How To Title A Post That’s Filled With Emotions…

I have a lot of feelings at the moment that I’m trying to hold in, I wish we didn’t always have to feel as though we need to be strong, It would be nice to just let emotions out without worrying everyone close to you or where you’re being questioned about it! Unfortunately though, that’s not possible…..if I was the kind of person to not be bothered with expressing my emotions, you’d always know what I was feeling, but I’m not that person, I only share my true feelings with those that I’m really close to and even then am I wary of that…..I don’t do well with my emotions, it’s hard for me to really say what I mean without my eyes being overflown with water trying to escape, for someone that’s an Earth sign, I sure got a lot of water in me!

I’m an emotional person and I guess that comes with being an Earth sign and feeling everything deeply, a lot of the time it’s more frustrating then anything, when you’re an emotional person like I am, you feel you always need to hide yourself, because being around others when you know that you may start having a breakdown or just randomly start bursting into tears is anxiety inducing then being someone whose always angry…..I always feel I need to go somewhere that will allow me to just be at my most vulnerable, somewhere that’s quiet and won’t judge me for feeling the way I do and allow me to just let that side of me out!

I guess that’s why I love nature so much because I can be me regardless to what feelings I’m feeling! You don’t ever have to worry about hurting someone or lie to people about being fine when you’re actually not! It’d be good to actually be able to not care, but when you’re someone who cares deeply about everything, you’ll realize that not caring isn’t apart of your nature nor vocabulary…..I can say I don’t care, but inside that’s not how I actually feel, I care even when I try not! It’s the people that care too much that always feels the most and that find themselves getting caught in shit that they weren’t even supposed to be around for…..

You can have the most tough exterior known to man, but if you have just a hint of that nature side to you, just a hint of empathy…..no amount of armor can keep you from hiding away from your emotional side…you can keep it calm yeah, but there’s only so much you can do before you find yourself getting overwhelmed and watching as the tide slowly start coming over you and once that happens…..there’s nothing you can do to stop it because whether you want it to or not, it will hit you and force you to observe that emotion and if you don’t observe it then it’ll keep hitting you until you end up accepting it and allow it to happen or just watch yourself drown from those emotions constantly!

It’s a lose/win/lose battle here, lose because everyone can almost always see it and you can’t really hide, win because you’re letting those feelings out and allowing them to be seen for what they are, which is always important, but it’s a losing battle because it’s something that is unavoidable, something that no matter how hard you try to put in the back of your mind, it will always find a way to make you see it, be it by just nudging you or giving you a whole wave of it just so you can’t ignore what’s really rising under the surface!

I want to be the one to say I’m okay, but I wrote this post for a reason even though it took a lot in me to keep my emotions at bay, but in reality the truth of the matter is I’m sad, but I don’t want anyone to know, yet here I am writing about it and talking about emotions! I’m full of nerves, because I’m feeling emotional and I’m frustrated because I know that although I’m fine at the moment, my emotional side will show it’s face again and because I know myself on that aspect it’s going to be hard to calm it down when it does get too overwhelming for me…..

Just to clarify, this is my way of acknowledging my emotions and being aware to the way I’ve been feeling today, I haven’t cried yet, which is good for me, I’ve come close to it quiet a few times while I was writing all of this, but I’m trying to keep the calm as best as I can, it’s been really hard though and although I’ve just written about being emotional and everything, I’m not going to talk about why, because that’s personal and I’ve not written this for it to make anyone feel a certain way, I just honestly needed to write this out because it was the only way I could get my words/thoughts out without it sounding weird!

I may be able to express on my feelings a lot better vocally, but I always feel when I write it down, it helps me to understand my own thoughts better and keeps me from worrying about whether I’ve said everything all right (Not saying I don’t still worry, it’s a habit that is hard to shake sometimes) but the fact that I was able to write this out, it helps me to feel a little better…..sorta

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Portals With Feelings Of Connection…

Happy Saturday to you all, it feels a little odd, yet not that odd to be writing again on here, I kinda feels like I haven’t left, but I know that it’s been a bit of a while since i’ve been here as well, now the title of this post might be a little weird to most of you, but it’s based around some dreams I had and these dreams are a little hard to not only explain, but to look towards the meaning of as well, believe me I tried to looking them up, but I could never figure out how to word them so what’s the next best thing!?

I write about them!! I won’t go into the fullness of the dream, mainly because I don’t quite remember everything from it, but for the parts I do remember, i’m going to try and share them in the best way that I can. We’ll start with the portal part of the title, it’s a little weird so we’ll get that out the way first…..part of me thinks that it came off of inspiration from a show that i’ve gotten into, that show being Once Upon A Time!! In case some of you know the show and haven’t gotten around to watch it, I will not spoil, there will be non of that here…for those that don’t know about it, the show is based off fairytale stories turned into Disney movies,

with a good amount of twists added, along with a few tales from nursery rhymes as well! It’s a pretty good show, on the second season of it now, but that aside….I feel my dream, that part of the dream, came from the show….I guess there’s small spoilers, a portal is involved at least in the last episode that I watched, but that’s all I will say, in case some of you are interested in checking it out! I’m not sure why I had a dream where a portal was in it, but who said dreams were easy to figure out!? In the dream the portal was made of water and it was like there was a hole within the ground, but at an angle it was the weirdest thing!!

In this part of the dream I was going into this portal I guess to get someone….but what was odd with this portal is that it didn’t really take long to get to wherever I was going, it was literally like a step in, kinda like a door, you go in and there you are, also this portal was outside within nature, now in this moment i’ve gone into this water portal and it’s lend me to a new part of the dream and this part of the dream, I see a gate and on the other side of the gate was a man and a little boy, the person I was with trying for us to not be seen just yet, at least that’s the feeling I get from this dream, we’re not in a place out of the ordinary, we’re actually in like a park area or I guess you can say more like an open field park type area with a wooden treehouse near ones that you build it was like a balcony…

I also feel there was a lake on the other side, further away, overhead, I was also talking to somebody and then out of nowhere a dog shows up, a big brown dog barking with it’s paw on the wooden railing like part of this treehouse and his leg paws standing, this dog later jumped off it, it wasn’t all that high don’t worry then it came towards me and the person still barking, but I felt calm with it, it never attacked us though it just barked and then out of nowhere this older guy shows up, trying to get the dog to bark more as if he wanted the dog to do something, after a while awhile the dog came closer me and I gave it a pet and then it was calm and for some reason the guy looked a bit upset about that, it was weird…..but that’s that part of my dream

The other part which won’t be as long comes more from different things and is more feeling based than anything, I saw myself painting like first person, so here’s the painting, I see the painting, kind of thing…and it was like the closer I got to painting more i’d get this feeling of where things started to make sense, like when you’re actually getting something and this isn’t the first time it’s happened, i’ve been having these kind of dreams where this feeling has been coming quite often lately to me, i’ve also had this happen with me playing one of my favorite games within my dreams, as i’m planning what I have in mind to do with it in my dream,

That feeling of “i’m getting it” comes back, I don’t know how to explain it other than everything feels like it’s piecing together and connecting in the way it’s supposed to and that is what I mean with the other part of the title, i’m not really sure why, but i’ve been having these feelings and weird dreams for some time now and I find myself trying to understand it, by going back into those dreams and seeing what else I can see to help me get it better, but maybe it’s for a reason that I shouldn’t question and that will soon later make sense!!

P.S. I also got to have a conversation with one of my favorite musicians, which was awesome….I just wish I could remember these conversation, that I have with the people I talked to in these weird dreams, it might help a bit….

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Weird Random Thoughts

Hiya, how’s it going!? Hope you’re all well and your weekends been good, so it’s Saturday night about 11pm almost, will be 11 in a sec as i’m writing this….it’s now 11pm in case you’re curious!! Okay I know what you’re thinking, what’s the point to this or you might be saying what is going on!? Well for starters………I had a thought and kinda wanted to share it!!

Will it be interesting to you guys…..I don’t know, will you find it amusing or funny who knows!? maybe not, possibly so maybe…..I really don’t know, but i’m just going to go straight into it okay……no more weirdness……..alright no I can’t promise you that, because it’s all weird and i’d be lying if I said there won’t be any more of that so, I just hope you don’t mind, but anyway…..

Again I had a thought, a very weird one that made me think a little too much about it than I probably need to, but you know once you start going…..well you just sometimes keep going for some odd reason, now this thought came about while watching a video, it wasn’t a weird video or anything it was a reaction to a song, but what made me have this thought was something that was said before the video actually started……

It’s was about water and ocean sounds, now you might be either clicking off this post or are really confused to what you’re even reading……I don’t blame you okay, just want to let you know, but to save a long post, they were talking about ocean sounds that was in the start of the song before it actually started and I thought to myself, okay said out loud, “yes ocean sounds are nice, so are rivers and streams and not live streams,

but actual streams ect…..” then I thought about water going upwards and then said you’d have to rewind a video in order to see that or time lapse it and then I thought, “wait water doesn’t go upwards, it only goes downwards” which made me go into a much more deeper thought process on it for some reason that I can’t tell you because I don’t know…….

Long story short, because we’d be here all night talking about it, another random thought crossed my mind, that uhhh, water does technically go upwards when it’s being evaporated within the clouds getting ready to turn into rain, because SCIENCE!! So yes and no to your weird random thought question brain on wondering if water flowing upwards, we good!?

This would have been longer if I didn’t shorten it for you guys, if you want to hear the whole thing and see me become confused myself, I already thought about making that video, normally it’d be already recorded, but this was a late night thought so you know how those go……but anyway that is pretty much it, kinda, well the short version of it anyway……

You guys have a good night and i’m hoping to remember all of this so I can do a video on it, because I kinda sorta want to, it’d be a good thing to laugh at and then later wish I didn’t record it, but still be happy that I did!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

River Run, River Flow….(May 24, 2019)

Two different songs play in my head when I read the word River…….Ed Sheeran Ft Eminem’s song river and Scott James’s song (you might not be aware of this artist as he’s not well known, but he’s good and one of my favorites to listen to)

One comes in hard hitting, the other soft and mellow, although they are completely different to each other, really different actually……they do have something in common and it has to do with their songs, when you listen to them you’ll realize that the way their songs are (music style wise) that’s how rivers are…….sometimes they flow very harshly…..

While other times they can flow nicely and smoothly, it all depends on the way they are and the way their made really……..Eminem’s version of the song (featuring Ed Sheeran) starts off nicely and then moves a little more rapidly as it goes along…….Scott James song on the other hand, he goes for a softer approach and just let’s it flow along while taking in everything.

Similar to some rivers, some move quite rapidly and some are calmer and have a more mellow flow to it…….some rivers may even have a combination of both rapid and calm to it, again it all depends really on the way their formed, but to tie it all together somehow…….these two different songs both share the similarities with the way rivers run and flow, not lyrics wise or anything, but based off the style both songs are sang/ free-styled in.

One song gives you the feel of being caught within the rapidness and intense part of the river, while the other song gives you more of a chilled out feeling, with just sitting by the river, enjoying it’s company as well as everything that comes with it.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Elements: Water

One of the best ways to healing

It’s calm, just like the waves on a shore

And it keeps you relaxed when tension starts to rise….

Sea animals love it and that’s why some of them call it home

Water lets you float about and just drift away

It has it’s good areas and it’s gray areas

But there’s no denying, nothing like the feel of it….

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~