having my morning coffee, I came across this video of a Youtuber that I recently found, and got into and in her video she talked about dealing with funks and it made me want to share my own kind of funks with you guys if that’s okay!?

Everything she explained in the video was exactly how I was feeling this past week, now i’m not one to really talk about my feelings much unless somethings really bothering me to where I feel I need to let it out somehow and when that happens I will usually write it down. In the video she explained what it’s like when she goes through funks in her life and how when she’s going through them, she tries to sort through it by herself and even questions why it is she feels the way that she does.

One of the main things that she expressed that really stuck with me, was when she said whenever she tried to comfort herself, she just ended up getting angry instead of making herself feel better, because her mind kept telling her that she shouldn’t be feeling the way that she was, because there’s bigger problems in the world then her problems and hearing that was like wow to me, because that’s the same way I think and i’m sure there’s a lot of you guys out there as well who may feel the same way.

This past week was really tough to get through, I won’t go too much into it, i’m gonna try and keep this post as minimum as I can. This past week wasn’t my favorite week, as much as I tried my hardest to keep myself calm and do my best to stay as positive as I could, it was really hard, I couldn’t keep my emotions and thoughts in order and it drove me mad, because I wanted so bad to pick myself up and make the most of those days and I couldn’t and me not being able to do that, made me very frustrated, it felt like I didn’t have control of anything.

I couldn’t stay focused even when I tried, I was constantly in my own mind having battles with myself, I tried to help myself feel better, but it always felt like there were two versions of me. I was trying to help the other version of me up, but that version of me kept refusing my hand, telling me that it was fine and it didn’t need help and it was okay, but the version of me that tried to help the other part of me, knew that it wasn’t.

Eventually though, everything that I kept in and was feeling, I did let it out and when I did I actually felt a lot better, well mostly, I still kinda felt a bit of the effects of it, but I did feel better, yesterday was probably one of my favorite days that I’ve had in a very long time, because I was happy, I felt like me again and it’s been a while since that happened. Instead of feeling okay all the time, I felt pretty good, which was nice, however feeling okay is good too, if you’re not feeling the greatest, but you find that your feeling decent and or alright, then you can give yourself a little smile because I know that sometimes for some even that’s hard.

We all go through some really tough moments in our lives and most of us feel as though when that happens we can deal with it and handle it on our own, but sometimes although we don’t like asking for it, sometimes a little help is what we need. So if you’re struggling to get through the day or you’re just not feeling your best, know that it’s okay to not only feel the way that you do, but also don’t be afraid to talk to someone if you know that you need to, handing things on your own is fine and all if you know you can deal with it, but if you find that you’re really struggling, don’t be afraid to ask someone for an ear to listen to, believe me you’ll feel a lot better for it.

One last thing, if you’re feeling as though you’re not doing okay in your life, know that you are, even when your mind is telling you that you aren’t. We can be our own worst enemy at times, but we have to remember and keep telling ourselves that we’re stronger then what our mind tells us and that even on our worst days, everything is gonna be okay, it may take some time, but it’ll be alright. Be proud of how hard you try even when it’s just getting up and doing your best to put and keep a smile on your face, that is something and that means you’re doing well.

If you guys are interested in checking out the video that I mentioned earlier in this post, you can watch it here: Dealing with Funks – (illustrated story) By AmyRightMeow

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

Featured Photo By: eberhard grossgasteiger on Unsplash

Change (Oct 12, 2018)

Journal Entry (Oct 12,2018)

Change is a very big thing, it can also be a very scary thing as well, we all fear a little change sometimes, especially when it’s something new that we’re still getting use to. Some of us embrace change though, while others kinda get a little anxious when it comes to the thought of it, we get so overwhelmed sometimes that we think we should just settle for what we know and for me i’m starting to realize that we shouldn’t do that, we all need a little change, be it in our environment, the way we live and even in the way we think and how we see ourselves. We get so use to being a certain way that because we’ve been that way for so long, we have it in our minds that we don’t need to change. 

Sometimes though we do, because in the end we know that it’s gonna make us better people and help us grow as a person, it’s okay to be scared because it means that we care, sure when it comes to change we may not know what exactly it will bring us, but maybe that’s for a reason……maybe we aren’t meant to know, maybe we’re just meant to accept it and embrace it, instead of trying to always fight to stop it from happening. We should all want to change a little, especially when we know deep down we need it, because maybe the old way isn’t working, maybe it’s time for us to kick ourselves in the backside and tell ourselves to shape up and to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and just accept that no matter what we do, something is bound to change and we can either embrace it or let it push us so hard that it makes us breakdown more often then we may like. 

We all fear change, but we really shouldn’t, because change is apart of life, it helps us move forward, it helps us see things from a different perspective and it lets us see things we’ve never seen before. Change helps show us what it is we’re capable of, whether we see it in ourselves in the beginning or we have others try and show us, so we can discover it along the way, no matter how we may perceive change, it’s gonna happen and it’s on us to really embrace it and see what that change has in store for us or we can just let it intimidate us and risk missing out on something amazing.

Who knows it might be something we really need, but we wouldn’t know because we’re always running away from it, because we’re scared of what might happen. Instead of us always worrying about the what if’s, why don’t we just try looking more on the side of why not and let’s see what this could be, will we be scared!? yeah we’ll probably be terrified, but that still shouldn’t stop us from seeing what is out there for us, we should always welcome change no matter what it is, eventually no matter what the change is like, it’s always gonna end up having a silver lining somewhere, we just have to learn to always see the best in everything. (End Of Journal Entry)

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All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

Featured Photo By: Sebastian Unrau on Unsplash

Autumn Leaves (Inspired By An Ed Sheeran Song)

Hey everyone I know it’s been a while, I hope you’re all doing well, today’s blog post maybe very short or a little long i’m not sure, i’ll try my best to make sure it isn’t too long, since we’re in the month of October I wanted to talk upon the season of Autumn also known as Fall since we’re now in it, we all know that Autumn is the season of change and just like the seasons change so do us humans, we all grow up to be a certain way, but we all know that we aren’t always gonna be the same as we once were.

No matter how hard we try to, there’s always gonna be some part of us that breaks away from certain things, the same way leaves break and fall off a tree when it’s the ending of Summer and the beginning of Fall, I guess what i’m saying is we’re like a tree kinda, we start off as a seed planted in soil and as we grow we start to gain a little personality, we start to become interested in things and each interest that we take upon, become our leaves, if that makes sense.

milkovi-475023-unsplashPhoto by MILKOVÍ on Unsplash

Now the leaves that we start with, aren’t going to be the leaves we always keep with us because as we know leaves don’t stay on a tree for long, eventually they fall off one by one, as those leaves fall off and float down to the ground we can’t really stick them back onto our branches because once they fall off they fall off, with leaves we can have so many, but eventually those leaves will fall off, whether we want them to or not. Sometimes we don’t even realize that some of our leaves have fallen off, it just happens so quickly to where we don’t even have time to react to it.

When we do realize one of our leaves have fallen off though, we take it in, especially if it was something super important to us at the time. Now leaves don’t have to only be about our hobbies or things we’re interested in, sometimes leaves can be friends that we keep or family members even and sometimes we have to realize that those things too can fall off, some mutually, some expectedly, we’ll even have those leaves that just aren’t good for us anymore so we as the tree will shake them off and sometimes they’ll just fall off on their own, because maybe it’s just meant to be that way.

Leaves fall off trees for a reason and they grow new ones every spring for a reason and that’s because they’re meant to fall off, so they can make room for new and improved ones. So when our leaves fall off it’s only because we’re growing and trying to improve ourselves, now with that happening it’s not always gonna be easy, although I just compared us to trees and everything, we’re not trees, we’re humans and us as humans, we’re gonna have a few leaves fall off us and it may hurt when that happens, you may feel bad about it happening, you’ll have times where you won’t even know that it happened, it’ll just dawn on you when you least expect it…….

but when that happens, when you find that a few of your leaves have fallen off, know that it’s okay to reflect on it if you need to, you might not quite understand it, because not everything has a clear understanding, but sometimes it’s not having that clear understanding to where you oddly understand it.

annie-spratt-419267-unsplashPhoto by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Just because old leaves break off, it doesn’t mean that new leaves won’t grow. Sometimes we sit and wonder why certain things happen, why we fall out with certain people and when those kind of things come into our mind, we really go through them and maybe we shouldn’t do that so much, once in a while yeah sure, maybe you need a clear understanding, but when it comes to other things that we can’t seem to wrap our heads around, maybe that’s because there’s nothing to wrap our heads around.

Sometimes it just happens and we don’t always know why, but we shouldn’t dwell on it, sometimes it’s just best to accept it and move on, it doesn’t mean you can’t feel a certain way about it, but once you accept the fact that, that leaf fell off, just think to yourself that maybe that was for a reason, whatever reason that may be.

It may take time to accept it depending on how much of an impact a situation, a relationship or even just something you once took an interest in was to you, but eventually you’ll come to terms that maybe it was for the best, when that happens don’t you feel bad about it, because you held on to those leaves for as long as you could, but now we have to make room for new and better things for us and we should always want better things for ourselves.

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

Featured Photo By: Annie Spratt on Unsplash