Look At Those Eyes….

Song Of The Day: Look At Those Eyes By Alexz Johnson (this is one of my favorite songs from of course one of my favorite artists Alexz Johnson, love her!! The title of this post as you can see was inspired by it!!)

They say when you look into the eyes of someone, not only do you see the window to their soul, but you also get to really see their true emotions and how their actually feeling. We always try and hide the way we feel and that’s because we try not to let people know that were struggling, it’s odd though, we’re fine with showing off the happy parts of our lives and of ourselves, but when it comes to the parts we think no ones going to want to see, we hide it and try to lock it away so we’re not asked questions.

Once we find ourselves on the low side of town, we automatically feel as though we have to discard it and put up this front and pretend that everything is okay and that we’re fine…..that we don’t have any issues and were happy, but when you really get a good look, you see that’s not the truth, that’s why we tend to avoid people, because not only are we afraid that we’re going to ruin people’s moods with our own,

but we know that if people spend even the smallest amount of time with us and catch even a glimpse into our eyes…..they will know the truth and see all the emotions and struggles we tried so desperately to keep hidden away and having people see that, makes us want to crawl away somewhere and you may ask why, it’s because we’re ashamed and embarrassed to have to let those things show, the thought of a million questions and worrying…..

It’s for that reason we avoid, it’s for that reason, we think staying to ourselves is much better than being around people, at least when we’re alone we don’t have to worry about feeling uncomfortable with ourselves, because we’ve gotten so used to the feeling. If we’re around people when we aren’t feeling our best it’s like we have to pretend again, we have to go on stage and play this part that we really aren’t familiar with, but we make sure to sell the hell out of it as best as we can, sometimes it works…..

Other times not as much, that’s only because when you have people around you that know you, it’s hard to fool them, unless your acting skills are on a high that day….but everything you need or want to know are in the way of a persons eyes, some are lost, sad, angry…..

Then you have some that are full of light and are actually fine, other times though, when you’re looking into someones eyes you’ll find that they just don’t know what to do and are just trying to get things right someway, even though they have no clue what they’re doing.

P.S. This was a journal entry I wrote a few weeks ago, I felt this to be appropriate to share today, if you have any thoughts share it down below!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Understanding…..

Do you ever feel as if your not understanding things as much as you think you are!? Things will happen and be said to you, but you feel as if you’re still lost in a sense, like everything is a lot more harder to comprehend then they feel……….i’m not sure how to explain that part if it’s a little hard to get. Everything just seems to have it’s own language and you try and keep up with it all, yet you still feel like you’re not getting it in the way you should……….it should be easy to get it, yet it’s not always the case, understanding something is a lot harder than what most people would think it is, there are certain things we’re able to pick up quickly and then you have other things that are like why can’t we get it right away!?

However I feel the only reason certain things are harder to get then others is because we have a hard to time breaking things down in order to make it easier for ourselves to understand, certain things are a whole lot simpler than what we keep telling ourselves, sometimes we’ll end up shaking our own head at ourselves because although we know this, we can’t find ourselves to really understand that. Now certain things are easy to understand if we let ourselves get it, but there are other things that are a little more complex to get and with those things, even though we want to get it right away, sometimes we need to give ourselves time to get them.

If we pressure ourselves to understand something or if we pressure others to understand something, we’re only gonna make it a lot harder by trying to get it and trying to get others to get it, when we know that we’re only making it worst. In a stressful situation you have to learn to stay calm and you have to learn to give yourself and others time to understand things better, because there will be times where we come across something, but we aren’t sure how to comprehend it right away, but when that happens, we need to keep in mind that kicking ourselves down and being hard on ourselves for not understanding, isn’t going to make us understand it quicker.

Unless your someone who thrives under pressure very well, don’t beat yourself up for not understanding, even the people who are good under pressure, still learn that they shouldn’t be so hard on themselves too much as well. It’s okay to be hard on yourself sometimes, but we have to keep in mind that sometimes we need to give ourselves a break so we can calmly figure the thing we aren’t getting out right then and there without all the pressure, there’s only so much pressure we can take in before we need to just step back and regroup everything that is being put in our faces to get. When you give yourself that clear mind and that sense of calmness that you need, everything that surrounds you and is on top of you, will become just a little bit easier to deal with and you’ll find that the understanding of it also becomes a little bit clearer to you, it may not be a whole lot, but it will be a bit easier then what it was before, telling yourself to take it easy helps too.

When you become aware that you’re under a lot of pressure and you know that you’re not getting things as quickly as everyone else might be, feeling like you won’t ever catch up or that you’re not gonna ever get it, that’s not something you should put in your mind, because then your mind will believe it and then that’ll cause you to stress out more and you don’t want that, you have to talk to yourself and tell yourself that you may not be getting it now and you may feel as if you’re not understanding or you won’t understand it, but don’t be so hard on yourself, just breathe and stay calm, you’ll get it, just give yourself the time to get it……….the more you force yourself to try and get it the more you’ll make it harder for you to get it.

Lastly, sometimes when you think you’re not getting it, you actually are getting it, you’re just trying to convince yourself that you don’t, when deep down you do or you know it a bit more than you think you do. Don’t underestimate yourself like that, when you do that you tell yourself each time, that you’re not capable and you doing that causes you to not believe in yourself and the abilities that you have, if you don’t get it right away you don’t get it right away, it’s okay that’s not a bad thing, but don’t second guess yourself on the things you already know, don’t think, just go with the feeling.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Chatting Session: Letting It Snow While Reflecting & Talking All Things Random (Dec 13, 2018)

Disclaimer: This was written earlier in the day 

That title there kinda makes it sound like I have some kind of super power or something, although I wish I did have some kind of superpower and it would be real nice to control the weather a bit, i’m not storm from X-Men though, so I can’t do that. Even if I did have a superpower I wouldn’t chose to control the weather actually, i’d go with teleportation I don’t know I always thought i’d be cool to just be able to be anywhere you wanted in flash you know!? How about you guys, what would you’re superpower be if you were giving one!? Also I hope you’re all doing well.

Okay now that we’ve talked on what kind of superpowers we’d have if given one, let’s talk snow!! The reasoning for talking about snow is because it’s snowing where I am, not sure when it actually started, but when I woke up it was snowing which then made me start sing one of of my favorite Christmas songs, Let It Snow sung and maybe written by Dean Martin, I know he sings it, but I don’t know if he wrote it, but anyway, I like the snow, not a big fan of the cold, but the snow it’s pretty alright. It always looks so nice when it starts coming down, it starts off slowly and then quickens the more snow there is………I love the peaceful feeling the snow brings, it keeps you calm and when you’re looking at it, you don’t feel stressed, you feel cold, but not overwhelmed or anything like that.

You know it’s quite interesting when you learn that all snowflakes aren’t the same, they all fall a different way, they’re different sizes and shapes, but even though that is true, you know that they all get to the ground eventually. It’s crazy how some of them are very noticeable and then you have those that aren’t as noticeable, some are for a second and others you don’t see them, when there’s a lot of snow though, that’s when you start wanting to sing Winter Wonderland. Seeing a whole blanket full of snow is like being in a whole new world, makes you want to lay in it even though you know that if you did, you’d be freezing………i’m sure it would still feel nice though in a way ha. Everyone loves whenever there’s snow on tress, it’s probably because it gives them some sort of character, you look at them and right away you’re in awe.

The fact that it’s even snowing tells us how close Winter is, it’s literally next week I believe, gotta love the cold weather right!? You know it’s crazy because even though, i’m not a huge fan of the cold, it seems to be the one season that sticks with me through all the seasons, there’s not one day where i’m not super cold, unless it’s very very hot. If I were to turn on the fan I have, give it a few minutes or so and i’ll either be putting on a cardigan or i’m turning it off, that’s how easily cold I get, don’t know why, i’ve just always been the cold one. I’m sure you all know the movie Frozen right!? Well i’m not a huge fan of the movie, it’s not a bad movie it’s just not my favorite, but i’m pretty much Elsa when it comes to the cold, just to give you an idea. 

I’ve been doing some reflecting today a bit, which I tend to do quite often these days I find, maybe this years just a year of reflection I don’t know………Christmas is around the corner, I hope you guys are excited, it’s crazy how close it actually is, once that’s up the New Year will be here………..it feels like 2018 just started and now it’s coming to an end, I guess we say that every year don’t we!? I think it all depends on whether the year made an impact on you or not when it comes to reflecting on it. I think if the year didn’t leave you looking back on it, it wouldn’t feel like anything changed for you, it just would feel like another year.

Everything goes by so quickly, which I can see why they say not to blink otherwise you just might miss something important……..although we have our reflection kind of days, it’s not until you get to the end of the year where you find yourself really looking back on things, I didn’t really start reflecting much until the ending of 2017 for certain reasons, before then I didn’t really look back on the years prior, at least not as much as I have this year. I know we still have a few more days, 2 more weeks until this year is over, so i’ll be reflecting a bit more, as i’m sure you guys will too before we have to look back on 2018 one last time.

Let me know in the comments below what your reflections are for today and feel free to share if your guys are excited for Christmas and if you’re looking forward and are ready for 2019 to arrive.     

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~

Photo by Nathan Fertig on Unsplash

Dream Journal: Concerts & Squelette (December 7, 2018)

Hey there everyone I hope you’re all well………….okay so this is another dream journal blog post, I wanted to share a dream I had last night with you guys because I found it to be very interesting, i’m just gonna go straight into it and tell you all the things that I remember about the dream……..okay here we go: 

Here’s what I remember: So i’m not sure how I got there exactly, but the setting was at a concert and I feel I was there with someone else, but i’m not sure who exactly…….I remember being outside like in one those halls where you enter before going to watch the  concert or something, you know like when you walk into a movie theater (Cinema) entrance, anyway so I was out in a hall somewhere I believe and I was looking at who was gonna be playing at the concert I was at. Now i’m not sure whether I was looking at this board in front of me because I was trying get tickets or if I was just curious on who else was gonna be playing!?

There were a lot of people that were listed to be playing in the dream, but there were only two acts I remember very vividly seeing and those two acts were, one of my favorite bands that I love talking about any chance I get, the band PVRIS  and also this other group that i’ve never heard of, they had a very interesting band name though……like if you were looking at it for the first time you wouldn’t quite know how to pronounce it, that’s how weird the name was and when I say weird it’s in a good way.

Again never heard of this band  before, but was kinda interested to see what they were about, also I forgot to say this part, but in the dream every person on the board list of who was playing, were all sold out including PVRIS……but it’s okay no worries, however the only band that wasn’t sold out, was the hard to pronounce band, now you’re probably wondering what’s the bands name right!? Don’t worry i’ll tell you, in the dream they went by the name Squelette, now I just want to let you know that I didn’t remember the whole name when I woke up from the dream, you should’ve seen me this morning trying to figure it out, I only remembered certain letters to the name, which were S Q U E which you can see there’s 3 E’s & 2 T’S, the L yeah……..didn’t stay in my mind, but I had the other ones down pretty nicely.  

I was inside the concert now and my favorite band PVRIS were there, only I think they had just finished their act and went on to introduce the next one which was the unknown band, I remember the lighting in the concert was like……..there was some pinks, or maybe purple and reds happening, something like that anyway…….I was in the crowd and there was a lot of people actually there, I wasn’t super up close, but I could see everything pretty alright in the dream…….After PVRIS introduced the band, I remember seeing this lady with black hair walking up the stage and as she was walking up a few more people who i’m guessing were  the other band members, walked up as well (Ending of Dream)

That was the last thing I remember, I never got to hear them play in the dream, I just saw them and then I woke up. Okay so here’s where it kinda gets both interesting and weird at the same time……..so after waking up, I was trying to figure out what that dream meant especially the name of the band, I went and looked up concert dreams and what they mean and then after looking that up, I tried to look for the name or word that I saw in my dream with the letters that I could remember and you won’t believe what came up!!

Hear this, so i’m looking up the name and I see a word that felt familiar to what was in my dream, so I clicked on it and as you already know because I said it earlier, that name/word was Squelette, I looked it up to see if it was a real thing and it was, I then found out Squelette is French for “Skeleton”…………interesting right!? Well here’s where it gets more interesting. Once I saw that it mean Skeleton and that it was a real word, I said to myself “Okay…….that’s weird” I then got curious and went to see if there was a band named Squelette just like in my dream………didn’t really expect to find anything at all, I was just looking out of curiosity, but I ended up finding something and that something was……..there is actually a band, that go by that name……..not kidding!!

Now in the dream I mentioned there was a lady with black hair, I couldn’t really see her because in the dream I wasn’t that close, I was like middle back row, but wasn’t too far at the same time. I’m not really sure if they had an instrument or not, but I went to see if there was a photo of the band and there was (there were also photo’s of skeletons too, but that’s not important) the first picture I saw was just 3 guys (actually I just looked back at it, not 3 guys, just 2) you want to know who the other person was though!? Yep you guessed it, A LADY. WITH BLACK. HAIR, just like in my dream………..saw another photo of that same band and yeah………THERE’S ACTUALLY A LADY WITH BLACK HAIR THAT’S IN THE BAND…………WHAT!!!? 

Now I know what you’re probably thinking, “that could’ve been any girl with black hair and it’s probably some random band” yeah you’d be right, but I don’t know………it just seems like too much of a coincidence, like it’s weird………I dream about a band with a weird name, I look up that name which turns out to be a real thing and is french for skeleton, then I check to see if there’s a band with that same name, turns out there is and there’s a lady in the band with black hair, just like in my dream………….HOW!? tell me how, because I don’t know, it’s just really weird.

Maybe it is just some random band, who knows……..it’s probably just me, but then again it doesn’t feel like that, it feels like something else, like I just dreamt of an actual band from a different country and place, but never heard of them before!? It felt real, but again maybe it’s just me.

Have you ever had a dream like this, where certain details in it, turn out to be an actual thing in real life!? I don’t know how else to word it, let me know in the comments below if you have though. 

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~

Photo by Abigail Lynn on Unsplash

Reflection (December 5, 2018)

Hey everyone hope you’re all doing well today, as you all know we’re still in the beginning of the month December, todays the 5th of course and so I thought let’s do a little reflecting on some stuff……….where do we start!? We all do a little reflecting from time to time, sometimes their good and other times they don’t feel the best, but no matter how they come about, they can help even if in the moment it doesn’t seem like it.

Today for me, my reflective state is more on the not sure side of town, I feel alright kinda, I guess…….it’s just i’m not sure on a lot of things and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, I don’t know how to really balance things out or if I do balance things, i’m not sure whether to look at it in a positive light more or the opposite. I don’t really want to look at it in a bad light, it’s just when you feel something, it’s hard to not really look into it a certain way you know!?……..I’m not sure if i’m making sense right now, but I hope you understand what i’m trying to say. 

I’ll just get to the point of why i’m in a reflective mode at the moment. So I was looking to add a different profile photo to my blog site and my social medias, but as I was doing that, I couldn’t help, but look at some of my other photos in my gallery and looking back at them………well i’ll just say it, I smiled for a bit…….and then I found myself getting emotional after………..I don’t know why………okay I do know why, it was because I realized how much I really changed from those photos. In them I would always smile, I would even take random photos of myself when I was having a really good day or if I liked the way I looked, I know that probably sounds real shallow or something, but believe me I wasn’t doing it for attention or anything. 

I’d just take random silly photos because I was happy and those photos I never posted because I didn’t feel the need to, I just felt I wanted to take them so I could look back at them. It sounds crazy I know, but really they were just photos to look back on for me. As I was looking back on them though, I couldn’t help, but go into deep thought mode……….I wrote in my writing journal that most people when they reflect they don’t question their changes, at least I don’t think they do……….me though i’m always going back and forth with my changes, had I not changed would things be different!? I don’t know…….it’s like I have days where I feel the changes that happened to me are i’m sure for the better, but at the same time I also wonder if me changing………was it wrong!? should I have done that!? I don’t know……….

I know a lot of us don’t plan on changing, it just happens and a lot of the time we aren’t prepared for it, I didn’t expect the changes that occurred, to turn things upside down. It’s kinda like being in the middle of an ocean or river………everything’s fine you’re enjoying all that is happening around you and it’s just great, you feel great………then out of nowhere you find that the current of the ocean or river start picking up, at first you think you’re able to handle it and that you will bounce back and everything will be okay again………but then it starts to get worst and the current from the river or ocean, you find is going into speed mode and you’re holding on as best as you can, but you know that it’s not good enough.

You’re trying to stay calm and not panic, but it just keeps getting stronger and faster, now you find yourself starting to freak out “What is happening!?” “Why is this happening” “I don’t know what to do” all of those things keep running in and out of your head, but even though all that is happening, you still do your best to stay calm even though you’re freaking out. After a good while of dealing and going through all that mess, things start to calm down and the current starts to go back to normal a bit………the only thing is now, you find yourself constantly having mental breakdowns and becoming unsure of a lot of things, some days your good, other days your not……..time passes though and you feel a little better, you find yourself kinda getting back into the groove of things, you’re doing the best you can, yet you know that deep down, not only are things not the same entirely………..but neither are you.

You sit with yourself, contemplating in your mind how everything go so out of wack so quickly, what happened!? why did it happen!? and then you kinda start to blame yourself, saying things like “If I hadn’t changed or if I hadn’t done this……..everything would be fine, non of this would’ve happened”……….It’s crazy you know, that saying that goes ” A lot can happen within a year” is true, you could go from feeling the greatest that you’ve ever felt in a long time, to constantly feeling unsure of everything and constantly wondering………now maybe all that is for the better, who’s to say it isn’t right!?

Sometimes though, it’s that curious side to us that has to always wonder whether it is or not. Even if we ended up getting caught in a huge current, that we weren’t prepared for………..we still should look at things from a different perspective, maybe all that was to see how much you could handle, maybe you’ll look back at it and reflect on it differently, who knows………for now, we’ll just do our best and try to take in everything around us again and when the current starts to pick up again, we’ll be as prepared as we can be and hopefully this time it isn’t all that bad.

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~ 

Photo by Michael Niessl on Unsplash

It’s Gonna Be One Of Those Days Today….

You might be wondering what it is that I mean when it comes to the title of this and I don’t even have an answer for you to tell you what it means, but I can do my best to tell you what it feels like………..it feels weird for one and it’s literally just that, i’m just having a very weird day for some reason, I have this sort of feeling to something and I can’t explain what that is exactly. It’s like I feel alright, i’m having an alright day, but i’m just feeling very weird……….it’s hard to describe. it’s like, I don’t know……..I don’t know. Don’t even ask what it is i’m thinking about, not that you would or anything, but if you did, I wouldn’t be able to tell you anyway, does that happen to you guys!? 

Do you ever have days where, you feel fine and alright, but at the same time you also feel a little odd too!? If I had to describe it in someway I would describe it as like confusing. It’s confusing because you know you’re feeling a certain way, but you don’t know why or what that feeling your feeling is exactly, does that make sense!? I have no idea if what i’m talking about makes sense, it probably just looks like random words being mushed together to form a whole lot of sentences. 

It’s just one of those days I guess……

Let me know in the comments if you either are having one of those days as well or if you’ve ever had one of those days. 

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~ 

Photo by Matt Barrett on Unsplash

Monday Randoms: Welcoming December With Some Random Thoughts Added

Although I know it’s 3 days late into the month, I just want to say welcome December, I hope that you’re doing well. You’re the last month until the new year rolls around……it’s crazy how quickly the year went, the last thing I remember is being lost and stuck in the summer months and now we’re here, December 3rd, beginning of a new month as well as the ending of an old year. I know we still have a few days to go until Christmas arrives and the year goes from 2018 to 2019…….it’s a little scary knowing how close we actually are, will 2019 be a different year, will it be a better one!? I don’t know, all you can do is hope that it will be and do your best to make sure that it is. 

However, we shouldn’t stress ourselves out wondering what’s to come for the new year, we should just always do our best to appreciate and admire the days as they come, doing that won’t leave you to feel overwhelmed about every little thing, you can just enjoy and also flow with it if you want. You know when you really let yourself take in all the days that come, it brings you into a whole different mode and gives you this feeling of wanting to look at everything deeply, it makes you wonder on a lot of different things and by that I mean like if you were to look at a tree or at the clouds, you know……..makes you wonder how exactly they were made, before we even became apart of this world.

The other day, well a few days ago I was in the car with my mom and I was wondering how people we’re able to create the highways and all that, I mean the world wasn’t always highways, roads, houses ect……..it was all nature and everything, it’s crazy when you really think about stuff like that. You also have the way we are, there’s a lot of different theories on where exactly we came from, there’s just a whole lot of wonder and questions that we don’t entirely know the answers to, we know a certain amount, but we’ll always have that wonder inside of us in wanting to know a definite answer on everything.

If you really think about it, having that mystery of not knowing everything exactly, I mean it’s both scary and exciting in a sense. I mean why should we know everything, that’s why when we’re born, we’re born curious…….to us everything is like a huge giant puzzle, only we don’t ever solve it completely. Normally we can finish a puzzle on our own, but in this case it’s impossible, because even when we think we’ve figured it out, we’ll always have pieces missing and that’s okay, we don’t have to solve every puzzle, we’ll always find certain pieces to fill it, but we won’t entirely figure it out and we don’t need to always figure it out, sometimes it’s just about the feeling of it and by it, I mean………..well everything, everything is just a big huge ball of wonder.

Hey that just reminded me of the Wonderball commercial, if you guys don’t know what a Wonderball is, well it just a chocolate ball with candy inside, it was one of mine and my brother’s favorite candy growing up, they brought it back, but it’s not quite the same as it was before.

This sure went off track, didn’t it haha……don’t ask, I just had a lot of random thoughts floating around and felt like writing them down, I just didn’t think it’d be all of this. It was meant to be about the month December, but it kinda took a different turn after a bit, hey it happens. Feel free to share some of your random thoughts down in the comments below if you have you any and also if December was a person, what kind of stuff would you say to it!?

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~  

Photo by Jasmin Schuler on Unsplash