Who Am I!? Well I Ain’t Perfect I’ll Tell You That One……..(Inspired Blog Post By The Art Of Blogging)

Who am I!?………that is the question that I tend to ask myself most days along with being asked that in a blog post I read today. We all go through that stage where we think we have everything figured out whether that has to do within ourselves or just in general, but the truth is there are somethings we don’t have figured out and knowing that can be a bit scary and it’ll sometimes make you go down a road of whether you think what you’re doing is even worth it or make you go into a really deep hole of thoughts and what not, but i’m starting to learn that you don’t really have to know everything, we always pretend that we do, but in reality we know that…..we don’t and that’s not to say it’s a bad thing it’s just how it is, but that doesn’t mean we can’t learn along the way, but I wanted to answer certain questions from the blog I read today because it really had me thinking, so with the questions i’m gonna be honest even if I don’t have the answer i’ll still try.

One of the questions that was asked was who are you really!? This is gonna be something, but I did say i’d be honest and i’m sticking to that…..okay let’s answer.

Who am I really!? that’s actually a tough question when you’re really thinking about it……..I’m not quite sure actually sometimes I think I know, but then I still find myself trying to figure it out at the same time. Somethings about me though: I am a very random person, I’m very talkative when I want to be, but also if i’m really excited about something, when i’m into something and when i’m really happy…..uhhh I am a person who loves to write, i’m a collector of certain things like journals, pebbles/stones, CD’s (if I like them) and fun collectables. I’m a wanderer at heart, daydreamer (hence the blog name ha) you know this gets harder when you really have to think about it………i’m a girl that deals with anxiety as some of you may know, sometimes I feel a little misunderstood, but I deal with it, because it’s hard to have to explain what it is your feeling all the time without you constantly being questioned. I can be easily distracted at times, i’m stubborn at times as well, but one of the main things about me is I lack self confidence when it comes to the things I do, I try my best to really believe in myself and get myself moving, but I don’t really do that great of a job at it………people say that i’m stronger than I think, but I don’t know if that’s true because lately I find myself really needing people……..you see this girl tries to help everyone else, but honestly this person……me…….she can’t even help herself…….and the reason for that is she doesn’t know how to help herself move on to the things she feels and knows she deserve at least that’s what her mind keeps telling her……..I don’t know how to just stop making excuses on why it’s hard for me to just do what I say i’m gonna do……….I try so hard to stay as positive as I can, but yet inside i’m really struggling and i’m afraid of what I don’t know. I’m the type of person who constantly isolates herself from certain people, i’m the kind of person who feels she needs someone there in order to move forward and that is really sad……..I shouldn’t have to depend on people to help me, I should be able to do it myself at least a little bit and yet I tell myself I can’t and I keep myself from reaching my full potential that I know deep down I have and if I just put my mind to it I know I can do it……..i’m a procrastinator, i’m an optimist who really should be a realist at times and know that I can’t keep thinking that everything’s gonna work out just like that, I have to keep in mind that you have to work hard for stuff and really push yourself if you want to get where you want to be. I’m sure there’s more to me than I know, but if continue to list we’ll be here forever, let’s just say I have my good traits and I have my bad traits as well.

The next question that was asked was: What is it that you want more than anything else!? that’s a good question isn’t it!?

What is it that I want more than anything else? You know this may sound cliche and what not but all I want more than anything else is to be happy and live a simple life, I know that sounds crazy right!? no but seriously, I just want to be be happy doing what it is I want to do while also living a simple life with the one I love, sure that might sound cliche and boring, but that’s want I want more than anything else. I would also like to be able to make some kind of difference and inspire people as well in the best way that I can and I also want to improve myself more and really work on the things I know I need to work on.

The third question we have here is, What do you hate the most about yourself!? Now this wasn’t the actual third question, but i’m only writing about the ones that I feel i’d be able to answer properly so yeah.

What do you hate most about yourself!? This is gonna get real deep i’m sure……one of the things I hate about myself would have to be the way I let my mind take over causing my emotions to go into hyperdrive, now me doing that also causes my mind to take control over everything and it causes me to get very anxious and I start to freak out over the smallest things, sometimes they’re important, other times they’re not. Whenever my anxiety hits, it really hits, they say you have the power to control your emotions and the way you think which sure that maybe true, but it’s not always that easy, another thing that I hate about myself is how I don’t let myself reach my full potential as I stated earlier, I can give myself the push for a bit and then I stop myself from ever achieving what I possibly could have achieved if I just kept going and didn’t give up so quickly. My lack of self confidence is another thing I hate about myself, I know I already spoke on this, but that is another thing I don’t like and the thing is I know I have it in me, I just don’t give myself permission to really embrace it like I should…….I hate how sometimes I don’t stand up for myself when I know I should and I hate that I have the power to change the things that i’m talking about here and yet the only thing i’m good for is putting myself down and giving myself the pity treatment and that’s not right, I shouldn’t do that, I should be lifting myself up and trying to be a better version of myself everyday……..I know I have my best moments sometimes, but I should be doing my best to make sure I give myself all the best moments I can, even when i’m not 100 percent, I should still try and give things my all.

There’s a few things I learned about myself and that i’m still learning, for one I have to learn to be a little more brave and less afraid, I have to learn that hard work isn’t something I should continue to be afraid of, if anything I should be happy to want to better myself instead of keeping myself in the same hole, that i’ve been in for a good amount of time, I need to stop being this timid person who feels like she isn’t capable of making progress in her life and getting herself to a place of success and happiness, i’ve gotta really change the way I live and let myself strive for the things I know I deserve and let myself feel what it’s like to be confident because I know I am, I just gotta keep reminding myself that i’m confident, strong and capable of great things and if I just give myself that push i’ll see that and i’ll know that the person I once was before she’s still in there and no matter what she thinks of herself, she’s still a great person inside and out.

The last question I wanted to answer was the question: If you had just enough time on this planet for one last blog post, what would you write about? 

If I had just enough time on this planet to write one last blog post, I would write about having more confidence in yourself and not letting life past you by, i’m really starting to learn that life is really short and it takes something small to happen to really get you to see the bigger picture of what’s important……….what’s not important is being afraid to succeed and just seeing how far you’re able to go in this life you have, you shouldn’t give up on yourself, you should always do your best no matter if it’s perfect or if it’s just decent, as long as you did your best, that’s all that really matters. We can only do, but so much and it’s up to us to really figure out what it is we want to do. It doesn’t have to be complicated, it can be really simple just make sure once you have an idea of what you want you go after it and do the best that you can to get where it is you want to go, don’t be like me and think that waiting around for it is gonna work because it’s not, you have to really put yourself out there and take that chance whatever that might be, it may be uncomfortable at first, but once you keep easing your way in, it’ll start to get easier. You just gotta give yourself that push and keep going otherwise you might regret it if you don’t. Don’t regret it, Embrace it.

For those wondering what blog post i’ve been talking about this whole time, the blog post that inspired me to want to answer these questions came from a blog called Anyone can blog, you can find it here: ANYONE Can Blog this blog post was so good that I had to reblog it, it really gets you thinking about everything, it was posted by a blogger name Christian Mihai he has this blog called The Art Of Blogging, one of my favorite blogs so far, I think there’s other people who are apart of that blog as well, but yeah go and show them some support and read the blog as well because it really does get you thinking, it’s mainly about blogging but you can learn a lot from their blog, but anyway that is all from me for now I don’t think I have anymore else to say here, I pretty much wrote you all the things you didn’t know about me, uhhh I hope you are able to take something from this and maybe learn a thing or two as well, I hope that you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening 🙂

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

P.S. I just wanted to share that today marks a month of me blogging on here so I just want to say a quick thank you to those who support my blog and actually take the time to read my blog posts and enjoy it as well, it really means a lot so thank you so much ^_^ (Originally written Aug 10th, Finished Aug 11th at 5:22pm)

Finding My Niche (My Confidence Struggle Story)

Confidence is something we all struggle with at some point in our lives, for some confidence comes pretty easy at least it seems like it, for those who have a lot of confidence i’m sure they at one point in their life didn’t have it and had to build up theirs until they had enough to feel good about themselves, sure there are a lot of other people who’s confidence is off the roof and it makes you wonder whether if they are just full of themselves, if that’s just their way of trying to get people’s attention or if it actually took them so long to gain the confidence and because they now have it, they’re happy and are just showing a different side to themselves that they never knew they had. Having so much confidence isn’t always a bad thing it just shows that you’re proud of who you are and who you’ve become if you struggled with confidence for a while, however sometimes for some people having so much confidence can get to you and it can turn you into a completely different person that isn’t good for you and that’s just gonna leave you in the middle of the road in the pouring rain by yourself, with that said though people who struggle with confidence there’s always a reason for it, maybe they had something really big happen in their lives to where confidence was hard to gain or every time they were confident about something they had people around them kinda push them down a notch or they just have trouble really seeing themselves the way others see them, there’s a lot of different reasons.

Some may think that having confidence is bad but it’s not, it’s just all on how you use your confidence, but if you’re the kind of person who struggles with being confident don’t you worry you’re not alone here, I too struggle with confidence, it was always one of those things I never really embraced, It’s weird though because I am happy with myself and I love who I am as a person, sure I have my flaws, but doesn’t everyone!? When it comes to confidence within myself and my personality that i’m good with, so if someone calls me weird and tells me I talk a lot, it doesn’t bother me because i’m happy with who I am personality wise, but when it comes to having confidence in my abilities and the things I do, that’s a different story……….you see I always had this thing where I would start something and i’d make progress with it, but then after a while i’d stop doing it and would never finish it, for example: Youtube, a lot of you won’t know this, but I did Youtube and I still have it, but I don’t upload on it much. I started Youtube a few times my first channel was back in i’d say 2011!? ( I checked it was in 2011) anyway so yeah I did Youtube a few times I have 3, but I only use 2, my first one I haven’t used in years though.

Long story short with me doing Youtube I never use to be super consistent with it, when I did start it I would post not everyday, but more than I did after I had it for a while if that makes sense and i’d enjoy it and have fun with it, but I wouldn’t really put my all into it, I had all these ideas and i’d write them down, but I wouldn’t go forth with most of them because I wasn’t feeling confident enough with it, there were times I had something going and then i’d give up on it after a while because I didn’t feel it anymore, well more like I wasn’t sure how it would be perceived so I stopped it before it could get somewhere……..I guess you can say I was scared in a way, you see yourself doing well and you’re happy, but then that doubt in you comes to play and tries to throw you off course and makes you second guess yourself, telling you that your ideas aren’t gonna work and no ones gonna like it, so everything where i’d put a lot of my heart into and would give a try, i’d step back and just pretty much abandon it, giving up on my ideas and the hard work that I’d put into it……..and I would try so hard not to do that, i’d step away from my channels thinking that I would come back a different person, but it was always the same person coming back, i’d stay for a bit, then disappear for a few months then come back once more and you get it.

So that’s where my confidence lacks, I would give up on myself and my ideas before I even got started and by me doing that to myself where i’d start something and not finish it, that caused me to sorta have an identity breakdown in a way, everything I tried to stick with I never stuck with and it just got the point where I just didn’t care anymore and I just kinda gave up in a way, I use to constantly wonder what I was gonna do with myself and with that it caused me to become unhappy with myself and I didn’t like that. I’d always express the way I felt to my friends and my boyfriend and goodness i’m surprised they’re still around because most people would just get tired of the same thing and you constantly telling them how you just don’t know what to do with yourself, but they always were patient with me and always gave me advice, the main things they’d say was to just stay consistent, focused and have fun with it and even though I would constantly beat myself up on it, they were always so supportive and believed that I would find something, always saw and still see the best in me when I didn’t see it myself, it’s just great to have people like that who even when you kick yourself down or you think that what you’re doing isn’t good, they’ll always tell you that you’re doing great, how proud they are of you, how they will always support you no matter what and that they’d always be there if anything.

When it came to finding my niche though, It wasn’t until I asked my friend Ray about her blog  and I was always curious on what it was like to have a blog, it was always one of my interests, but I never was sure whether to start one or not because I didn’t know if I was going be good at it but I realized when I was going through a self discovery thing and trying to find what was for me, I noticed how much I started writing more and I always questioned why it was I had so many journals and why I was so obsessed with them, but I also never questioned it at the same time, because I was happy. People would always ask why do you need/have so many journals!? and i’d always respond with “well because I like them” but I never actually questioned it unless someone would point it out and then i’d think “yeah why do I have so many Journals!?” but back to my friend Ray, so I asked her about blogging and she told me all that she knew and gave me advice and I told her I was thinking of starting one and she told me I should because in her words when she did it, she remembered how cozy it made her feel being able to write whatever she wanted and it’s thanks to her I now write everyday. She actually got me started on it and yeah I was nervous on starting it because I didn’t want to mess it up and have it be another thing that I give up on, I wanted this time to be different and I wanted to really have something that I could be proud of and say hey I do this everyday and i’m happy about it.

Well now I can finally say i’m happy and I mean happy then I ever was when I was doing Youtube not saying I didn’t like it I did, it helped me show my personality and I got to have fun with it, but what i’m saying is I love writing just a little bit more and it’s now been 2 weeks since I started blogging (2 weeks yesterday) and I keep saying to the people that know I blog and support me on it, that I feel like I finally found my thing and i’m proud of not only the blog, but also myself because i’m pushing myself everyday and really putting my heart and soul into it without feeling like I have to, it’s always because I want to and with writing I said this to my boyfriend yesterday, I always feel like it’s the one thing that I don’t ever have to question or doubt myself in because I love it so much and being able to express myself in a way that I may not be able to out loud, but I can with writing, makes me feel really good and also pretty confident in a way because I know that with this I don’t have to think twice, I can just write.

Confidence isn’t a feeling, I mean it is, but confidence comes from within you and all the different things that you do, so if you see that you’re doing something, you’re enjoying it and you see that you’re progressing in it, keep going and if you have ideas or you are feeling really good about something to where it’s making you happy, then try them out and don’t be discouraged on seeing where it can go and where it can take you, if you go into something with confidence and a positive mindset, you’re already there because you’re confident in your ideas, you’re believing in your abilities and just yourself in general. As for finding your niche (your thing) that will come to you naturally, you just got to let it and if you aren’t sure what your thing is try looking at the things you do the most and where you’re always being drawn to, maybe that’ll give you an idea on what is made for you. I hope you’re able to find your niche in life and when you do stick with it, believe in it and most importantly believe in yourself. If you’re having self doubt about whether something will work or not just replace those thoughts with it will work if I make it work. If you believe in something then go with it and just see what happens when you bring your ideas to life, it may surprise you and in the process you’ll become more confident and proud of yourself knowing you went for it.

Aaaaand that’s my blog post for today (tonight) I didn’t expect to write this much and for it to be this long, but sometimes you just gotta let your heart and soul do the speaking for you, I was having a conversation with my boyfriend on this topic yesterday and I guess it stuck with me and I needed to get my realizations out about myself, I hope you guys are able to take something from this blog post even though I pretty much told a story here………maybe there’s something in here that you can take from it who knows, anyways I hope you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening.

Originally written On July 26

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Believe That Where You’re Headed Is Where You’re Mean’t To Go In Life…..

We all know that life likes to throw a whole lot of curve balls at us along with putting obstacles in our way whenever we think that everything’s going well, but did you ever wonder why it does that!? We don’t all have the answers to why certain things happen to us and why there are times when even when we push ourselves to being a different version of ourselves everyday, there will always be a time where we will come to a roadblock and then have to decide whether we let it stop us from moving forward or do we continue to keep moving on by either finding a different route or hop over it (if we’re able to) and just keep going. For some people they would probably chose a different route and sometimes a different route is a good choice, I mean it could take you to where you need to go quickly, but would it really be worth it to avoid the obstacle compared to just facing it head on and continuing to push through it even though it’s mean’t to keep you from progressing on your journey!? Some of you may say probably and some maybe thinking gee i’m not sure…..it’s okay if you don’t know the answer to this or if you have a different outlook on the situation, everyone has their thoughts and wonders of why life puts us in all these different predicaments sometimes, it’s normal to question why things happen and also wonder could all of this be for a reason or am I just having bad luck?

I’ll tell you though it isn’t bad luck, what is happening is every situation you happen to come across be it bad, good, humiliating or just anything really is all for a reason. I’ve been learning a lot lately and what I keep coming across is, whatever your mind is like that is how your life is going to be projected to you. What i’m saying is just in case I didn’t make sense there, whatever thoughts you think on a daily bases your mind is going to make your thoughts come to life and mirror it in front of you, whether you’re aware of it or not. Your thoughts control your life, so if you’re the type of person to always think on the worst side of things that’s gonna be your reality, same goes for if you’re the kind of person to think on the best side of things, no matter what your thoughts are that is what is gonna be portrayed in your reality. So if you want things to be less hectic and you want a different outcome in your life, try focusing on how your mind is because that will determine your reality and what your life will be like as well.

Now moving on from how your thoughts determine your reality, when it comes to the life your aiming for whatever that is, it could be anything that is fulling to you and that makes you happy. When you find that something that makes you happy and it doesn’t ever seem like a chore to you that’s when you know that you found what it is you were mean’t to do, sure you have other things you like doing, but if you find yourself constantly being drawn to something and you don’t really have an idea why, just go with it, especially if you know that when you’re being pulled towards it and you feel nothing but goodness inside you and you find yourself smiling because of it then go with the feeling. Sure it may not make sense at first and you’ll probably wonder why it is your so drawn to whatever is bringing you to realize what it is your made to do, but if you feel like something is saying “hey this is what you’re suppose to do” and you too start to feel something inside you change then that’s saying something. That’s telling you that, that’s where you thrive at the most. We all have things that pull us in from time to time and makes us want to take an interest just to see what it’s all about and see if we like it or not.

That’s just how we start to determine what category we fall in when it comes to our interest if that makes sense. When we finally find what it is we are mean’t to do, everything becomes clear and not as stressful, I actually saw a post I think it was today or yesterday, but it said something along the lines of when we finally find something that we want to do and commit to it then everything that feels overwhelming and that made you think i’m never gonna find something, all that will just start to fade away because you finally have that something that makes you happy and where you’re able to say  that’s my thing you know!? Finding that thing that makes you feel good inside and where it just naturally comes to you, that is the best feeling ever. Everything else that interest you sure that’s good as well, but the feeling you get when you have that thing, where you can call it yours that feeling is beyond compared.

So when you find that thing where something inside you is calling you to it, go with it, because it’s calling you for a reason and if you know in your heart and you feel in your soul that, that’s what you’re made to do, don’t pull away from it. Let what is made for you guide you toward where you want to be headed, trust that everything that is going on in your life is for a reason and never let anyone stop you or tell you how you should be living your life. Your life is your life and even though other people may not agree with the way you’re doing things, if you know that deep down you’re doing the right thing and you feel that what you’re doing is the best thing for you, then keep going and keep working towards where you feel you’re headed. You don’t have to know where you’re headed exactly, not everyone is gonna know that, some do, but for others it’s not always the case and that’s okay, some people do things best when they’re just going with the flow of things, knowing where you’re headed is good, but sometimes it’s not knowing where you’re headed that makes things just a little more fun along with a little scary as well. It’s okay to let life blow you all around the place, that’s just it’s way of saying that eventually you’ll know what is made for you until then just keep exploring and enjoy the journey.

Trust the waves of life and if you can’t fight against the current, try floating along with it, it may help you find where you’re meant to be along the way. Alrighty well that’s all from me for now, I thought i’d share this with you guys because right now i’m in the process of doing what I feel is right even though people around me think it’s not and just in case you’re in that predicament or you’re in that mindset where you’re not sure if what you’re doing is the right thing, if it feels right and you feel happier doing what you’re doing, then just keep pushing and keep doing your thing and if no ones told you this before well, you’re doing the best you can and i’m proud of you for how far you’ve come even if it’s not the biggest thing to everyone, if it’s big to you then i’m proud of you and you’re doing great. Hope you all have a lovely night/morning and evening and remember to hang in there and when the going gets tough just keep on pushing, you’ll get there.

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~