Tag: Believe In Yourself

Dear Little Me……

On By Daydreamer LexIn Uncategorized2 Comments

Dear Little Me,

I hope your doing okay, it’s been a while since you and I enjoyed times together you know……i’m not really sure what it is I want to say to you, but i’ve been thinking about you lately, I think about you all the time actually…….I always wonder if the things i’m doing are the right things for you……i’m gonna be honest with you because you deserve that, I feel I haven’t been doing us proud when it comes to helping you achieve more in life, I want to say i’m doing so much to make sure you’re happy and are enjoying yourself but I don’t think I am……and……I want to apologize to you for that, because you deserve to have good things, you deserve to be happy and to really see everything. I sit to myself a lot and go back and forth wondering if i’m making you proud to be me older…….I wish I was able to know what you think of me now…….

We’ve been through so much in our lives, we had to literally fight to be here and a lot of people don’t know that, some do, but others don’t……….a lot of people didn’t think we’d make it, but we did and that’s all because of the fight you put up for us to be here, i’ll tell you one thing you are a whole lot stronger and tougher than me for sure ha………the crazy part is i’m you older and I can’t even say that for myself now and i’m sorry for that, i’m sorry for putting so much stress on you, i’m sorry for not letting you reach your full potential when I know that you could be great, but most importantly i’m so sorry for neglecting you when I knew that you needed me………I didn’t mean to do that to you, you didn’t deserve that, especially when all you ever did was fight for us to be here………you were always a very happy person no matter what was happening and you were always the type of person who wanted to do her own thing even when people didn’t understand it……..I may not have told you this, but I always admired that about you.

You’ve helped me discover a lot of different things about us, like for one, did you know that we have a knack for editing!? We didn’t even learn from watching someone else, we just kinda picked it up ourselves after having to do a portfolio on our projects in school, it was a simple thing, but we made it more than simple and we we’re proud of it, although you did have me try and find a song for it first and you know what i’m glad you did because even our teacher thought it was good even though it was simple. She even admitted to being hard on us because she saw potential in our abilities which was surprising to hear, but it was also pretty nice to hear as well. Did you know that you became obsessed with journals…….yeah you have a few actually (17 to be exact) and they are all for different things, we really love writing, speaking of writing we started a blog last month and it’s actually growing too, I guess all the topics we love to talk about are really helping people and it’s helping us as well I think……..we haven’t written anything new though it’s been a few days, that would be my fault though, I kinda took us away from it, as I tend to always do with everything that we start………..

You always guide us to do things and you have us get to a good point and then I go and ruin any chance we had at making it really bloom and grow……..I don’t know what my problem is and why I keep doing that to you……..all you ever wanted was to be able to express yourself, while trying to have fun and while we’re enjoying ourselves, if we were lucky we’d help and make someone else’s day because we were just being us. I always wonder where you’ve gone because I know you’re still around, but you also hide away and I don’t know why!? Is it because of me, are you unhappy because i’m making you unhappy by the way i’m doing things!? if that’s what it is……..i’m really sorry……..I never meant to turn you this way and make you unhappy, all I ever did was try and make you very happy and I feel like I failed you in a way and I never intended to do that………I really miss you, you know!?…….I miss how you gave me confidence and how you didn’t care what anyone thought of you, because you always stood true to what you were, you didn’t care how weird you were or how much you spoke, you just enjoyed the moments.

You always laughed at everything and sure you were a little too sensitive for a lot of things, but that’s because you stayed firm to what you believed in, plus you had a different sense of humor to those who thought certain things were funny, your sense of humor was laughing at everything that didn’t make any sense to laugh at, expect certain things which I never understood and still don’t, but the thought of you just being happy and laughing at things that to most wasn’t funny, made me the happiest……..I always think back on when we were younger and how we’d play by ourselves with our dolls and make up stories for them, in all honesty we’d find anything that entertained us to play with, we were very weird, still are actually, but that’s because we we were always just happy and so full of life……….you always tried to be friends with everyone and always wanted to be around people even when they didn’t always liked being around you, even when that happened though you still made the most of each day……

After a while though we kinda started to become very quiet and to ourselves because of the fact we got so use to being alone and so when it came to being around people you didn’t mind it, you enjoyed hanging out with people, but as we got older we started spending our time with certain people, is that a bad thing, no I don’t think it is, it’s just the way we are and some people may not like it, but it’s not about them, it’s about you and me. There’s a lot of things I could go over here about you, but all I really……I guess want to say is 1. i’m really sorry for abandoning you and not taking care of you as I should have, we we’re literally inseparable and you always made me stay true to who we were for so long and I kinda forgot about that and i’m really sorry 2. I miss you and how happy and excited you got every time something brought you joy, knowing we were happy made everyday a little better even when we didn’t have the best of days, we always tried to make the most of it…….There’s a lot of things though that we’ve adapted into our lives that we once didn’t have, the main thing being Anxiety we found out that we had it at a late age (late teens) and we battle through it everyday, i’m not gonna lie to you little me, although we don’t get it everyday when it does hit us, it hits us pretty hard, but we need to keep in mind that, it doesn’t define us okay, we are who we choose to be……..

Sure we may live with being anxious a lot more often then we’d like, but we have the power to let it consume us or fight against it and i’ll always do my best to make sure we fight against it more than i’ve been doing lately……there’s a lot more I can tell you, but this would be a very long blog post, I mean it’s already 1,368 words in and still counting. The main thing I want to say to you though was how sorry I am for how I treated you, I shouldn’t have done that to you and i’m gonna do my very best to make sure that from here on forth I make you proud to be me older in the best way that I can, because I don’t ever want to let you down again if I did, I hope that you can forgive me and that you come around a little more and help us achieve what it is we want to achieve without hesitation and with a bit more confidence because I want to make sure I do you well this time and know that you’re happy again……..I will do my best to only focus on all things positive and all things good, so that you can feel okay and feel safe, we can do it and we will, we just need to believe more in ourselves and build our confidence again……..

That’s everything I want to say to you I guess, hope you’re doing alright and I want you to always keep this in mind, you are worth every struggle we had to go through and all the things you blamed yourself for isn’t your fault, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, we got this far together who says we can’t continue on, we will get where we want to be…….we just have to work hard towards it and it maybe a bit scary, but we can do it…….I know we can, together we can do anything that we put our minds to, we just have to keep remembering why it is we started in the first place and then keep going every time.

 

 

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

A.K.A. Your Older Self

 

(Originally Written Aug 17th) 

 

Thought For The Day……..

On By Daydreamer LexIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

You ever have a moment to yourself where you’re just thinking about a lot of different things and you don’t know why, but little by little certain things start to become clearer to you for some reason, i’m not really sure how to explain what I mean exactly, I can try and bring you into my mind so you can see what i’m talking about, but I don’t even know if i’ll be able to explain what i’m talking about in the way that I want, but i’m gonna try and layout it out for you guys as best as I can. Okay so where do I start……..uhhhh so I was writing a different blog post on not really knowing what to write because I was having trouble writing at first and I got a pretty decent way with it, not too far but a few 100 words actually it was along this paragraph here only shorter (149 words to be exact, we’re at 164 words here and counting as i’m writing this lol)

Anyway so I was writing a different blog post at first and then my mind took a smooth turn and I stopped writing that blog post and I just started thinking about a lot of things, while I was thinking I started looking into the sky out my window and it was kinda dark, possibly because it was going to rain, but it still hasn’t rained yet, it’s hard to say whether or not it will because the weather here has been Sunny then dark, then Sunny again and then dark once more and so i’m not sure what the weather has in store for us today, but yeah going back to what I was talking about……..I was looking at the sky, just staring out my window, trying to figure out what I should write about and I couldn’t think of anything, so I went to grab one of my journals where I write blog post ideas, I don’t really have a lot of ideas just about 15-16 i’d say (just checked 17 actually) so I looked for a blog post idea in my journal and I saw one that caught my eye and I picked it, the title of the blog post idea I was going to write about was called, finding your path in life and although i’m not really writing about that blog post I picked to write about, it did have me thinking.

Remember when I talked about Finding My Niche, if you don’t you can read it here if you like Finding My Niche (My Confidence Struggle Story) it’s just all about finding my thing in writing and also talking about my struggle to find confidence in myself from time to time. Going back to what I was talking about……..so I wrote about finding my niche with writing before and believe me i’m happy that I started this blog because i’m able to write down my feelings and share my thoughts with all of you as well, but I had this thought come in my mind and I always find myself going back to all the things I use to do that also brought joy to me before starting this blog and I can’t help but think that maybe I have more than just one niche you know!? Hear me out, so we all have something in us that speaks to us more then other things and everyone has a special or hidden talent that they become interested in.

People who were born with a talent or find a thing that speaks to them, obviously they go after that thing they enjoy, because it brings them happiness and there’s just something about it that gives them that feeling of finally belonging somewhere and so when they find that passion that calls to them, you know they’ll become a force to be reckon with, because they have so much passion, I’m not sure if any of what i’m saying is making any sense but i’m just trying to gather my thoughts and bring to you what it is i’m thinking. What i’m trying to say is I feel like I don’t really have a specific passion for anything, the closest thing to a passion that I have is maybe writing due to the fact that I write a lot and I enjoy writing, but when it comes to passion and what I love the most, I can never just chose one thing all the time, I’m always switching it up from time to time.

I just feel this thing in me where, I go back and think maybe I should try this again and speaking of trying something again, I feel like I should go back and give Youtube another try, because i’m starting to miss it, I really am…….I miss sitting in front of the camera and talking about something I love or am interested in and talking non stop about it to the point where I get so lost in what i’m saying, i’ll get distracted and then lose my train of thought and then go on to a different topic and just talk about that. I miss being able to talk about the things I once enjoyed like wrestling, a lot of you don’t know this, but I LOOOOVE watching wrestling and then talking about the matches and who I think should get more of an opportunity and ranting about certain people in wrestling (my friend ray knows who i’m talking about)

I think I now know why it is that I feel like even if I do one thing like writing for example, I love it, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy writing down my thoughts and sharing it with you guys, but I also miss talking about the things I enjoy and giving my opinion on certain topics that interest me and just having other people who too share my interest get involved as well, although there wasn’t a lot of people interacting, there was still a good amount to where we all were able to just have a good time talking about something we all enjoyed, even though wrestling nowadays isn’t the greatest I still have a love for it, I mean it’s because of wrestling that I met one of my greatest friends and my boyfriend as well. I just really miss it, because it gave me an outlet to help me kinda break out of myself and oddly enough gave me confidence that I didn’t know I had and after a while yeah I lost that confidence, because I didn’t believe in my ideas and I didn’t believe in me and I should’ve, I should have just went with my ideas even if no one liked them and it wasn’t the most popular thing, I should’ve just went with them because I liked them, I  know i’m probably getting off topic here, but I just really feel strongly about this.

I don’t have a specific passion and I always felt that, I always just went with anything that interest me and i’m at the point where I kinda want to do more then just write, I want to express myself based off my interest and share my thoughts with others and hear their thoughts too and possibly make more friends along the way, there’s nothing wrong with dabbling in more than one thing, if anything it should be something you want to do because then you’re not just limited to one thing, you can do everything and still do the thing you like best. My thing is writing, but it’s also creating and other things and I should learn to be more confidence in myself and my ideas if it’s what I like, it’s okay to like more than one thing as long as it makes you happy and you enjoy it.

If I can write everyday on here, why can’t I do videos also!? You know I have to thank writing because it showed me that i’m capable of sticking to something everyday if I put my mind to it, lets just see if I can do the same with my videos again. I also want to thank my friend Ray and my boyfriend for always being there for me and supporting me in everything that I ever wanted to do, I probably spun them around a few times trying to find something that I could finally stick with, but they never left my side even when I was a mess, they just always believed in me and support me in everything I shared with them, I couldn’t ask for better people in my life so thank you guys, also for those who support my blog and come back and read my stuff even when some are longer than others, I really appreciate you and it always means a lot to know that you enjoy my writing, just the fact that you even take the time to read it means the world so thanks.

That’s all I have for today, I hope you don’t mind this being too long, I just felt I needed to share this I don’t know why, but I did……..I don’t even know what the title to this should be, I wrote this first before I wrote the title. If there’s anything to take from this blog it’s don’t worry if you don’t have a passion for something, just try everything and if you still don’t know what it is you want to do, just do all the things that make you happy and go with that, just promise that when you try everything that interest you, you take a necessary break from it when you need to, remember not to stretch too thin for something, go with what you can handle and isn’t too overwhelming, if you want to add something new, make sure to look at all the things your doing and whatever you find yourself not really taking interest to anymore get rid of that and add a new interest.

Lastly always and I mean always believe in your ideas and yourself, don’t worry about whether someone will like it or not, if you feel good about it and you’re happy with it then do it and if there’s an idea that you tried and you know isn’t really working much for you anymore then it’s okay to let it go and come up with other ones you feel will work for you and with that, I hope you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening 🙂

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Finding My Niche (My Confidence Struggle Story)

On By Daydreamer LexIn Uncategorized2 Comments

Confidence is something we all struggle with at some point in our lives, for some confidence comes pretty easy at least it seems like it, for those who have a lot of confidence i’m sure they at one point in their life didn’t have it and had to build up theirs until they had enough to feel good about themselves, sure there are a lot of other people who’s confidence is off the roof and it makes you wonder whether if they are just full of themselves, if that’s just their way of trying to get people’s attention or if it actually took them so long to gain the confidence and because they now have it, they’re happy and are just showing a different side to themselves that they never knew they had. Having so much confidence isn’t always a bad thing it just shows that you’re proud of who you are and who you’ve become if you struggled with confidence for a while, however sometimes for some people having so much confidence can get to you and it can turn you into a completely different person that isn’t good for you and that’s just gonna leave you in the middle of the road in the pouring rain by yourself, with that said though people who struggle with confidence there’s always a reason for it, maybe they had something really big happen in their lives to where confidence was hard to gain or every time they were confident about something they had people around them kinda push them down a notch or they just have trouble really seeing themselves the way others see them, there’s a lot of different reasons.

Some may think that having confidence is bad but it’s not, it’s just all on how you use your confidence, but if you’re the kind of person who struggles with being confident don’t you worry you’re not alone here, I too struggle with confidence, it was always one of those things I never really embraced, It’s weird though because I am happy with myself and I love who I am as a person, sure I have my flaws, but doesn’t everyone!? When it comes to confidence within myself and my personality that i’m good with, so if someone calls me weird and tells me I talk a lot, it doesn’t bother me because i’m happy with who I am personality wise, but when it comes to having confidence in my abilities and the things I do, that’s a different story……….you see I always had this thing where I would start something and i’d make progress with it, but then after a while i’d stop doing it and would never finish it, for example: Youtube, a lot of you won’t know this, but I did Youtube and I still have it, but I don’t upload on it much. I started Youtube a few times my first channel was back in i’d say 2011!? ( I checked it was in 2011) anyway so yeah I did Youtube a few times I have 3, but I only use 2, my first one I haven’t used in years though.

Long story short with me doing Youtube I never use to be super consistent with it, when I did start it I would post not everyday, but more than I did after I had it for a while if that makes sense and i’d enjoy it and have fun with it, but I wouldn’t really put my all into it, I had all these ideas and i’d write them down, but I wouldn’t go forth with most of them because I wasn’t feeling confident enough with it, there were times I had something going and then i’d give up on it after a while because I didn’t feel it anymore, well more like I wasn’t sure how it would be perceived so I stopped it before it could get somewhere……..I guess you can say I was scared in a way, you see yourself doing well and you’re happy, but then that doubt in you comes to play and tries to throw you off course and makes you second guess yourself, telling you that your ideas aren’t gonna work and no ones gonna like it, so everything where i’d put a lot of my heart into and would give a try, i’d step back and just pretty much abandon it, giving up on my ideas and the hard work that I’d put into it……..and I would try so hard not to do that, i’d step away from my channels thinking that I would come back a different person, but it was always the same person coming back, i’d stay for a bit, then disappear for a few months then come back once more and you get it.

So that’s where my confidence lacks, I would give up on myself and my ideas before I even got started and by me doing that to myself where i’d start something and not finish it, that caused me to sorta have an identity breakdown in a way, everything I tried to stick with I never stuck with and it just got the point where I just didn’t care anymore and I just kinda gave up in a way, I use to constantly wonder what I was gonna do with myself and with that it caused me to become unhappy with myself and I didn’t like that. I’d always express the way I felt to my friends and my boyfriend and goodness i’m surprised they’re still around because most people would just get tired of the same thing and you constantly telling them how you just don’t know what to do with yourself, but they always were patient with me and always gave me advice, the main things they’d say was to just stay consistent, focused and have fun with it and even though I would constantly beat myself up on it, they were always so supportive and believed that I would find something, always saw and still see the best in me when I didn’t see it myself, it’s just great to have people like that who even when you kick yourself down or you think that what you’re doing isn’t good, they’ll always tell you that you’re doing great, how proud they are of you, how they will always support you no matter what and that they’d always be there if anything.

When it came to finding my niche though, It wasn’t until I asked my friend Ray about her blog  and I was always curious on what it was like to have a blog, it was always one of my interests, but I never was sure whether to start one or not because I didn’t know if I was going be good at it but I realized when I was going through a self discovery thing and trying to find what was for me, I noticed how much I started writing more and I always questioned why it was I had so many journals and why I was so obsessed with them, but I also never questioned it at the same time, because I was happy. People would always ask why do you need/have so many journals!? and i’d always respond with “well because I like them” but I never actually questioned it unless someone would point it out and then i’d think “yeah why do I have so many Journals!?” but back to my friend Ray, so I asked her about blogging and she told me all that she knew and gave me advice and I told her I was thinking of starting one and she told me I should because in her words when she did it, she remembered how cozy it made her feel being able to write whatever she wanted and it’s thanks to her I now write everyday. She actually got me started on it and yeah I was nervous on starting it because I didn’t want to mess it up and have it be another thing that I give up on, I wanted this time to be different and I wanted to really have something that I could be proud of and say hey I do this everyday and i’m happy about it.

Well now I can finally say i’m happy and I mean happy then I ever was when I was doing Youtube not saying I didn’t like it I did, it helped me show my personality and I got to have fun with it, but what i’m saying is I love writing just a little bit more and it’s now been 2 weeks since I started blogging (2 weeks yesterday) and I keep saying to the people that know I blog and support me on it, that I feel like I finally found my thing and i’m proud of not only the blog, but also myself because i’m pushing myself everyday and really putting my heart and soul into it without feeling like I have to, it’s always because I want to and with writing I said this to my boyfriend yesterday, I always feel like it’s the one thing that I don’t ever have to question or doubt myself in because I love it so much and being able to express myself in a way that I may not be able to out loud, but I can with writing, makes me feel really good and also pretty confident in a way because I know that with this I don’t have to think twice, I can just write.

Confidence isn’t a feeling, I mean it is, but confidence comes from within you and all the different things that you do, so if you see that you’re doing something, you’re enjoying it and you see that you’re progressing in it, keep going and if you have ideas or you are feeling really good about something to where it’s making you happy, then try them out and don’t be discouraged on seeing where it can go and where it can take you, if you go into something with confidence and a positive mindset, you’re already there because you’re confident in your ideas, you’re believing in your abilities and just yourself in general. As for finding your niche (your thing) that will come to you naturally, you just got to let it and if you aren’t sure what your thing is try looking at the things you do the most and where you’re always being drawn to, maybe that’ll give you an idea on what is made for you. I hope you’re able to find your niche in life and when you do stick with it, believe in it and most importantly believe in yourself. If you’re having self doubt about whether something will work or not just replace those thoughts with it will work if I make it work. If you believe in something then go with it and just see what happens when you bring your ideas to life, it may surprise you and in the process you’ll become more confident and proud of yourself knowing you went for it.

Aaaaand that’s my blog post for today (tonight) I didn’t expect to write this much and for it to be this long, but sometimes you just gotta let your heart and soul do the speaking for you, I was having a conversation with my boyfriend on this topic yesterday and I guess it stuck with me and I needed to get my realizations out about myself, I hope you guys are able to take something from this blog post even though I pretty much told a story here………maybe there’s something in here that you can take from it who knows, anyways I hope you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening.

Originally written On July 26

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

When People See The Best In You And Believe In You, Yet You Don’t See It In Yourself……..

On By Daydreamer LexIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

It’s always crazy when you learn that people believe in you, you know!? especially when you for a long time didn’t believe in yourself all that much. We’ve all been through that at some point in our lives, something presents it’s self to us and we’re like “I don’t know about this” or we think of maybe trying something, but are afraid we’re not gonna be the best at it or we’re not good enough to do it…….yeah it happens to the best of us. The question is though, why is it that even when people tell us we’re capable of something and they believe in us, we still don’t believe them? It’s like no matter how much they tell us that we’re good enough and try to get us to see all the thing they see in us, we just brush it off and think they’re just saying that to make us feel good or something and sometimes some people do just say things to make us feel good because they don’t want us to feel a certain way (which isn’t always a bad thing) but what about those who really mean it!? It can be hard to decipher who’s real and who’s just feeling sorry for you.

People who truly want the best for you and can see the real you inside and out those are the kind of people you should surround yourself with, because they will always see the best in you even when you don’t see it in yourself. People who see you doing big things that you don’t even think that you can do because of how big it seems, those are the ones you should be around, because they will always try and make it seem simple just so you aren’t intimidated by it. People who don’t expect you to always stick to all the things you once loved and don’t force you to make a decision on things, but simply support anything and everything that you do even if it’s just the smallest things, keep them close because it doesn’t matter what you do or how you feel they will always be there to help you figure things out when you aren’t able to figure them out on your own.

You see anyone who sees so much in you and believes that you can do anything you put your mind to as well as wanting to help you succeed with whatever you’re trying to go after, those are the kind of people you need in your corner, because whenever you feel like giving up or you feel you’re not good enough for something, they will always push you hard for all the right reasons and make sure that you don’t give up and that you know you’re as good as you give yourself credit for. They’ll also tell you how you putting  yourself down isn’t what you should do and how you should really start believing in not only yourself, but all that you’re capable of when it comes to showing what you’re made of and that is what a real person who believes in you looks like and feels like.

When you finally find the people who truly just want to see you do well for yourself and you see how much they see in you that you don’t see in yourself, well that’s where you start to really look at yourself and say “Well if they believe I can do it, why shouldn’t I believe too!?” and from there you’re gonna want to not only make those who saw something in you proud, but also you’ll start to want to make yourself proud as well and help yourself see all the things you couldn’t see before. Sometimes we’re gonna come to that road where we just in a way give up on ourselves and just feel like “well what am I doing with myself!? ” There’s always gonna be someone to come along and show you why you’re here and help you through your journey of finding out what you’re mean’t to do with yourself, while also showing you why you should never give up on yourself even when it feels like there’s no hope. There’s always a way and you’re always gonna have people who when you feel like you’re just stuck in the dirt, they will dust you off and tell you to keep going while staying behind you just in case you need them again.

And that is my blog post for today, I kinda got inspired by my boyfriend here with this one because he’s one my biggest supporters, he never lets me kick myself down and when I don’t believe in myself, he always believes in me 🙂 so yeah this is gonna sound cheesy to a lot of you but thanks love, i’m glad I have you…….and with that one I say hope you all enjoy the rest of your night/morning and evening ^_^

 

All The Love  ❤ ❤

~Lexa~