Weird Random Thoughts

Hiya, how’s it going!? Hope you’re all well and your weekends been good, so it’s Saturday night about 11pm almost, will be 11 in a sec as i’m writing this….it’s now 11pm in case you’re curious!! Okay I know what you’re thinking, what’s the point to this or you might be saying what is going on!? Well for starters………I had a thought and kinda wanted to share it!!

Will it be interesting to you guys…..I don’t know, will you find it amusing or funny who knows!? maybe not, possibly so maybe…..I really don’t know, but i’m just going to go straight into it okay……no more weirdness……..alright no I can’t promise you that, because it’s all weird and i’d be lying if I said there won’t be any more of that so, I just hope you don’t mind, but anyway…..

Again I had a thought, a very weird one that made me think a little too much about it than I probably need to, but you know once you start going…..well you just sometimes keep going for some odd reason, now this thought came about while watching a video, it wasn’t a weird video or anything it was a reaction to a song, but what made me have this thought was something that was said before the video actually started……

It’s was about water and ocean sounds, now you might be either clicking off this post or are really confused to what you’re even reading……I don’t blame you okay, just want to let you know, but to save a long post, they were talking about ocean sounds that was in the start of the song before it actually started and I thought to myself, okay said out loud, “yes ocean sounds are nice, so are rivers and streams and not live streams,

but actual streams ect…..” then I thought about water going upwards and then said you’d have to rewind a video in order to see that or time lapse it and then I thought, “wait water doesn’t go upwards, it only goes downwards” which made me go into a much more deeper thought process on it for some reason that I can’t tell you because I don’t know…….

Long story short, because we’d be here all night talking about it, another random thought crossed my mind, that uhhh, water does technically go upwards when it’s being evaporated within the clouds getting ready to turn into rain, because SCIENCE!! So yes and no to your weird random thought question brain on wondering if water flowing upwards, we good!?

This would have been longer if I didn’t shorten it for you guys, if you want to hear the whole thing and see me become confused myself, I already thought about making that video, normally it’d be already recorded, but this was a late night thought so you know how those go……but anyway that is pretty much it, kinda, well the short version of it anyway……

You guys have a good night and i’m hoping to remember all of this so I can do a video on it, because I kinda sorta want to, it’d be a good thing to laugh at and then later wish I didn’t record it, but still be happy that I did!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Off Days

We all deal with them at times, sometimes they’ll happen even when you’re having a good day. I’m sure we all know what off days are, but for those who may be a little confused to what i’m talking about, off days are just days where you just don’t feel the best, compared to how you’re feeling on other days, if that makes sense……….I had an off day yesterday, I mean I was alright, but I also wasn’t feeling the greatest at the same time, I started going into deep thought mode and when that happens it causes me to overthink on things that I shouldn’t be overthinking.

I always try and keep myself from putting all my energy into the thoughts that run in and out of my mind, but for me it’s sometimes hard, because once i’m in a deep thought kind of mode, it’s hard for me to snap out of it right away and I probably said that in another blog post before, but I don’t remember……….I guess you can say anytime I find myself in deep thought, most of the time those are my off days, however sometimes when I am in deep thought, it’s not always an off day, it’s just me thinking very deeply on something, sometimes I don’t even know what I think about half the time, I just think, if that makes sense and I don’t know why.

Yesterday though, I just wasn’t feeling the best, i’m not sure why, but I just know I wasn’t………..you know, I was trying my best though to keep myself away from my thoughts, but it was hard. I didn’t have a bad day though, it was alright, I just knew that I wasn’t there fully, I was out with my mom and one of my little cousins and you know we had a nice time i’d say, but when we were heading back home after we dropped my cousin off, while in the car, I just couldn’t help, but go into deep thought mode and even when we got back home, I still wasn’t feeling the best.

When I got back, I tried to write something and I just couldn’t figure out what to write. I stared at my computer just trying my hardest to come up with something, you know just anything to kinda get me out of being in my mind and I couldn’t, so instead of trying to put my thoughts to the side…….I tried to sit with them and write them out in the best way that I could and you know i’ve said this so often that I know I probably sound like a broken record at times, but it’s hard for me to explain my thoughts, sometimes I even have trouble really explaining it when writing, although I feel like writing my feelings and my thoughts are a lot easier then expressing them out loud.

I wrote in my journal yesterday, because although I tried, I didn’t write here, but even when I didn’t work on a new blog post, I still felt like writing something. Now I didn’t really finish that journal entry that I wrote, but one of the things that I wrote in it that I sometimes find myself doing is……whenever my mind goes into deep thought, again like I said it overthinks a lot of things and makes me kinda in a way doubt myself in a lot of things as well, causing me to feel bad about myself and I know that isn’t right, i’m trying to work on that, but it’s not always easy though. I’m gonna share part of what I wrote in my journal here, because i’m not exactly sure on how to explain it any other way, if that makes sense.

Here’s part of my journal entry:

“I know that I have the power to switch my mind over to something better, but sometimes it’s hard, especially when what you’re feeling comes out of nowhere……I want to be able to have it not be that way……….but it’s when you don’t know what it is that you’re actually feeling to where it can cause you to think the most on it.” 

So that’s just a little part I was writing about the first day of it being November, I wasn’t even sure on what I was gonna write about in my thought journal yesterday……..but I ended up writing a little about my day and how I was feeling and when I wrote the part about not knowing how you’re feeling at times, to where it causes you to think more, I actually stopped and was like woah because that’s something that I do. Anytime I find myself in deep thought, but i’m not exactly sure on how i’m feeling, that’s when I think the most, because i’m trying to figure out what exactly i’m feeling and why it is that i’m feeling that way and a lot of the times I don’t know and i’m sure for some of you out there, it’s like that for you as well.

So yeah……..that’s just a little, well more than a little take on my day yesterday. I don’t really know what else to say here, I just felt I had to write that, I didn’t like not writing yesterday, I wanted to, but you know……..sometimes your mind kinda prevents you from doing so, because it has a lot running in and out of it, with trying to figure things out and trying to constantly fight off and away those negative feelings and thoughts that try and take over.

Although we try and avoid off days, eventually we’re gonna run in to them and we can always do our best to keep going and not get so wrapped up in it, but sometimes you just gotta let yourself have those off days, that way you’re able to deal with them right then and there and not have to worry about dealing with them all the time, because let’s face it no one likes having off days all the time.

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

Photo by Serkan Turk on Unsplash

Just One Of Those Days

I want to tell you guys that this blog post is gonna make sense and I know exactly what i’m gonna talk about, buuut i’d just be lying to you if I said that. My head and mind right now aren’t even in the same place to be honest, I woke up in such deep thought…….it’s like I don’t even know and I know that doesn’t make any sense, that’s just where my mind and heads at right now. I had a pretty okay day today though, i’ve just been in deep thought mode throughout, well pretty much the whole day actually, you know it’s like whenever i’m in deep thought it’s kinda hard for me to get out of it quickly and i’ll end up staying there for a pretty decent amount of time.

Mind you though, it’s been a little weird, because normally when i’m in deep thought I ponder for a very long time and all my focus just goes to my thoughts, but today even though i’ve been in my mind, I still did my best to keep my focus on other things as well, which I have to say i’m happy about, because it’s the first time where I didn’t give into my own emotions and thoughts, even though something did try and creep into my mind earlier, I shook it off though and just did my best to continue and tend to what I was doing.

Today I attempted to recorded my video again, remember I told you that it stopped midway of me talking, yeeeah it did it again, however this time, I looked at the video and everything that I had recorded was there before it stopped, after I watched it, I realized that with my camera it will only record a certain amount before it stops, so now I know that if I were to record videos, it will only record up to about 18 minutes of it. After watching back the video, I went to record where I left off, but saw that my camera battery was running low again, so I had to charge it of course, before I put it on the charger though, I went to see if the video I did yesterday recorded everything and whatta you know, it did!! I then said to myself that if I would’ve just looked the video over, I could’ve just picked up where I left off then, but I didn’t, but hey now I know right!?

So that’s been my day really, I still was in deep thought mode afterwards and there was more I was feeling, but i’m better now, i’m not in my mind as much…..uhhh….but yeah, that’s all i’m gonna talk about, not gonna make this blog post too long or anything, I just  wanted to share that, plus I felt I just needed to kinda get a little of that out……umm….but anyway, I hope you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening.

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

Featured Photo By: Marc-Olivier Jodoin on Unsplash

A Little Bit Of Reflecting (Oct 21,2018)

Today was a very something kind of day, I was having one of my deep thought kind of days and every time that happens, I become a mess, I start overthinking, stressing out, which then causes me to become very frustrated and when i’m frustrated I can get pretty emotional…….which isn’t my favorite thing, because then it causes me to lose focus on the things that I try my hardest to not lose focus on especially when i’m dealing with days like this. The only reason i’m expressing all of this is because there was a lot that i’ve realized about myself, i’ve spoken before on how I don’t give myself the chance to really let something grow once i’ve gotten it up and running, which I don’t like that I do that.

Lately, i’ve been getting very frustrated, i’m not even going to try and pretend that everything’s been all that great, everything’s okay i’ll say that, but i’m still having some trouble really enjoying my days and i’m gonna explain why that is and the reason I keep going into deep thought mode, a lot of the times. I’m not quite sure how to write this part, but i’m just gonna write it however it comes out.

I enjoy writing, being able to write helps me get my mind in order a bit……..now for the past few days i’ve been writing in my thought journal, and I found myself writing something new every day or every other day, sometimes I write a lot, other times I don’t, sometimes my entries don’t even get finished properly. When I bought that journal a few years back, I said to myself that I wasn’t ever gonna write my own thoughts, that I was gonna use it to only write positive journal entries……….now I haven’t done that in a while, but what I have done was do exactly what I told myself I wouldn’t do.

You’re probably thinking what do you mean, it’s a journal you’re meant to write down your thoughts and feelings!? Yeah I know that, but when I would write in my thought journal, i’d only write the title of what I was feeling……but whenever i’d go to write whatever I wanted to express based off the title, it wouldn’t feel like they were my words if that makes sense!? It would always feel as though someone else wrote it, yet I wrote it, you know what I mean!? It’s like if you were playing a character in a movie or something, but you’re writing instead…….and you know, you say and write all these things and when you go back to read it, it’s as if it’s not even the same person and you’ve just found this journal lying around filled with thoughts and advice on the things your dealing with.

I’ve said before how sometimes i’ll read one of my journal entries and while i’m reading it i’d be surprised, because it wouldn’t even seem like I wrote it……like if you were to say “Hey look I found this journal filled with all these different advices” changed the cover of it and then handed it to me to read……..I probably would think it belonged to someone else at first and then maybe after reading a bit of it, i’d recognize it and say “Wait this seems familiar……oh wait this is my journal!?” So it’s kinda like the way I started writing in it when I first got it, I was writing it as if someone would find it and maybe be curious to read it, but in an advice guide kinda way, I don’t really know how to properly explain it, but I hope you understand what i’m trying to say here.

Although I enjoying writing………i’m constantly trying to figure out what else I could do to keep my spirts up, stay motivated and all that. Writing is great, don’t me wrong……..I love being able to express myself in a way I didn’t think I knew how, being able to bring in some of my ideas to here, like you know talking about bands or video games that I enjoy, asking random questions, you know stuff like that……..but I feel as though I need to showcase my personality a bit more if that makes any sense, it’s like when I write about something that i’m super excited about, I really get excited, but you wouldn’t quite know that exactly, just by me writing my words.

What i’m trying to say here is, i’ve kinda I won’t say lost, but I will say i’ve just……..I just feel as if some other stuff is missing, like some excitement I don’t know………i’ve realized tonight that i’m not very nice to myself, I know i’m hard on myself, but i’m not that nice. I don’t let myself be great, anytime I have new ideas on something I stop them from taking flight before they even get on board and I can’t keep doing that if I want to see myself succeed and do well.

I’m always complicating things when I know that I don’t need to and I cause myself to constantly overthink on things which I know isn’t good……….if I were to just to stop and breathe for a second, anytime I started to worry about something and just say to myself: “Hey, what are you doing!? All these things that you’re thinking about and stressing yourself out about, aren’t that big of a deal as you’re making it………You can do these things if you just stopped worrying on how it will turn out or whether or not their good enough……they are good enough, you just have to help them come to life and show everyone how passionate you are about them, even if they don’t get it.”

Everything I just said there in that little small dialogue I created, is my problem I overthink, because I worry about whether my ideas are good enough and when I do that this thing in my mind tells me that it won’t work and I shouldn’t continue on with it, but I know by doing that, I don’t win, because I let myself talk me out of ideas that once brought me joy or that I wanted to try, all because I was scared and didn’t think people were interested………..but I know that’s not a good way to think, if I always based everything I do on whether people would like it or not, then it only hurts me, because i’m not giving myself a chance nor am I giving my ideas a chance and whether people like something or not, it shouldn’t stop you from still seeing if you could do well with it.

There’s a lot of others things to it, but lately the way i’ve been feeling is more with me  and whether or not i’m getting things right and I always just hope that I am and I think for me I just have to stop worrying and that’s something that has always been hard for me, because i’ve done it so much throughout my life it’s gonna be a little hard to get rid of it right away………but I want to be able to try a little bit more, I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and say “I’m proud of you and you’re doing very well.” while also being able to look back and be proud of something that I built myself like this blog for example.

I don’t want to be in this constant funk that i’m in, all because i’m constantly in my mind trying to figure things out when it comes to helping myself enjoy things more. I’m gonna do my best to stop worrying so much as best as I can and just try and do a little bit of everything if I feel that I should or need to, because the only person who can get me out of these deep thought sessions with myself……..is myself, I need to stop letting myself get so consumed in my own emotions and thoughts when it comes to things that I could just easily snap out of and i’m gonna do my best everyday to get better and do better, so I don’t feel the way I have again or at least as much as I have.

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

Featured Photo By: Jan Phoenix on Unsplash

Autumn Leaves (Inspired By An Ed Sheeran Song)

Hey everyone I know it’s been a while, I hope you’re all doing well, today’s blog post maybe very short or a little long i’m not sure, i’ll try my best to make sure it isn’t too long, since we’re in the month of October I wanted to talk upon the season of Autumn also known as Fall since we’re now in it, we all know that Autumn is the season of change and just like the seasons change so do us humans, we all grow up to be a certain way, but we all know that we aren’t always gonna be the same as we once were.

No matter how hard we try to, there’s always gonna be some part of us that breaks away from certain things, the same way leaves break and fall off a tree when it’s the ending of Summer and the beginning of Fall, I guess what i’m saying is we’re like a tree kinda, we start off as a seed planted in soil and as we grow we start to gain a little personality, we start to become interested in things and each interest that we take upon, become our leaves, if that makes sense.

milkovi-475023-unsplashPhoto by MILKOVÍ on Unsplash

Now the leaves that we start with, aren’t going to be the leaves we always keep with us because as we know leaves don’t stay on a tree for long, eventually they fall off one by one, as those leaves fall off and float down to the ground we can’t really stick them back onto our branches because once they fall off they fall off, with leaves we can have so many, but eventually those leaves will fall off, whether we want them to or not. Sometimes we don’t even realize that some of our leaves have fallen off, it just happens so quickly to where we don’t even have time to react to it.

When we do realize one of our leaves have fallen off though, we take it in, especially if it was something super important to us at the time. Now leaves don’t have to only be about our hobbies or things we’re interested in, sometimes leaves can be friends that we keep or family members even and sometimes we have to realize that those things too can fall off, some mutually, some expectedly, we’ll even have those leaves that just aren’t good for us anymore so we as the tree will shake them off and sometimes they’ll just fall off on their own, because maybe it’s just meant to be that way.

Leaves fall off trees for a reason and they grow new ones every spring for a reason and that’s because they’re meant to fall off, so they can make room for new and improved ones. So when our leaves fall off it’s only because we’re growing and trying to improve ourselves, now with that happening it’s not always gonna be easy, although I just compared us to trees and everything, we’re not trees, we’re humans and us as humans, we’re gonna have a few leaves fall off us and it may hurt when that happens, you may feel bad about it happening, you’ll have times where you won’t even know that it happened, it’ll just dawn on you when you least expect it…….

but when that happens, when you find that a few of your leaves have fallen off, know that it’s okay to reflect on it if you need to, you might not quite understand it, because not everything has a clear understanding, but sometimes it’s not having that clear understanding to where you oddly understand it.

annie-spratt-419267-unsplashPhoto by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Just because old leaves break off, it doesn’t mean that new leaves won’t grow. Sometimes we sit and wonder why certain things happen, why we fall out with certain people and when those kind of things come into our mind, we really go through them and maybe we shouldn’t do that so much, once in a while yeah sure, maybe you need a clear understanding, but when it comes to other things that we can’t seem to wrap our heads around, maybe that’s because there’s nothing to wrap our heads around.

Sometimes it just happens and we don’t always know why, but we shouldn’t dwell on it, sometimes it’s just best to accept it and move on, it doesn’t mean you can’t feel a certain way about it, but once you accept the fact that, that leaf fell off, just think to yourself that maybe that was for a reason, whatever reason that may be.

It may take time to accept it depending on how much of an impact a situation, a relationship or even just something you once took an interest in was to you, but eventually you’ll come to terms that maybe it was for the best, when that happens don’t you feel bad about it, because you held on to those leaves for as long as you could, but now we have to make room for new and better things for us and we should always want better things for ourselves.

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

Featured Photo By: Annie Spratt on Unsplash