March 19, 2019

Green like the forest, blue like the sea and when it comes to the other colors, just throw them all on a canvas and see if you can find something in it that speaks to you, see if you’re able to see something else within all that paint. If you can, tell me what you see or if it’s a personal thing just tell yourself what you see instead, how does it make you feel, what does that hidden image mean to you!? Try and connect with it if you can………….

You might be wondering why I just wrote all of that, well i’m trying something different, instead of thinking about what exactly to write about, i’m just having it to where, words are just being added as I go along, it may not make sense, but what’s the harm in just writing a few random words, or just wanting to see what comes out of you and why it’s coming out of you!?

Just like painters sometimes just throw paint on a canvas to see what comes out of it, i’m just trying to throw random words together to see what it comes out to be later………sure I may look at this and be like “what the heck is this, this doesn’t make any sense!?” but at least it’ll be something to read back and go “oh remember when I wrote this, come to think of it……..

Why did I write this!?” the best part about that is, I can go and look back and have it where I try and remember what mood I was in when I decided to write this weird post or go back and try and figure out if whether there was some kind of meaning behind it somehow……….it may not be, but who knows maybe if I read it back, i’ll have a different kind of interpretation for it……..it’s like when a painter creates a new painting, in the moment as they’re painting it, they don’t really know what it is their exactly painting…..

They just go based off a mood they’re feeling or are inspired by something……..it’s not until their finished with that painting to where they then come up with some kind of interpretation for it. Sometimes that interpretation may change over time to them, depending on whether they still feel the same about it or if they may see it differently……….

It’s all in the eyes of the artist and how they feel on it, so when it comes to this post, right now, i’m not really sure what my meaning for it is, I just know I felt like writing it, now when I read it back in second, whatever my interpretation for it is after, that’ll be what the meaning of it is, now if I ever decide to read this back later however, i’ll probably feel the same about it ooor i’ll change my mind and it’ll have a whole new meaning to it, i’ll let you know if I ever return to this post in an update………..

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Music Album Review: Paramore’s After Laughter Album (Dec 19, 2018)

Originally Written Dec 17

Hey there everyone, okay so i’m not sure how long this is gonna be, it might be very long, but it might not be at the same time, we’ll just see as we go along. I hope you guys are all doing well, today I wanted to discuss and review an album, i’ve never reviewed an album before, only certain songs, but I thought i’d give it a try and just see how I do with it, today we’re gonna be discussing Paramore and their latest album After Laughter. Now for those who don’t know Paramore well they’re a band of course, their genre of music goes from: Alternative rock, Pop punk, Pop rock ect….

Obviously when you’re a band or an artist, you tend to want to change your sound if you’re feeling you want to mix it up a bit, instead of always sticking to the same one, now before we talk Paramore’s latest album, I just want to kinda do a little backstory on them just so you can learn more about them, so without further ado, let’s talk a bit about Paramore: Paramore’s first debut album was All We Know Is Falling which came out back in 2005 and featured songs like Pressure, Emergency and Conspiracy, now i’ve heard Pressure and I believe i’ve heard Emergency not sure on Conspiracy, but at the same time I feel I might’ve heard it once or something i’m not sure.

Their 2nd album Riot! came out in 2007 one of the famous songs from that album is the good ole’ classic Misery Business, as well as other songs like CrushCrushCrush, That’s What You Get and one of my favorites When It Rains. Now even though Paramore had made two albums and all these lovely songs, it wasn’t until their breakout hit Decode to where they started to become well known and very popular. Decode featured on a popular hit movie that i’m sure all of you are aware of and if you’re not then don’t worry it’s okay, you’re not really missing much in my opinion, but the song appeared and was one of the featured tracks off the famous movie Twilight.

Everyone (mainly teen girls) loved Twilight, if you haven’t heard of it again don’t worry about it, but if you have, you know what i’m talking about here, there was even teams made from that movie, not kidding!! Twilight came out in 2008, it’s about this sparkling vampire guy named Edward, a teen girl, I think her name is Bella and a werwolf name Jacob, there’s more to the movie of course, but i’m not gonna go into it because this is about Paramore, I just thought since I brought up Twilight, might as well give you a brief description on it.

As I said before Decode was one of the featured songs off there and was actually very popular too, I remember coming across that song because the music video was on and also because it was one of those songs that was just everywhere, no matter where you went, you would be sure to hear that song. I can’t remember exactly, but I believe I wasn’t too fond of the song at first and i’ll be honest I think I might’ve judged it quickly because of the fact that I didn’t like Twilight (still don’t really like Twilight) I do however like the song decode now though. Decode also appeared on Paramore’s 3rd album I believe, Brand New Eyes, along with the songs Ignorance, Playing God and Brick By Boring Brick making it’s debut in 2009. They have more albums, but those are just a few of them that I wanted to talk about, but let’s get on to their new/latest album After Laughter and talk about the songs.

These are the songs off the album with small descriptions to them, all the songs are about Hayley Williams and her bands personal life:

1. Hard Times– Is pretty self explanatory, it’s all on Hard times and how even though we have them we don’t ever hit rock bottom (that’s an actual line in the song)

2. Rose-Colored Boy– This one is a little hard, but I think it has to do with someone who’s always so optimistic, while everyone else isn’t.

3. Told You So– This ones all about having those people who love to look for and call you out on your mistakes and love the whole Told you so line that Hayley sings about in the song.

4. Forgiveness– Is on the personal side of town, Hayley sings about not being able to forgive someone that hurt her really badly.

5. Fake Happy– Is a very clear song about pretending you’re happy when you’re not, but also knowing that you’re not the only one feeling that way.

6. 26– Is about keeping hold of what’s left of your hope and happiness the older you get, so this is one of her reflective songs.

7. Pool– Is metaphoric dark love song, you’ll have to hear it to understand it

8. Grudges– Pretty self explanatory, it’s all about letting go of grudges that we hold against someone.

9. Caught In The Middle-Is what I would probably say to be a reflection songs on Hayley early days in Paramore as well as her life in general.

10. Idle Worship-Is a song to all of her fans where she expresses that she shouldn’t be looked at as an idol.

11. No Friend– Is a letter she wrote to her fans, but it’s not sung, it’s spoken and she doesn’t speak the words, but a friend of hers does and it’s pretty interesting, different, but I like it.

12. Tell Me Now– Is…….i’m actually gonna let this one speak for itself, so give it a listen if you’re curious.

Now a lot of people complain about Paramore’s new sound and everything, but in all honesty I like their new sound, it’s different, but good different in my opinion. I think what it is that people don’t like about Paramore sound is the fact that’s it’s all poppy sounding now and I get having a favorite artist or band and knowing them from when they first started and being so used to the music they use to make, we all would love to have our favorites stay with the same thing, but at the same time if they feel they need to grow and want to experiment with other sounds then who are we to say they can’t.

These artists and bands make music not for us mainly, they write their songs from personal experiences that they share with us and maybe it’s different to how they use to do it, but if they decide they want a different sound then they have every right to change it up, I mean it is their music, we aren’t in any position to demand they stick with the new sound or old sound at all. If we really love that said band or artist we will grow with them and their music without hesitation, plus I always feel that sometimes it’s good to change it up as well as giving things a chance before judging it right off the bat……..I like their new sound, but that’s because I like Paramore and again if they felt in their hearts they needed to change something with their music then you gotta trust and embrace them on their sound, even if you may not like it.

Also if you think that these songs are just pop songs really listen to the lyrics, just because a song is upbeat doesn’t mean that the lyrics don’t have a deeper meaning to them, this whole album is upbeat with the exception of 26, Tell Me Now & Forgiveness (theses are the songs I consider to be not so poppy, but still great songs) The lyrics hidden behind the poppy dance music are actually very deep and dark when you really listen to it.

It’s all about reading between the lines, with this album and I love it, i’ve become very obsessed with this album and I just heard it the other day, some of my favorites are: Fake Happy, 26, Hard Times, Tell Me Now, Rose Colored Boy & Caught In The Middle, these are the songs i’m constantly playing over and over, although I love the whole album in general, it’s great, but Paramore has always been great, even with the sound change they’re still an awesome band, but that’s just my opinion.

Let me know your thoughts on After Laughter, have you heard it and if so what are your favorite tracks from it!?

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Music Song Review/Song Interpretation: She Used To Be Mine By Sara Bareilles (Inspired Post) (Dec 14, 2018)

Originally Written Dec 9, 2018

Hey there everyone, hope you’re all doing well, today I want to talk music and the artist and song that i’d like to talk about today is Sara Bareilles and her song She Used To Be Mine. Just to give you guys a heads up, I actually wrote this post a couple of days ago, but didn’t really get around to finishing it, until now. I had the song in my head for two days and so I thought, let’s talk on it and while we’re at it, let’s see if we’re able to interpret the song as well.

So to kinda introduce Sara Bareilles a bit, just in case you aren’t completely sure on who she is, Sara is a musician well a singer/songwriter, you might have heard a few of her songs before, she had this one song that was pretty popular back in the early 2000’s called Love Song. I think that was actually her breakout hit, but i’m not sure, so don’t quote me on it. You might’ve also heard Brave which is another popular song from her, i’m sure there’s a lot of songs that are very well known, but for those of you who have heard the songs or they sound familiar to you, well she’s the one who sings them, in case you didn’t know.

She’s also an actress, but is known for musicals mainly, i’m not sure if she’s been in movies or anything, but I know that she has starred in a couple of Broadway musicals before. You might be aware of one, the most recent musical that she’s been in is called Waitress, I think she’s a writer to that musical, I don’t think to the play, but I believe she wrote a few songs for it.

She of course has her own music, I have two of her albums…….well one is her album and the other one is the soundtrack to the musical Waitress, the album that I have is called The Blessed Unrest which came out in 2013, you can find the song Brave on that one and as for the other song that I mentioned before, Love Song can be found on her album Little Things which came out in 2007, there’s a whole lot of other albums and songs that she has, but those are the two that I thought i’d talk on a bit since those are the two songs that most people might know from her.

Moving on though to the song that inspired me to write this post, now if you didn’t know or maybe you did, the song Used To Be Mine comes from the musical Waitress……..now i’ve never watched Waitress, but i’ve been wanting to watch it ever since I heard Sara Bareilles was gonna be apart of it, but it would only be for a short time and every time I would think of checking it out……I would always miss her, but I found out a few days ago that she’s coming back for a few more shows next month and will only be there until February, so I still have a chance to go see the musical and see her as well in it, I heard that it’s very good, so I really want to check it out.

Let’s go on with the song shall we!? Used To Be Mine is one of my favorite songs from Sara Bareilles, it’s a very beautiful song, when you hear it, it just grabs you and pulls you in, at least that’s what it does to me when I hear it. The lyrics are very deep and let’s not even forget the piano that brings it all together as well as the other instruments with it………..I can’t even describe it, it’s just amazing, we’ll just say that!! The song is just great as a whole and Sara’s voice with it, just brings the song to life in a way that……..is just hard to explain, it’s like………I don’t know how to describe it, all I can say is, you really feel the song and the emotion that she brings to it, if you haven’t heard the song, listen to it, really listen to it, you’ll know what I mean when you do.

Now I know that everyone will most likely interpret this song in many different ways, which is expected when listening to a song, even if the artist themselves tell you exactly what the song means, you’ll always have your own meanings for it. When I first heard this song, i’m sure it got to me, I can’t really remember my actual reaction of it, but every time I hear it now, the lyrics, reading it and the song in general, gives you that feeling of woah because you connect with it right away and for a lot of people like myself it’s relatable.  

Here are some of the lyrics to the song: 

It’s not simple to say
That most days I don’t recognize me
That these shoes and this apron, that place and its patrons
Have taken more than I gave them

It’s not easy to know
I’m not anything like I used be, although it’s true
I was never attention’s sweet center
I still remember that girl

She’s imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies

She is hard on herself
She is broken and won’t ask for help
She is messy, but she’s kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine

I was originally gonna break down the lyrics to this song, but I decided instead I want to let it speak for itself, looking at these lyrics, there isn’t any other way to interpret them. I tried to break these lyrics down and I was having trouble doing so and that’s why I would rather the lyrics do the speaking then me try and break them down and my words end up all over the place you know!? That being said, my interpretation on this song, my meaning for it, is completely, different to it’s actual meaning. It might be the same, but it’s also very different………..In the song she’s pretty much reflecting on the way her life is and looking back on who she once was, compared to who she is now……..from the lyrics you can see that the reflection that she’s expressing, she isn’t all too fond of the way things are going, but also from a different angle you can also see the emotions that she’s feeling, is more on the scared side of town and being confused and just overall thinking about everything that has happened.

In the chorus you can see that she is aware of all the flaws that she carries with her from being imperfect, to saying that, although she says that she’s good, she isn’t truthful about her actual feelings, she’s her own worst enemy when it comes to wanting to get things right and even though she knows that she needs help and is broken inside, she won’t let people know that, because to her it’s being vulnerable and she’d rather pretend that she’s fine then have people see that she’s hurting and unhappy, so that’s the first part and chorus (Hook, to be more technical) of the song.

Here’s more of the lyrics from the song:

It’s not what I asked for
Sometimes life just slips in through a back door
And carves out a person and makes you believe it’s all true

And now I’ve got you
And you’re not what I asked for
If I’m honest, I know I would give it all back
For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two
For the girl that I knew

Who’ll be reckless, just enough
Who’ll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up
When she’s bruised and gets used by a man who can’t love
And then she’ll get stuck
And be scared of the life that’s inside her
Growing stronger each day ’til it finally reminds her
To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes
That’s been gone, but used to be mine
Used to be mine

So this part of the song, i’m not even gonna break it down or interpret it, at least not all of them, certain parts I will, but only to interpret what I originally thought it was about. As you can see there’s a lot more emotion put into this part and you can probably figure out what it’s about or maybe you already know because you’ve heard the song already, but i’m not gonna tell you what the actual meaning to this song is, because I want to see if you’re able to figure it out if you don’t know what the actual  meaning to it is.

This part of the song always makes me want to get emotional, in this part of the song, it picks up and becomes a lot more intense to where you really feel it, you don’t even have to listen to it to feel it, just reading these lyrics, if you’re like me and love finding out the meaning to songs and pretty much everything else, you feel it……….not just the song, but you feel for the writer of the song as well, because they went out of their way to write this powerful, emotional and touching song that just leaves you speechless, they didn’t have to write any of it, but they did because although it was extremely personal, they still felt they needed to share it, which is incredible. 

Now here’s the part where I tell you my interpretation on the song, well certain parts of the song that is and what I thought it mean’t. In the second verse, if you look at the lyrics……..there’s a part in it where she talks about, the way life does things and how it presents you with something or someone in this case, pretty much throwing you off which is why she says to herself that if she could, she’d go back and change a couple of things and have it play out a different way to how it turned out to be.

In that whole part, you can kinda pick up that she’s self reflecting, whenever she sees and feels that she’s different and is completely disconnected from her old self in a way. She sees this new version of her and is having a hard time relating and embracing it in a way, which is why she sings the lines “You’re not what I asked for, if i’m honest, I know I would give it all back for a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two, for the girl that I knew” Those lines right there, are one of the lines I relate to and i’m sure a lot of you do too if you know the song. 

I’ve changed a lot this year and I can’t tell whether it’s good or not, for me it’s half and half, but I know that a lot of us go through a change that we weren’t really expecting and sometimes we change and become a whole new person, which we know means that we’re growing and coming into our own in a way, but sometimes it’s hard because when you’ve been a certain way for so long and something or even a few things start to change with you or about you, it’s like you’re meeting and seeing this whole new person, but you aren’t exactly sure how you feel about it.

Being someone you don’t recognize, when you thought, you knew the kind of person you were, automatically you’re gonna want to go back and change a few things, but you know that you can’t, so it’s like you’re completely stuck with this new version of you that you really didn’t ask for and even though, you try to get back somehow, you feel deep down somewhere that, no matter how hard you try, you’re not gonna get  that version of you back, at least not in the same way you always had her or him.  

The last part of the song that I want to talk about is the part where she sings: “She’ll get stuck and be scared of the life that’s inside her, growing stronger each day, til it finally reminds her, to fight just a little and bring back the fire in her eyes, that’s been gone, but used to be mine” Now this part always gives me goosebumps and sometimes leaves me emotional, because I relate to it so much for a reason that is hard to explain, I love that line, it’s one of my favorites in the song, it’s just one of those lines that speak to you on a deeper level and that’s why I love this song so much, because there’s certain parts in it that I feel and connect with emotionally.

The actual meaning to it, knowing it now, when you hear it, it makes sense and you won’t be able to see it as anything else as much once you know the actual meaning, but for me when I first heard it, I interpreted it in a completely different way to how it is originally, the meaning I took from that part is a very personal one, but overall I looked at the song as her singing about self reflection as well as self discovery.

It’s amazing how you can listen to a song and even when you find out the actual meaning to that song, we still create our own interpretation for it. I can see why a lot of artist when you ask them what’s the meaning to a song that they’ve written, a lot of the time they won’t say because 1. they know even when they tell us the meaning, they know that we’ll just come up with our own and 2. sometimes their songs don’t really have a deep meaning behind it, sometimes the song just comes to them without having a specific backstory on it and if there is one, it’s just a random one.

That’s why a lot of them just say they’ll leave it up for interpretation so they won’t have to give it away or sometimes it’s just too personal that they would rather have people come up with their own meaning then have it be explained. So that is all I have for this post, let me know in the comments below, what your thoughts are on this song, have you heard it and if you have, feel free to share your interpretations on it. 

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~

Lyrics Source: https://genius.com/Sara-bareilles-she-used-to-be-mine-lyrics

Self Destruction (Dec 12, 2018)

Originally Written Dec 10, 2018

Why do we do it!? Why do we insist on watching ourselves suffer when we know that it’s not right!? Why is it so easy to tear ourselves down then it is to build ourselves up!? We sit and watch ourselves drown in our own sorrows and continue to rip ourselves in half when we feel we aren’t getting things right………we break and we break until we don’t have many pieces left to break. We expect everyone else to fix us and make us feel better, but we always know that deep down, it doesn’t matter how many people help and try and lift us up………..we’ll still feel broken inside and that’s because we’ve broken down ourselves so much that, although we want and try and let people in, we always end up pushing them away or trying to push them away when they try to help us, because we feel what’s the point!?

We can’t even fix ourselves so, how are we meant to let others help us if we can’t even help ourselves!? I mean we’re the one who chose to stay this way right!? We could fix ourselves and be better, yet we prefer to keep ourselves the way we are, on the ground or by locking ourselves away and choosing to stay isolated……..we chose to not try, we’d rather just dwell and keep ourselves just sitting in the dirt not wanting to change, why!? Why do we do that, why can’t we just fight ourselves, breakaway and set ourselves free!? We have the potential don’t we!? We have the creative mind and heart to go for it right!?…….Right!?

Maybe we don’t, maybe things are great where we are, it’s familiar and safe, I mean sure we fight against ourselves and, and we long for more than what we know and we try to make the most of where we are, even though we know we aren’t happy where we are. We continue to say, “let’s give it another try”, “i’m kinda happy, sorta, i’m trying” or “I don’t know how to move on, so I choose to stay here, because this is all I know………broken is all I know”………….I’m learning that if you try to convince yourself that you’re happy with what you’re doing and where you are, you’re just gonna continue to feel more and more unhappy and when that happens, that’s when you start to overthink and then your emotions start to take over, which then causes you to self destruct. 

There’s a lot of different ways you can self destruct: There’s trying your best to always be perfect, wanting to always make everyone else happy, keeping yourself isolated from everything, not being honest with yourself about your true feelings, keeping yourself in the same situation over and over……….I could sit here and list so many different things. We all self destruct at some point, some of us are good at hiding it and others it’s not always so easy………..the fact that we would rather hurt ourselves though and let ourselves get to the point of self destruction, is selfish and upsetting because it means you don’t care about yourself and when you don’t care about yourself, it’s hard to care about everything else………..you should care, you should be wanting to feel happy.

If you continue to let yourself have breakdowns after breakdowns or constantly make yourself feel like you’re not enough or you aren’t capable of anything, it’s only gonna leave you in a pile of your own destruction, do you really want that!? You have to be your own friend, if you start sabotaging yourself the only person to blame for all that is you, because you have the choice to finally stop yourself from completely destroying and I hope that you do finally stop tearing yourself away, because even though that mind of yours tells you that you aren’t good enough, you know that deep in your heart and soul, you are.

The mind can easily play tricks on you, but it’s you who has the choice to believe what the mind is telling you or fight back and save yourself from having a complete meltdown and if you’ve had meltdowns already, know that it’s okay, we all do, but  don’t think that it’s too late to change the way you are, because it’s not. Sometimes we have to have meltdowns after meltdowns in order to finally realize that what we do to ourselves affect us in a big way whether we think so or not, so please really look to yourself and ask yourself if what you’re doing is worth it and is what your doing making you happy!? If it’s not, then you know what it is you have to do, change it or keep self destructing, the choice is yours……..and I hope that you choose wisely. 

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~ 

Photo by Volkan Olmez on Unsplash

Chatting Sessions: Let’s Talk The Holidays & What’s On Your Christmas List!?

So as we all know, we’re in our last month of the year 2018, most of the big holidays have come and went and one of the last big holiday’s of the year is coming around the corner in a couple of weeks, 2 weeks to be exact I believe. We are close to entering the season of Winter (although it already feels like it’s Winter) Winter officially arrives next week, so for those who aren’t a big fan of the cold or maybe you are because you’re weird (ha kidding, we all have favorite seasons) be sure to get your Winter gear ready, if you haven’t already done so, because from the feels of it, it’s gonna be quite the season. So keep warm and keep your teas, coffee and or hot chocolates ready for stand by, just so you have something to reach for when you need a little warming up……..but anyway let’s move on and talk about everybody’s favorite holiday (well those who celebrate it) let’s talk about Christmas!!

Okay we all know Christmas is around the corner as I stated earlier and we also know that the holiday is celebrated intensively and brings excitement to people in a lot of different ways. Once we arrive into the cheerful and cold month, we all like to welcome it with open arms while bringing on the decorations, the festive music and of course most peoples favorites, Christmas gifts……….you know when you really think about, have you ever noticed that Christmas is the only holiday that really gets a lot of attention!? I mean think about it, no one gets all hyped up over Easter, Halloween (except for those who really love the holiday) and let’s not even talk about Thanksgiving, people practically almost, always skips over this holiday and the only time we remember it, is when it’s like a week or hey even a few days away.

We literally treat Thanksgiving as if it’s the ugly duckling of all holidays, the only difference is in the ugly duckling story, they learn to appreciate the duck and learn to love it the way it is……….we don’t really appreciate this holiday, which is kinda sad……..because it’s like we know it exist, but we just don’t really care much about it, take Halloween for example: it’s like the 3rd best holiday in my opinion, it comes around we get all excited (well I don’t, I don’t really like Halloween, sorry not sorry) 

We treat Halloween better then we treat Thanksgiving, once the scary holiday is over, we start bringing out the Christmas decorations, we put on the music and prepare for the gift, all before Thanksgiving even arrives………..it’s like walking into a place and you see everyone having a good time and then you show up excited to join, you say something to everyone, they turn around, give you a look and then go back to what they were doing and you’re just standing there awkwardly, with a not hurt smile and that’s what I like to imagine Thanksgiving feeling like every year. 

Moving on though, I know I went off track there, back to Christmas………so like I said we prepare for this holiday a lot earlier before it arrives and I get it, it’s one of those holidays that everyone looks forward to because there’s something about it that just makes you feel good, maybe it’s the Christmas music (totally the Christmas music) it could be the decorations (I mean who doesn’t love decorating, right!?) oooor it’s probably the gifts people look forward to (I don’t have anything for this one) whatever it is (could be the whole holiday) we know we really embrace the holiday season. Now when it come to December, we all get that question, that question that we can’t avoid even if we tried, you know the one………and if you don’t, it goes like this: “So…….what do you want for Christmas!?” yeah that one. 

I’m not saying everyone hates that question, i’m sure there’s a lot of people who once that question is asked, they’re already writing it down on a piece of paper or even before it’s asked their handing you an envelope of all the things that have caught their eye and I know what you’re probably thinking “Why would they have an envelope!?” you don’t know, maybe they’re secret agents of some sort or they just really love the holiday ha, no, but in all seriousness, sometimes that question isn’t easy to answer. I mean when we’re kids, we want everything that is displayed around us and don’t say that’s not true, because you know it is, it’s very true, kids love stuff.

However the older we get, we tend to have trouble really telling those around us what we want for Christmas when the question is asked to us…………i’ve been asked 3 times and more of course, what it is that I want for Christmas, since the beginning of November and when December arrived and the only answer i’m able to give is………”I don’t know.” Every time, well I should say every Christmas i’m asked that question, I never actually know what it is that I want and a lot of people will have a list of things that they saw and was like “I want that” me on the other hand, I don’t write down list of things I want, surprising right!? I write everything else down, just not that.

I don’t know, I always feel the older you get, the things that were once a huge thing, aren’t that huge as much and when it comes to the holidays, at least for me, it just isn’t the same, everyone does their own thing and no one likes spending time together, when it comes to the holidays, you would think that’s what it’s about and then you realize……it’s not, but i’m not trying to bring down anyone’s holiday spirit, you keep those spirits up as high as you can, because you deserve to be excited for it. 

I’m just expressing my thoughts on how it is from my side, but I know that everyone’s different, but anyway back to the whole What’s On Your Christmas List!? topic, I don’t have a lot of things on my Christmas list, whether that’s a mental list or an actual list……….I don’t know, maybe when it comes to me, there isn’t much physical things that I want, if that makes sense!? I mean when you’re younger again you want everything, that’s all because we’re kids and that’s how kids are, they want all the toys and things that interest them, but I haven’t been that way for a long while and maybe that’s just me, who knows………….but anyway, to bring the spirit back up on this post, you know how I talked when people ask you what you want for Christmas and sometimes it’s hard to answer!?

Yeah well, try reverting the question back to the person asking you what you want for Christmas, 9/10, 8/10, depending on the person, their not always gonna know either. If you’re lucky they’ll tell you what it is they want or they’ll either say the same thing saying they’re not sure, they’ll tell you they don’t want anything or you have those kind of people who won’t tell you what they want and when you bring it up, they pretend or act like you didn’t ask the question……….anyone else know these kind of people!? Let me know, I can’t be the only one here.

Overall, no matter how you see the holidays, it’s important to make the most of it and appreciate the things around you as well, as the people you spend your days with and enjoy it as much as you can too, because not everyone is able to celebrate these kind of holidays and if they do celebrate it, they don’t always have people to celebrate it with. You don’t need a lot to have a good holiday, the holidays are meant to be enjoyed and spent with people who mean a lot to you, whether you’re spending it with family, friends or whoever you want to spend it with, as long as you’re having a good time and you have good people around you then that’s all that matters. 

I hope with this post I don’t seem like the Grinch or anything, I know everyone’s different and i’m not saying that you can’t enjoy gifts, because who am I to say that!? The holidays can mean a lot of different things to people and if gifts are something that get you in the holiday spirit, then be happy, jump around and do a dance, no ones stopping you, but I just wanted to share my thoughts on it.

Even though I don’t know what I want for Christmas and I don’t know what to get other people for Christmas, let me know in the comments below what’s on your Christmas list, what the holidays mean to you and let me know how you get in the holiday spirit, i’d love to hear about it!! ^_^ 

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Reflection (December 5, 2018)

Hey everyone hope you’re all doing well today, as you all know we’re still in the beginning of the month December, todays the 5th of course and so I thought let’s do a little reflecting on some stuff……….where do we start!? We all do a little reflecting from time to time, sometimes their good and other times they don’t feel the best, but no matter how they come about, they can help even if in the moment it doesn’t seem like it.

Today for me, my reflective state is more on the not sure side of town, I feel alright kinda, I guess…….it’s just i’m not sure on a lot of things and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, I don’t know how to really balance things out or if I do balance things, i’m not sure whether to look at it in a positive light more or the opposite. I don’t really want to look at it in a bad light, it’s just when you feel something, it’s hard to not really look into it a certain way you know!?……..I’m not sure if i’m making sense right now, but I hope you understand what i’m trying to say. 

I’ll just get to the point of why i’m in a reflective mode at the moment. So I was looking to add a different profile photo to my blog site and my social medias, but as I was doing that, I couldn’t help, but look at some of my other photos in my gallery and looking back at them………well i’ll just say it, I smiled for a bit…….and then I found myself getting emotional after………..I don’t know why………okay I do know why, it was because I realized how much I really changed from those photos. In them I would always smile, I would even take random photos of myself when I was having a really good day or if I liked the way I looked, I know that probably sounds real shallow or something, but believe me I wasn’t doing it for attention or anything. 

I’d just take random silly photos because I was happy and those photos I never posted because I didn’t feel the need to, I just felt I wanted to take them so I could look back at them. It sounds crazy I know, but really they were just photos to look back on for me. As I was looking back on them though, I couldn’t help, but go into deep thought mode……….I wrote in my writing journal that most people when they reflect they don’t question their changes, at least I don’t think they do……….me though i’m always going back and forth with my changes, had I not changed would things be different!? I don’t know…….it’s like I have days where I feel the changes that happened to me are i’m sure for the better, but at the same time I also wonder if me changing………was it wrong!? should I have done that!? I don’t know……….

I know a lot of us don’t plan on changing, it just happens and a lot of the time we aren’t prepared for it, I didn’t expect the changes that occurred, to turn things upside down. It’s kinda like being in the middle of an ocean or river………everything’s fine you’re enjoying all that is happening around you and it’s just great, you feel great………then out of nowhere you find that the current of the ocean or river start picking up, at first you think you’re able to handle it and that you will bounce back and everything will be okay again………but then it starts to get worst and the current from the river or ocean, you find is going into speed mode and you’re holding on as best as you can, but you know that it’s not good enough.

You’re trying to stay calm and not panic, but it just keeps getting stronger and faster, now you find yourself starting to freak out “What is happening!?” “Why is this happening” “I don’t know what to do” all of those things keep running in and out of your head, but even though all that is happening, you still do your best to stay calm even though you’re freaking out. After a good while of dealing and going through all that mess, things start to calm down and the current starts to go back to normal a bit………the only thing is now, you find yourself constantly having mental breakdowns and becoming unsure of a lot of things, some days your good, other days your not……..time passes though and you feel a little better, you find yourself kinda getting back into the groove of things, you’re doing the best you can, yet you know that deep down, not only are things not the same entirely………..but neither are you.

You sit with yourself, contemplating in your mind how everything go so out of wack so quickly, what happened!? why did it happen!? and then you kinda start to blame yourself, saying things like “If I hadn’t changed or if I hadn’t done this……..everything would be fine, non of this would’ve happened”……….It’s crazy you know, that saying that goes ” A lot can happen within a year” is true, you could go from feeling the greatest that you’ve ever felt in a long time, to constantly feeling unsure of everything and constantly wondering………now maybe all that is for the better, who’s to say it isn’t right!?

Sometimes though, it’s that curious side to us that has to always wonder whether it is or not. Even if we ended up getting caught in a huge current, that we weren’t prepared for………..we still should look at things from a different perspective, maybe all that was to see how much you could handle, maybe you’ll look back at it and reflect on it differently, who knows………for now, we’ll just do our best and try to take in everything around us again and when the current starts to pick up again, we’ll be as prepared as we can be and hopefully this time it isn’t all that bad.

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~ 

Photo by Michael Niessl on Unsplash

Music Song Review/Song Interpretation: Car Radio By Twenty Øne Pilots (Inspired By Accidental Blogger)

This post was originally written Nov 30th (Last Day Of November) 

Hi there, so today I want to touch upon something different, today I wanted to talk about a song and kinda breakdown the lyrics to what my interpretation of it is, this might seem familiar, I did one on one of my favorite bands (PVRIS) with their song Same Soul and I wanted to try it again, but with a different band this time. I got this idea from another blogger that I recently found by the name Accidental Blogger and in one of the posts that I read from him, he talks about this duo band that i’m sure most of you might know, but also may not know at the same time and that duo band go by the name of Twenty One Pilots.

They’re pretty well known and some might even say that they’re underrated, others might say they’re overrated, I don’t know everyone has different opinions, but whether you love the band, hate them or just aren’t the biggest fan of theirs, but don’t mind them, you do have to give them some credit, because they really know how to make music and their specific way of making music involves dealing with internal issues like mental illness such as depression and other serious things as well.

Now I wouldn’t call myself a Twenty Øne Pilots fanatic or anything, but I do like them, as well as enjoy their music, at least the ones that i’ve heard anyway. In the blog post that I read, he talked about how Twenty One Pilots are his escape when it comes to music, he listens to them when he’s having one of those days and also on regular days when he’s not, so to pretty much sum up the post, he just really loves the band in general. He said the reason he loves TØP is because and i’m gonna quote exactly what he said “Their music is realistic” now hearing their music you probably would agree with him, I mean I sure do…….listen to some of their lyrics to their songs and tell me if they aren’t deep and real with it too, just saying!?

Anyway moving on to the title of this blog post, let’s talk the song Car Radio and try our best to breakdown the lyrics to it. Now i’m only breaking down a certain part in the song because it had me really think about it when I read it properly, the lyrics are: 

“Oh dear, I don’t know if we know why we’re here
Oh my, too deep – please stop thinking
I liked it better when my car had sound
 “

There’s a whole lot more that go with these lyrics, but the reason I want to talk on this one is because when I read it, I was a little taken back, not because of the lyrics, but because when you really think about it after reading that line, you might find yourself thinking “wait why are we actually here!?” and then it might cause you to go into deep thought mode wondering why………but to put that thought aside and really sit with these lyrics, trying to break them down and understand them better, in this whole song if you’ve ever listened to it or if you’ve never heard it before, the whole premise of it from my interpretation is pretty much well…….how do I explain it in a way that would make sense!?……..

Okay think of it this way: You’re trying to sleep at night, you feel relaxed you start to unwind and drift into dreamland, uhh, but wait!! Your mind has other plans for you and those plans are to stay up and contemplate EVERY. SINGLE. THING. yeah……I know, what I just described is basically what the song is about to me, just one sleepless night only, you’re not sleeping, you’re in a car and you have no radio whatsoever, because someone stole it and now you’re stuck with your own thoughts.

Fun fact actually……well not really it’s kinda sad a bit, but the song actually came to life because the front singer of TØP, his name is Tyler and……well here’s a quote from him explaining it which says……..I was late to class and I forgot to lock my door and when I came back out everything had been gutted and stolen out my car.” So yeah, that’s how the song was born.

Let’s move on to the rest of the lyrics that follow the song Car Radio, this is where it gets super super deeep, because in the song he talks about how, because he has no radio in his car, he’s now left thinking……..and we all know what happens when we start thinking and I mean really thinking. It may start fine, you know you think random things like “hmmm I wonder who was the first person to eat a taco and what was their reaction the first time they had it!? Did they love it or did they hate it!?” Then out of nowhere your mind takes a sharp turn down a dark road and now you find yourself thinking of every thought and emotion you thought were long buried, to only realize you didn’t bury them deep enough……….and other random things too. This whole song, is  filled with all the thoughts you can think of, put together into one song which to me is incredible, when you really read into it.

Now there’s a specific part in this song that I want to talk about a bit, because of how deep it is, I was reading it back to myself to kinda get a better understanding so I could interpret it better and I have no words, i’ll try and find some in a second, but first let’s look at the the lyric that i’m talking about which goes: 

I’m forced to deal with what I feel
There is no distraction to mask what is real

I know this is just a short line of words, but those lyrics, that lyric alone, is deep and mind blowing. There’s no other way to interpret that, because just by reading that line………you become speechless like……….when I read it, all I could say was, that’s deep and that was it, you don’t need an explanation to what that means because it’s really clear, I could go into it, but it’ll just end up being a whole new topic and I want to try and keep this post from drifting off.

The writing style that TØP have with their songs including Car Radio like, most people wouldn’t even dare try and cross that line, because it’s just too real, not many people want to go that deep because to them, it’s a very scary place to go, only because it forces you to deal with those demons that we all have inside that we just aren’t ready to cope with……….but Twenty Øne Pilots however, yeah they aren’t afraid to go there, because that’s how they work, that’s the writing style they chose to go with and I feel like that’s why a lot of people can relate to them because their music is so relatable, also their personalities are one of a kind which is probably another reason a lot of people like them so much.

I’ve only observed them once when they won I believe two awards, I can’t remember which award show it was, all I know is that they won twice. I feel, it might’ve been for their song stressed out and also maybe breakout duo band or something, I don’t know, don’t quote me on it, but I remember watching them when it was announced that they won and they could not believe it whatsoever, I think they didn’t even have a speech prepared because they they didn’t think they’d win……..but to touch on their personalities from that award show, you can tell that they aren’t for the fame at all, they’re just all for the music and the way they are, their just chilled guys who are very, very humble and don’t really care that much on making it mainstream, because for them again it’s all about the music, which is great because I love it when you have bands or artists that you can really hear and see how much they care about their work and the music that they’re making, that’s the kind of people I like.

Also I was remembering a part in the award show when they won the second time I think and Tyler made Josh say something, I believe he said something along the lines of “I’m trying to get him to talk more, because he doesn’t talk much” i’m not sure if those were his exact words or if it was close to what he said, but I thought that was funny, also I think Tyler was talking more on Josh talking more when it comes to award shows or something but i’m not entirely sure, but yeah, I think i’m gonna have to look more into TØP, because i’ve really enjoyed talking and writing about them, I didn’t think i’d write this much.

If you want to check out the blog post I was talking about, you can find it here: https://writingmyheartout25.wordpress.com/2018/08/26/music-my-escape/ and while you’re looking at that post check out Accidental Blogger’s other posts and show them some love and support as well while you at it, i’m sure they’d really appreciate it, also feel free to share your interpretations on Car Radio if you’ve heard it in the comments below, thank you and I hope you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening. 

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~ 

Source for the lyrics: https://genius.com