Lets Talk Mental Health: Eating Disorders And The Return Of Eugenia Cooney (Long Post)

On July 25, 2019July 25, 2019 By Daydreamer LexIn Let's Talk, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Quick Note: I started this on the 20th of July, but had to do some more looking over and that, some of my original thoughts I kept in and some I added, I also removed some that I felt weren’t needed, I did my best on this topic so I hope it came out okay and I hope you enjoy the read.

Okay so this is a bit of a hard topic to discuss, i’m not sure how this post is going to turn out, but hopefully it comes out okay…….just a bit of a disclaimer warning, the topic that will be discussed in this post has to do with Eating Disorders so if this is a very sensitive topic for some of you out there and a bit triggering, I understand not wanting to read on, but if you’re comfortable and are okay reading upon this topic then by all means do so…..

When it comes to Mental Health a lot of people don’t really take it as seriously as it should or needs to be and it’s sad because, it’s important to treat it seriously, just because it’s not physical doesn’t mean there’s no effect and that it’s not still harmful……

There’s many different mental health disorders out there, although they’re different, they still share the same effect inside, however there are some that are much more dangerous than others, one of them being Eating Disorders…….i’ll be honest here, I don’t really know too much when it comes to eating disorders, but I have learned a bit about it,

By looking into it a little to get a better understanding and even getting some insights on what it’s like dealing with it and from the knowings of it and the effects it can have on you, lets just say it’s a real tough road walking down, especially when it comes to the recovery process of it.

Now i’m not sure how serious people take Eating Disorders, you would think it’d be one of the topics that is talked about a lot, but when you really think about it, we don’t really hear that much on it, which is a bit surprising because it’s something that should be payed more attention to.

Now I want to talk properly about this, because there’s a lot of things to eating disorders that not many are aware of, most people have a stereotype on it, which isn’t really fair because there are things with it that you won’t know unless you personally lived it, which a lot of us haven’t, but there are some that have or are living it right now and we don’t even know…..

What we may see it as, is completely different to what it actually is like, now my reasoning for wanting to talk upon this topic is for a few reasons, but also because of a video that I watched a few days ago, that was sent to me by my boyfriend who……well had a very similar experience with it…..

I won’t express too much on it though as it’s his story to tell, but he did say it was okay to talk about how he’s been though something similar to the story here……the video that i’ll be giving some insight on is about a Youtuber by the name of Eugenia Cooney, not sure how many of you exactly know of her, maybe you know her well or have just heard about her……a few days ago, Shane Dawson (another Youtuber) made a video on Eugenia,

I don’t know how familiar some of you are with Shane or if you even watch any of his videos, but he has a few series that he does, one of them is focused on helping people and sometimes even going back and revisiting pasts things that he hasn’t really been able to face before, it’s pretty good, i’ve watched a hand full of them……this specific video however, discusses Eugenia and her struggles with her Eating Disorder…….

I gotta say, this video has to be one of the most serious videos, Shane’s ever done and he’s made quite a lot…….I don’t know a whole lot about Eugenia Cooney, i’ve heard of her and have seen her before, but i’ve never actually watched any of her videos…..watching this video though, i’ll admit was really hard, it was also very emotional, I held my breath a lot watching it.

It’s kinda tough to describe this video, I feel it’s something you have to watch for yourself in order to really understand the situation and everything with it, but what I will say, is that you learn a lot from this while gaining insights to what it’s like for those who suffer from eating disorders, as well as learn on the different types of eating disorders and what kind of things happen with those types, if that makes sense!?

There’s a lot of mixed emotions in this video, although it’s very serious, there’s also some pretty nice light hearted and good moments within it as well, there was a few moments in the video that were a bit hard to watch, one of the moments was when they would show Eugenia’s videos….

Now I don’t know if it was a streaming kind of video that she did or a live chat event, but there was this girl and i’m not going to say what she said because you’ll see it in the video if you watch it, but…..

She started off with a very sweet and lovely comment to Eugenia letting her know how pretty she is which was really nice…..a few moments later however, she said something that…..probably shouldn’t have been said, it was that uncomfortable of a moment that I had to actually pause the video.

I mean i’m sure the girl didn’t intend for what she said to come out the way it did or anything, I mean you knew she was a fan of Eugenia and that she cared, she sounded like a very lovely girl, but I don’t think she understood by her saying what she did especially LIVE, the way she did……really set with Eugenia, like you could literally see the change of expression on her face and her eyes, it was one of the toughest moments to see in the video…..

Sometimes we don’t realize the things we say, as well as the way we say them, to us it may not be that bad…..however to others it’s a whole different story, especially when you see or know someone is going through something difficult that they may not be able to see or may not even know about……it’s important to really think about that kind of thing.

If you know or see someone isn’t well or they’re just getting well again, take a moment to really think about the things you’re saying before you find the words coming out of your mouth…….but i’m sure the girl didn’t mean harm with it, so no blame game here, sometimes we make mistakes, even if it’s the tiniest of ones, it happens, it’s just live and learn that’s all.

There were other moments that were a bit hard to watch, but a specific moment that I also wanted to talk about was not one that was hard to watch per say, but one that made me a bit nervous and that was when it came to Shane asking Eugenia questions on everything…..in the beginning of the video, there was this lady I can’t remember her name, but she was explaining to Shane the different questions you shouldn’t ask someone dealing with an eating disorder and the things you shouldn’t say to them…..

Watching the whole video, I was just nervous, thinking to myself “I hope the questions he’s asking are alright” luckily it all went well with the questions, even though the topic of it was hard as well.

I liked how comfortable Shane made Eugenia feel when he visited her and talked to her, it was real nice, i’m sure she was very nervous about doing this whole thing and talking about it as well, but it was good to see that there wasn’t any awkward moments with it.

There was a lot of moments that were very interesting to learn about within the video, if you want to check that out for yourself to get a better insight about Eating Disorders I linked it for you guys, it’s worth watching.

Watch the video here: The Return Of Eugenia Cooney

Continuing on the topic of Eating Disorders as a whole…..I can’t really say what exactly it’s like dealing with it, because i’ve never actually experienced it before, for people who have dealt with the disorder or are dealing with it now even, I know it’s not an easy topic to talk about it.

This is a real issue that shouldn’t be overlooked…….there are a lot of people who are secretly suffering with this and aren’t asking for help and that kind of thing is scary, because even though they aren’t directly asking for help, in way they are, only they’re going to say it…….

Sometimes it’s hard to see what’s going on in these kind of situations and unless you’re very close to someone, you won’t really see it, you might get hints here and there, but it’s not going to be something you catch on to right away……learning a bit about it, i’ve learned that people who suffer with eating disorders are really good at hiding it, again you may think you’re able to catch on to it quickly, but that’s not always the case.

Something i’d like to point out is that, when we think of eating disorders, our brains naturally and automatically think females suffer from it and that’s because it always been seen as and I know this is probably the wrong way to quote it and I apologize in advance, but it’s always just been seen as a “Female thing only”

When in fact that is faaar from the truth…..on the stereotype side of town, it’s like that, if you only knew the half of it though….because if you did, you’d find out males suffer from it too, maybe even more, we wouldn’t know about that though because a lot of the males that do suffer with an eating disorder, don’t speak up about it and that’s because there’s already a perspective on it, which isn’t right……

When you think of other disorders such as anxiety, depression, bi-polar disorder all those things, it’s not just seen as a one sided thing, any person, guy or girl can suffer from them, yet when it comes to eating disorders, it’s only looked at on the females perspective and maybe that has to do with the fact that more females speak up on it, however that doesn’t mean that it should be normalized as just females go through it because that’s not true.

Males that suffer with an eating disorder, don’t really get taken that seriously causing most of them to suffer in silence when they shouldn’t have to……I don’t want to say it’s an image thing, however it kinda is in a way, which is sad because it shouldn’t be like that, we shouldn’t have it where if a male is struggling with an eating disorder they shouldn’t come out about it…….not trying to go away from the topic, but I will for a second,

Only because it’s the same as if someone was being abused, majority of the time, people will only see it from a girls perspective when in fact guys also get abused……yet we don’t talk about that and sometimes that can be one of the main factors of an eating disorder starting because of the way they’ve been treated before, but my point to this though is just like girls,

Guys too can be affect by it, just because we don’t hear much about it, doesn’t mean it’s not happening……we aren’t the only ones that go through rough times, although guys are built to be strong and protect and all that, we need to understand that they too have feelings and they also go through these kind of issues. We shouldn’t be shutting them out and making them feel as though if they do suffer from any sort of disorder or other things in general that they shouldn’t be allowed to share it or speak up about it.

It’s important to not only treat these kind of things seriously, but also treat each individual the same way, especially when dealing and suffering with things like eating disorders and that, everyone should have a right to express they’re emotions and feelings as well as things they’re going through.

We should never make someone feel as though their feelings don’t matter or that the issues they’re dealing with aren’t as important as someone else’s……there’s a lot to learn with this topic, things that may be seen as simple, aren’t always and when it comes to things we think we know on this topic or even someone, there’s a high chance that we have no clue, what we say and how we say it does have an affect, even when we see it as harmless.

Final Thoughts: We don’t know what people are going through and with this kind of thing it’s really important that we take it seriously and try to help in the best way possible, even if we aren’t sure how…….

If you know or sense someone close to you or someone you think needs help is suffering help them, try and be there for them, talk to them and if you’re worried or you aren’t sure what to do, there are people that can help and there’s even numbers to call.

If someone out there is reading this and is suffering with an eating disorder or recovering from one (GUY OR GIRL) know that everything is going to be okay and that there are people that can help you get better, I know it won’t seem like it, but you aren’t alone and again if you’re a guy or a girl whose just starting to recover or have successfully recovered,

I’m proud of you and i’m sure those around you, are proud of you as well (although I don’t know many of you) still, I know it’s a hard road you’re walking or have had to walk before and I know that even though there maybe some of you who have fought through this, I know that the journey of it will never be over as it sticks with you for life, but even though that maybe so, you should be very proud of yourself, not only for how far you came from it,

but also because you went through it and are still going through it, but have stayed strong and continued on, I know it’s not the easiest thing and I know that for some of you, there might even be a time where you fall into a relapse with it, but just know if that does occur don’t feel ashamed about it and don’t think that you did wrong, because you didn’t, you’re not weak or anything like that, it’s just a rebuild and process thing, but it’ll all be alright.

If there are people out there who have had someone in their life relapse or know someone whose relapsed, don’t scold them about it…..reassure them and let them know that you’re there for them, support and love them through those times, because believe me they’re already beating themselves up about it, they don’t need scolding or any of that, all they need is love and support.

There’s still a whole lot more to eating disorders than i’m able to explain, this was just my observation and thoughts on it from what I learned, again i’m no expert and have no experienced with it, the only people that can really tell you what it’s like dealing with it and the situation with it as a whole are the ones that have or are going through it……

If you have any thoughts you want to share or add to any knowledge that you think I should know on the topic of eating disorders go ahead, if there’s something I said wrong or messed up on, please do let me know, in the best way possible of course, I really would like to understand this better.

Last thing, if any of you out there, need a place to go to chat or anything like that, you don’t have to, but you’re more than welcome to here, but if you’re wanting or looking for a bit more help, here’s a few links to websites that might just be what you need and for those who want to understand more about this as well, I left some links for you as too.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Feelings….. (July 18, 2019)

On July 18, 2019July 18, 2019 By Daydreamer LexIn Entries, UncategorizedLeave a comment

We all have them, sometimes we wish we didn’t, but then we wouldn’t really be human would we!? Here’s the thing……sometimes we let our own feelings get in the way of how other people feel, we may not try to do it intentionally, but sometimes we end up doing it unconsciously knowing creating a bit of a mess……although we have our own issues and problems to sort through, doesn’t mean we should ignore everyone’s else’s.

It’s okay to take time to work through your own feelings and emotions, but when it’s the only thing we focus on, we tend to fail at acknowledging how someone else maybe feeling, which is important because we don’t know half of the things that people go through or deal with alone.

We say we listen and that we understand but do we really!? Believe it or not besides communication, listening and understanding (as well as other things) are the two main things that are needed in order to build a healthy and better relationship with someone, whether it’s romanic, non romantic, a friendship kind of relationship whatever, it’s important to take others emotions and feelings into account…..

Really thinking about it, it’s no wonder, most people separate from other people or keep things to themselves……we as humans aren’t the best people these days, especially when it comes to communicating, listening and understanding someone, we’re so wrapped up in ourselves and our own life, that we will just brush off anything that doesn’t revolve around our own feelings which can be quite selfish at times.

We shouldn’t be telling people to go away because we have our own things to worry about or we just aren’t feeling what their feeling, sometimes we need people or we just want to talk to someone, whether it’s a serious topic or a random one, telling someone to go away or to stop talking, causes a lot of the issues that we encounter in day to day life…….

When I was younger I used to get told all the time to stop talking so much or that something else was more important than expressing something that I wanted to express, so I know what that feels like…..the feeling of wanting to talk to someone, but being told to go away or being ignored when your saying something, it hurts….

It’s no wonder people keep things to themselves these days, I mean really who can they talk to if people don’t want to listen!? It’s why most of us develop or have some kind of mental illness, we bottle things up because we feel we have to or we think if we talk about what we’re feeling no ones going to really listen or understand anyway so why even bother!?

A lot of the time we don’t even take mental illnesses serious, even though we should because it’s one of the things that can be harmful to someones life, if not taken seriously enough, that kind of thing should never be ignored, but overall dealing with feelings, stress, thoughts anything…..

It’s not just us dealing with it, there’s always someone going through a rougher time, dismissing or skipping over how someone else feels, will only cause them to closed themselves in more and not express how they’re really feeling and if they do try to express their emotions and thoughts, they’re going to think twice about it because they don’t know if it’s okay and that they should or if it’s just going to be a waste of their time.

People can be very stubborn and not realize that, they’re not the only ones that hurt, we don’t take in other peoples feelings the way we should and it’s because of that, people will tend to distance themselves or drift away, it’s not always because they want to, sometimes it’s because they feel they can’t talk to anyone or that no ones going to listen, other times it’s fear of being rejected or that their just bothering people…….

Sometimes the best way to really know how someone is feeling is to ask them directly and not in a forceful way, genuinely ask them, how their doing and if they’re okay and want to talk, if they don’t want to talk right away give them a bit of time and try and ask again later, sometimes you have to go out of your way in order to really understand someone one, even if they don’t want to talk, try to listen and understand how their feeling,

Without criticizing them and trying to add your input in, if their expressing why it is they feel the way they do and are talking to you about it, listen!! If they say “this is how I feel and i’m telling you this is why i’m feeling it” don’t say “okay this is how your feeling, this is what I think” (sorry to say it this way, but it’s the only way it’s going to come out )

DON’T ADD YOUR INPUT……unless they ask for it and if or when they do, try and be understanding with it, help them sort through their feelings and or thoughts and help them come up with a solution to help them get through it. When expressing our thoughts and feelings, all we want and need is someone to just listen and understand…..

Just like when we are needing for someone to listen to us, we should be able to do the same for other people who are needing it, we should never make someone feel like they can’t talk about their own issues or express themselves, especially when their trying to express on something serious.

Whether we like what we’re hearing or not, we shouldn’t go shutting down other people’s emotions, we’re human and one of the things we are born with is compassion and if we can’t bother to really hear someone out when they’re begging for it secretly or desperately wanting someone to talk to, that says a lot about who we are and it’s not good……

We all have feelings and stresses in life, but we can still take time to try and get to know, as well as listen and understand someone.

Instead of judging someone and assuming all kinds of things and that, ASK!! if you really want to know or are curious on how someones doing or what’s going on in their life, just ask them, you might get a lot more out of them than asking someone else about it……

P.S. Sorry if this came out jumping at you haha, didn’t mean for that, I just had a lot to get out and this was the only way I guess I was able to get it out, hope you’re all doing well and having a good day!!

All The Love ❤ < 3

~Lexa~

Let’s Talk Video Games: Missed Messages (July 5, 2019)

On July 6, 2019 By Daydreamer LexIn Let's Talk, UncategorizedLeave a comment

The other day I was watching one of my favorite gaming channels Jacksepticeye (well I watch him quite a lot actually) you might remember me talking about him before or you might not, he’s quite the entertainer, his content is very interesting and he has a very unique and great personality!! He not only plays video games, but he also has original content that is a little more intimate, by that I mean not video game type videos,

but more the kind that make you laugh when you’re having a rough day and need something to pick you up. Some people like him and others tend to stay clear of him because of personality and how weird he is, but I don’t think he’s that bad, but everyone has their own view on things and that is perfectly fine, I still enjoy his content, but anyway……

Let’s talk about the game, I don’t really know how to introduce the game to, because it’s on the serious part of town…..the name of the game is called Missed Messages and it’s a pretty deep and interesting kind of game…..

It’s based around self harm and suicide, but has other things to it as well that is a little more lighthearted, although it is pretty sensitive, so if you don’t want to get into those topics that’s okay, the game does warn you with any possible triggers before playing the game, but for some who are interested in seeing what the game is like, I would say check it out,

I don’t really know how to describe the game, so i’m just going to let it speak for itself, so if you do watch it you’ll understand it a lot better, i’ll leave it in case you are curious to seeing how the gameplay is. It’s actually pretty nice from the looks of it, it’s one of those choice based games to see the different outcomes to the story, but with a deeper meaning to it of course…..

It has a pretty cool art style to it as well, when you first look at it, it’s pretty calming and chilled, but the more you get into the story, it does get pretty intense……but the reason I bring up this game, is the message that comes with it.

It shows you just how much you don’t know, when it comes to someone and what they’re thoughts are, they could seem fine, yet you wouldn’t know that deep down, that’s not exactly how their feeling, unless you really get to know them and just talk to them. People are so used to keeping things bottled in and because they’re so used to it, they have trouble asking for help or just opening up alone about things in general….

We’ve all been there, where if there’s something we’re struggling with or dealing with, we keep it to ourselves thinking we can handle it and adding our problems onto someone else, even though it shouldn’t be a worry or they may not have a problem with you coming to them,

You still think of it as being a burden in a way and so we chose to just keep to ourselves to avoid adding to their problems even if we are secretly needing a bit of comfort or reassurance.

It’s easy to have a simple conversation when it comes to things you might have in common with someone or something random and that……but when it has to do with a problem or something that is hard to talk about that’s when it becomes difficult and where people start to shut down and sometimes that’s dangerous if you’re not careful, in many different ways.

However it isn’t always dangerous, some people just prefer to be alone and stay to themselves, which is fine, there’s nothing wrong with that, but sometimes it’s good to see how people are from time to time, because you don’t always know what they’re dealing with and the kind of struggles they’re going through, even if you aren’t sure what to do,

Just showing them that you’re there if they need you and even sitting with them in silence would probably mean so much, sometimes not saying anything is better than trying to say something, most of the time all people really need is comfort and reassurance and just for someone to be there.

Final Thoughts: Just by watching the gameplay, it looks like a pretty great game to play or check out, I don’t really play games as often as I used to and when I did, it was mainly on my Xbox One or my 3Ds, sometimes my tablet too although I rarely play with it now…..but this game is something I think should be given a try and if you don’t want to play it, i’d say it’s worth checking out, there’s so much more to it than just the art style…….

You get a lot of realness and emotion from it as well, believe me it’s worth the time and understanding with the message that it’s trying to share with everyone, even Jack shares his thoughts on it, as well as knowing that kind of struggle that is talked about in the game, so if you’re willing, seriously check it out, I think you’ll find it very interesting and maybe even helpful too.

Here’s the game if you want to check it out: Missed Messages if it’s too much while you’re watching it remember you don’t have to continue, but if you do continue I hope you enjoy the story and gameplay of it!! If there’s anyone who is having a hard time and wants to talk, could be about anything, music, favorite tv shows or you need someone to just vent to a little, you’re more than welcome to here, i’ll be happy to be an ear for you.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Dealing With Funks (Inspired By AmyRightMeow)

On October 13, 2018 By Daydreamer LexIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Hey there everyone hope you’re all doing well, todays topic on todays post is a bit on the serious side of town, now I didn’t really expect to write about this, but as I was having my morning coffee, I came across this video of a Youtuber that I recently found, and got into and in her video she talked about dealing with funks and it made me want to share my own kind of funks with you guys if that’s okay!?

Everything she explained in the video was exactly how I was feeling this past week, now i’m not one to really talk about my feelings much unless somethings really bothering me to where I feel I need to let it out somehow and when that happens I will usually write it down. In the video she explained what it’s like when she goes through funks in her life and how when she’s going through them, she tries to sort through it by herself and even questions why it is she feels the way that she does.

One of the main things that she expressed that really stuck with me, was when she said whenever she tried to comfort herself, she just ended up getting angry instead of making herself feel better, because her mind kept telling her that she shouldn’t be feeling the way that she was, because there’s bigger problems in the world then her problems and hearing that was like wow to me, because that’s the same way I think and i’m sure there’s a lot of you guys out there as well who may feel the same way.

This past week was really tough to get through, I won’t go too much into it, i’m gonna try and keep this post as minimum as I can. This past week wasn’t my favorite week, as much as I tried my hardest to keep myself calm and do my best to stay as positive as I could, it was really hard, I couldn’t keep my emotions and thoughts in order and it drove me mad, because I wanted so bad to pick myself up and make the most of those days and I couldn’t and me not being able to do that, made me very frustrated, it felt like I didn’t have control of anything.

I couldn’t stay focused even when I tried, I was constantly in my own mind having battles with myself, I tried to help myself feel better, but it always felt like there were two versions of me. I was trying to help the other version of me up, but that version of me kept refusing my hand, telling me that it was fine and it didn’t need help and it was okay, but the version of me that tried to help the other part of me, knew that it wasn’t.

Eventually though, everything that I kept in and was feeling, I did let it out and when I did I actually felt a lot better, well mostly, I still kinda felt a bit of the effects of it, but I did feel better, yesterday was probably one of my favorite days that I’ve had in a very long time, because I was happy, I felt like me again and it’s been a while since that happened. Instead of feeling okay all the time, I felt pretty good, which was nice, however feeling okay is good too, if you’re not feeling the greatest, but you find that your feeling decent and or alright, then you can give yourself a little smile because I know that sometimes for some even that’s hard.

We all go through some really tough moments in our lives and most of us feel as though when that happens we can deal with it and handle it on our own, but sometimes although we don’t like asking for it, sometimes a little help is what we need. So if you’re struggling to get through the day or you’re just not feeling your best, know that it’s okay to not only feel the way that you do, but also don’t be afraid to talk to someone if you know that you need to, handing things on your own is fine and all if you know you can deal with it, but if you find that you’re really struggling, don’t be afraid to ask someone for an ear to listen to, believe me you’ll feel a lot better for it.

One last thing, if you’re feeling as though you’re not doing okay in your life, know that you are, even when your mind is telling you that you aren’t. We can be our own worst enemy at times, but we have to remember and keep telling ourselves that we’re stronger then what our mind tells us and that even on our worst days, everything is gonna be okay, it may take some time, but it’ll be alright. Be proud of how hard you try even when it’s just getting up and doing your best to put and keep a smile on your face, that is something and that means you’re doing well.

If you guys are interested in checking out the video that I mentioned earlier in this post, you can watch it here: Dealing with Funks – (illustrated story) By AmyRightMeow

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Featured Photo By: eberhard grossgasteiger on Unsplash

Dealing With Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders And Other Mental Illnesses…….

On July 21, 2018 By Daydreamer LexIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Let’s talk about dealing with Anxiety for a moment shall we!? I’m gonna be the one to say it and i’m sure a lot of you will agree if you too deal with anxiety on a daily basis. Anxiety is the WORST sometimes, especially when you’re dealing with something that shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but it is for some reason, it’s like no matter what you do your brain just likes to remind you there’s a problem and that it’s totally gonna make it a bigger problem then it actually is. Now i’ll be real because that’s why i’m writing this and I want to be as real as I can when it comes to my blog posts. I feel if you’re expressing yourself and words fail you when you need it most, writing about how you feel is the best way to get everything you’re thinking and feeling out, when you feel like you can’t really talk to anyone because they won’t really understand and get it, so you think to yourself “well since no one will listen or I know they’re not gonna understand and get it, i’ll just write it.” Writing really is a nice way to just de stress and get all your thoughts out of your mind, i’ve spoken about this before in my finding your happy place blog post, If you haven’t read that one you can read it here: Finding Your Happy Place…..

Anyway to dealing with Anxiety………this is a little hard for me because I don’t really like to talk about it, I only speak about it to certain people that I trust and are really close to me and the ones that I tell they either get it and understand because they too deal with certain things in their life or if they don’t get it, they will take the time to try and understand what it is i’m going through. When I was about 19 years old i’d say, I was in my teens (late teens) I had just graduated from high school or it was around the time I graduated. I went to see this specialist and with me i’m not really comfortable around certain people if I feel some kind of energy i’m not use to or that I don’t like, I stay away from it because I don’t like the way it makes me feel, so obviously if you know somethings bothering or you don’t like someone or you get a weird vibe you keep yourself away right!? So we saw this specialist and right away the vibe that I got even before I went inside the office they were in I hated it, I just didn’t like the atmosphere of the place, I hated everything about it, made me super anxious and it felt weird.

So we go into the office of the specialist who was speaking with me and I couldn’t make eye contact because I was super uncomfortable, I just wanted to get out of there so bad. While being in there, they had me do some…….I don’t know what it is, but it kinda is to see what is wrong with you, all I remember is having to look at pictures and tell them what I saw in them and also look at this book with different things in it and I think remember it or copy what I saw (It was a long time ago so I barely remember) but while doing those activities I still didn’t make eye contact with the specialist and if I did it was only for a second, like literally a second. Long story short…….good news is I was told i’m a really good visual learner and that made me happy, next part didn’t though………because he then says I have a problem with looking people in the eyes (Only people I don’t trust or like) that’s when I learned that what I had was anxiety………now I know there are a lot of different types of anxiety, but I was never really informed on which one I had so I don’t know exactly the kind I have…….but yeah I found out that I had developed anxiety and I never really understood what that was until I was told I had it. When you’re told that you’re dealing with some kind of mental illness it’s not always easy to process how you feel in that moment and to those around you, because they don’t understand it entirely and what it does to you, to them everything you’re feeling isn’t a big deal you know.

People who deal with a mental illness, be it Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders and all the different issues people go through on a daily basis. To them everything they’re feeling is real, it’s not just something in the moment, it’s not something you should be brushing off as just another problem and they’ll deal with it and be fine the next day……no…….those kind of illnesses don’t just go away, it’s there from the day they know they’re dealing with something, but don’t really understand what it is yet and i’ll be there for the rest of their life. People don’t understand that when it comes to dealing with a mental illness there’s a whole lot to learn, It’s not just “oh they’re going through their problems again or they’re having some kind of a bad day but no worries they’ll get over it and be okay” That’s not how it works. You ever heard that saying where it goes “The people who are the most happy are the ones suffering the most” Yeah that saying is true, people who have a daily battle within themselves, but try to save face just so people don’t ask them what’s wrong because they don’t want to have to face that fear of “if I tell them they will just think it ones of those normal issues that everyone goes through and tell me to just get over it” or they think they are being a burden on you so they won’t dare cross that line of feeling like fool and putting their mental issues on to someone else. I know that everyone goes through difficult times in their lives, but you also have to keep in mind that some people go through so much worst then what everyone thinks.

For those people who sit there and say “oh i’m so depressed” freely sure you might be, but why don’t you live in the mind of someone who deals with actual depression every day of their life. Same goes for someone dealing with anxiety and or other mental illnesses, you can’t just think that, that’s how it is because there’s a lot more to it then what society projects it as, A WHOLE LOT MORE…….When it comes to me, dealing with my anxiety is hard, i’m not gonna lie, people who deal with it will get it. Again I don’t know what kind of anxiety I have, I don’t think it’s social anxiety because when I want to i’m very expressive and I know how to make friends, but that’s only when I feel like I don’t have to pretend, I can just be me and I feel comfortable with my surroundings and with certain people. Although if you were to ask my family they’d probably tell you i’m anti-social, because honestly I don’t come out of my room so much. I stay to myself and in my room all the time, but that’s only because I enjoy being by myself, I prefer to be in my own space where I know I can be me and not have to worry about anything. When i’m around the right people though it’s like i’m a totally different person because like I said before, when I feel comfortable I can be very out-going and I enjoy myself.

If you were to watch me closely, you’d see how I am when i’m around friends or people i’m comfortable with, compared to when it’s just me and my family, it’s not that I don’t want to be around them, it’s just not my thing and plus I got so use to being by myself in my own space, it just kinda stuck with me……..To conclude what my point is here, when it comes to people who deal with Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders and other types of mental illness. You have to be kinder to them, you can’t just brush off their issues as normal things. You have to help them through it, talk to them about their feelings, reassure them, that kind of help, forcing them to come to you is not what you should do, go to them and really listen to how their feeling, don’t hear them, really listen. Let them know that whatever they’re going through, you’re there to help them get through it and you’re there if they need you. Stop treating mental illnesses like it’s nothing because to me and everyone else going through it, it’s not just nothing, it’s everything.

For those dealing with Anxiety, Depression and other mental illnesses, there are people who will help you and listen to you, don’t keep your emotions in, talk to someone, a friend, close family members just someone you trust and you know will really take the time to listen and also there’s a lot of different hotlines you call if you just need someone and you feel like no one will listen to you. Remember to hang in there and even though it doesn’t seem like it, things will get better and you will get through it.

That’s all from me I know this is probably the longest blog i’ve ever written, but I just felt that I had to say this because there are people dealing with these kinds of mental illnesses on a daily basis and people don’t seem to understand how serious it really is. I just hope that I said everything okay and yeah……I just want you all to know that this is from my point of you on everything and also has to do with what I feel when it comes to dealing with my Anxiety. I hope you’re all doing okay and I hope you have a good night/morning/evening.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~