*Walks into the rooms slowly* I’m not sure if i’m going to keep the title, but for now it’s good. I’m going to try and explain what I mean about this title as best as I can, so bare with me! I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, usually when I’m in what I like to call inner dialogue mode I have to process my emotions first, so that I can understand how to go about them, sometimes I won’t even realize how long i’ve been sat reflecting. One moment I’m feeling all kinds of different feeling, sadness, worried, unsure and then the next I’m not really thinking about it anymore or so it seems!

We all know that when we have a strong thought about something it’s there in the back of our mind just brewing and collecting until you can’t really ignore it and it comes back for you to have to sort out. I’m going to be honest with you, even though I feel i’ve gotten better at expressing myself, I still have a hard time at saying what i’m actually feeling sometimes…..it takes me a while to confront my own thoughts and emotions and I don’t really like to share them with people, cause I feel the only person that is really going to understand your emotions and what you’re feeling is you the person feeling it. You can get as many imputs and opinions, but at the end of it you have the final say on how you want to walk with it.

Will you choose judgement towards yourself or will you choose to stand with it with understanding and care!? It’s funny cause I always have people tell me i’m really good at communicating and in those moments, I get a little shy!? I guess you can say and i’ll sit there and just say “I’m just doing my best” with a nervous laugh, it’s a compliment I know that and it shows that all those times that I felt I couldn’t share what I was feeling inside after having people say that I talked a lot or showing they weren’t really interested with what I had to say, but eventually finding that voice inside where I choose to keep talking anyway even though I was very nervous.

I’m not really great with compliments, so when given one, I get pretty shy, it’s a strange thing cause if you know me and we’re very close you’ll learn I love to talk, it doesn’t matter what it is, i’ll talk your ear off IF i’m comfortable with you, I won’t talk much if I don’t feel the energy or vibe is there and that’s how i’ve always been. To go out of my way to WANT let alone CHOOSE to share any parts of myself, that’s literally giving you my heart and hoping that if I allow you to step into my world which….is a lot both on the ACTUAL way of it and the very CREATIVE way shall I say and what I mean by that is, my way of thinking is complex and simple, the way I view things, you’re either going to get it or you’re not and that’s the truth.

I know my personality isn’t for everyone and i’ve grown to accept that, I’ve always been aware of that since I was very young, my younger self had to take some time to get it and understand, but even when I knew it, it was something that I still struggled to accept at one point. NOW….well I can’t say I don’t care, cause I care about everything, but I will ALWAYS choose to stay true to myself and sometimes I don’t give a damn what people say or think and sometimes, I have my moments where it may bother me not the fact that there are people that may not vibe with my energy, but more on feeling like I’m not doing enough or that I have to explain myself when I know that the real people who are meant to be there and want to be there, won’t leave and those that aren’t it’s not for them.

We have to remember that WE aren’t for everyone, We don’t realize at times how much of our energy we give away, we think we have to share it as if it’s a piece of candy or whatever snack you like, you might have a whole bag that can go around a whole room, but that doesn’t mean you have to give it all. You can choose to share with those who appreciate the person that you are, those who always stay even when you might have a bad moment and you might not want people around, but even when that’s the case, they let you know I’m right around the corner or a ring away if you need me.

I’m not saying that you can’t or shouldn’t share with people who may not appreciate you the same way others will, I was raised to always show compassion and not to deny people food, even if they don’t want to eat it, still offer! I know we aren’t ACTUALLY talking about food, it’s just something that I hold always, I guess you could see it as even when you know someone may not have the right vibe and don’t show the same compassion and care for people as you do, it’s okay to still offer and if they don’t like it, they don’t have to take it. At least you know you went out of your way to do something bigger than yourself as much as you might not have wanted to, no one can take away that compassionate person inside of you.

It’s a lot to say “hey this is my world and I want to share it with you a bit” It’s terrifying sometimes cause not everyone stays long, but I learned that, it’s okay if people are only there for a moment, in however long of a moment they choose to stick around, you might not realize, but you might’ve helped teach them something new to take with them wherever they choose to go next and if they take adventage of the kindness and heart of yours or maybe they take it a different way to what you originally meant and then decide they don’t want to be there anymore, as much as it might suck….it helps you to learn something too, always know who you are and what your worth and understand that it’s okay to choose your kind of people or let those people choose you, however way!

Let that inner compass cause we all have one, let that voice inside you help guide you in the direction that you’re meant to go, there’s days you will be unsure and question yourself, but we have to learn to trust where we’re headed, when things fall away, it’s always for a reason and soon you’ll learn how much more your capable of, how bright you shine and whose got your back, when you may not have your own, keep trusting and you’ll see what I mean, this is also a reminder for myself.

All The Love 💚💚💚
Lex