Evening Pages (Nov 21, 2018)

Do you ever just observe something just for the heck of it!? I do it all the time, not exactly sure why that is, there’s just something about really looking at something, I know that may sound very weird and all, but for me I find it to be very soothing at times, it can also be very calming and relaxing as well. I like to observe this little bracelet I have, the reason being is because of the way it looks, it’s very simple and unique to me, that being said though, it broke a while ago, but I didn’t want to get rid of it, now I know you’re probably saying why keep a bracelet that’s broken!? Right you are with that question, the reason I haven’t gotten rid of it is because I just like looking at it.

It’s a Lokai bracelet and for some reason whenever i’m overthink about something or just in deep thought, I find myself lately admiring and observing it a lot more these days, sure it’s broken and all and yeah I can’t wear it, but I can still hold it and move it around in my hand, it may seem weird to a lot of you, but I find it to be very calming when I mess with it. I’m sure we all have something we like messing with just for the heck of it or just when we feel we need to calm down a bit, sometimes just observing things can help you think better and keep you from stressing out a whole lot, even if it’s just for a little while, it’s also good for reflecting on things. 

I know this one’s a very short post, I didn’t have much to say today, i’ve pretty much been in this mode all day, so much thinking, and less talking ha, I wrote a good amount of words in my writing journal earlier today if that counts, anyway I hope you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening, also for those of you who celebrate Thanksgiving, I hope you enjoy the holiday and for those who don’t really celebrate it and it’s just another day, I hope you all enjoy your day, I just want to say that i’m super grateful to each and everyone of you guys, who take the time to read my posts and wanting to continue to follow along with them as well, you don’t know how much that means to me, I really appreciate it, thank you so much. 

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~

Photo by Matthijs van Schuppen on Unsplash

Having The Pace Of A Turtle, But Wanting Things To Go Quickly Like The Hare

Question of the day: If you had to compare the way you do things to any animal you could think of, what animal would you be and why are you that animal!?

If I had to compare myself to an animal, I think I would be a turtle and i’ll do my best to explain why that is. You see i’ll admit i’m not the fastest person when it comes to doing things, I like to take my time with everything, make sure everything’s good, maybe that’s a bad trait and all, I don’t know……..The reason i’m talking about this topic is because I discussed this earlier in a new evening page I wrote, along with some other topics, i’m sure this will get somewhere, however i’m not sure if it’s gonna make sense, but i’ll do my best. 

In my evening page I talk how I see myself as a turtle when it come to the pace in which I do most things and to a lot of people it’s probably annoying, to them it might seem a little lazy I guess, but i’ve never really been a quick person, I like to take my time with things and let things happen naturally, however that being said, i’m also the kind of person who, at the same time likes certain things to happen right away and believe me I know it’s confusing and a little odd, I didn’t really think about it until I started writing this. I have this thing where I don’t really do things fast enough to everyones liking, i’m a laid back kind of person mixed with being sometimes energetic when either really excited or for no reason at all.

That energetic version of me as wondered off somewhere though and I don’t know when it is she’ll be back, but I do hope she returns soon. Until then, i’ve been accompanied by this calm, yet overly anxious kind of version of myself, if that makes sense……..I stay to myself a lot of the time and I don’t really go out much, lately I just sit in my room and write all the time and I do some videos and edit them here and there. A lot of people sure have taken notice though when it comes to me staying to myself a lot of the time, to them it seems like i’m doing nothing and all I do is stay in my room and okay the room thing is true, i’m not gonna lie with that, but when it comes to the nothing part, well that’s not entirely true, I may not do a whole lot like everyone else, but it doesn’t mean that i’m not doing my best and being productive or anything. 

In my evening page, I talked about how there’s a difference between me and a turtle and that difference is a turtle has a whole lot more determination then I do. I mean in the story the turtle and the hare, we all know that the hare thought it was gonna easily win the race just because it was faster and quicker then it’s competitor, he took so many breaks, while the turtle just continued on pushing and kept on going, not once did it give up, even when the hare was in the lead a lot of the time…….in the end though, we find out that the winner of the race was the turtle, because of his/her persistence and willing to keep going no matter what anyone else thought.

I could definitely learn a lot from the turtle when it comes to persistence and determination, I know nothing’s a race, but sometimes it’s hard not see everything as one when everything around you seems to be moving at full speed and you have people who are doing so much and then you look at yourself wondering what it is you’re doing wrong and yeah, maybe that’s not the best way to look at things. I should be happy and proud of where i’m at in my life or with what i’m doing, even if other people tell me i’m not where I should be. No one should be able to tell you that you’re not where you should be though, only you should have that judgement, if you like where you are then you’re doing fine in life, but if you feel that you should be working just a little bit harder, than work a little bit harder, but do it because you want to, because it fills you with joy and because you want to be better, don’t do because everyone tells you, you’re not where you should be. 

I’m gonna do my best to keep this in mind as well whenever I become sad or unhappy with where i’m at in my life or questioning whether i’m doing everything alright, I realize I have a hard time taking my own advice when it comes to stuff like this and I know I need to do better at that, comparing myself to everyone else isn’t gonna do me any good. I need to keep in mind that there’s nothing wrong with doing things at a slower pace compared to how everyone else does it, yeah I’m a mixture of both the hare and the turtle, I feel i’ll always have that hare persona when it comes to wanting things to go super quickly, but I need to accept that my pace in doing things is a turtle way of doing things and learn to also appreciate the journey of it. 

Just because I do things a lot slower than most people, doesn’t mean I have to see it as a bad thing, I should be happy that i’m a turtle, because me having a bit of that persona means that if I just stay determine and keep going without worrying about everyone else’s input or just in general, I will eventually get to a place to where i’m happy with it fully and to where I can say i’m really proud of myself for not giving up.

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~

Photo by Kris Mikael Krister on Unsplash

Dream Journal: The Stone And A Singing Bird (Nov 17, 2018)

Hey everyone I hope you’re all doing well, i’m not really sure what to write about today, i’ll be honest i’m not really in a mood for writing, because i’m super tired, but I didn’t want to not write at the same time and so I said to myself if i’m gonna write something I don’t want it to sound like I don’t really care about it, so what i’m saying is I don’t want to just write something for the heck of it you know, I want it to be something i’m happy to write about and not have it to where I just pretty much say here you go and call it a night, you know what I mean!? Who wants to read that!? 

It’s not easy to think of topics when all your brain wants to do is sleep you know!? So I thought about what I could share with you guys that would be interesting to read and I came up the perfect i’d say, topic to share. As you can probably guess from the title, I will be sharing a new dream journal entry with you, hopefully you find it interesting…….I had this dream the other day and was thinking of sharing it when I had the dream, but I wasn’t sure on it and then I had another dream last night and so I thought why not share both dreams and write it in a blog post.

Now these entries aren’t gonna be very long, hopefully they won’t be long, but we’ll see. The dream I had last night is gonna be a short one, but the one I had the other day i’m not quite sure, anyway let’s head on down to my dreamland shall we!?

This dream is the one I had the other day:

Okay so………I was walking down this hallway…….it looked like a school hallway and I was walking with a group of people, however I stopped, while the others went ahead…….I remember walking into a classroom and it was weird because at first I didn’t walk in right away, I said something to everyone that was in the classroom…….now I can’t really remember everything I said, but what I do remember is me, pretty much warning them about something. You’re probably gonna ask me what I warned them about, but I wouldn’t be able to tell you anyway, it was really weird because it did’t feel like anything bad, but it also didn’t feel good either…….All I remember is me saying “Something’s gonna happen, but I don’t know what it is” that’s what I said again I wasn’t sure whether to take it as bad thing or a good thing.

So after saying that, I remember everyone is that classroom getting up to leave and I started to walk a little quickly, not running, but a little speed walk……..I also remember being in a room that was also a classroom with the group of people I was walking with before and I don’t know why, but we were all kinda like what seemed like gathering everything that was in that room, I remember passing a bookcase and then walking to a certain corner of the room……….clearing out what looked to be like a nightstand side table, weird I know………I also remember looking out towards the window, it was one of those big school windows and I remember seeing a whole bunch of people heading towards a bus or some kind of transportation thing and I actually just remembered this now, but I think everyone who was outside, when I looked out the window, I think they were carry colorful flowers, I remember seeing bright colors like Yellow, I think pink and baby blue or something, i’m not sure, I do remember yellow for some reason……

I remember there being a nice kinda sky, you know sunny, kinda clear with a few clouds, it was also weird though, because I remember seeing a building and it being on fire and seeing smoke coming from it, which was weird, in my dream I felt confused in a way……what else!? I remember clearing the rest of the nightstand, so anything that was one it, I was putting in a bag, but it was really weird, because while I was doing that, I had this feeling of “Do I really need to do this, do I really need all of this!?” I remember looking over to a friend of mine who was in my dream, asking him if he thought I needed to take everything pretty much and he looked at me and said no and I thought about it and I looked over to someone else who I would presume was like the guidance/teacher of all of us we’ll say, it was a woman and I asked her and she also said I didn’t need to,

I started putting everything back not where it was originally, but kinda where it was at first, if that makes sense and the last thing I remember is putting stones in this bag, but I remember grabbing one and observing it and then I put it down, what was interesting about the stone though was…….it was one of those flat smooth ones that you’d find at the lake or something, but it had like 2 to 3 round flat pebbles attached to it, which i’ve never seen before so that was something and yeah that’s the end of that dream, it was really odd, yet very interesting. 

The dream I had last night was also weird, all I remember from that one is walking in some kind of backyard, only this backyard was huge, it was like a horse farm or something or some kind of field, i’m not sure……..I remember walking in the backyard and this bird just flying around singing to me and I don’t mean one of those bird songs, no I mean ACTUALLY SINGING TO ME!!! I’m not really sure what kind of bird it was, it was medium size though, it could’ve been an owl or some other bird, but either way this bird had some real talent. The song that was sung to me, you guys might not know it, because it’s kinda like a Disney song, but not a Disney song, it’s called Rush by Aly & AJ and I even remember the line that was sung to me because it’s been in my mind all day, the line that was sung was “Don’t let nobody tell you, your life is over, be every color that you are” that’s all I remember hearing and then I woke up. 

Those are both my dreams, they happened on different days, just in case you were confused, but yeah that’s it really, I hope you found these dream to be interesting, I just wanted to share them, i’m not quite sure what they mean exactly, but yeah………anyway I hope you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening. 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~ 

Photo by Sean Stratton on Unsplash

All About Writing (Nov 16, 2018)

Today has been a day, i’m saying that as if the day just flew by already haha, no it’s only around 3pm at the moment as i’m writing this, if I were to tell you what my days consist of, you’d look at me as if I was nuts, not because I do a lot, or anything, it more because I just pretty much do the same things all the time, not that interesting I know. I’ll be honest I don’t really know what to write about today, I pretty much did most of my writing in my writing journal, I wrote about 12 pages of whatever was on my mind, insane right!? I didn’t quite expect to write as much as I did and even when I was writing there I didn’t know what I was gonna write about, I just started writing and whatever came out, came out………it’s crazy how just writing things out helps you.

I know I have loads of journals, but I gotta say I didn’t think i’d ever write this much in my life compared to how much i’m writing now, hopefully that made sense. I use to just write whenever I was really feeling something and that use to be rare, this year I find myself writing more than I ever would have imagined, everyday I feel something and now whenever I feel something I find myself reaching for my pencil and ready to write. I use to be so cautious though of the things i’d write, I only wanted to write positive stuff as best as I could………that’s what my thought journal was for, now I barely write in that which is weird. I only ever write in my writing journal and that’s where I write my thoughts now and I mean my actual thoughts. 

Not my “let me try and write this a certain way to where I only understand”……..I won’t lie to you, I only would write a certain way in my thought journal because well, for one it was the only way I knew how to express myself, without really expressing myself, if that makes sense………another reason was……..I guess……I was scared to really put down how I was feeling, because to me it was just me focusing on the negatives and I didn’t want to do that, that’s why when I started my thought journal I said to myself it would only be used for a positive outlook and then later I started realizing I was writing my actual feelings more and more and I couldn’t write it any other way, so I stopped writing it in.

Then when I heard about morning pages to where you learn that the purpose of it, is for you to get everything that you’re feeling out, not matter what it is, you just write, no cover ups or anything, just full on writing and having that option to where you’re like “So wait I can write anything!? no matter what it is, I don’t have to write it a certain way or anything!?” having that put in front of you, saying no strings attached, all you gotta do is write, it gives you both this sense of “okay I think I can do that” as well as “Wait can I do that!?” I don’t know, it’s helpful and it gives you that feeling of trust in a way if that makes sense, like as if you’re being told “hey you can do it and I believe in you”, I don’t know if that’s a good example, but I hope you know what I mean when I say that.

I guess what i’m trying to say is, i’m glad that writing was always one of my favorite things to do and i’m glad that I learned all about morning pages even though, I tend to write them in the evening a lot of the time………being able to just write without having to think about it too much, really really does help, plus once you’ve written down everything that you wanted or you were feeling, it always makes you feel better and it gives you that sense of focus that you need when everything seems like it doesn’t make sense and when it starts not to make sense, writing let’s you just drift away and escape from it all, well at least for me it does. 

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~

Photo by Colton Sturgeon on Unsplash

Mood: I’m Feeling Both Calm & Happy Today (Nov 12, 2018)

How’s your day going everyone I hope you’re all doing well, right now it’s around 1pm close to 1:30pm where i’m at and I don’t really know why, but today i’m feeling really good, i’m happy which………yeah, I don’t know i’m just very happy right now, which is good. I’ve been smiling to myself for a long while now which doesn’t happen very often but i’m gonna take it and just really enjoy this because……..yeah it’s been a while, I was just posting both blog post from yesterday on my social media and when I went to post my 4 months of me blogging post it was like……….I don’t know I still can’t believe that it’s been 4 months since I started this blog, now I know that doesn’t seem like a very long time, but at the same time it feels like it’s been a very long time.

To me it feels like i’ve been blogging for longer than that, even though I just recently started not too long ago which is weird, but looking back on it………I don’t know it’s crazy like wow…….to think I came here thinking that I was just gonna use this to express my emotions, but then after a while of doing this, I was able to add some fun stuff to it, or at least what I think is pretty fun and interesting, ummm but yeah……..i’m just really happy today I don’t really have much that I want to say, i’m just feeling happy and good.

You know, it’s crazy, because when I was trying to figure out what to write, normally I sit and ponder for a very long time and get a little frustrated because i’m trying to come up with something, however today was different, I mean although I still wasn’t sure what it was that I wanted to write……I didn’t stress out about it, which i’m glad, because I don’t like stressing even though it can happen more often then I’d like, but that’s not gonna happen today, today i’m gonna take in and really enjoy this feeling of feeling good, does that make sense I hope so haha, but yeah, I feel good and that’s all I can really say at the moment.

I hope that you guys are doing well and you’re having a good day, if not I hope that you find something to brighten up your mood to where you feel better, if it’s tough today, just do your best to keep going and know that whatever it is that is bothering you, stressing you out or is just too much, it’ll get better and everything is gonna be alright, no worries.

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

Photo by Roman Kraft on Unsplash

Today Marks 4 Months Of Me Blogging (Nov 11th, 2018)

Hey everyone I hope you’re all doing well, i’m not quite sure how long this blog post is gonna be, I just wanted to share that today marks 4 months since I first started this blog!! I don’t really have a whole lot I want to say, I don’t think……..I started this back around the summer time (July 11th) when I wasn’t feeling the greatest and was a little lost on what it was that I wanted to do………when I was going through a lot, I turned to writing and I noticed that I was writing a lot more during my low times and I don’t know, I just had this thing come to me to where I thought to myself, “You know i’ve been writing a lot lately, maybe I should start a blog or something” and after that thought, the next day I did.

I remember being excited and nervous at the same time, because I wasn’t sure whether or not, I was gonna do well with it. I had a friend of mine help me get started and once I started and just wrote I found myself enjoying it and I also found myself becoming a little happier when I was writing. Now for me blogging, I thought it was just gonna be an outlet for me to just kinda help me get my emotions out and all that. I had moments where I questioned myself a lot on whether I was doing things right…….I also had moments where I didn’t write posts for a while and that was because I was still struggling on some stuff, I was having days where I didn’t have the inspiration or motivation and because of that I wouldn’t write and i’d wonder whether I should continue with this or not, but I remember also starting this to have things be different.

I didn’t want to continue to stick to my old habits where, I would start something for a good while and then lose interest for it later, so just to sum everything up that i’m trying to say……..even when I have days where, I don’t have the inspiration or when i’m having days where I question myself, where I lack motivation to even want to write posts, I still do my best to push myself to do it, because I don’t want to give up on this, I want to continue to grow this blog as much as I can, even on days where i’m not feeling that confident in myself or when I question whether or not i’m doing things right.

I know everyone has a different writing style and everyones different and as long as you believe in your own stuff and you continue to do your best, there isn’t really anything wrong you can do, you just gotta keep going and just continue to work hard and do your best, because that’s all you can really do. I still have my days where I think to myself “am I doing alright!?” that’s always on my mind, I actually wrote a post earlier on that, i’m sure you guys have days where that’s on your mind as well, but I think as long as we remind ourselves and reassure ourselves to just continue to do our best and keep going, then we’ll be fine, as long as we don’t throw in the towel when things seem to be a little rocky then we’ll be fine……..I’m happy that I started this and i’m glad that I started this.

By the time you guys read this, it’ll be the next day, I believe it’s already considered the next day, i’m finishing this post up close to midnight, it’s around 11:50pm and i’m tired, i’m in a calm state of mind though. I’m not quite sure how any of this is coming out, I hope it’s making sense…………I don’t really know what else to say, I can’t believe that i’ve been doing this for 4 months now, it’s mad, but again i’m happy and glad that I did and that I still am. That’s a big thing for me, because I thought the minute I found myself not posting as much before on here when it came to the times where I just didn’t have the motivation for it, I thought this would be something I gave up on after a while too.

I’m just glad to know that, I didn’t, I don’t know what it was that made me still want to go fourth with this and continue, but whatever it was i’m glad I didn’t stop. For those who read my posts and enjoy it enough to where they want to continue to follow along with me in my world of blogging and subscribe to my blog site…….thank you, it means a whole lot to me, it really does!! To those who I have shared a conversation with on here, I really enjoyed connecting with you in those times and I hope to connect with more of you along the way. I don’t really have anything else I want to say expect thank you and that i’m glad to have this blog, i’m gonna continue to do my best to grow it and just make sure I don’t give up on it even when i’m having one of those days to where i’m not sure.

Last thing I want to write before I call it a night, is that if you guys are interested in checking it out, I uploaded another chatting session of my new thing I have with All Things Random, you know where I talk random topics, if you’re interested in checking that out it’s on my blog site already, I shared it on here, when I uploaded it, I just forgot to share it with you guys, if you don’t want to scroll so much on my site, you can watch it here if you like: All Things Random: Writing/Blogging, PVRIS & Rock Sound Podcast (Nov 3, 2018)

Coming up with this idea of creating something where I could just sit and talk about pretty much anything that I wanted, I don’t know I just really like that idea. Although I didn’t have much confidence at first with going through with it, to have things that inspired me to want to give it a shot and just see where it could go, it means a lot.  Sometimes a little inspiration can help give you that boost and also that confidence in yourself to try it out even if you’re the only one enjoying.

Okay I don’t have anything else to talk about so, thank you once more and I hope that you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening.

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

Evening Blog Pages (Nov 11, 2018)

They say the best way to get what you’re feeling out is to write it down, which I did, I wrote a new evening page in my writing journal a little bit ago on what was in my head. When it comes to me it never seems to be just one thing though, it’s always a bunch of different things, you know trying to figure out everything, wondering whether or not i’m doing okay…….you know just mainly stuff like that, which I know I shouldn’t stress myself over on, it’s just hard sometimes, because it’s like, I know me stressing isn’t really gonna do anything, it’s just gonna make me more and more stress and do I want that, of course not I don’t want to constantly worry all the time and constantly have in my mind “am I doing okay!?” “is everything gonna turn out alright!?” I just want to know and trust that it will be if I just let things happen gradually, without any worries.

I just always tend to have this thing where I constantly worry and wonder about what the future is gonna hold for me and how it’s gonna be, I mean heck i’m sure we all do. We all worry about how everything is gonna turn out for us, it’s just that feeling of wanting to know, but knowing you don’t know, that stresses you out, because you just want some clarification that everything is gonna be okay, you’re gonna be okay and that  everything you’re hoping will turn out well, does………I don’t know………They say anxiousness comes from overthinking everything, If I wasn’t so good at overthinking, I know I wouldn’t worry so much, i’m sure everything will be okay and that everything else will be okay.

I just have to keep my brain and thoughts in order and do my best to only focus on being in the moment and not worrying so much, as well as just staying confident on everything that i’m doing and believing that everything will turn out okay in the process and just keep going and continue doing my best and working as hard as I can, because those are the thoughts that I should be holding on too and keeping my focus on.

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

Photo by Calum MacAulay on Unsplash