Dear Little Me…..(Updated)

It’s been a while hasn’t it, if only you knew all things we have been through…..I mean seeing that you are apart of me, you probably already know huh!? I’ll be honest I wasn’t really expecting to write to you, it was only after that I read a bit of the first I guess you can call letter post that I wrote to you back in 2018 that I felt like I wanted to update you on a few things that we’ve managed to do…..I’m writing this a bit on the late side on the 15th of September nearly midnight, but not necessarily midnight it’s still around 11:30pm as I’m writing this now, I might just continue this post in the morning so I could really tell you everything that I want you to know….I’ll catch you up on what those things are soon, a part of me might keep the rest as a surprised though, see you in a couple of hours!

Good Morning me, well younger me…..it’s a little early, around 8:40am almost 9am, I don’t know if you remember us always getting up earlier than we needed to back then, there were moments when we got up a bit late as well! Sometimes we’d get up at almost 10am and if we got up at 11am we were upset the whole day…..I’m glad that I changed our sleep schedule all those times ago ha! I don’t know where to start with what’s been going on….We’ve been on quite the journey you and I, a lot of stresses, emotions both good and bad, we had some loses in our lives as well, that meant a lot to us….but on a good note, we did find someone that loves us for our weirdness as well as everything else believe it our not lol…..there’s a lot of things that’s happened since the last time I spoke to you!

We’ve been through some storms, but the one thing though that I feel you’ll really like is that…..we got through them and most of them we’re really hard, because they pushed us to really grow ourselves more and change as well, in the last letter I wrote you…..I felt like I was not doing you proud, that I had failed you as an older version of me and I never knew how to really express that in the best of ways, I only knew how to say sorry and feel bad about everything we were going through at the time…..I wanted you to be happy and I didn’t really give you that chance to be happy then….it took a long while, but I just want you to know that we’re doing good now, where we were then, we aren’t there anymore!

We managed to find our voice, now I won’t say we found it fully fully, there’s still some things that we both are still working out and trying to understand better, which is normal, because not everyone has figured everything out yet, but we have learned a lot and I can honestly say that we are becoming better versions of ourselves more and more each day! Don’t get me wrong we still have our moments where we aren’t always happy and feeling our best, but to how we used to handle those days to how we handle them now…..we’re doing pretty alright for ourselves, our emotions don’t constantly get at us the way they used to, we’ve learned to control them a lot better and not be so hard on ourselves….I mean we’re still hard on ourselves at times, but I think that’s never going to go away really, but that’s okay because it helps us to want to be better!

We’ve grown on a personal level, we’re still the same, but there our some new differences within ourselves that we’ve gained with our personality, for example….we’ve gotten a bit more sarcastic lately, we say what’s on our mind a lot more these days, a bit quickly too, might I add and we’ve gotten better at not taking up things that we know we don’t need in a negative sense….I guess you can say we’ve gotten a bit tougher and stronger since the last time, but I think part of those part of me comes from you if that makes sense, especially all the sassy parts that I wouldn’t have ever thought to come out!! All our fears that we used to worry ourselves about, we have moments where they pop up, but you’ll be happy to know that instead of always wanting to avoid them and run away, we try and face them the best we can…..we come way out of our comfort zone, well we’re nearing the surface at least, we don’t swim the best, but we do our best to get to where we want to be!

Like I said we’re still learning as we go along, but that’s only part of the journey we’re on…..it’s just the beginning and we’re just getting started, but we’re flying little me, just like you always wanted and I promise that I’m going to keep doing my best to make you proud to be me older, because I just want you to be happy and I want you to know that the adventures you go, as new and hard as they may be at times and you may feel like you’re not getting where you need to, but know that you’re always going to get where you need even when you get lost a bit, sometime you have to get a little lost before you’re found! We’re always going to be okay, I know that because I got you and I know that when I’m lost, you’ll found a way to point me to where you feel it’s best to go so I know to keep going, because together is where the magic starts to happen!

All the feelings of being scared, but wanting to still give it a shot anyway, taking those risks, I never thought we’d get to that point, but I got to say that, doing those things, makes me happy, I still get nervous and scared, but I hope that you feel happy that we’re finally doing them…..there’s still some stuff that I know I want to tell you, but I know know how to express them properly just yet, so I will leave them for another time, the moment I find those words and I’m able to piece them all together you’ll know…..I just wanted to tell you that we’re okay and that we’re a little bit more happier than we were before…..I’ll see you soon!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

The Journey Of Learning & Growing….

One of the best things to witness is watching someone grow and evolve, be it a child, someone that you saw go through a very tough point in their life or even just you yourself, there’s no age limit when it comes to learning and growing…..you could be in your 50s and you may already know a whole lot, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still learn something new let alone won’t learn something new, there’s so much to life that will always leave us surprised even when you think you’ve seen it all already!

I’ve witness a few transformations, a lot of them may not be fully, but I’ve seen a few and the ones I have seen, still amaze me and sometimes I find myself thinking about those transformations, I’ve watched my boyfriend come out of something that he struggled with for a while, not necessarily in person, but just the aftermath of what happened in his life in that time, it’s how we met, he was just starting to get back to himself again! I’ve seen my nephew who I consider my nephew, I first met him when he was 3, so I’ve only known him for a year now pretty much and I remember how he’d never wanted to listen to anyone, you know usual kid stuff, his favorite word was always NO and you couldn’t tell him anything, without him crying and throwing tantrums and wanting everything to be his way

and then you have his mom who worked all the time and when it came to trying to stop him from having those tantrums it was hard for her to put her foot down with him, obviously no parent wants to yell at their child, any good parent anyway, it’s hard because you try to be a parent, but you also don’t want to be a parent in a sense of when your child starts throwing those tantrums and they aren’t listening to you, you don’t want to have to punish them for it, because all you want is for them to see you in the best light possible and when you come to those moments to where you know there needs to be rules……it can be hard, but sometimes you know you have to do it!

But back to what I was talking about…..all three people here have gone through big transformations and you wouldn’t believe it if I told you, my boyfriend one of the biggest transformation I’ve ever seen and also haven’t seen, but if you knew him when I met him and you were to see and learn about everything he endured, you’d be extremely surprised, it still surprises me when I think about it sometimes, just to see and learn the difference in the person that he once was to who he is now, like I wouldn’t know where to begin on that story, hopefully I’ll be able to really tell it or have him tell it one day, I mean it is story about his journey anyway and it really is a beautiful and life changing one at that! I’m very proud of how far he’s gotten, I love you Jord, forever and always!

As for my Nephew…..he’s 4 now, but will be turning 5 in November and let me tell you something, he is one hell of a smart kid, seriously and he’s gotten a lot better at really trying to understand everything, he doesn’t give you too much of a issue now when you are telling him not to do something or you’re trying to help him learn certain things, he actually listens expressing something to him which I’m glad to see, it was a mission and a half when I first met him, he talks a whole lot more now, like a lot, he wouldn’t really say much before, he was just always shy and wouldn’t come up to you, he’d just be in his own little world, now forget about it!! He will talk to you for hours if he really wanted to, he’s quite the character, very silly, but he’s the sweetest boy every, he’s very kind, he likes making people laugh and just showing you things all the time, buut don’t let his adorableness fool, he knows what he’s doing!

He’s a little demon and I say it all the time to him, which he knows too because he always laughs about it! He knows how to get what he wants, however he knows who to go for when he wants something, spoiler it’s not me, he knows better than to pull anything with me, like I said he’s a smart one, I wouldn’t be surprised if he turned out to be an evil genius, I’m joking, he’s a good kid when he wants to be, but he’s also grown to know better and I just hope that continues the older he gets!

Lastly, we come to my Nephew’s mom who has also transformed a lot from when I met her, she’s kind of hard to explain with her transformation though, but I’ll do my best, when I first started coming around and hanging out with her, she was always working, but she worked from home, so she always tried her best to balance out work and her son and when I was hanging out with her as she was working, I would notice a lot that she was having to do, when it came to her son like I said earlier it was hard for her to put her foot down with him at first, because she didn’t like having to be that….not strict parent, cause she’s really not that strict, but he’d would get babied a lot before, he still does, but it’s not so much from his mom these days, but the grandparents…..you know how that goes!

It was hard for her to tell him when he was doing something wrong and when it came to punishment so that he learns that he can’t do certain things, with work she was always stressing, she dealt with a lot….I guess the only way I can say it is her transformation comes from how she’s grown as a parent from when I met her and what I know her to be now as well as how certain parts of her personality has changed and grown, she’d always wanted to please everyone even when she didn’t want to do whatever it was that she didn’t want to do, she’s showing more of her voice with people,

Which is good and she would always feel like nothing was going her way, but now everything is now working for her which is great, in terms of her son, she’s learn to put her foot down with him more and not let him try and control her and what I love about that is, I feel since then, both her and her son have gotten more closer and it’s a beautiful things to see, because you can tell she loves her son and only wants the best for him and that’s how parent should be and he loves her which is also wonderful! I’ve witness what she had to go through before and I’m so proud of her for how far she’s come even if she doesn’t know it, she’s an amazing mom and an amazing person, as well as a really good friend and I’m glad that I got to know her and continue to get to know her, fun fact, we’ve crossed paths before me and her a few time even, but we never actually encountered one another face to face just always by a pass by, it wasn’t until she started dating my brother to where we finally met, I guess you can call it a small word!

The three people I just spoke about all mean something to me and I’m glad to know them and have them apart of my life, I’m glad that I’ve been able to experience the transformations they’ve gone through, they all have taught me a lot of things as well as important lessons and are still teaching me a lot even if they don’t know it necessarily, but I wouldn’t trade them and all that they’ve taught me for the world and if ever down the line our journey’s together were to take different paths or transform in some kind of way to where I still have them in my life, I’m always going to take what they’ve given me and do my best to make sure I never forget it!

F.Y.I. I didn’t expect to write all of this, the way I did, I just felt very strongly to write this for some reason so I did, call it a moment of a thought in time!!

P.S.

By the way, I’ve switched up my podcast episode schedule just for this week, so instead of Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I’m doing Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday (I’m going to try for Saturday anyway) again just for this week, I just felt like switching things up a a bit! You can check out yesterday’s episode here:

Take Flight Like A Bird…. Ep. 37 Daydreamer's Podcast

Happy Tuesday everyone, hope your having a good day! In todays episode we talk a bit about birds and the way they fly, not just about that though, it gets a bit deeper than that, we're always afraid to explore the unknown and take those big leaps that we've been wanting to take, but isn't that what life's about!? Facing those unsure feelings and seeing where it takes you, just like that Moana song, one day I'll know how far I'll go!!

All The Love ❤ ❤ ❤

Lexa