Early Morning Thoughts….
Well it’s about 4am at the current moment, yeah I’m not really sure why i’m up so early either…..I’ve tried going back to sleep, but I haven’t had much luck so here I am writing a post this early in the morning! Hope everyone’s morning is going well so far, I know it’s been a bit of a while since I went ahead and wrote anything….I’ll be honest I haven’t really felt the need to write, lately I’ve only been writing every now and again. I guess that’s just where I’m at currently just writing every now and again, when I started this blog, it was because I felt I didn’t really have much of a voice, I was having a very hard time expressing myself out loud vocally
It was thanks to a very good friend of mine where I found out about WordPress, she helped me set it up and everything and from there I now had a place to express myself freely in anyway I liked and saw fit, plus I always used to write anyway just in a journal, I never really thought to express my feelings using a blog site before, but after learning about it, I started writing to help me get my feelings out that were hard for me to express naturally! It’s coming to 4 years of creating this blog and although I don’t write as much to when I first started, I still hold a very big fondness of the site I created….I know it probably sounds weird that I’m speaking about this especically so early in the morning, let alone randomly, but I’m hoping that you understand regardless!!
I’m always writing, even when I’m not writing if that makes sense!? No matter where I am or where I go I tend to have some kind of journal on me, I may not write in it all the time, but I know that if I were to need it, all I have to do is go into my back and jot down a few things and then some….but I should try and be honest and say that I do sometimes get tired of writing and when I say it like that I don’t mean it in a bad way, I’m not saying I don’t ever want to write again….I just for one know myself very well and I know that me not writing just won’t happen, but sometimes I write a lot, like more than I expect sometimes and although I’m always amazed by how much I get out that way…..
I just would like to be able to show myself more and be okay with expressing it vocally without feeling like I’m going to say the wrong thing or just not have that same confidence that I do when I am writing, I really don’t like having to be afraid of saying what it is that is on my mind and hoping that when I’m expressing it, I’m not sitting there wondering to myself “is it going to be understood, will I say it the same way I’m thinking it!?” because I always know that it’s not going to come out the same, it always comes out a totally different way and having to explain what I actually mean to certain people, just….raises my Anxiety and stress levels up, I try not to be that way at times, but sometimes it’s a little impossible especially when you’re someone with a lot of patience who does their best to make sure they’re really understanding people and what their feelings!
That all being said however, as much as I may not want it to be sometimes, writing is my way of expressing myself clearly without much worry, even when I’m afraid to say things….it always shows patience with me as weird as it is to say, but it’s the truth! If were to tell you the many times I was terrified of writing things down, always getting myself anxious and stressed out because I didn’t know where to start, but eventually something would come out and I would just follow it from there, I know I’ve improved in being more open when I speak,
but I also know that I still struggle to get my true feeling inside out, especially when I need it to count most and that’s what where I need to build my courage towards standing up for the things I feel strongly about regardless to how it gets interpreted and if I have to write it down just to get it out there, then I need to not be afraid of using what works to my adventage when I feel myself struggling the most to get it out vocally…..it will always leave me emotional, for different reasons 1. because of how easily frustrated I get with myself and 2. because I know that once I do get out what it is I need to get out, that I am going to feel loads better about it and say “see it wasn’t so bad….sorta” right after i’ve given myself so much headaches about it!
It can be a lot to deal with sometimes, but I know that the only way things move forward is by trying even when it seems hard, I always feel the need to say something, but never do because I hold myself back a lot, I know I’ve evolved a lot from before, it’s just putting those things into orbit that I have trouble with, oh and in case it wasn’t clear….this is me also apologizing for not writing in a while, even though I did say that my writing was slowing down and that I wouldn’t be writing as much, but still I always feel I should at least write sometimes….but I’m giving myself permission to be okay with writing when I feel it to be necessary,
We’re all human and we shouldn’t put ourselves in a tight hold so much, but anyway it’s almost 5:30am as I wrap up this post, I’m going to try and get a bit more rest, I’ve only slept 4 hours, I’ll be missing the sunrise, but that’s okay I’ve seen half of it, hope you guys have a good rest of the day, take care and stay safe!
All The Love ❤ ❤
Lexa
Levels Of Growth
Maaan has it been a while since my last post, it’s not yet been a month, but it’s been a while! Honestly I’ve wanting to write something for the longest, yet nothing ever sparked my interest enough to say “yeah this might be a good thing to talk about” We’re already in the middle of April and each day that came by I would just say to myself, I haven’t written not one thing this month and maybe that’s alright, but to me I just felt like What is going on there!? Today however, I feel a little bit inspired to write so I shall take whatever this inspiration is and do my best to just go with it! It feels good to write something that I can share after a long while….
Now before we continue on, I just want to say that I have been writing this month, I just haven’t written anything to share, my writing have been more personal based these days, I guess that’s just where I’m at currently, which I know isn’t a bad thing, but still I have been wanting to share something and I guess that’s where this post comes in! As you can see I’ve titled this post levels of growth, why exactly? That’s a good question, let’s just say it was something that felt right to title here…..growth is a significant thing that we all experience in our lifetime constantly, be it a small growth or a really big way of transforming…sometimes we can see it pretty clear and sometimes we don’t always know when the next transformation will be….we can sense it and feel it coming, but we don’t always know, but that’s the beauty of it yeah!?
Life has many ways of challenging you, as well putting you in a postition of what you feel to be the best way to grow and trive, but it doesn’t mean that it’s entirely easy…..it can be as simple as choosing your favorite game to play or what kind of snack you’re in the mood for, I know pretty weird seeing it that way, but what I mean by that is life is that simple most times, it’s just other things that can make it seem difficult! When you look at the word Growth on it’s own, it makes you feel something doesn’t it? You know it’s got an importantance to it, yet the word looks simple, it doesn’t really look all that intimidating when you’re just reading the word….but the feel and experience that comes with it can be quite frightening when you’re looking at it more deeply.
It’s like when admiring a flower, you wouldn’t think they’re able to harm you, but look at roses, although they’re very beautiful to look at, you got to be careful when picking them, because they hold thorns….if you look at cacti you know not to touch them because you can see all the little needles it’s got, but even with knowing that people like to have them as plants and then there’s the Aloe plant although it’s got healing abilities, it too has it’s own thorns/needles, if you really think about though, the Aloe plant kind of has an accidental proneness connected to it, I say that beacause even when it hurts you, it’s character speaks loud without actually talking and it let’s you know “Oh i’m sorry, didn’t mean to hurt you, here let me help you”
I know this is probably getting off track, I was trying to make a point where I explain how just like some flowers have a bit a gray area, so does growth, I don’t know if I tied it in nicely enough, but hopefully it makes some kind sense! Anyway back to what I was saying….we all experience growth differently and sometimes it can be hard to embrace different levels of it, due to the fact that it can require a lot of braveness, courage and strength to help unlock that next transformation that we’re needing and majority of the time, however you feel yourself growing and changing, it’s not always going to be ideal for others, even those who are close to you….
You see for some, even when you are putting it out there how much you’ve progressed and evolved, sometimes it doesn’t get taken seriously and it can get very frustrating, because although your doing your best to show and let people know who you are and who you kind of always been deep down…..it can feel like they’re not really seeing you the way you’re wanting them to and are still sorta treating you the same, even when you know you’ve grown from that point. There’s going to come a moment where you know that, even though you may not want to, you’re going to have to do something so out of character where they have no choice, but to notice and really get them to see and think to themeselves “this is not the same person that I know”
After the reactions, you will probably most definitely feel a bit of a shift following that experience and to be honest there’s probably going to be some hurt involved and that’s going to probably hurt you, but with growth, you have to be strong and brave, you have to hold that courage inside otherwise what was it for!? If you want people to start seeing YOU and taking you more seriously…..you can’t be afraid to push back! Now even if you happen to leave someone hurt….don’t see it as an automatic negative experience, growth comes in many forms and although we all like life to be smooth sailing…..it’s not always going to be like that, there will be moments where you have to choose the road that involves a bit more…..deep breathing to get through and you will have to make a choice!
We always hear, take the road less traveled and I’m starting to realize and understand that, the road less traveled gives you the most experiences and how you choose to travel through it really comes down to what you feel inside and what your inner compass/heart is leading you toward….so if you feel you want to go a specific way, but you have people telling you to do it a certain way, you have to go with your own feelings, because at the end of the day….it’s your journey, we all share life, but we all have our way of living it, so if you feel strongly about something and you want to do it…..do it…..even if it requires you to go into the unknown of it and it may upset people, we shouldn’t have to feel like we can’t do something because it’ll make someone upset!
Sometimes we can get caught up in what others are saying, that we forget we have our own voice too and we don’t have to always go by what they say, if they can’t support you in the journey you choose for yourself then you have to know that it’s not on you to make them understand, cause they’re either going to understand by you be honest and letting them know right away or by you saying I’m going to do it anyway whether you like it or not and who knows maybe you’ll get the combination which can be more challenging and if you do get them both, it just shows you got more edge to you and your a badass kind of person!
Whatever is in your heart to do, please don’t hold yourself back, growth is scary, yes, but it’s also necessary for you to grow into the person you feel yourself to be….so with all that said, I shall leave you all with a quote, one of my favorites actually ^_^
“Don’t Hold Back, For Anyone…..The Further You Go, The Prouder I’ll Be”
Ming-Turning Red
All The Love ❤ ❤
Lexa
You Can’t Hide From Yourself….
Let’s just get it off our chest, we’re uncomfortable…..we don’t like it and we want it to stop, buut it’s not going to is it!? As humans we always think we can escape our own uncomfortability, but the one person that you’re unable to get away from is yourself so what exactly are you doing!? You want to know why I’m uncomfortable!? Well, I’ll try to explain it in a way that, hopefully doesn’t reveal to many personal details, but to keep a long story short….I’m uncomfortable with the fact that, when I’m thinking about something that I know I want to do I will take FOREVER just to decide on it, even when I know I want to do it….
However, one thing about me that I know is my least favorite trait to my personality is…..I’m always siking myself out of things or I overthink it too much to where I already know it frustrates those around me, they don’t have to say it to me because I can feel it and by knowing that, it’ll brings me more stress and frustration because you know the reason you feel like that is due to the fact that you’re afraid to let people down, which wait for it…..adds MORE stress because you’re also fighting with yourself thinking “Why are you worrying about everyone else!?”
Asking yourself that question then just makes you want to scream because although you know why you worry, part of you just wish you didn’t worry or care so much about these things…..and all of that starts mixing together because you could never put you, nor your needs and wants first, leaving you to feel a little upset with yourself, where you’re just like “You always worry about other people and how they’re going to feel” although there’s nothing wrong with caring about others and wanting to make sure they’re going to be okay….
You as person also have to know when it’s time to say “I love you, but no” and be okay with choosing to honor yourself and the things you want to go after! That being said, we also have to live and embrace the uncomfortability of it all!! No matter what we do, we will always be uncomfortable, there’s no way of escaping it, we live to experience, we live to discover and to be amazed along with all the other emotions and feelings we go through within our journey here!
We have to be uncomfortable in order to know what we’re comfortable with, once that’s discovered, we then find and learn what our comfortablities are and how to embrace them along with the uncomfortable! It’s not something we have to necessarily like feeling, but it is something we have to accept whether we want to or not! We have to be okay with the shadow parts of ourselves…..if you really think about it, we’re practically yin and yang inside, we all have the light part of us and the dark part, if we are always leaning towards the light and pushing the dark away, we’re not really giving ourselves the chance to truly experience who we are all the way around…..which isn’t fair!
Just because something is dark doesn’t mean that there isn’t any goodness to it! I may have said this before already, but we all know how diamonds are formed, they go through a lot of pressure before turning into something beautiful!! Amethyst forms from volcantic lava and pearls can be found within oysters, before stones become stones they have to go through some kind of dark experience themselves before we get to see the true beauty of them…..it’s never easy when you feel like every wall is caving in on you or where things are just not going well whatsoever, BUT it’s important to be aware that, all of it is necessary and instead of seeing it as a negative experience automatically, we have to understand that, it happens because we’re evolving and we need it in order for our growth to thrive and for us to continue to be the best versions of ourselves that we already are wheher we see it or not!
We can’t have the good without the bad, even if we prefer it better, the more we try to resist the uncomfortable the more worst and uncomfortable it’s going to get, so allow it, accept it and be okay with it, you don’t have to love it, but honestly who loves being uncomfortable!? Allow the transformation that you’re going to be experiencing to unfold and happen and be amazed at what you see!!
All The Love ❤ ❤
Lexa
On The Horizons Of Spring (Happy Birthday Animal Crossing: New Horizons)
Good Afternoon, now before we get into the post, I just want to say that I’ve broken my own streak of only sharing post on Tuesdays this month, which actually happened unexpectedly, don’t ask why I’ve only been posting on Tuesdays, because honestly, I didn’t even notice myself until I shared last weeks post and saw the calender to all my postings this month, I guess Tuesdays were the days for March! The only reason I’m choosing to break my own streak is for two reasons….
1. To welcome the new season that we all know as Spring, my birth season as well and also to wish one of my all time favorite games a big happy birthday, for those that may not be aware, today marks 2 years that Animal Crossing: New Horizons made it’s debut after so many years of not having a main console game since New Leaf, I will always remember the unexpected announcement that we got when the trailer of New Horizons was revealed, oh was it an exciting feeling, just knowing that we were going to be getting a new game, although we had to wait another year for it when originally told it we would be getting it in 2019….it was defintiely worth the wait when the trailer showed March 20th 2020 and honestly it couldn’t have come at a better time as well!!
As we’re all very much aware 2020 was quite the year and not in the best of ways clearly with the whole start of the pandemic and having to go into lockdown, we don’t need to talk to much about it, but just the fact that, while all that was happening, New Horizons was the game that pretty much saved and helped a lot of people’s mental state and anxieties during those hard stressful times…..2020 was and let’s be honest, it was a quite shit year and for someone who doesn’t really swear much unless I feels the need to let emotions out strongly, although I always say the same 2-3 swear words all the time, me saying it that way really says it all when it comes to 2020….
it really wasn’t a great year, but despite that being said, there were some things within that year to help us cope and take our minds off things for a while and one of the big things to do that was the release of this game! Most of you who come across my posts already know how much Animal Crossing means to me, no matter how many times I try to explain my love for the series, I don’t think I’ll ever really be able to express it the exact way I feel it! On surface it doesn’t really look like the most appealing game, but there’s more to this game then I’m able to truly explain, but for those that do play it and see it the way I see it….
You guys are the ones that know exactly what I mean, Animal Crossing has always been the kind of game that is hard to explain and when trying to explain it, it always sorta feels weird, but one thing I’ve realized is that when you love something so much that you can’t even begin to explain, but you express so much passion for it and you know it shows, you find you don’t even need to try to explain it because it just naturally flows out of you so by sharing the things you love and that are of interest to you, you’re bound to get others to be interested and inspired to look into it and try it for themeselves even and that could be with anything really….
For me though it always starts with Animal Crossing, because I just love that game so much and I’m not just talking about New Horizons, but just the series in general! That being said the fact that New Horizons is 2 years old today and that it literally was released the same day that we enter the season of Spring….well that for one says a WHOLE lot on it’s own, not only did it arrive within a new season, but it also came into light when everyone needed it the most, call it “Perfect timing” if you like or “Coincidence” if you want, although I like to believe that there are no such thing as coincidences, that’s just me though!
To wrap it all up….like I said this game could not have arrived at a better time, it really gave people something to not only enjoy, but to help give light and hope during times of uncertainty and it’s for that reason, apart from loving the game as a whole why I want to wish Animal Crossing: New Horizons both a Happy Birthday and 2 year anniversary thank you for bringing hope to everyone that needed it at the time and continuing to be a game that people enjoy today!! I know this ones a short one, but in all honestly, I wasn’t expecting to write today, I thought about it, but I didn’t quite have anything in mind to write about, but I knew today was the 2 year anniversary of New Horizons so I thought why not!?
Hope you all have been enjoying your weekend, take care, stay safe and have a good rest of the day!
All The Love ❤ ❤
Lexa
Unlocking The Messages Within The Subconcious, In Other Words Dreams!
I’ve been having a lot of weird dreams lately these past few days, some of them feel a bit like nightmares with the nightmare feeling, some leave me so confused that I don’t even know how to word them when I try to look into them and the rest is just very hard to think about. I know people don’t really talk too much about dreams because maybe it’s a weird topic or you just can’t remember and if you do remember them, most people don’t really care to look into them, you’ll just say “well that was weird!?” and just go about the rest of your day!
I’m the kind of person where if I have a dream and I remember it vidly enough….I will look into it and even if I can’t quite remember it, but I feel like I did have a dream….I will sit there and try my best to remember it so I can try and figure out it’s meaning…..I know a lot of the time, my dreams do tell me things, it’s just trying to decipher what exactly those things are…..now some dreams have a way of projecting fear, even when you think you’ve put it in the back of your mind….just because you put it there, does not mean that it won’t show up in other ways and what I mean by that is a lot of what we feel and think stores itself within our subconcious minds when certain things haven’t quite been resolved!
Sometimes it’ll just be there when we’re wanting to remember a specific thing, other times it’ll just show us all the things we have yet to look at, people are always wondering why exactly we dream and it’s such an unclear question that not even scientists are able to give an actual fact to the reason of it, they can come up with different theories about it, but it’ll always be a question that’s up in the air!
I like to think that the reason for our dreams is it tells us what we need to know, but also what we may already know, it sounds a bit weird I know, but it does make sense, plus I feel you get more out of dreams then you may just trying to process thoughts and feelings in your waking state, we may try and decompress and relax, but whatever we have yet to get out of heads will always stay in our subconcious minds and a 9/10 of the time, those things will make their way into our dreams in many different shapes, forms, scenary….any way it sees fit that will allow us to really understand what it’s trying to tell us.
Even the people that show up in our dreams, sometimes they will just be there to act as filler, but most times they may even act as dream guides/regular guides to help us navigate easier when getting back into our waking lives, sometimes they may show up as a mentor or just a messager of some sort for you whenever you find yourself faced with a challenge or when you’re needing a little bit of help with a problem you’ve been having lately! We dream when we’ve not looked at something clearly, dreams form when there’s something we need to pay attention to, I’m sure there’s a lot of you out there wondering why you’ve been having the same dream non stop, if that is the case and you have been finding yourself dreaming of the same things for the past 3 days,
That’s a clear sign that there’s something in your waking life that needs your attention, it’s like going on an adventure or playing some kind of puzzle related game where you’re having to really think of what the next move is, where should the next piece of the puzzle go or observing around until you eventually find the hidden object that you’re having to look for! Sometimes it can be very confusing and overwhelming because when you think you’ve figured it out, there’s a whole new area that gets unlocked and now you’re having to figure that out…..I’ve had dreams tell me something ahead of time and then later have those things happen…..it’s not a constant thing, but it does happen sometimes and after I’ve seen them,
I think to myself “That’s what the dream was telling me” at the time I’d be very confused about why I had those dreams, whenever I do come across dreams like that though, I always wonder to myself if whether I should speak on them or just let them play out, a lot of the time I let them play out, but I also think “had I said something before on the message about this dream/situation, would it have changed the way everything is now!?”
Sometimes I feel like maybe yes, while other times I feel like it would’ve turned out the same either way, so I leave it alone…..dreams can tell you a lot of what may be going on all while giving you a few solutions to it, but only if you’re really paying attention, if you’re not there’s a chance you’ll miss a lot of things, sometimes it’s the small things within a dream that helps to unlock the bigger things that you may have an a problem with at first, but then just like magic it’s resolved!!
I know this is a bit of a weird post, but I just kind of felt I should write it, hope you all have a good rest of the day!
All The Love ❤ ❤
Lexa
Changes and Transformations….
Good Morning, hope that you all have been well these days! We’re now a week into the month of March for many out there, a lot has probably happened already be it big or something small that you’ve been also looking forward too and for others March might still feel like you’re just getting started and that’s perfectly okay! We all have a specific pace that we start with, things could be going really fast and quick for a lot of you, while for some March could be catching you by surprise where things start feeling a bit unexpected, in a sense where, you may find yourself more busy then usual or in other ways where you may not normally be used to if that makes sense!?
Yesterday I found myself deep in thought about a lot of things, I was out for most of the day so it was a bit productive, however I wasn’t really in a talkive mood, I mean don’t get me wrong I did speak a bit, but I wasn’t in my usual talkive state that I normally am….a lot of the time when that happens, it’s because I just have a lot on my mind and it gets to the point where I don’t really want to talk…..in those moments talking for me becomes a bit of chore to deal with so I like to say as little as I can if I’m able to! I started to become a bit more chatty during the evening though, but it still took me a while!
I guess it’s just my way of processing my own thoughts and dealing with them in some way, I normally try and distract myself when I start getting really into my own mind, but I also know when I need to allow my thoughts to be what it is they are and not push them aside, by doing that it’s only going to come at you harder so you want to make sure that your being considerate with yourself in those times of deep thinking…..yesterday I had a thought to myself regarding my surroundings, but involving how everything’s changed!
All the places that I once knew and saw growing up, most of them are all different now, building that, were once there are no longer around and if they are, they’ve changed so much to where you don’t really recongize them, it’s kind of like seeing a time lapse of what you used to know recontructed right before your eyes, but you’re seeing the transformation of what it was then, to what it is now and seeing that, seeing all the places that you’ve grown up with change and look completely new to what you used to see, it really hits you just how much things really transform an old shop that you may have gone to a lot when you were a kid, is either no longer there or isn’t quite the same as you once remembered it!
It’s a mind blowing experience because even though you know it’s different, there something in you that feels like you still need a bit of time to process it fully, yet you never really get the chance to, due to the fact that it’s already changed and transformed so much that you don’t get much room to feel it entirely the way you want. It’s the same with people, although they have certain things with them that stayed the same, you already know that they too have transformed and are a lot different to what you remember them to be, but be it so,
There’s always that part of you that hopes that the relationship that you had with them and the bond that you once shared didn’t change and a lot of the time you find it did, but you do get those one of kind moments where even though you and that person have grown and seen things in a more….I guess you can say mature perspective to how you used to see things….even though all that’s happened, you find that it’s easy for you to just come back together as if nothings changed at all and just pick up where you left off….with those moments though it can feel a bit nervewracking and scary, it’s like meeting someone that you already know for the first time all over again….and it’s not something you would normally think to get nervous about, but you do because you know it’s different!!
You start feeling like you have to prepare yourself again and get ready for it, it’s like a new journey and adventure that you know, but don’t know at the same time so you’re kind of just hoping for the best and for things to turn out okay, it’ll sometimes even leave you wondering if they still feel the same about you even if you know they do, you still can’t help, but have those thoughts in mind that, now that doesn’t neccasarily mean it’s a bad thing, it’s just curious wonders! That being said, you won’t really know unless you put yourself out there to feel those things and be okay with feeling them, I like to think they’re normal, it just simply shows how much you really truly and deeply care as well as how much that person still means to you!!
Fear or no fear, changes and transforamtions will always happen, even if you don’t really get the chance to take it in the way you want or you find you aren’t able to really prepare, it’s okay….I guess the best way to look at it is to just give it a go anyway when it involves a new experience, but if it involves a change that you have no control of, like seeing a place you once knew when you were younger in a whole new way, you kind of just have to adapt the best way you can with it, keep those memories close to you always and whatever connection you made with it…..just know that it will always be with you, never be afraid of changes and don’t be afraid of transforming the way you feel you are wanting to, it’s all part of living life so try not to hold yourself back from experiencing all that you want to experience at the end of the day you gotta do what makes you happy!!
All The Love ❤ ❤
Lexa
The Wandering Daydreamer 