Dear Little Me……

Dear Little Me,

I hope your doing okay, it’s been a while since you and I enjoyed times together you know……i’m not really sure what it is I want to say to you, but i’ve been thinking about you lately, I think about you all the time actually…….I always wonder if the things i’m doing are the right things for you……i’m gonna be honest with you because you deserve that, I feel I haven’t been doing us proud when it comes to helping you achieve more in life, I want to say i’m doing so much to make sure you’re happy and are enjoying yourself but I don’t think I am……and……I want to apologize to you for that, because you deserve to have good things, you deserve to be happy and to really see everything. I sit to myself a lot and go back and forth wondering if i’m making you proud to be me older…….I wish I was able to know what you think of me now…….

We’ve been through so much in our lives, we had to literally fight to be here and a lot of people don’t know that, some do, but others don’t……….a lot of people didn’t think we’d make it, but we did and that’s all because of the fight you put up for us to be here, i’ll tell you one thing you are a whole lot stronger and tougher than me for sure ha………the crazy part is i’m you older and I can’t even say that for myself now and i’m sorry for that, i’m sorry for putting so much stress on you, i’m sorry for not letting you reach your full potential when I know that you could be great, but most importantly i’m so sorry for neglecting you when I knew that you needed me………I didn’t mean to do that to you, you didn’t deserve that, especially when all you ever did was fight for us to be here………you were always a very happy person no matter what was happening and you were always the type of person who wanted to do her own thing even when people didn’t understand it……..I may not have told you this, but I always admired that about you.

You’ve helped me discover a lot of different things about us, like for one, did you know that we have a knack for editing!? We didn’t even learn from watching someone else, we just kinda picked it up ourselves after having to do a portfolio on our projects in school, it was a simple thing, but we made it more than simple and we we’re proud of it, although you did have me try and find a song for it first and you know what i’m glad you did because even our teacher thought it was good even though it was simple. She even admitted to being hard on us because she saw potential in our abilities which was surprising to hear, but it was also pretty nice to hear as well. Did you know that you became obsessed with journals…….yeah you have a few actually (17 to be exact) and they are all for different things, we really love writing, speaking of writing we started a blog last month and it’s actually growing too, I guess all the topics we love to talk about are really helping people and it’s helping us as well I think……..we haven’t written anything new though it’s been a few days, that would be my fault though, I kinda took us away from it, as I tend to always do with everything that we start………..

You always guide us to do things and you have us get to a good point and then I go and ruin any chance we had at making it really bloom and grow……..I don’t know what my problem is and why I keep doing that to you……..all you ever wanted was to be able to express yourself, while trying to have fun and while we’re enjoying ourselves, if we were lucky we’d help and make someone else’s day because we were just being us. I always wonder where you’ve gone because I know you’re still around, but you also hide away and I don’t know why!? Is it because of me, are you unhappy because i’m making you unhappy by the way i’m doing things!? if that’s what it is……..i’m really sorry……..I never meant to turn you this way and make you unhappy, all I ever did was try and make you very happy and I feel like I failed you in a way and I never intended to do that………I really miss you, you know!?…….I miss how you gave me confidence and how you didn’t care what anyone thought of you, because you always stood true to what you were, you didn’t care how weird you were or how much you spoke, you just enjoyed the moments.

You always laughed at everything and sure you were a little too sensitive for a lot of things, but that’s because you stayed firm to what you believed in, plus you had a different sense of humor to those who thought certain things were funny, your sense of humor was laughing at everything that didn’t make any sense to laugh at, expect certain things which I never understood and still don’t, but the thought of you just being happy and laughing at things that to most wasn’t funny, made me the happiest……..I always think back on when we were younger and how we’d play by ourselves with our dolls and make up stories for them, in all honesty we’d find anything that entertained us to play with, we were very weird, still are actually, but that’s because we we were always just happy and so full of life……….you always tried to be friends with everyone and always wanted to be around people even when they didn’t always liked being around you, even when that happened though you still made the most of each day……

After a while though we kinda started to become very quiet and to ourselves because of the fact we got so use to being alone and so when it came to being around people you didn’t mind it, you enjoyed hanging out with people, but as we got older we started spending our time with certain people, is that a bad thing, no I don’t think it is, it’s just the way we are and some people may not like it, but it’s not about them, it’s about you and me. There’s a lot of things I could go over here about you, but all I really……I guess want to say is 1. i’m really sorry for abandoning you and not taking care of you as I should have, we we’re literally inseparable and you always made me stay true to who we were for so long and I kinda forgot about that and i’m really sorry 2. I miss you and how happy and excited you got every time something brought you joy, knowing we were happy made everyday a little better even when we didn’t have the best of days, we always tried to make the most of it…….There’s a lot of things though that we’ve adapted into our lives that we once didn’t have, the main thing being Anxiety we found out that we had it at a late age (late teens) and we battle through it everyday, i’m not gonna lie to you little me, although we don’t get it everyday when it does hit us, it hits us pretty hard, but we need to keep in mind that, it doesn’t define us okay, we are who we choose to be……..

Sure we may live with being anxious a lot more often then we’d like, but we have the power to let it consume us or fight against it and i’ll always do my best to make sure we fight against it more than i’ve been doing lately……there’s a lot more I can tell you, but this would be a very long blog post, I mean it’s already 1,368 words in and still counting. The main thing I want to say to you though was how sorry I am for how I treated you, I shouldn’t have done that to you and i’m gonna do my very best to make sure that from here on forth I make you proud to be me older in the best way that I can, because I don’t ever want to let you down again if I did, I hope that you can forgive me and that you come around a little more and help us achieve what it is we want to achieve without hesitation and with a bit more confidence because I want to make sure I do you well this time and know that you’re happy again……..I will do my best to only focus on all things positive and all things good, so that you can feel okay and feel safe, we can do it and we will, we just need to believe more in ourselves and build our confidence again……..

That’s everything I want to say to you I guess, hope you’re doing alright and I want you to always keep this in mind, you are worth every struggle we had to go through and all the things you blamed yourself for isn’t your fault, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, we got this far together who says we can’t continue on, we will get where we want to be…….we just have to work hard towards it and it maybe a bit scary, but we can do it…….I know we can, together we can do anything that we put our minds to, we just have to keep remembering why it is we started in the first place and then keep going every time.

 

 

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

A.K.A. Your Older Self

 

(Originally Written Aug 17th) 

 

Those Who See Your Light, Catch It And Then Release It Are The Kind Of Supporters You Should Keep……

Now you’re probably wondering where exactly am I going with this when you see the title of this blog post and honestly, i’m not sure where i’m going with this, but I do hope it goes somewhere and it makes some kind of sense when you read it. I wasn’t really sure what kind of post I would be writing about today, I normally start my writing around the early afternoon, sometimes in the morning depending on which direction my brain wants to go that day, but i’m writing this blog post around 2:30pm my time not too far from 3pm so by the time you read this it would already have past of course…….I wanted to talk about supporters you know those who support you, but not just that, they also try and help you grow more and see you as this light that because they know how talented you are and how much potential you have, they do their best to try and help you see that as well if that makes sense, i’m sure I already spoke about having a good support system and having those who see the best in you when you don’t really see it in yourself, heck no I know I did, but i’m trying to explain this differently so I really hope i’m able to do it right.

Supporters are something special, you could do something for a bit and go around trying other things in the process and they’ll always cheer you on no matter what it is you do, they will always let you know that they are there rooting for you even when you’re not your best self. Those are what I like to call true supporters because they will always take your best interest at heart and they’ll always want to see you do well for yourself, but the most incredible thing that I love about true supporters is they don’t expect you to be perfect and they will always make sure you know that if you ever need a hand they are there.

No ones perfect, no amount of trying to be perfect will make you perfect, most people think that in order to get somewhere you have to do everything right and make sure that you don’t ever make a mistake, because the minute you make a mistake that’s it everything comes crashing down and everyone who once supported you all turn their back on you because you did something wrong……but those who turn their back on you and give up on you before you could even stand up to explain or try and make things better, those aren’t your kind of supporters, because even if you mess up and you find yourself as low as dirt, those who really took the time to understand you and get to know and see the person inside they always stay, you may think you’ve lost everyone, but the true supporters and those who are on your side will continue to be on your side no matter how bad you fall and hurt yourself.

People with a deeper soul and who also deal with accepting that they aren’t perfect are always drawn to those who embrace and accept their imperfections, even if sometimes they have doubts within themselves, they still appreciate and admire those who have falling so deep, but have always found a way to get back up and still walk through so much even when that person ends up becoming lost and not really having a direction in that moment. There’s a saying that goes: not all who wander are lost, which is true, but I also would say that if you do become lost, you will eventually find your way by wandering a bit, but just know that people respect those who fail miserably because they know that a real human being isn’t perfect no matter what anyone says.

Everyone has their flaws, but just because we hit a few bumps along the way doesn’t mean that we’re failures, there will always be someone there who sees you as something more than what you think you are and while you’re doing your best to share your light in the way you’re able to even though you know that you’re not perfect, know that the people who support you endlessly will catch some of the light that you hold within and save it for you just in case you ever burn out. Know that they’ll bring you the light that you shared with them without knowing, they will give it back to you to let you know that they believe in you as well as to let you know that when you are down they will lift you up with all the love/light and support they have for you and help keep you going whenever you feel like you’re unable to.

That kind of love and support is one of the best feelings in the world hey even universe because when you have people or even one person believe so much in you to the point where you start to believe in yourself nothing in the world would be able to top a feeling like that, sure you have similar feelings like that, but not to the point where you really feel it so much it, you become speechless and sometimes emotional. For those who show you that you are more than what you care to believe, those are keepers and also the kind of people who truly resonate with you, always keep those true supporters close by and let them know from time to time, how much you really appreciate them and how grateful you are to have them be apart of not just the things you do, but also how grateful you are to them for taking the time to really understand you as person each time you grew into someone new and how much gratitude you have for them not ever leaving your side or giving up on you even when they probably should’ve, but the fact that they didn’t and they still believed and saw greatness in you that’s real support.

That is all from me for now, I just wanted to let you know I started writing this yesterday but didn’t finish until now so the time finished 3:43pm Aug 9th with a little bit of editing at around 10:50pm. Anyway hope you all are able to take something from this blog post, I know I probably said this before in one of my other blog post, but thank you to those who take the time to read my blogs and are supporting it, it means a whole lot and I appreciate all of you so much so thanks again, i’m gonna do my best to continue to bring you all the best possible blog post that I can, i’m not perfect at them, but I always try my best, but it means a lot knowing that you all still enjoy it, hope you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening. 🙂

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

(Originally Written Aug 8th)

Being Inspired By Others And Finding Inspiration In Everything……

When it comes to inspirations we all have our fair share of people who inspire us, whether it be the way they do things, how their character is or just their personality, we all have someone we look up to or want to be more like, although we shouldn’t try to be exactly like someone but ourselves, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to aspire to be like someone a bit, maybe they have some kind of trait to them that you may be looking for in yourself as well or maybe there’s something that they do that makes you want to give a try too, it doesn’t have to be anything like making something, i’m talking more on the way they do something (if that makes sense) I find myself always observing those who I either look up to or those who inspire me and just think to myself “how it is they do what they do so naturally and are able to go about doing those things!?” So in order to figure that out, i’ll start taking in and observing their characteristics and just everything about them just to kinda get a clue, so like taking notes in a way.

Everyone has something special within themselves, but everyone also does things differently, so what others do isn’t always going to be in the same way we do things, we’re all different for a reason, but we’re always gonna have certain people we look to, that either match our personality and is someone we can relate to or there maybe someone that is different from us to where how they are, starts to interest us and we may want to see what it is that is making us get drawn to them and once we figure it out we sometimes end up picking up their habits or ways of doing things without even knowing we’re doing it. It’s just one of those things where the more you interact with those who inspire you or just those you like being around, the more you’ll be inspired by them to try to either do what they do if what they do is also something you like or just do your own thing, but do it in a way that you think they would do it, that could also benefit you and possibly help you as well.

The fact that our inspirations are people we feel a strong connection to says a lot about our personalities and us as a person as well, we attract like minded people like ourselves, people we’re able to bounce off ideas with or who share the same views and perspective as us, sometimes we’ll also come across those who are total opposites from us, but for some reason they have this way of balancing us out and helping us see things in a different perspective then to how we see it, which tends to actually make things a lot better for us in the long run. Anyone can be an inspiration to you, it could be someone in your family, a friend, a partner, even those who see you as inspiration even though you don’t see that in yourself, it doesn’t have to be just celebrities or an artist you like listening to, you can even be an inspiration to yourself and not realize it, you just gotta believe that you are.

Inspiration comes from all sorts of places, nature, music, art, anywhere really, there’s always going to be something that inspires you and that makes you want to be better and that keeps you going, whenever you’re feeling down or worn away. Inspiration doesn’t have to come from a specific place or person, because there will always be something that sparks a light in our brain that makes us want to change something and make that difference that we’re needing or that others may need. You could go through the worst of times and someone will still see you as an inspiration, you could be at your lowest and have the worst mind ever and still have someone rooting for you to keep going and tell you that they believe in you and you are the reason they are who the are and you may not believe it, but to them whether you think you did or not, you somehow changed their life and impacted them in the best way and you don’t even have to do anything big, it could be the tiniest of gestures to you, but it maybe a big thing to them and whoever sees you in a good light.

To inspire you have to be inspired so if you want to change something and you want to make an impact of some sort, find something or someone that inspires you and when you get that spark of light or lighting in your mind keep it, hold on it and let that be your fuel to keep going and find happiness from within if you need it and if you’re unable to find the inspiration that you’re looking for from someone or something, try looking at the things that make you happy and use that as inspiration. Think of this, say there was a day you were down and while walking you found the most prettiest of leaves or flower on the ground and when you saw that flower or leaf, you began to smile and admire it for a while and after you finished admiring it, you went on about the rest of your day feeling better, telling people about it and to them it’s not the biggest thing, but to you it mean’t something and made you feel happy, so whenever you’re feeling un-inspired and down about things, just remember that flower or leaf you once came across that brought happiness to you again and use that as inspiration and fuel to keep on going.

Sometimes it the smallest of things that can bring more light, spark creativity and inspire you in a way that no one or nothing else can. When feeling inspired by others though, make sure you let them know how much you appreciate them and how much they mean to you if you can and whatever they do be sure to support them and if their looking for inspiration, try and give them that if you’re able to, i’m sure they’ll really appreciate it.

Annnd with all that, that is the blog for today……I just want to say sorry for not posting that much lately, i’ve been going through some stuff within myself and i’ve just been trying to sort it, but I haven’t quite got it yet, but i’m working on it. I always try and bring you guys positive blog posts, but sometimes it’s hard when you yourself aren’t always positive, you know!? When it comes to writing I know that your writing is a reflection of you and when you write, you’re pretty much letting others in with your emotions and your thoughts and it wouldn’t be right to write something for the heck of it knowing that you’re not really all there and your mind isn’t there either, I always want to write positive blog posts and have it be helpful to you guys if you’re ever going through something similar or just want to read something to make you feel better if you’re feeling a bit down, but anyway I hope you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~