Good afternoon! Hope your Tuesday is treating you all well, Summer is literally close by anyone else feeling this heatwave of sorts, I’m telling you Summer….not my thing! Besides that, let’s have a chat in writing shall we!? It’s been a bit, well more like 5 days, but whose keeping count right!? You know one thing I can appreciate with writing is that when you need to find words…..you’re able to take your time with it, there isn’t as much pressure with it compared to if you were podcasting an episode or making videos…..not saying I don’t like doing those things, I do it helps me to express differently and forces me to put myself out there in different ways, which is something I am both used to and not used to, however when I really need to think on things and I know I need the pressure lowered it really helps to just sit back and take my time to write about it!
I struggle with words most times, although I love to talk, seriously I enjoy talking especially when the topic is something that means a lot to me, BUT…..that being said…..really talking about things….I always have a hard time no matter how much I try and prepare for it! In order for me to really find my words…..I need to think deeply on it and having this blog and being able to say the things that can be hard to say talking wise really means a lot, if this was a live writing and talking….there would be a lot of ums and long pauses, which I try my hardest to not do…but it’s just something that is apart of me, it’s how I express and I’m trying to get used to that when expressing verbally, along with trying to keep those ums and long pauses short…still got a long way to go on that, but I’m sure I’ll get there!
I don’t think on it often, but in this moment, right here, right now…..I am very and extremely grateful to have this blog to be my voice on days when I am not sure what to say or when I feel I need a moment to gather my thoughts, I am a very expressive person, that has a hard time expressing, which is the weirdest thing lol! If you were to just see me at a natural state and just allowed me to chat about whatever comes to mind…..you’d see how expressive I actually am,
That being said, I’m still getting used to being my naturally expressive self that’s why I have so many different things that I do, from this blog to my still figuring out Podcast and soon probably something a lot different than what I’m used to, but that I feel would help to really be comfortable with myself, sometimes I wonder if I’m too weird for for people and if I should tone it down and that’s me being completely and from the heart honest, you can’t see me, but I’m trying my best to keep from getting emotional here, but it’s the truth!
It’s the truth that I’ve never really been open with, I always express how you should just be yourself, but honestly….I have a hard time fully being myself and I’m trying to become comfortable with being who I am and who I’m still discovering I am, even at the age of 26 lol, but I’m hoping I will eventually get it*literally scratched it* I have faith that eventually I’ll learn to be okay with it!
Now when it comes to how I choose to showcase my voice…..I choose to show it and embrace it in many different ways, be it blogging on it, stepping out of comfort expressing it on my Podcast and even in front of a camera as camera shy as I maybe at time, somedays I don’t mind it, but somedays I do, Just likeScott James once sang in his song Speck In The Spectrum “Part of me, likes this…..and part of me doesn’t mind it! All the rest is a Speck in the Spectrum, of a world that makes no sense to me”
Not sure what made me quote that song, I can’t share it anyway as he’s put is old songs private on his Youtube, but it was the first thing that came to mind, one of my favorites by him! Those are my thoughts though, don’t know where they came from, I just started writing and it just naturally came out, I didn’t even know I was writing it until I wrote it!
If you would like to get to know me better or my ways of expressing better I recently recorded an episode on my Podcast similar to this topic, you can listen to it here: Finding Ones Voice (Just Chatting) You can check it out on Anchor or Spotify whatever suits you!
Thank you for reading this post and just for being here in general, very much appreciated!
Hiya, how’s it going!? Hope you’re all well and your weekends been good, so it’s Saturday night about 11pm almost, will be 11 in a sec as i’m writing this….it’s now 11pm in case you’re curious!! Okay I know what you’re thinking, what’s the point to this or you might be saying what is going on!? Well for starters………I had a thought and kinda wanted to share it!!
Will it be interesting to you guys…..I don’t know, will you find it amusing or funny who knows!? maybe not, possibly so maybe…..I really don’t know, but i’m just going to go straight into it okay……no more weirdness……..alright no I can’t promise you that, because it’s all weird and i’d be lying if I said there won’t be any more of that so, I just hope you don’t mind, but anyway…..
Again I had a thought, a very weird one that made me think a little too much about it than I probably need to, but you know once you start going…..well you just sometimes keep going for some odd reason, now this thought came about while watching a video, it wasn’t a weird video or anything it was a reaction to a song, but what made me have this thought was something that was said before the video actually started……
It’s was about water and ocean sounds, now you might be either clicking off this post or are really confused to what you’re even reading……I don’t blame you okay, just want to let you know, but to save a long post, they were talking about ocean sounds that was in the start of the song before it actually started and I thought to myself, okay said out loud, “yes ocean sounds are nice, so are rivers and streams and not live streams,
but actual streams ect…..” then I thought about water going upwards and then said you’d have to rewind a video in order to see that or time lapse it and then I thought, “wait water doesn’t go upwards, it only goes downwards” which made me go into a much more deeper thought process on it for some reason that I can’t tell you because I don’t know…….
Long story short, because we’d be here all night talking about it, another random thought crossed my mind, that uhhh, water does technically go upwards when it’s being evaporated within the clouds getting ready to turn into rain, because SCIENCE!! So yes and no to your weird random thought question brain on wondering if water flowing upwards, we good!?
This would have been longer if I didn’t shorten it for you guys, if you want to hear the whole thing and see me become confused myself, I already thought about making that video, normally it’d be already recorded, but this was a late night thought so you know how those go……but anyway that is pretty much it, kinda, well the short version of it anyway……
You guys have a good night and i’m hoping to remember all of this so I can do a video on it, because I kinda sorta want to, it’d be a good thing to laugh at and then later wish I didn’t record it, but still be happy that I did!!
So we’ve made it, it’s now been officially a year since I first created this blog!! Yaaay i’d say a little celebration’s in order, wouldn’t you say!?
It’s not really a big one, it’s just me sharing one of my favorite gifs and the closes reaction to a yaaay that I could find and when I say find, I mean I personally searched for this, not this gif in particular though, more like (AJ Lee excited gifs) I wanted something that fit, but also something that said “I know i’m late with this post, but yaaay we made a year on this blog”
I’d say this one wins!! As I was saying though, yes i’m aware that it’s the 13th and not the 11th, originally I wanted to write something the day of it being a year, but I ended up having a bit of a busy day Thursday last week, so I didn’t really get the chance to really write anything (I went to the same place 3 times at different hours in one day)
Even though I didn’t write the day of it being a year, doesn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about writing anything for it. I mean I was thinking about how exactly I was going to start off the post as I was coming back from picking up milk from the store a few days ago, yeah I know weird…..
I even kinda wrote a draft posts in one of my journals just to kinda have an idea on what I was going for, but we all know our thoughts change and we never really go based off our first reaction or idea…….unless it’s one that sticks with you for a while then you might go with the reaction.
So 1 year of blogging, what’s it been like you might ask!? That’s a question, no i’m kidding…..see I would say it’s been great, easy and that I rarely had an issue writing, but that wouldn’t be quite accurate would it now!?
Everyone has a different kind of blogging experience and for me, my blogging experience it’d say……has it’s days……sometimes I feel great and happy with the posts I publish and share and other times I tend to struggle on what to write about (happens quite a lot actually)
Most of the time I never really know how my posts are going to come across if that makes any sense!? Blogging and to be honest i’m sure we’ve all been down this road at some point, we all know that blogging is tough and it can be very discouraging at times as well……
I can’t tell you how many times i’ve questioned my own content as well as myself, sometimes i’ll write something and worry about whether I should’ve posted it or not or if I should delete it when no reads it (I never do) but I also had to let myself know that not everything you post is going to be read and if it is, not everyone is going to react to it…….
I still have those moments at times, but I think we all do, I don’t think that it goes away, but I try to look at it as,”okay so this one didn’t do that well, we’ll just try again in our next post” I think looking at it in that way helps you to not give in to the negative feelings you feel when that happens.
Now I don’t normally express this much, but there have been a lot of moments where I wondered whether or not I should even continue blogging and whether or not my writing is even good enough…..
It’s not the first time i’ve felt like that though, it happens with pretty much everything that I start, I could be doing well with it, but then feel as though, it’s not good enough and so i’d stop……..I never really understood why that was, but it was just a recurring thing all the time, i’d start something, do well with it, feel it wasn’t good enough then stop…..*Repeat process *
I’ve backed out of a lot of things because of that pretty much and that’s due to not really having a lot of believance in myself (i’m sure believance isn’t a word, but I wanted to use it) I still struggle with that actually, but I try to pull through that as best as I can and not have it be something else I stop before it can really get anywhere, that’s why I try to mix things up on here when it comes to my writing……originally when I started my blog,
it was meant to be a place where I could express myself and get my thoughts out of my head, I was feeling a lot of things and wanted to kinda let some of those emotions out, thinking back on it however, i’m not really sure if I ever actually express the emotions I was feeling then……!?
I’m not really the best when it comes to talking about my actual feelings, i’m sure most of you already know that though……I can talk about anything else (depending on the topic that is) but try and ask me how i’m feeling and believe me you’ll be here for a while…..it actually frustrates people whenever they ask me what i’m feeling and i’m unable to answer quick enough, it’s why I don’t really bother on really expressing much.
Along the way of using this as a place to leave my thoughts we’ll say….I wanted to add a bit more to it, so I ended up adding a few of my interests as topics to write about, things that I knew or felt I could write about, favorite games, music, things like that…..i’m not really good at sticking to one topic if i’m being honest and that’s not only with my writing, but also with my personality……kinda, i’m constantly thinking of things,
So adding a bit more variety i’d say has helped me really stick with this whole blogging thing. Before I continue on, I wouldn’t actually have this blog if it wasn’t for a good friend of mine, her name is Ray and I always mention this because it was her that shared WordPress with me and helped me set it up so I always have to thank her for that one and I always will…..
Thanks Ray!! ❤ ❤ ❤
Back to the rest of this post though, I gotta say with blogging, sometimes I don’t always know what i’m doing, it can seem really complicated at times because it always seems like there’s a certain way you need to write when it comes to blogging, which can be a little frustrating, if you feel your writing isn’t the best…….not to compare here or anything, but whenever I read other blogs, I always admire the different writing styles each person has…..
Makes you sometimes wish you could write the way half of the other blogs do, most of those writers know the kind of content they want and how exactly to write on it, they just know how to really express…..but thinking that way in terms of comparing your writing style to others I guess isn’t the best way, because again everyone’s writing style is different, if everyone wrote the same it wouldn’t really be interesting would it!?
I’d be stupid to think each writer had it all figured out, when it came to what they wanted their blogs to represent or just how they wanted it to reflect them if that makes sense!?
With me and my blogging experience I still wonder on how I want my blog site to reflect me…..so far it’s uncategorized, even though there’s some categories to choose from…..it’s still pretty randomized and kinda everywhere, which I guess in a way is me in real life (just got a tad anxious writing that haha, but i’m alright)
I don’t know…..maybe I don’t need to really know exactly what i’m doing when blogging, I mean each of us started our blogs for different reasons, be it to use it as a personal outlet for our thoughts, to share certain interests, moments or maybe even to share photos and that, we don’t always need a specific theme to focus on I guess, sometimes variety is good, it can bring in different people and keep things interesting as well!!
What may not be good enough to us, might not be the same way for others, maybe my uncategorized content is my thing, maybe it brings out and suits my writing style the best who knows…..so far it’s been alright, i’ll have my best days, but I know i’ll also have my not so best days and that’s okay.
Blogging shouldn’t be all about comparing or feeling like you have to be the best in the way you’re writing, in all reality, we’re all really just writers, but in different ways, some of us are and have a bit more expertise than others, but it doesn’t mean the rest of us aren’t good….We all just have a different way of sharing, some of us like to be informative, some creative, personal, you name it……so some of us are unlisted or uncategorized,
It’s not a bad thing, it just means we can rotate through any topic we’re feeling, maybe my writing style isn’t like everyone else’s, but it’s how I write and even if I have days where I question it or myself, I should be proud and happy about it…..there’s no limit to a topic with it, so i’ll keep picking ones that I feel good about and hopefully it’s does it’s best to connect alright.
For those who have enjoyed and come back to my a bit everywhere content, I just want to say a HUGE thank you for it, knowing that some of you really do like what I write, means the absolute world to me!! This blog has grown a little bit more each time since I created it and for that I thank you as well.
Whether you’ve connected with me personally, not like personal, personal, but you know what I mean, whether you’ve liked my posts or have just taken the time to read them and enjoyed my site in general, I just want to let you know that I really do appreciate it and that i’m thankful and grateful not just for you guys, but also for giving me a chance and letting me express myself in the way I know how…..even on the days I struggle, it means a lot.
I don’t know if any of this is going to make much sense, I honestly didn’t expect this to take as long as it did to write, i’ve written and looked this over so many different times, changed a couple of things, added a bit more to it….
I really tried to lay out everything in the best way possible so, hopefully it came across alright……anyway that is all I have for you, thanks once again for all the support and for reading my content, I hope you’re all doing well and having a good day, afternoon and or night!!
All The Love ❤ ❤
~Lexa~
P.S.I wrote this originally on the 13th, but took a bit more time with it then I expected, which is why you’re reading it now…….also if you’re wondering why I added AJ Lee gifs for this post, I don’t know I just did……
She’s just a favorite of mine so I figured why not, it was only meant to be one, but I ended up adding a few more.
Hey everyone I know it’s been a while, I hope you’re all doing well, today’s blog post maybe very short or a little long i’m not sure, i’ll try my best to make sure it isn’t too long, since we’re in the month of October I wanted to talk upon the season of Autumn also known as Fall since we’re now in it, we all know that Autumn is the season of change and just like the seasons change so do us humans, we all grow up to be a certain way, but we all know that we aren’t always gonna be the same as we once were.
No matter how hard we try to, there’s always gonna be some part of us that breaks away from certain things, the same way leaves break and fall off a tree when it’s the ending of Summer and the beginning of Fall, I guess what i’m saying is we’re like a tree kinda, we start off as a seed planted in soil and as we grow we start to gain a little personality, we start to become interested in things and each interest that we take upon, become our leaves, if that makes sense.
Now the leaves that we start with, aren’t going to be the leaves we always keep with us because as we know leaves don’t stay on a tree for long, eventually they fall off one by one, as those leaves fall off and float down to the ground we can’t really stick them back onto our branches because once they fall off they fall off, with leaves we can have so many, but eventually those leaves will fall off, whether we want them to or not. Sometimes we don’t even realize that some of our leaves have fallen off, it just happens so quickly to where we don’t even have time to react to it.
When we do realize one of our leaves have fallen off though, we take it in, especially if it was something super important to us at the time. Now leaves don’t have to only be about our hobbies or things we’re interested in, sometimes leaves can be friends that we keep or family members even and sometimes we have to realize that those things too can fall off, some mutually, some expectedly, we’ll even have those leaves that just aren’t good for us anymore so we as the tree will shake them off and sometimes they’ll just fall off on their own, because maybe it’s just meant to be that way.
Leaves fall off trees for a reason and they grow new ones every spring for a reason and that’s because they’re meant to fall off, so they can make room for new and improved ones. So when our leaves fall off it’s only because we’re growing and trying to improve ourselves, now with that happening it’s not always gonna be easy, although I just compared us to trees and everything, we’re not trees, we’re humans and us as humans, we’re gonna have a few leaves fall off us and it may hurt when that happens, you may feel bad about it happening, you’ll have times where you won’t even know that it happened, it’ll just dawn on you when you least expect it…….
but when that happens, when you find that a few of your leaves have fallen off, know that it’s okay to reflect on it if you need to, you might not quite understand it, because not everything has a clear understanding, but sometimes it’s not having that clear understanding to where you oddly understand it.
Just because old leaves break off, it doesn’t mean that new leaves won’t grow. Sometimes we sit and wonder why certain things happen, why we fall out with certain people and when those kind of things come into our mind, we really go through them and maybe we shouldn’t do that so much, once in a while yeah sure, maybe you need a clear understanding, but when it comes to other things that we can’t seem to wrap our heads around, maybe that’s because there’s nothing to wrap our heads around.
Sometimes it just happens and we don’t always know why, but we shouldn’t dwell on it, sometimes it’s just best to accept it and move on, it doesn’t mean you can’t feel a certain way about it, but once you accept the fact that, that leaf fell off, just think to yourself that maybe that was for a reason, whatever reason that may be.
It may take time to accept it depending on how much of an impact a situation, a relationship or even just something you once took an interest in was to you, but eventually you’ll come to terms that maybe it was for the best, when that happens don’t you feel bad about it, because you held on to those leaves for as long as you could, but now we have to make room for new and better things for us and we should always want better things for ourselves.
Now you’re probably wondering where exactly am I going with this when you see the title of this blog post and honestly, i’m not sure where i’m going with this, but I do hope it goes somewhere and it makes some kind of sense when you read it. I wasn’t really sure what kind of post I would be writing about today, I normally start my writing around the early afternoon, sometimes in the morning depending on which direction my brain wants to go that day, but i’m writing this blog post around 2:30pm my time not too far from 3pm so by the time you read this it would already have past of course…….I wanted to talk about supporters you know those who support you, but not just that, they also try and help you grow more and see you as this light that because they know how talented you are and how much potential you have, they do their best to try and help you see that as well if that makes sense, i’m sure I already spoke about having a good support system and having those who see the best in you when you don’t really see it in yourself, heck no I know I did, but i’m trying to explain this differently so I really hope i’m able to do it right.
Supporters are something special, you could do something for a bit and go around trying other things in the process and they’ll always cheer you on no matter what it is you do, they will always let you know that they are there rooting for you even when you’re not your best self. Those are what I like to call true supporters because they will always take your best interest at heart and they’ll always want to see you do well for yourself, but the most incredible thing that I love about true supporters is they don’t expect you to be perfect and they will always make sure you know that if you ever need a hand they are there.
No ones perfect, no amount of trying to be perfect will make you perfect, most people think that in order to get somewhere you have to do everything right and make sure that you don’t ever make a mistake, because the minute you make a mistake that’s it everything comes crashing down and everyone who once supported you all turn their back on you because you did something wrong……but those who turn their back on you and give up on you before you could even stand up to explain or try and make things better, those aren’t your kind of supporters, because even if you mess up and you find yourself as low as dirt, those who really took the time to understand you and get to know and see the person inside they always stay, you may think you’ve lost everyone, but the true supporters and those who are on your side will continue to be on your side no matter how bad you fall and hurt yourself.
People with a deeper soul and who also deal with accepting that they aren’t perfect are always drawn to those who embrace and accept their imperfections, even if sometimes they have doubts within themselves, they still appreciate and admire those who have falling so deep, but have always found a way to get back up and still walk through so much even when that person ends up becoming lost and not really having a direction in that moment. There’s a saying that goes: not all who wander are lost, which is true, but I also would say that if you do become lost, you will eventually find your way by wandering a bit, but just know that people respect those who fail miserably because they know that a real human being isn’t perfect no matter what anyone says.
Everyone has their flaws, but just because we hit a few bumps along the way doesn’t mean that we’re failures, there will always be someone there who sees you as something more than what you think you are and while you’re doing your best to share your light in the way you’re able to even though you know that you’re not perfect, know that the people who support you endlessly will catch some of the light that you hold within and save it for you just in case you ever burn out. Know that they’ll bring you the light that you shared with them without knowing, they will give it back to you to let you know that they believe in you as well as to let you know that when you are down they will lift you up with all the love/light and support they have for you and help keep you going whenever you feel like you’re unable to.
That kind of love and support is one of the best feelings in the world hey even universe because when you have people or even one person believe so much in you to the point where you start to believe in yourself nothing in the world would be able to top a feeling like that, sure you have similar feelings like that, but not to the point where you really feel it so much it, you become speechless and sometimes emotional. For those who show you that you are more than what you care to believe, those are keepers and also the kind of people who truly resonate with you, always keep those true supporters close by and let them know from time to time, how much you really appreciate them and how grateful you are to have them be apart of not just the things you do, but also how grateful you are to them for taking the time to really understand you as person each time you grew into someone new and how much gratitude you have for them not ever leaving your side or giving up on you even when they probably should’ve, but the fact that they didn’t and they still believed and saw greatness in you that’s real support.
That is all from me for now, I just wanted to let you know I started writing this yesterday but didn’t finish until now so the time finished 3:43pm Aug 9th with a little bit of editing at around 10:50pm. Anyway hope you all are able to take something from this blog post, I know I probably said this before in one of my other blog post, but thank you to those who take the time to read my blogs and are supporting it, it means a whole lot and I appreciate all of you so much so thanks again, i’m gonna do my best to continue to bring you all the best possible blog post that I can, i’m not perfect at them, but I always try my best, but it means a lot knowing that you all still enjoy it, hope you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening. 🙂
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The Wandering Daydreamer 