One More Time And This Time We’re Gonna Do Our Best To Get It Right

I’m kinda having a hard time figuring out exactly what to write here, but i’m just gonna let it come to me as i’m writing this so hopefully, everything that is written here makes sense. We’ll start with the title…….So just like I wasn’t sure what to write, I actually wasn’t sure what to title this and then you know, as I was thinking, I got the idea of this title and the reason why that is, is because it reminded me of a song that i’m sure a lot of you might know it’s called One More Time by Daft Punk and thinking of that song reminded me of one my best friends, so that’s why I titled it the way I did.

One more time for what you may ask, well……it can be for a lot of different things, but for me i’d say it’s more on the let’s try and do this one more time and see if we can do it right this time kind of thing, hence why I combined the two into one title. Sometimes we try something and either it doesn’t work out at first, we kinda leave it for later for too long or we’re just a little hesitant to pick up where it is that we once started and left off, because we’re either scared, or we’re not sure whether we should or not.

That’s why the title here is a little important, well at least to me it is, because it can be a reminder and can give us a little boost of encouragement to possibly just try one more time and see if we’re able to do things better with whatever it is that we want to re-try this time around. Just because we leave certain things be for a bit or a good while, it doesn’t mean that we can’t go back and give it another try. Sometimes you learn that, you know, leaving something on the shelf for a good amount time and then later coming back to it, it might just end up being better, because then the feeling it once gave you will feel like a whole new feeling and it’ll feel like you’ve just discovered it for the first time again, if that makes sense!? It’s okay to be so big on something once and then kinda leave it for a bit and then later possibly (if you wanted) come to it. It’s gonna happen, but it doesn’t mean we’ll completely dismiss it especially when it was once important to us.

I mean hey, even the best people such as artists, writers and so many others, i’m sure they all had an idea that they continuously worked on, but then later decided that it just wasn’t right at the moment, so they ended up putting it away for a bit and when they felt they wanted to come back to it, they did and maybe for them it worked out better that way…….i’m just hoping that this time it will work out better for me, but I know that it’s my job to make sure that it does and even if I feel that something’s not working, I should at least still do my best to make the most of it and not back out so quickly.

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

Featured Photo By: Vlad Bagacian on Unsplash

The Sound Of Silence…..

Hey everyone I hope you’re doing well this afternoon, today’s blog post topic is gonna be a little different, it’s not really based off anything in particular…….today’s post as you can tell from the title of it, is all about the sound of silence. Sounds fun and interesting right ha, probably not, but yeah i’m not quite sure what I want to talk about today, so I just thought i’d come up with something random, plus i’ve found myself listening to the natural sounds around me and oddly enjoying it I guess you can say.

It’s probably really weird, I guess the more you speak on it, it does sound quite weird. I just hope that it’s not super boring to you guys, umm but yeah…….have you ever just sat back and listened to the natural sounds around you!? it’s quite interesting because when you’re just still and everything around you isn’t making much noise you actually hear more, I know that probably sounds very confusing and will probably have you go “what” (you can’t tell, but I just laughed at myself because saying “what” is reminding of a wrestler, hey you might actually know this wrestler for those who use to watch it back then Stone Cold Steve Austin, yeah he use to say that and for some reason it’s really funny because it’s a little bit random but then again it’s not at the same time)

Anyway back to what I was originally talking about, the sound of silence, it’s quite interesting actually because you wouldn’t really think that silence has a sound to it considering it’s called silence for a reason am I right!? However it actually does, now would I be able to tell you exactly what that sound is!? No because how would you even describe silence and is it even possible to describe it!? Not quite, but if you had to describe it, how would you!? See to me silence has a very calm and mellow feel to it especially when it’s very cloudy out after it just rained, I say that because that’s exactly how it is right now where i’m at. Now maybe you’re thinking you’re just talking rubbish right now, how does silence even have a sound!?

Well like I said before, yeah it’s called silence so how is that possible and my answer to you would be…..it is, but it’s only when everything around you is quiet that you hear it, for example a minute ago it was silent outside my window, but now a car is leaving a driveway so it’s not anymore at least for the moment that is, now when that car leaves, it will become quiet again and when that happens, the silence will then return.

I’ll give you a few things that happened within the silence for it to become un silent (probably not a word, maybe it is, but either way i’m gonna use it)

  • A car left a driveway
  • My phone went off telling me I had a notification of some sort
  • Crickets were chirping outside of my window
  • A dog barked

Now those were just a few things that happened within the silence to make it where it wasn’t silent anymore, now it probably was very boring to read I know, but I just wanted to give you a few examples, another thing i’ll add is me talking while I write, I always do that though, because it helps me think better and my thoughts tend to come out the way I want them to (most of the time that is) Even when it’s silent though, you still are able to hear some kind of sound, it can be a small sound or a very large one to where it may startle you a bit, but we know that after those sounds have passed, the silence will return……….Have you noticed that whenever you sort through your thoughts and feelings, that your mind too because more calm and silent!?

As some of you may know, I have this thing where most of the time my mind likes to bring a lot of information to me, causing me to overthink things that in all reality don’t really need to be over thought (I hope I made sense there) lately though it’s been quite nice to me and hasn’t gotten out of hand, which i’m happy about because I found that overthinking things just makes everything else a mess, so to have it where I feel not super overwhelmed with a wave of constant overthinking, it feels nice, very nice actually. You tend to realize when you’re mind becomes still and calm that everything around you also becomes still and calm, okay maybe not everything, but i’d say a good amount does and so when you feel that calmness and you feel that……In all honestly I don’t even know what else to put here, uhhhh but when you feel the stillness (well I guess that would be it) when you feel the stillness of certain things around you, it sorta gives you a sense of peace and understanding, I don’t know if that makes sense but yeah.

The sound of silence, actually has a sound to it…….you just kinda have to really listen to hear it as well as feel it, because believe it or not you can feel it, I can’t explain it exactly but you do feel it, if I had to describe it, i’d say it’s confusing, weird, but also oddly nice let’s just say it’s one of things you can’t really describe you just have to be with it, in order to get it……..yeah……..so that’s my thought for today nothing too exciting nor super long, just simple and a good amount if I had to put it a certain way.

How would you describe the sound of silence if you had to describe it!? Have you ever experienced the same thing and if so how does/did it make you feel!? I hope you all are having a lovely day and I hope you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening 🙂

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All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

 

Thought Of The Day #3: Emotions and Expressing Those Emotions

Hey there everyone, I know that I haven’t written much lately and there isn’t really an excuse I can use, because well…….yeah there just isn’t any. I just want to let you know though that I have been writing, there are a lot of unfinished blog posts saved in my drafts and some blog posts that are finished, but I haven’t posted them because I just didn’t feel like they were any good, but if you want i’ll post them. Moving on though, i’m here to talk to you about how i’ve been feeling lately, but i’m not quite sure how to really put it into words so i’ll just try and explain it as best as I can……..just letting you know this may be a very long one so I hope you stick with me……

Right at this very moment i’m as calm as I can keep myself, but earlier I wasn’t as calm as I am right now, in all honesty I was such a mess this morning that I think i’ve literally tired myself out, now I could rest and relax, but I also can’t at the same time, because if I rest anymore, i’m not gonna do anything and we (by we I mean me) can’t keep putting off writing, we started this for a reason and it’s time I actually put this blog to good use and not sabotage it like i’ve been doing, not on purpose of course, I just haven’t been feeling the best, but every time I think about it, shouldn’t that be a reason to write!? That way you’re able to get everything your feeling out……maybe yeah, I always try and bring positive posts though because I want to be able to bring a little happiness into your lives just in case you’re running low on it………but how are you mean’t to bring happiness to others when you yourself aren’t really that happy!? (9/6/18)

I have to always remind myself that you can’t make everyone happy, the only person you should always make sure is happy is yourself and if your not happy then there’s no way to share your happiness with others. I’m just gonna tell you how my morning went if that’s okay with you guys…….so I went for a walk today because I had a whole lot on my mind, I constantly wake up now with something being on my mind, i’m not gonna really express what that thing is because it’s personal, but anyway, so I went for a walk hoping I would be able to clear my mind in some sort of way and gee if that didn’t feel like the longest walk of my life……..I walked to that park that I once told you guys about, I got there and the first place I went was to where that river is, well the entrance way of the trail with the river at the bottom of it, there was someone there fishing just in case you were wondering.

Anyway so I leaned up on the entrance way, looking towards the river, the ground and the trees and I tried so hard to hold in my emotions because I didn’t want to let them out, like literally while I was walking I was holding them in and I guess once I got to the park leaned up on the entrance way of the trail, I couldn’t hold it in anymore even though I tried so hard to………you see when it comes to me, what you don’t know is whenever i’m feeling a certain way, I normally tend to keep it to myself because I don’t like putting my emotions on everyone and if I do talk about how I feel I only talk to certain people about it, so mainly my close friends and my boyfriend, mainly my boyfriend though, you’re probably wonder why not go to your family about your feelings and to answer your question……….that’s hard because even though I shouldn’t feel this way, I just feel like I can’t talk to them about how i’m feeling and that may sound weird but it’s true.

I use to always try to express myself to them when I was younger, but I never could get my words out with them and I just wouldn’t feel comfortable enough to go to them about my feelings, plus I never felt like they would understand me and how my emotions work if that makes sense. So that’s why if I ever felt I needed to go to someone about my feelings I would always go to my close friends about it and then after a while I met my boyfriend of over a year and so I just started telling him about my feelings and I don’t know…….I just always felt I could talk to them and him easily, I mean let’s be real we all have someone where if we needed to speak about something important or just need someone to listen to us for a couple of hours about whatever, we know that they’ll be there and we don’t ever have to think “Okay should I bring this up if i’m feeling this way!? Are they gonna really listen to me though if I talk about it!? or What if i’m just putting too much on them with my thoughts and emotions!? those kinds of questions.

We always try and avoid putting our emotions on people because we feel that we’re just gonna ruin their mood and become a huge burden on them and so that’s why some of us or lot of us just end up keeping our problems and emotions to ourselves, so when we find someone to talk to and really listen to us and I mean really listen……it means a lot because you know in that moment, your feelings matter and that you don’t need to worry about being a burden on someone because they too get it and they know how it feels to want to express yourself, but feeling like you’ll just be a downer if you do, plus they know how much it means when someone’s able to lend a helping hand or in this case ear, especially when you really need it and having that kind of person is the best because they don’t ever make you feel bad about having feelings and wanting to express them in someway, they just let you express it however way you need to express it.

It’s also a bonus when you can talk to someone and they have a whole lot of patience for you, because we’ve all had those moments where sometimes our words don’t catch up with our brains in time or we have what we want to say in our minds, but we just aren’t able to get them out into words right away and even though you’re freaking out inside having a conversation with yourself thinking why you aren’t able to get your words out or about how long you’re taking to express yourself, they aren’t really bothered about it because they probably know how hard it is as well to get everything you’re feeling out right away, so they’ll alway reassure you that everything okay and for you to just take your time and having that kind of person to lean on for emotional support means the world.

Communicating with people nowadays especially about your feelings you don’t really get that too often and if you do everyone expects you to just come out with it as if it’s that easy and for someone like myself, it’s not that easy, I have a problem expressing myself out loud because I never know what to say or how to word everything, whenever I try and speak as everyone always says to me, my words just end up jumbling all over the place and it makes it seem like I don’t know what i’m talking about or i’m not making sense and that can get to me, especially with the way that I am, because not only do I have a problem talking out loud, it doesn’t help with the fact that my anxiety will kick in sometimes when i’m trying to communicate out loud. It also doesn’t help when people know how you are and the way you get when communicating, yet still when they’re talking to you, the way they express themselves is the complete opposite to how you express yourself and so the whole conversation just ends up being not a conversation.

There’s two types of people:

Those who hold in their emotions and try and deal with them calmly, but when expressed they like to take their time to be able to gather their thoughts before they express them.

Those who hold in their emotions, but when they are expressed it ends up just blowing up everywhere and it’s hard to have a proper conversation with them. 

Lastly we have those who just express their emotions right when their feeling them no matter how the conversation turns out, but at least they said what they had to to say, I know I said two, but as I was writing I thought of a 3rd person, so now it’s 3 types of people.

Moving on though, I just feel like I can only express myself with certain people because I feel they get me more and I can just express myself without feeling rushed or as if i’m being a burden to those i’m expressing my feelings to. I also feel you shouldn’t have to explain why it is you’re able to talk to certain people about your true feelings compared to if you were to try and express your feelings to family members, sometimes that’s just how it is and some people may think that you should be able to, but it’s not always that way for some people, some feel a lot more comfortable talking about their feelings to their friends or partner then with a family member, you shouldn’t feel bad or have others make you feel bad about who you express yourself to. If you feel better after expressing your feelings to those who not only make you feel comfortable, but also make it easy for you to approach them, then that’s all that should matter, at least your getting your feelings out and not keeping them to yourself.

Everyone has someone they naturally gravitate towards be it emotionally, mentally or just in general and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. So that’s my thoughts, I hope you don’t mind me sharing this with you guys, i’ve just been really feeling my emotions lately and I always try and sort it myself, but it’s not always easy so I think for now on whenever I have a tensely arising emotion happening, I think i’m gonna write about it because I feel writing helps me really deal with it and it makes me feel a little better as well, anyway I really hope that you guys are able to take something from this and that I helped a bit for those who also have these feelings. I hope you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

(Originally Written Sept 6th) 

Pep Talks With Coffee And Me……Plus Learning To Spend A Little Time With Yourself…….

Have you ever given yourself a pep talk before you did anything first!? If so let me know how that goes for you and if it makes you feel any better, does it give you more of a confidence boost just share your thoughts, I would really like to know. The reason why i’m asking is because today I had to give myself a pep talk for the very first time in a long time, now a lot of you who read my blog posts probably know that I don’t leave my house much due to the way I am, but lately i’ve been slowly progressing and getting out more, mainly with just going and sitting in my backyard. I’ve actually been sitting in my backyard a lot more recently, I use to go like once or twice, but lately i’ve been going in my backyard a lot more than I normally would, i’m finding myself to really come to enjoy sitting in the back and just kinda taking everything in and sitting with my thoughts.

Anyway back to pep talking, so like I just expressed normally I just sit in my backyard but today was different, why was it different you may or may not ask and wonder!? Well today was different because for the first time in a very long time, I decided to take myself out for coffee, because I really wanted it, now i’m sure all of you are thinking “Why would you take yourself out for coffee, don’t you have a coffee maker at home!? (maybe you’re not thinking this I don’t know) but to answer your question if you have thought it…….yes I do have a coffee maker at home, but I was really feeling for french vanilla coffee today and we don’t have french vanilla, plus I kinda wanted to walk at the same time so I thought “You know what!? i’m gonna go walk down to Dunkin’ Donuts and get me a french vanilla coffee” if some of you are wonder why french vanilla, well that’s because french vanilla is my all time favorite coffee, I love it!! I have other favorites, but yeah I won’t bore you with that lol……..anyway……..So yeah I got dressed and took my dog for a walk first before I went to get coffee (btw I got my coffee a little late it was like 11am when I went so yeah, i’m sure it doesn’t make a difference though)

After I walked my dog, I gave her some water and some food and this is where the adventure starts for me……..okay so before I left the house again, I had to make sure I had everything that I needed, I always do that before I go anywhere or leave somewhere just to make sure you know!?…………So once I checked my bag to see if I had everything, I then headed on down to my destination and it was alright not too bad, every step I took, I gave myself a little boost of confidence saying “See this ain’t so bad” and also “you’re doing great” a little way of walking I then thought to myself, do I have my headphones!? cause I kinda wanted to listen to some music and so I stopped to check my bag to see and what a surprise………I didn’t have them…….thought to myself “YEP forgot my headphones”

Now what i’m about to say is a thing that actually came out of my mouth, I then said this “looks like it’s just me and thoughts then….great” not kidding that’s actually what I said and you can’t see me right now, but i’m laughing to myself because I just remembered I said that…….moving on………so i’m walking to get my coffee, observing everything, taking in the scenery. Half way of walking I start to contemplate in my mind, don’t worry I was just contemplating what it was I wanted to order, I knew I wanted coffee, but as you know, there’s a lot of coffee to chose from, but I was just thinking if I wanted a hot coffee or a cold one, reason being was because it was sorta hot out today and I wasn’t sure if I wanted a hot beverage on a hot day, I mean who wants that right!? (if you’re the type of person who does get hot beverages on a hot day, then power to you no judgement here)

So long story short I get to my destination I even said it as if I was a GPS when I walked close to it……..i’m not kidding (I know i’m a nerd, but I embrace it) anyway so I get to Dunkin’ Donuts and when I was walking in I saw this girl with a dog outside, I said hi when I walked in, the dog was cute it was a pug just in case you were wondering, so I go inside and there were a few people in front of me and while they were ordering, I of course start scanning the menu and then I realized while in line…….I forgot my glasses………i’m not really the best at seeing from afar…….soooo I had to just squint my eyes to see what I wanted, now my eye sight isn’t that bad or anything, I just can’t see that well from afar mainly with words……anyway I ordered my stuff and then went back home, after a little while of eating my stuff, I went to the backyard again and sat there for a good while and was just you know taking stuff in and everything.

Now what I realized today was, it’s been a good while since I hung out with myself, I mean normally i’m with myself in room all the time and you would think that it wouldn’t be weird because i’m always to myself, but when you take yourself out be it going to get coffee or just even going for a small walk by yourself, it’s a different feeling compared to just being with yourself in your home you know!? Going to get coffee by myself…….I mean it wasn’t weird, but it also was at the same time, I don’t know if that makes sense, but yeah it was a bit odd, because I don’t normally take myself out. Now this may sound like i’m going off topic but hear me out, some of you know that I loved where I use to live, it was one of my favorite places ever and there was a time where I did go on walks by myself, whether it was to meet up with my friend or getting something from the store and it was like I enjoyed it there more then I did going to get coffee today.

Now i’m not saying that it was terrible going for a walk and treating myself to some coffee outside my home, i’m just saying it was a bit weird for me because i’m not use to taking myself out and just treating myself to things, sometimes that even happens when i’m with people and they tell me to get something that’s on the expensive side of town because they know I don’t treat myself but 1. I’m not really into getting myself super expensive things especially if I know i’m not really gonna use it or if i’m just not feeling it, in order for me to get something that’s a bit more expensive compared to what I’d normally spend money on, I would have to really like it or really want it and 2. The things i’d normally get for myself don’t really cost that much and that’s because again i’m not into super expensive things, I prefer to just get stuff that i’m gonna use and that I know will bring me more joy for example: journals, band/graphic tees, books, I love Funko pops as well certain ones, stuff like that, you know things that I feel would mean more to me.

Now there are a few things that i’ve bought myself before that was on the expensive side of town and some I use and others I don’t use that much which is why I don’t buy things nowadays, but my point is I don’t really treat myself to stuff that often only when I really want it or if i’m interested it in and it’s not just things i’m talking about here, I don’t treat myself to much in general. It’s pretty rare for me to just take myself out, enjoy the day and spend time with myself outside of home, in all honestly I actually prefer to be home instead of going out, if I go out I like to be with someone I just feel it’s more fun that way, but i’m also realizing that it’s okay to treat yourself once in a while and just be with yourself even if you’re just going for a walk. Sometimes you need that alone time to gather your thoughts, really get to know yourself as a person more and just see how you feel sitting or spending time with yourself, sure if you’re not use to getting yourself out and treating yourself to not just things, but also a good time, it’s gonna feel weird and you’ll most likely feel very uncomfortable in your own skin, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least give it a try, do go for that walk alone and do sit with yourself.

Pushing yourself to kinda get out a bit more or treating yourself to things, can help you really get to know yourself on a deeper level to what you’re use to. You might find a lot of new things out about yourself that not even you knew and you may think “we’ll i’m with myself 24/7 what wouldn’t I know everything about myself!?” There might be a lot of things that you don’t realize about yourself actually…….I found out today after a very long time, that when I push myself and help myself do things that i’m not use to, I actually feel a little better, I won’t lie to you……I was actually super nervous leaving the house, I mean I walked my dog first and that’s not something to be nervous about of course, but it was knowing once I finished walking my dog, I would be walking alone to get coffee and it may sound dumb and not that big of a deal, but when you’re use to something and then you find yourself pushing past the things you’re use to……it can be kinda scary and it’ll make you anxious, but once you set your mind to it, you don’t try and second guess yourself and you just kinda go for it, you realize it’s not so bad.

It’ll be weird yeah, but if you just kinda give yourself that pep talk to boost your confidence a bit so you don’t try and psych yourself out, then you’ll find yourself just going with it pretty much. So if you think about maybe going on that walk alone, maybe treating yourself to some lunch or something, give it a try, see if it’s something that you might enjoy and if you do, see if you want to do it again. Don’t let your mind keep you from wanting to do certain things and don’t be afraid to spend a little time with yourself. You don’t even have to do anything big, just sitting alone in the backyard with you and your thoughts will do, once you find yourself doing that and you start to feel comfortable enough in your own skin and mind, try going for a good walk by yourself and just keep working towards certain things until you feel really confident within yourself to want to do a bit more and all that.

Work at your own pace and don’t worry about everyone else, just do things when you feel you’re ready for them. You’ll know you’re ready when something inside you kinda gives you that push and you find yourself just kinda doing things that you normally wouldn’t do, everything will just come to you and you won’t know why, but you’ll find yourself just going with it and when that happens, you’ll see that you’ve reached a certain level on your confidence bar which is good and it’s also something to be proud of yourself for, because it means you’re growing and coming into your own little by little.

Annnnd that is all from me for today, I don’t really have much to say, buuut I hope you were able to take something from this and that it helped some of you in some way, anyway I hope you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening 🙂

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Thought Of The Day/Night #2: Sky’s Not The Limit, It’s The Way Of Going Places…..

Do you ever just look into the sky and watch the birds and the planes go by and wonder to yourself what it would be like if you were a bird or if you were on that plane where exactly would you be headed!? I do, I always look in the sky and think to myself I wonder where those planes are going, who’s on it and how I wish I could be on it too…….Sometimes I look at the birds and wonder where they’re going as well. Looking at the sky really makes you think about everything because when you look toward the sky, you also reflect on things around you and it makes you think about where it is you want to go in your life. They say the sky’s the limit, but no…….I say that it’s the way of going places, which if you really think about it, is actually true, there’s no limit on where you can or can not go when you’re in the sky, you can go anywhere as long as you have the things you need stuff like passport, suitcase all that stuff……….we always look towards the sky in the morning and evening, but do you guys also look up at the sky at night!?

That ones my favorite, I love looking at the sky during the night, there’s just something about the sky when the sun goes down and the moon comes out especially when it’s joined by the stars, ohhh how pretty the stars are in the night………whenever I see lots of stars in the sky i’m always amazed, the way they light up the night and the way they look……it’s really nice. Getting to see a full moon as well is a pretty sight to see too, I mean who doesn’t love a full moon right!? Sometimes if you’re lucky, you’ll even see a planet in the night sky, you won’t be able to spot it with a naked eye of course, but if you have a telescope you’ll be able to see it clearly then, I was always interested in wanting to get a telescope that way I could see the stars and planets up close or as close as it would get.

People who own telescopes are lucky because they’re able to see the sky and everything in a whole different view to what we see it as with just our eyes, we maybe able to look at the sky, but we won’t get to see the stars and planets up close to what we would in a telescope or one of those observatories, but even if we don’t have a telescope to help see the stars and planets better, it’s still quite nice to just be able to take in everything, look into the night sky and just get lost in it, you can do that in the morning as well, but for me it’s the night time with the stars and the moon sitting in the sky that gets me, although I do too enjoy looking up into the morning and evening sky, with that I get to see the trees dance along with the wind while getting to feel the wind around me as well.

We’re lucky to be able to always see beauty within the sky whether it’s dark or it’s light, either way we’re always presented with something extraordinary whether that’s seeing a blue sky with clouds floating by in the A.M. or getting to see a black sky followed by some stars, a moon and sometimes planets during the late hours ( I was gonna say P.M. buuut I couldn’t think of anything to go with it, plus I didn’t think it made sense) I don’t really have a lot to say and I don’t think there’s any lesson to this blog post, I just wanted to talk about the sky today, I don’t know why………hopefully you still enjoyed this in someway, feel free to tell me what your thoughts are whenever you look into the sky, I know that everyone has a different perspective on things and I would love to hear what your perspective is on this random topic if you have one. Anyway I hope you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening 🙂

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

P.S. I know i’m a nerd but I love it 😛

Thought For The Day……..

You ever have a moment to yourself where you’re just thinking about a lot of different things and you don’t know why, but little by little certain things start to become clearer to you for some reason, i’m not really sure how to explain what I mean exactly, I can try and bring you into my mind so you can see what i’m talking about, but I don’t even know if i’ll be able to explain what i’m talking about in the way that I want, but i’m gonna try and layout it out for you guys as best as I can. Okay so where do I start……..uhhhh so I was writing a different blog post on not really knowing what to write because I was having trouble writing at first and I got a pretty decent way with it, not too far but a few 100 words actually it was along this paragraph here only shorter (149 words to be exact, we’re at 164 words here and counting as i’m writing this lol)

Anyway so I was writing a different blog post at first and then my mind took a smooth turn and I stopped writing that blog post and I just started thinking about a lot of things, while I was thinking I started looking into the sky out my window and it was kinda dark, possibly because it was going to rain, but it still hasn’t rained yet, it’s hard to say whether or not it will because the weather here has been Sunny then dark, then Sunny again and then dark once more and so i’m not sure what the weather has in store for us today, but yeah going back to what I was talking about……..I was looking at the sky, just staring out my window, trying to figure out what I should write about and I couldn’t think of anything, so I went to grab one of my journals where I write blog post ideas, I don’t really have a lot of ideas just about 15-16 i’d say (just checked 17 actually) so I looked for a blog post idea in my journal and I saw one that caught my eye and I picked it, the title of the blog post idea I was going to write about was called, finding your path in life and although i’m not really writing about that blog post I picked to write about, it did have me thinking.

Remember when I talked about Finding My Niche, if you don’t you can read it here if you like Finding My Niche (My Confidence Struggle Story) it’s just all about finding my thing in writing and also talking about my struggle to find confidence in myself from time to time. Going back to what I was talking about……..so I wrote about finding my niche with writing before and believe me i’m happy that I started this blog because i’m able to write down my feelings and share my thoughts with all of you as well, but I had this thought come in my mind and I always find myself going back to all the things I use to do that also brought joy to me before starting this blog and I can’t help but think that maybe I have more than just one niche you know!? Hear me out, so we all have something in us that speaks to us more then other things and everyone has a special or hidden talent that they become interested in.

People who were born with a talent or find a thing that speaks to them, obviously they go after that thing they enjoy, because it brings them happiness and there’s just something about it that gives them that feeling of finally belonging somewhere and so when they find that passion that calls to them, you know they’ll become a force to be reckon with, because they have so much passion, I’m not sure if any of what i’m saying is making any sense but i’m just trying to gather my thoughts and bring to you what it is i’m thinking. What i’m trying to say is I feel like I don’t really have a specific passion for anything, the closest thing to a passion that I have is maybe writing due to the fact that I write a lot and I enjoy writing, but when it comes to passion and what I love the most, I can never just chose one thing all the time, I’m always switching it up from time to time.

I just feel this thing in me where, I go back and think maybe I should try this again and speaking of trying something again, I feel like I should go back and give Youtube another try, because i’m starting to miss it, I really am…….I miss sitting in front of the camera and talking about something I love or am interested in and talking non stop about it to the point where I get so lost in what i’m saying, i’ll get distracted and then lose my train of thought and then go on to a different topic and just talk about that. I miss being able to talk about the things I once enjoyed like wrestling, a lot of you don’t know this, but I LOOOOVE watching wrestling and then talking about the matches and who I think should get more of an opportunity and ranting about certain people in wrestling (my friend ray knows who i’m talking about)

I think I now know why it is that I feel like even if I do one thing like writing for example, I love it, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy writing down my thoughts and sharing it with you guys, but I also miss talking about the things I enjoy and giving my opinion on certain topics that interest me and just having other people who too share my interest get involved as well, although there wasn’t a lot of people interacting, there was still a good amount to where we all were able to just have a good time talking about something we all enjoyed, even though wrestling nowadays isn’t the greatest I still have a love for it, I mean it’s because of wrestling that I met one of my greatest friends and my boyfriend as well. I just really miss it, because it gave me an outlet to help me kinda break out of myself and oddly enough gave me confidence that I didn’t know I had and after a while yeah I lost that confidence, because I didn’t believe in my ideas and I didn’t believe in me and I should’ve, I should have just went with my ideas even if no one liked them and it wasn’t the most popular thing, I should’ve just went with them because I liked them, I  know i’m probably getting off topic here, but I just really feel strongly about this.

I don’t have a specific passion and I always felt that, I always just went with anything that interest me and i’m at the point where I kinda want to do more then just write, I want to express myself based off my interest and share my thoughts with others and hear their thoughts too and possibly make more friends along the way, there’s nothing wrong with dabbling in more than one thing, if anything it should be something you want to do because then you’re not just limited to one thing, you can do everything and still do the thing you like best. My thing is writing, but it’s also creating and other things and I should learn to be more confidence in myself and my ideas if it’s what I like, it’s okay to like more than one thing as long as it makes you happy and you enjoy it.

If I can write everyday on here, why can’t I do videos also!? You know I have to thank writing because it showed me that i’m capable of sticking to something everyday if I put my mind to it, lets just see if I can do the same with my videos again. I also want to thank my friend Ray and my boyfriend for always being there for me and supporting me in everything that I ever wanted to do, I probably spun them around a few times trying to find something that I could finally stick with, but they never left my side even when I was a mess, they just always believed in me and support me in everything I shared with them, I couldn’t ask for better people in my life so thank you guys, also for those who support my blog and come back and read my stuff even when some are longer than others, I really appreciate you and it always means a lot to know that you enjoy my writing, just the fact that you even take the time to read it means the world so thanks.

That’s all I have for today, I hope you don’t mind this being too long, I just felt I needed to share this I don’t know why, but I did……..I don’t even know what the title to this should be, I wrote this first before I wrote the title. If there’s anything to take from this blog it’s don’t worry if you don’t have a passion for something, just try everything and if you still don’t know what it is you want to do, just do all the things that make you happy and go with that, just promise that when you try everything that interest you, you take a necessary break from it when you need to, remember not to stretch too thin for something, go with what you can handle and isn’t too overwhelming, if you want to add something new, make sure to look at all the things your doing and whatever you find yourself not really taking interest to anymore get rid of that and add a new interest.

Lastly always and I mean always believe in your ideas and yourself, don’t worry about whether someone will like it or not, if you feel good about it and you’re happy with it then do it and if there’s an idea that you tried and you know isn’t really working much for you anymore then it’s okay to let it go and come up with other ones you feel will work for you and with that, I hope you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening 🙂

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~