White Spotted Ladybug (Bird)

Good morning everyone, hope everyone’s day is going alright and you’re all keeping safe and doing your best to stay healthy too, so I thought i’d talk about something, I wanted to share a dream I had last night, now I had a lot of different dreams during the night, but there’s a particular part of my dream that I wanted to discuss a bit, you may probably already know what that thing is based off the title of this post, i’ve been trying to figure out what exactly this dream means, but i’ve not been able to really figure it out.

Let’s just start with what I actually remember to this part of the dream, so in the dream, I remember walking up to something, it looked like an entry way to what could’ve been leading towards some kind of trail in the woods of some sort who knows, but there was an open gate to where I was in the dream, now I remember about to walk through the gate, where I could see a lot of leaves, probably coming off trees, but something had caught my eye to the right of me, upon looking at it a little closer I saw that it was a ladybug

Now as we all know, most ladybugs or birds as that’s their proper name, all have black spots on their back, not all ladybirds, but most of them do or at least are known to have them, but what was interesting was when I looked at them, instead of seeing black spots, I saw white spots upon the back of the ladybug and these spots were placed in a circle, which was a little weird to me, I then looked around a bit and saw another ladybug with the same white spots only that ladybug from what I can remember it’s spots were a little spread out like most ladybugs at least it seemed like it was,

So as you can see I made a little example to help you get an idea to what I was talking about, it’s simple and there’s not a lot to it I know, but the main things that I felt should be in it I kept, I did try to detail it out for you guys, but it wasn’t quite coming out the way I had in mind, but the main focus here is the ladybug with white spots, I also added the fence to showcase the entry way that was with my dream……..Imagine the white spots in a circle.

I did see a small black dot on this one, but it was very small, it was very weird, i’d never seen that before, I thought looking it up would help to get a better understanding on the meaning, but I could really find anything, just the normal meaning to what a ladybug means in a dream……but yeah I just wanted to share that, if any of you have an idea to what it could mean, do share, maybe some of you could help me to understand it in some way.

But that’s all I have to that, hope everyone’s well and doing okay, you all stay safe and be careful if some of you are out an about and if you’re home try and stay calm, I know this is a stressful time for some or most even, but things will be alright in time, take this time to rest if you need to, maybe do things that you haven’t been able to get to in this time, but most importantly just stay calm and keep your head up and know that it’s going to be alright!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Hey, What’s Going On!!

Today, i’m filled with a sense of calm and some alertness, well I was earlier anyway, not really sure how those two ended up combining, but i’ll take it for what it is I suppose, how are things with you, are you well, happy, are you enjoying yourself!? I don’t really know the kind of questions to ask,

I know today’s your day and I hope things are okay with you, if i’m being honest, these past two days have been something and I don’t really know why, it could’ve been for a number of reasons for all know, today though, it’s okay……in case you didn’t know, you’ve been in my thoughts, maybe you knew that, I don’t know sometimes you can think of someone, but they don’t know that you are, but inside you hope that they can feel it or sense it, you know!? Sometimes they might and you don’t have any idea on it…..weird right!? I hope you know I miss you and always keep you in my mind,

Even when I may not know it……I don’t know what you’re up to or if you’re doing okay, but I do hope that you are and that things are going well, can you believe it’s your birthday, i’m trying to figure out how old you would’ve turned today, but I wouldn’t know, 25, 26……around those yeah!? Don’t quote me, I hope you went by Sam and said hi, I know she misses you too

We always do……i’m not getting emotional here, no matter what you may think or say alright!! It’s hard not getting to speak to you when we need to, but I know that even when we can’t hear you, that you still listen and are always there for us if anything…..i’m okay if you’re wondering, not sure on Sam, but i’ll be sure to check in on her and make sure she okay, you stop by too and see as well okay……anyway I won’t make this too long of a post, I just wanted to say a big Happy Birthday and that I hope you’ve been doing well.

Miss you always Ang….

P.S. I hope I got your birthday right, i’m sure I did though, I wouldn’t forget….

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Numerology…..

In short……numbers!! Now you might be wondering why exactly i’ve decided to write upon this topic today, well i’ll ask you this, have you ever came across a number or a group of numbers even, a bit more frequently then normal!? If you answered yes in a suspicious kind of way, but still are wondering where exactly i’m going with this, well that’s normal,

When it comes to numerology or the knowledge of numbers, it’ll have you feeling that way, I know it can be a bit weird to see the same numbers over and over everywhere you go, but do not panic or worry, you see what you might not know is with numbers, they tend to have some significants to them and by some I mean quite a lot actually, why!?

That’s a good questions, tell me have you ever heard the saying that “Everything is connected!?” Well that’s because it is and numbers are a big part of that connection, it is even believed that each number in someway connects with what we all call the universe, the divine all the different terms that symbolizes what the universe actually is!!

The universe is quite questionable, I mean we still don’t really know how it really came to be, what caused it to be what it is, sure we know about the big bang and we know that everything in the universe formed from it, but we really don’t know why or how even and we may never really know that question, but we can create some kind of theory for it which is pretty fascinating when you think about it……but back to numbers,

Almost got myself lost thinking too hard on that science……

It is believed that numbers connect to the universe and that numbers are apart of our existence too, I know what you’re thinking, probably getting some weird looks or maybe, just maybe you’re actually intrigued by this thought process that is happening in my brain right now, if so that’s great, but if you’re thinking as a facial expression because you have no words for this right now, I have one question…..can it really be that far fetched!?

I mean we are partially made from stardust or at least have some kind of a good amount of space within us, so with that knowledge who says that numbers don’t also have some kind of involvement to our existence as well…….okay maybe I might be going overboard here, but at the same time we don’t really know, but numbers are pretty significant in our lives.

I’m sure we all have a favorite number or a specific kind of day that we want to remember, but have you ever really thought about why we love those numbers so much!? Why they’re even our favorites to begin with!? Have you cornered don’t I!? We all have some kind of connection with certain numbers that we see or encounter, we don’t always know why,

but we always become drawn to some of them, if you’re ever curious to why you maybe seeing certain numbers quite often, try looking into them, they may have some kind of a message for you and I know it sounds crazy, but really, if you’re ever thinking, wondering or are maybe concern about something, first stop and take a breath and when you do that…….

Look around, see if you notice anything, if you happen to see the same number more than once or even twice, just check the message with it, it might give you some insight to the answers you subconsciously thought about and hopefully whatever the message or answer you received, it gave you some kind of reassurance followed by a clear mind and breath of relief.

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Nov 22, 2019……

HWAHT A DAY!! Yes I know that’s not how you spell “what” but that’s how it’s being spelled today, because trust me it fits really well with the day that I had today, I couldn’t even begin to tell you it all, I mean I could, but it’ll be a very long post, I mean if you guys are okay with that then I don’t mind.

No, but seriously today’s just been really something, like I can 100 percent say i’ve never had a day like today, EVER IN MY LIFE!! I’ll brief it for you without telling the whole details of today, even though part of me really wants to, but i’m going to keep it brief this time around, maybe i’ll tell you about it some other time, but for now, it’s just going to be brief.

Let’s just transition over to this morning, it was good, nothing out of the ordinary…….except for one thing, after coming back from getting a little breakfast from across the street to where my mom works, everything was fine when I came back, it was when I went to sit and eat to where the morning became quite interesting, first I just want to say luckily no one was around when this happened, but yeah so i’m about to get ready to eat the food I got and out of nowhere BOOM!!

Something comes crashing down, not knowing what exactly fell, my mom, my aunt, me and this other person went and looked in this back area to where my mom has breaks, so a break room pretty much and everything was intact there, we then all go downstairs, just so you guys aren’t confused, my mom works at a salon, but she works upstairs from the salon where she does nails and the people downstairs work with hair, but yeah that’s that info, we asked them what fell they say it was upstairs we say no,

but something said, check the bathroom, last place we looked, so I go into the bathroom and load and behold, that is where the noise came from, turns out the thing that came crashing down was the mirror in the bathroom……yeah not kidding, it just fell by itself, but again luckily no one was around when it fell, that would’ve been pretty bad if there was, it was quite a big mirror too, not too big, more medium, but still kinda big.

So yeah that was the first thing that happened today, some other stuff went down of course, but the biggest thing was an unexpected situation that occurred that I was not prepared for whatsoever, like at all, it was the weirdest thing to ever happen to me, interesting i’ll add, but I was not ready for all that came about, I didn’t know what to do or say, so I just let it happened the way it arrived to me, so yeah…..today was just quite the day,

Sometimes you never know what you’re going to experience or get throughout the day or days for that matter so you kinda just have to take things as they come no matter how bizarre or out of the norm it is, who knows you might have one of the best stories to tell when that kind of stuff happens and it’ll be one you might tell more than once, so yeah that was the day, it was good, but it was filled with a lot then expected……..

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa

A Message Yet To Be Sent……

Hey…..okay so I wasn’t expecting to be writing this, but here I am doing it, I knew I shouldn’t have checked, but I did, so now i’m writing this as an alternative to actually messaging you, in case you don’t answer, because who knows if you will answer, I mean who knows if you’ll even want to read this…….the first thing that I want to say, is how are you, I hope you’re doing well and that things have been going well for you, I haven’t forgotten about you nor have I stopped thinking of you either, I never stop thinking about you, i’ll be honest I don’t even know what exactly to say here, never has it been this way where we couldn’t just speak to each other………..

I just messaged you, I haven’t actually sent it yet though, I don’t know whether to do so or not, I might, might not, apart of me wants to, but don’t want there not to be an answer if she does, if you get it, then you’ll know I sent it, if not, it’s because i’m still thinking about it. I’m not going to make a big deal though, I just wanted you to know that. I don’t really know what else to say here, I guess it’s become easier not hearing from you, not that I don’t always hope to hear from you, I know we did talk a few days ago which was surprising, but also it was good hearing from you,

I was hoping I would, I don’t know if we’re still up for talking properly, I would like to, but it’s up to you if you still want to……either way I just hope you’re well and are okay……well anyway, i’ll stop writing now, you stay safe and be careful always and just know that I love you, always will!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa

Never Mind……

I messaged yesterday after not replying for a few days, in that message I asked if we could speak sometime soon, it took me a while to actually ask that question, every time I went to write back to you that was one of the main questions I wanted to ask, but I wasn’t sure whether I should’ve, I did in the end and also explained how I understood everything that you wrote back to me……after I sent my message back, I went over in my head on whether sending you that message was good or not, i’m not sure if you read my message back or if it was left discarded, thinking back on it now,

Maybe I should’ve just left it……maybe I shouldn’t have continued on knowing I already knew what you were trying to do, I can’t help, but leave things alone I guess, I was just hoping we could speak you know!? But maybe that was a stupid idea……I haven’t checked to see if you did see it, normally I would, but I just left it this time…..I saw a post on where you asked what’s the actual point, I didn’t know what you mean’t,

I thought maybe it was about all of this, but last time I thought something, it wasn’t actually confirmed…..you know sometimes I wish I could just let things be and not bother so much about it…..I just always have the need to keep on pushing, you’d think persistence would be a good thing, but I guess it’s not always, sometimes it’s better to let things be, kinda like the Beatles song, I know you don’t like old songs much, but you know I always have to make a comparison to some kind of song, I can’t help it…..

My mind is asking me why i’m even writing this, I don’t know, I guess a part of me thinks that you’ll see this way better than you would if I just messaged you, I feel this is the only way i’m able to actually speak to you in way, even though I know there isn’t much talking be heard back.

I need to leave it alone don’t I!? I should leave it alone, all this does is make me seem and sound pretty needy, plus desperate if i’m being honest, cause who doesn’t love that right!? I just miss you, whether that’s I should or not isn’t a question, because I do, even though we haven’t spoken for over a week and counting, you’d think that I wouldn’t be bothered as much and i’d just be used to it by now, but….i’m not, because every time it gets close to the time we’d normally speak, I still have that hope that we will,

but then the time goes and we haven’t….I shouldn’t expect it, but I do and I know I need to let it be, you already explained you’re reasoning twice and here I am, focused on wanting us to speak, but that’s not what’s important, focusing is and keeping focused as well on where you’re wanting to go……why can’t I just leave this alone!?

You say things won’t change because they haven’t and never will, but I still think they can, maybe that’s stupid, but so be it, I still have hope with it, maybe I should just throw away the hope, but I can’t, because I still believe in us, maybe that’s wrong, but my heart doesn’t want to let it go…….

I want to say never mind on the message, that’s what I originally planned on writing out, but at the same time I don’t, because I want to talk to you and I can go and forget it, but it’s not that easy, however i’m not going to force it, if you want to talk and I mean properly talk, I have to let you do so when you want to, if you ever want to…..again this is probably stupid to even write all of this, because I know you’re focusing and not wanting to be distracted dealing with drama and everything in between.

What am I doing!? look whether you see this or not, just never mind all of this writing…..i’m just writing out of missing you and just wanting to hear from you, this is stupid……I just hope you’re well and doing alright, I proud of you by the way, always am and really happy for you, I saw the photo earlier you posted, i’m sure you’re doing a very great job with the team….

I hope they’re having a good time learning from you……i’m going to stop writing now, despite all I said in this, I really do hope you’re doing well, I still will want to always hear from you, that’ll never change, but if I don’t i’ll try and continue on dealing in the best way, none of this is to make you look bad or anything like that by the way, I don’t know if that’s what you think or not, but i’m just writing this because it’s the only way I know how to cope with not talking to you like I normally would, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want, but just know i’m always going to secretly want you to…..

Anyway, I love you always and miss you always too!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa

From Me To You…..I Hope You Read This….

I’m writing a message right now to you, but i’m not sure whether to send it or not, i’m afraid if I send it, you’re going to ignore it and not bother looking at it and i’ll just feel like i’m talking to myself…….

I know you’re not really wanting to speak and you’re figuring everything out, although I feel you might’ve already figured what you wanted to out. I see and hear your messages loud and clear believe it or not, if only you knew how hard I try to keep myself together everyday, it’s a challenge, I don’t always win at it, but I manage to keep it at a fine level for a good amount of time……it sucks that it’s this way and I just wanted to let you know that the last message I sent wasn’t to be taken in a way that was final,

I was just giving you the space you wanted and I don’t know if that was a good thing or if it was the worst idea possible, I know you’re doing fine, I can see it. I feel like the worst person ever and that’s the honest truth, I wasn’t trying to push you away, even though you said many times that the situation would do that and although you say it’s not me, I feel like you sorta might think it is a little, I don’t know……..

I know i’ve not given back what you gave me enough and I know you’re probably hurt about it, because it’s pretty much the same situation again that you wanted to avoid…….I tried to have you avoid that, but I guess I failed at doing so, I shouldn’t, but I take great pride at blaming myself for all of this happening and I don’t expect, nor do I want you to feel bad, I’m just trying to tell you how I feel and how I have been feeling for a long time,

I wanted to talk to you about it, but I never could say that to you, because you will always just tell me that it’s not my fault and that you know I wouldn’t do that, but it doesn’t change the fact that in a way, I will always feel as though you’ll think of it as it happened again and that’s why you went away from me……I can’t help, but apologize for it, I don’t know where we’re standing right now, but I feel as though I might already know.

I always saw you as my best friend as well, but I don’t even know if you still want to be that, I feel you’re mad at me and I hate it when you’re mad at me, sometimes i’m mad at you, there’s times where I was mad at you, but didn’t tell you because I couldn’t. I know the situation is the reason for all this as well as other things, I tried very hard to fix that…..

No one listens as you know, this here isn’t about me, it’s about you and what you’re feeling, I hate not knowing how you’re feeling, i’ve asked before, but I get you don’t like repeating yourself and you shouldn’t have to, but I learned keeping things in is the worst thing you can do, but I guess maybe you felt as though telling me things didn’t matter. Like your feelings didn’t matter, which they always did to me……I don’t know if you resent me, it feels like you do, believe it or not I can feel your anger and disappoint and i’m sorry, you were the last person I ever wanted to do that to.

You know the last thing I wanted was to ever hurt you, but yet that’s what I did, i’m still trying to find a way to fix it somehow even though I know you’re most likely done, I guess sometimes you just stop caring. I wish I could that….but I can’t, no matter how hard I try, I can’t…..maybe that’s why people walk all over me, because I care too goddamn much, but i’d be lying if I said I’d stop caring. Even when people don’t want to be bothered,

I still care, most of the time I can just forget and move on, but I can’t in this case, I can’t just forget and act unbothered, because I am bothered, I can forget it for a moment, but then it rushes back like a hurricane to the point where I can’t handle it, but I do my darn best. I hate this feeling and I can’t shake it no matter how much I try to get rid of it, I don’t know how you’re doing it, but you’re doing it well, I don’t feel like a thought anymore and I guess you can say everyone was right, right!?

I’m suppose to prove everyone wrong and I don’t really know how to do that, which gives everyone the satisfaction to say I told you so, just like you said, again I don’t expect you to feel bad, not that you would for a second. I know you kept giving me options and I kept telling you not to, because I had a feeling that if you did, you would leave and I wouldn’t speak to you anymore. We’d always said we’d speak, but I guess for a long time we just ran out of words to say, you’re all about action and i’m just words and I guess everyone knows that……every conversation we had with that, plays in my head, not all at once, but in different sections, I don’t know how to action things properly, i’ve been doing my best to work at it though.

I wish I could just send this to you without having to post it, but I can’t, how else will you see this!? If you want to hate me, you can, I was suppose to keep you safe and keep you reassured, but I failed to do that, I wanted to and still do, but I can’t until I figure myself out huh!? I’m never going to wish you harm or worse things, I care too much about you to ever do that and I love you too much to do that, plus you don’t deserve it.

Major loss that’s what you said, I had a feeling you’d go, I just didn’t think you’d go completely, but what was I to expect when you said “it’s going to push me away” I really made a mess didn’t I!? I was supposed to better for you, but I don’t think I ever was, only when I was around maybe, but I wasn’t really the best supporter was I!? I was supposed to keep you out of your head, but instead I had you go back into it, maybe not on purpose,

but I did, I think about you and your health a lot and I get sad, because I don’t know how you’re doing and i’m always afraid that it’ll happen again, but this time it’ll be my fault because of the situation and I hate that I feel like that, but it’s the truth, you may not think I care, but you’d be wrong to think that. I don’t know how else to talk to you, but I don’t know if you even want to talk to me anymore, it seems like you’re better off without me from the looks of it, but I don’t know if that’s true. I used to know you so well and I still feel like I do, but at the same time I don’t, I want to talk to you so bad, but I don’t know if we’ll still have words to say to each other…..

I guess you were right when you said it’ll hurt the other person more than you, if that’s not accurate I don’t know what is. I always want you to be happy and well, you’re always in my mind when I think of that, whether you still want me in your life in someway or you would rather just pretend I never existed, I still want you to be happy, I always hope it would be with me, but if you’ve taken things as final and you’re happy not talking or everything anymore, just know i’m still going to want the best for you,

because whether you believe me or not, you deserve that and I know you know that, i’m proud of you everyday and am really happy for you, for everything, i’m happy you finally found a career your going to enjoy for the rest of your life, i’m happy for how far you came and for starting your all girls team that you wanted to create……all I wanted was to make you happy, but if i’m unable to do that, I want you to let someone else do that for you.

I don’t like thinking like that, but I wanted to say that, i’m not giving up, because I don’t want to, I just don’t know how long you’ll want to wait, but I think you might be done with waiting and I get it, you have everything set and I still am stressfully trying to figure it out, I sometimes wish I would’ve figured it out a long time ago because then I wouldn’t be worrying about everything so much now…….

And before you say it or think it, I know you tried helping, don’t ever think I forget that and that I don’t appreciate it, because I do, but like you said there was only so much you could do and if you don’t help yourself no one else will and i’m trying to that. I don’t know if I have anything else to say, but I hope you talk to me and I hope you still want me around,

I’m not going to beg you because begging and chasing isn’t the best thing to do, but I am trying to fight here in someway whether you see it that way or not, I hope you do see it because i’ve never in my life have done this before and i’m scared and if i’m being honest I have no idea what i’m doing and I just feel I keep doing everything wrong.

If you want to talk, you know I have nothing better to do at the moment and i’m just gonna say it like that because it’s true, I know you’re busy and your focusing, i’m not trying to take you away from that whatsoever, but whenever you have the time, I hope you call or message back, i’d like to hear your voice, I miss it and I miss you, but if you don’t want to do that, that’s fine, I just hope you do talk to me at least.

I’m going to stop writing, because this is starting to become very long, but I do hope you’re okay and that you’re doing well, you stay safe and be careful and I hope you’re taking proper care of yourself, seriously!! I love you with all of my heart that’ll never stop ever, no matter how hard I try at it.

P.S. Sorry for this very long post, for those reading this, I needed to get it out.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa