I’m finding myself going back and forth through two posts that i’ve pre written, but still yet to post, it’s like I don’t really know what to keep my focus on other than Animal Crossing New Horizons, which by the way (side tracking here for a brief moment) is a REALLY, amazing game!!
Well it’s pretty great anyway, the amazing part might just be me hyping it up just a little bit…..but New Horizons aside……I don’t know what or where to keep my mind on……I don’t know if any of you are having that kind of day as well or have been having those kind of days!?
Speaking of how are you all doing!? How have you been dealing and getting through all that’s been happening!? I know a lot of people are probably finding it a somewhat difficult or maybe a whole lot difficult, maybe some of you are taking it somewhat okay than most people might…..
I know everyone has different ways of dealing with things, I don’t know how a lot of you are getting through this, but hopefully you’re all doing alright and are keeping safe and well, I know it’s not been the most best of days of late, but hopefully you’ve all had something to look forward to, maybe it’s a new video game, book, music, organizing something!? You’d be surprise on what can be a big help to kick up a low kind of mood!!
This isn’t a long post as you can see…..i’m just curious and genuinely want to know how you guys have been getting through all of this and if there’s anything right now that has been not only keeping you busy, occupied and productive, but also just giving you something to look forward to and keeping your minds to not have you think about what’s going on 24/7!?
I tell you some people sure know how to communicate……I say that sarcastically by that way, in case that was missed!! Now i’m going to try and keep things on a positive outlook to this topic, because it just seems really easy to go on a negative rant here and i’m not going to lie to you guys, buuut, it’s kinda what i’m feeling here, however i’m going to do my best to keep it the rant from overpowering here…..Let’s just talk calmly about this!!
Before anything though……..i’m going to take a small break so I can eat, i’m kinda hungry so…..be right back (Lunch Break……) Back….sorry that took a while, you know I forgot just how good goldfish snacks are, if you’re not careful you’ll end up eating the whole bag, I had to put it away from me that’s how addictive they are, still good though!!
Anyway on to the topic of communications……now we all know that communications is a way of expression, when we communicate we tell about the things that we feel as well as what we care about, but it seems these days communication is a little hard to reach at time, scratch that it’s not the communication that’s hard, but the listening that seems to be the issue at times, why is that!? When did listening become so hard to do!?
Now let’s get this straight alright, sometimes we aren’t all great listeners and when we know we should be, we still sometimes have a hard time taking things in the way we should……it’s a weird thing, but even when listening and communicating is a hard thing, sometimes we need to know when to really listen, if there’s something that needs expressing we have to learn how to shut our mouths and open our ears, that’s how we show our support and love to people and if happens that someone we may just be encountering for the first time needs to express something,
That’s how we show care and compassion as human beings, sometimes we all have a little too much we’re trying to handle, some of those things being mentally or emotionally and so forth and because we do, we just need a little support, we may not ask about it, but sometimes you can just feel it or see even, we don’t always have to show support in a huge way, sometimes a simple ear to lend can be that big support that someone needs,
Having a chat can even be a big thing for some, I don’t think we look at listening and communicating as an important thing these days, some people would rather sit silently, not saying that’s a bad thing, because it’s not, it’s just sometimes silence can seem like an enemy and can be a little loud for our psyche to deal with especially when thoughts start being added the mix.
So just because silents can be a good thing for us, doesn’t mean we always want to sit with it for a long period of time…..sometimes we need distracts that help get us out of our heads and a good distraction is communicating in what ways!? Well that depends on what’s needed,
Sometimes it’s talking about what we’re feeling, other ways it’s talking randomly and seeing how weird the conversation can get, but the take away to those conversations is also listening, opening our ears and turning up the volume a little so we’re hearing everyone word possible,
That’s how we understand each other better and sometimes by doing that we help someone feel a little better and vice versa!!
Good day to you all, I hope you’ve all been doing well and are having a good, productive, occupied, nice kind of day with whatever you’re doing!! Let’s talk about some stuff yeah!? I feel like it’s been a while since i’ve written anything on a serious topic so let’s see what comes out with this one, that i’ve just gotten in the mood to talk about.
Before we get to writing, I just want to say that I hope you all are staying safe and well and that things are going okay with you, I know with everything going on it’s not really been the best of days lately……speaking on that topic actually, you’d think that things would be a little upbeat or at least attempt to be upbeat anyway, but it just seems as though things keep lowering on the energy level, by that I mean, negative feelings!!
I mean you do your best to keep things afloat and try and keep the energy up, but for some reason it’s like the negative over powers what could be positive!! I’m fully aware and understand the events of what’s going on in the world, I know it’s a serious manner, but that doesn’t mean we should allow the negative effects of it, to be our only focus, that being said now,
In this time it’s important to be of support to each other, be it who we’re around or even just talking via social media and that, we shouldn’t keep ourselves down and we shouldn’t let others feel down either, with what’s going on it’s important to take this time to not only give focus to the things that need our attention, but also do our best to be there for one another,
We all are feeling in different ways, some of us have learned to stay calm, some are struggling with this social distancing a little more than others and some have learned to use this time both a little and quite productively, there’s different ways we’re coping with everything going on, some of us may not know how to handle this whole thing, but that’s why we’re here.
We don’t always need to have things to say, but giving a little support towards each other does wonders believe it or not, we don’t have to keep our focus on the negatives so much, sure it’s a little difficult to do, but there’s ways to turn it around, we just have to allow ourselves to do so.
Today has been quite a day, it’s been so much of a day that i’m literally mentally exhausted because of it, I don’t even know how this post is going to come out to be honest, if it ends up being full of rambles, sorry in advance, I just don’t know how to really handle everything today, my emotions are off the charts, one minute i’m okay and the next I just want to cry and get angry all at the same time, I mainly want to cry and that’s me being honest here…..i’m in this mode where I want to talk to someone, but I don’t at the same time, I just really don’t know what to do with myself.
Chaos keeps breaking out around me, because no one knows how to handle things simply without blowing up and getting mad at one other, people think they know what’s right and what’s wrong and love being the one to say I told you so, everyone just loves saying that. Sometimes it doesn’t even need to be said they just think they got it right from start to finish, when they don’t even know, they don’t flipping know whatsoever on what’s going on and why you feel the way you feel, they just like assuming the reason.
Sorry…..i’m sorry, i’m not trying to dump all my issues and problems on here, there’s just so much in my head that I don’t know how to get it out, i’ve been in thought mode all day and i’ve been trying so hard to keep everything together and act as though everything’s fine, but when it comes to the way my emotions work, I can’t pretend, because it’s written all over my face, as always……and I hate it because then people want to know why you’re feeling down and out and although you appreciate the concern,
Sometimes you just have days where you just want to deal with it, as it’s coming without the whole “let’s talk about it” start up conversation and okay yes, part of you wants to sit there and talk about it all, but at the same time you would rather just keep it all to yourself and not be bothered about it, but you also know that’s not healthy and so you express it a little and what happens, judgement, there’s no just listening going on at all.
What you get back is things you really don’t need nor want, plus if you did want a little pick me up kind of chat, it’s not in an understanding way, it’s not in a supportive way or a warm approach, it’s just people wanting to add what they think you need to hear and although that’s all fine and dandy at times and yes tough love is helpful to most……not everyone wants that.
Some people just want someone to listen, to be there and let them know things are going to be okay and give them the opposite of what tough love is and maybe that’s the…..I don’t even know what to call it, the softer approach kind of way, where you sit with someone and you listen to them and be their emotional support when they’re needing it. It’s like you know when you’re watching a show or movie and you have those families or just people in general who are really understanding and when they talk to you,
It’s in a comforting kind of way without the intensity involved, you know what I mean, does that make sense!? I know what I mean and what i’m trying to say, I just don’t know how to put it all in the correct kind of order, but hopefully you get what i’m saying……it’s just everything is so hard and trying to work it all out in a way that you’re able to keep it simple,
Is like a task and a half to complete and it doesn’t help when you know you’re having an extra amount of a really tough day and you yourself are trying so hard to get through it, yet it becomes even more harder, because the level is always on intense mode for some flipping reason and you try to keep it at lower level, but no matter how hard you try and express what you’re wanting, it still ends up being unclear and it just ends up going back to fully on mode and that’s the mode you’re trying to say you don’t want.
It’s like I don’t know, I feel like i’m the only one whose mode is not turned up to the max, everyone’s so intense and angry, while i’m reserved and emotional, why is that!? Every time I observe it, I still can’t figure it out and it should feel good to be the odd ball out because you have your own way of doing things, but lately as much as I would hate to admit it, I find myself wanting to just fit in somewhere, but I can never bring myself to play along in a crowd full of madness if that makes sense!?
I’m a calm person who is as quiet as a mouse and I do my very best to keep away from things that are a little too much to handle and the only time I get explosive is when my emotions find a way to get to me and when that happens I have no control of it. I get angry, but my anger is more out of frustration then actually being mad, it’s rare when i’m angry, I don’t like to get angry, but i’m just having a really hard time dealing with everything.
Today is one of those days where it’s just so much that all I want to do is cry and cry and cry, become frustrated on the fact that I am crying and then cry a little more, until I somehow convince myself that it’ll be fine and that we’re going to get through it somehow and try and be okay again……
It’s so much I tell you, but i’m doing everything I can to push through it, I can’t talk about it, talk about it, the way I would like to, but this, this post right here, expressing myself to you guys, whether you’re listening or not, it helps in a weird way and it’s odd, because even though I was feeling the way I was today, I had in my mind that I wanted to write about it, literally all I wanted was me and either my blog or my journal today, nothing else.
Why does this work better I don’t know, but it does and i’m thankful and grateful for this blog and for those who I have talked to and even the people who take the time to read all of my posts, be it pretty short or very long.
When I started this blog it was to be able to have a place to go when I need my headspace cleared and for a long time, I abandoned that whole concept because I didn’t think it was interesting and I thought no would want to read that from me even though it was the way I was feeling, but the more I write I find it’s becoming a little more personal each time and i’ll admit it’s scary, but it gives me a place to be more myself in way, without the pressure of having to figure everything out, I mean I still feel pressure, because i’m constantly putting pressure on myself because I feel I need to always be doing something and worry about where i’m going and it’s really stressful.
But for the most part, writing helps me to express and allows me to not be afraid to express, although i’ve been working on being more vocal, I still find this to be a little bit easier then actually talking about my feelings.
I’ve been scared to express in this kind of way because I didn’t want to bring all of this here, but i’m letting myself be a bit more personal, but also choosing what I want to say and what I would rather keep to myself. It’s still a work in progress, but if you read any of it, just know i’m very appreciative on the fact that you guys are interested in reading this side, just as much as if i’m writing about something that makes me happy or when I find something interesting and want to share, you have no idea on how much that means, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you so very much,
for enjoying my blog and coming back to read my posts, i’ve had this blog for about 1 year and 3 months today actuallyand I do see your support with it, i’ve just been so wrapped up that I also miss it at times, but i’m going to do my best to work at that and thank you guys a little more often for being here. With that all said, I think it’s a good time to stop writing because this is almost starting to look like a chapter in a book, I hope you all are having a better day then me and are doing well and I hope you all have a goodnight.
Quick Note: I started this on the 20th of July, but had to do some more looking over and that, some of my original thoughts I kept in and some I added, I also removed some that I felt weren’t needed, I did my best on this topic so I hope it came out okayand I hope you enjoy the read.
Okay so this is a bit of a hard topic to discuss, i’m not sure how this post is going to turn out, but hopefully it comes out okay…….just a bit of a disclaimer warning, the topic that will be discussed in this post has to do with Eating Disorders so if this is a very sensitive topic for some of you out there and a bit triggering, I understand not wanting to read on, but if you’re comfortable and are okay reading upon this topic then by all means do so…..
When it comes to Mental Health a lot of people don’t really take it as seriously as it should or needs to be and it’s sad because, it’s important to treat it seriously, just because it’s not physical doesn’t mean there’s no effect and that it’s not still harmful……
There’s many different mental health disorders out there, although they’re different, they still share the same effect inside, however there are some that are much more dangerous than others, one of them being Eating Disorders…….i’ll be honest here, I don’t really know too much when it comes to eating disorders, but I have learned a bit about it,
By looking into it a little to get a better understanding and even getting some insights on what it’s like dealing with it and from the knowings of it and the effects it can have on you, lets just say it’s a real tough road walking down, especially when it comes to the recovery process of it.
Now i’m not sure how serious people take Eating Disorders, you would think it’d be one of the topics that is talked about a lot, but when you really think about it, we don’t really hear that much on it, which is a bit surprising because it’s something that should be payed more attention to.
Now I want to talk properly about this, because there’s a lot of things to eating disorders that not many are aware of, most people have a stereotype on it, which isn’t really fair because there are things with it that you won’t know unless you personally lived it, which a lot of us haven’t, but there are some that have or are living it right now and we don’t even know…..
What we may see it as, is completely different to what it actually is like, now my reasoning for wanting to talk upon this topic is for a few reasons, but also because of a video that I watched a few days ago, that was sent to me by my boyfriend who……well had a very similar experience with it…..
I won’t express too much on it though as it’s his story to tell, but he did say it was okay to talk about how he’s been though something similar to the story here……the video that i’ll be giving some insight on is about a Youtuber by the name of Eugenia Cooney, not sure how many of you exactly know of her, maybe you know her well or have just heard about her……a few days ago, Shane Dawson (another Youtuber) made a video on Eugenia,
I don’t know how familiar some of you are with Shane or if you even watch any of his videos, but he has a few series that he does, one of them is focused on helping people and sometimes even going back and revisiting pasts things that he hasn’t really been able to face before, it’s pretty good, i’ve watched a hand full of them……this specific video however, discusses Eugenia and her struggles with her Eating Disorder…….
I gotta say, this video has to be one of the most serious videos, Shane’s ever done and he’s made quite a lot…….I don’t know a whole lot about Eugenia Cooney, i’ve heard of her and have seen her before, but i’ve never actually watched any of her videos…..watching this video though, i’ll admit was really hard, it was also very emotional, I held my breath a lot watching it.
It’s kinda tough to describe this video, I feel it’s something you have to watch for yourself in order to really understand the situation and everything with it, but what I will say, is that you learn a lot from this while gaining insights to what it’s like for those who suffer from eating disorders, as well as learn on the different types of eating disorders and what kind of things happen with those types, if that makes sense!?
There’s a lot of mixed emotions in this video, although it’s very serious, there’s also some pretty nice light hearted and good moments within it as well, there was a few moments in the video that were a bit hard to watch, one of the moments was when they would show Eugenia’s videos….
Now I don’t know if it was a streaming kind of video that she did or a live chat event, but there was this girl and i’m not going to say what she said because you’ll see it in the video if you watch it, but…..
She started off with a very sweet and lovely comment to Eugenia letting her know how pretty she is which was really nice…..a few moments later however, she said something that…..probably shouldn’t have been said, it was that uncomfortable of a moment that I had to actually pause the video.
I mean i’m sure the girl didn’t intend for what she said to come out the way it did or anything, I mean you knew she was a fan of Eugenia and that she cared, she sounded like a very lovely girl, but I don’t think she understood by her saying what she did especially LIVE, the way she did……really set with Eugenia, like you could literally see the change of expression on her face and her eyes, it was one of the toughest moments to see in the video…..
Sometimes we don’t realize the things we say, as well as the way we say them, to us it may not be that bad…..however to others it’s a whole different story, especially when you see or know someone is going through something difficult that they may not be able to see or may not even know about……it’s important to really think about that kind of thing.
If you know or see someone isn’t well or they’re just getting well again, take a moment to really think about the things you’re saying before you find the words coming out of your mouth…….but i’m sure the girl didn’t mean harm with it, so no blame game here, sometimes we make mistakes, even if it’s the tiniest of ones, it happens, it’s just live and learn that’s all.
There were other moments that were a bit hard to watch, but a specific moment that I also wanted to talk about was not one that was hard to watch per say, but one that made me a bit nervous and that was when it came to Shane asking Eugenia questions on everything…..in the beginning of the video, there was this lady I can’t remember her name, but she was explaining to Shane the different questions you shouldn’t ask someone dealing with an eating disorder and the things you shouldn’t say to them…..
Watching the whole video, I was just nervous, thinking to myself “I hope the questions he’s asking are alright” luckily it all went well with the questions, even though the topic of it was hard as well.
I liked how comfortable Shane made Eugenia feel when he visited her and talked to her, it was real nice, i’m sure she was very nervous about doing this whole thing and talking about it as well, but it was good to see that there wasn’t any awkward moments with it.
There was a lot of moments that were very interesting to learn about within the video, if you want to check that out for yourself to get a better insight about Eating Disorders I linked it for you guys, it’s worth watching.
Continuing on the topic of Eating Disorders as a whole…..I can’t really say what exactly it’s like dealing with it, because i’ve never actually experienced it before, for people who have dealt with the disorder or are dealing with it now even, I know it’s not an easy topic to talk about it.
This is a real issue that shouldn’t be overlooked…….there are a lot of people who are secretly suffering with this and aren’t asking for help and that kind of thing is scary, because even though they aren’t directly asking for help, in way they are, only they’re going to say it…….
Sometimes it’s hard to see what’s going on in these kind of situations and unless you’re very close to someone, you won’t really see it, you might get hints here and there, but it’s not going to be something you catch on to right away……learning a bit about it, i’ve learned that people who suffer with eating disorders are really good at hiding it, again you may think you’re able to catch on to it quickly, but that’s not always the case.
Something i’d like to point out is that, when we think of eating disorders, our brains naturally and automatically think females suffer from it and that’s because it always been seen as and I know this is probably the wrong way to quote it and I apologize in advance, but it’s always just been seen as a “Female thing only”
When in fact that is faaar from the truth…..on the stereotype side of town, it’s like that, if you only knew the half of it though….because if you did, you’d find out males suffer from it too, maybe even more, we wouldn’t know about that though because a lot of the males that do suffer with an eating disorder, don’t speak up about it and that’s because there’s already a perspective on it, which isn’t right……
When you think of other disorders such as anxiety, depression, bi-polar disorder all those things, it’s not just seen as a one sided thing, any person, guy or girl can suffer from them, yet when it comes to eating disorders, it’s only looked at on the females perspective and maybe that has to do with the fact that more females speak up on it, however that doesn’t mean that it should be normalized as just females go through it because that’s not true.
Males that suffer with an eating disorder, don’t really get taken that seriously causing most of them to suffer in silence when they shouldn’t have to……I don’t want to say it’s an image thing, however it kinda is in a way, which is sad because it shouldn’t be like that, we shouldn’t have it where if a male is struggling with an eating disorder they shouldn’t come out about it…….not trying to go away from the topic, but I will for a second,
Only because it’s the same as if someone was being abused, majority of the time, people will only see it from a girls perspective when in fact guys also get abused……yet we don’t talk about that and sometimes that can be one of the main factors of an eating disorder starting because of the way they’ve been treated before, but my point to this though is just like girls,
Guys too can be affect by it, just because we don’t hear much about it, doesn’t mean it’s not happening……we aren’t the only ones that go through rough times, although guys are built to be strong and protect and all that, we need to understand that they too have feelings and they also go through these kind of issues. We shouldn’t be shutting them out and making them feel as though if they do suffer from any sort of disorder or other things in general that they shouldn’t be allowed to share it or speak up about it.
It’s important to not only treat these kind of things seriously, but also treat each individual the same way, especially when dealing and suffering with things like eating disorders and that, everyone should have a right to express they’re emotions and feelings as well as things they’re going through.
We should never make someone feel as though their feelings don’t matter or that the issues they’re dealing with aren’t as important as someone else’s……there’s a lot to learn with this topic, things that may be seen as simple, aren’t always and when it comes to things we think we know on this topic or even someone, there’s a high chance that we have no clue, what we say and how we say it does have an affect, even when we see it as harmless.
Final Thoughts: We don’t know what people are going through and with this kind of thing it’s really important that we take it seriously and try to help in the best way possible, even if we aren’t sure how…….
If you know or sense someone close to you or someone you think needs help is suffering help them, try and be there for them, talk to them and if you’re worried or you aren’t sure what to do, there are people that can help and there’s even numbers to call.
If someone out there is reading this and is suffering with an eating disorder or recovering from one (GUY OR GIRL) know that everything is going to be okay and that there are people that can help you get better, I know it won’t seem like it, but you aren’t alone and again if you’re a guy or a girl whose just starting to recover or have successfully recovered,
I’m proud of you and i’m sure those around you, are proud of you as well (although I don’t know many of you) still, I know it’s a hard road you’re walking or have had to walk before and I know that even though there maybe some of you who have fought through this, I know that the journey of it will never be over as it sticks with you for life, but even though that maybe so, you should be very proud of yourself, not only for how far you came from it,
but also because you went through it and are still going through it, but have stayed strong and continued on, I know it’s not the easiest thingandI know that for some of you, there might even be a time where you fall into a relapse with it, but just know if that does occur don’t feel ashamed about it and don’t think that you did wrong, because you didn’t, you’re not weak or anything like that, it’s just a rebuild and process thing, but it’ll all be alright.
If there are people out there who have had someone in their life relapse or know someone whose relapsed, don’t scold them about it…..reassure them and let them know that you’re there for them, support and love them through those times, because believe me they’re already beating themselves up about it, they don’t need scolding or any of that, all they need is love and support.
There’s still a whole lot more to eating disorders than i’m able to explain, this was just my observation and thoughts on it from what I learned, again i’m no expert and have no experienced with it, the only people that can really tell you what it’s like dealing with it and the situation with it as a whole are the ones that have or are going through it……
If you have any thoughts you want to share or add to any knowledge that you think I should know on the topic of eating disorders go ahead, if there’s something I said wrong or messed up on, please do let me know, in the best way possible of course, I really would like to understand this better.
Last thing, if any of you out there, need a place to go to chat or anything like that, you don’t have to, but you’re more than welcome to here, but if you’re wanting or looking for a bit more help, here’s a few links to websites that might just be what you need and for those who want to understand more about this as well, I left some links for you as too.