Plans & Decisions…

I’ve never been one for planning you know, which you probably do because I’ve mentioned it a few times on here, me and plans….don’t mix, however I’ve come to a point in my life where, I’m finding myself trying to plan for things which is usually not my department, but if the time has come for me to really sit and plan things properly then I’m going to do it! I’m going to put myself in an uncomfortable situation and face it the best way I can, scared and full of nerves combined!

Today has been a bit of a rough day for me, I’ll admit, I woke up with soooo many thoughts in my head and trying to sort them is completely new to me, I don’t normally sort my thoughts out well and so trying to do that today has got my head just full of aches lol…..but it’s okay because I know that there’s something that is very important I want to do and if I end up losing a little bit of sleep from it or feel myself getting slightly anxious on, I’m alright with that! Plans aren’t my normal cup of tea, but I’ve been trying to embrace it a little better instead of getting intimidated by them,

Plans are important they can help layout things so you don’t feel all over the place! Normally I like going with things naturally, but I’ve also been learning that sometimes you need to plan for things in order to work them out, if you just let things always go as they are, whatever is most important to you can get away from you and if that’s something you don’t want then you have to really work at them and take those steps to having them come to fruition and making them happen…..I’m always being told that life is short and you want to make sure you’re always giving attention to the things that matter most even if it seems hard, it can seem like you won’t get there, but if you want it enough and you believe in it enough….you already know that it can get there, you just have to take those steps to get them there!

Now with the things that I’m planning, there’s a few decisions that I’ve come to realize I need to face and deal with, even though some of the stuff may not be my favorite to want to deal with…..it’s up to me to take that breath, put on a brave face and do it anyway…..with planning you also have to make decisions tough or not, because that’s the only way for you to grow better and to experience things without all the limits of it all it all, you have to allow yourself to fly even if you are bat scared shit of it and yes I’m saying it just like that because it’s how I’m feeling it at the moment….if we continue to always keep ourselves on the ground, as safe as it may be sometimes you have to also fly or float otherwise you’ll always be there wishing you could soar that blue sky!

I recently went on a trip as you may know if you read that post and I was really nervous when I was waiting to go on the plane, but once I got on the plane…..I don’t know I was very happy, I smiled to myself knowing I did something that scared me and even when I was on the vacation I was on…..I was ready to go back on the plane……it just felt good and I really enjoyed myself knowing that I was ahead somewhere that I hadn’t been yet and that’s what I want to continue, I want to keep discovering, exploring and going on adventures…..but also I want to share that experience and so if I need to plan in order to do that, like I said…..I will!

The upcoming plan idea is to finally be able to see my love again and figure out how we can be together permanently, we both have wanted that for a good now sooo, I’m just hoping that it all goes well for us this time, which we’ll make sure it does!

Planning By A Non Planner (Personal Thoughts) Ep. 32 Daydreamer's Podcast

Hiya everyone, hope you've been having a good week so far! In today's episode, I talk about some of my own personal thoughts that I've been feeling today and about planning….something I see as intimidating normally, but I've been trying to embrace it a little better this time around and really do my best with it all! 

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Bursting Energy…..

Happy Friday! Hope you’re all doing well this fine afternoon…..I got a bit of too much energy right now as I’m writing this and I’m not quite sure how to handle it, I feel good today, I feel a lot better than these past 2 days, the only thing is, I just don’t know what to do with myself with this amount of energy, I don’t want to use it all in one go, I would like to pace it better, but I’m finding myself slowly draining it by each super thought that fills me with excitement or just by thinking too much about things….not in a bad way, but just by like I said getting myself excited with ideas and looking forward to things, for example I’ve got 2 podcast episodes that I’m eager to do that will be coming in the next week or 2, they’re both childhood related and I’m excited to put my thoughts on them after so long, you’ll know about them in due time don’t worry!

Now as for the other thing that always tends to leave me excited when thinking about it, is something that I find myself going back to, that I want to try, that I have yet to try my hand at, I always think about it, but I’ve not yet decided on fully giving it a go even when I do feel it! Recently I’ve been researching on it more and every time I do, I get both happy and nervous about it, but I don’t know I just feel it to be something that keeps kind of calling to me to check it out, I just get nervous!

Although, I always on occasion and if not that, then here and there looking more and more into it and I feel like it’s a good time to see about it and see if I can find myself getting used to a lot, again I just get nervous thinking about it because I don’t know if I’ll be good at it, but then I think well I won’t know unless I give it a try and it’s not something that I need to be serious about in a sense of I can just be me and do it how I feel it to naturally come out, it’s just a nervous feeling one reason being because it’ll require me to show my face again and not just my voice which is something that I haven’t quite done in the past few months and it’s one of the reasons I haven’t decided on it just yet.

I know I’m still becoming more comfortable with my voice and so combining the two is a bit nerve-racking for me, I just get very uncomfortable in front of a camera, even though I’ve done it plenty before, but regardless to if it’s been so long or not it still takes me time to adjust when in front of a camera, part of me doesn’t mind it, but there’s also a part of me that would rather not, yet I also find myself thinking about doing it again…..I’m a weird one okay, I’ve accepted it!

I’m also very expressive though, when I’m passionate about something I either talk with my hands or I move my whole body and this even happens when I’m writing, I can’t help it lol! I’m considering it very thoroughly though it’s always in the back of my mind, I feel like if it was something that I felt strongly to do where it kept coming to me…..I’d pick a random day that felt good to do it and then tell you about it after I’ve done it and that’s how you know I went for it by being very curious and then saying you know what “let’s try it” Prepare yourself because that just might happen!

P.S.

I uploaded another episode to my Podcast yesterday so I’m just updating this post to share it, it’s a bit of a weird episode somewhat, but I feel there may be charm with it, possibly lol, if you would like to check it out you can find it here: Let’s Talk: Months & Animal Crossing (Friday Mood) You can also listen to it on Spotify as well!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Truthfully Speaking….

Hiya….I don’t know how I should start this…..there’s a lot I want to say to you, but I find it hard to say it, I know we have days that we talk and days that we don’t, I’ve accepted that’s how it is at the moment with us right now….I know we both got our own journey that we’re on, in yours you’ve got it and are very confident, in mine, everything is kind of new still to me, but I’ve been doing my best to go more out of my comfort which is something we got to talk about by the way! I think of you always, you probably know that though by now, I can sense you probably think of me too, I hope at least lol…..I miss you always nothing new, there’s times that I want to call you, just to hear your voice and to also talk to you for a bit, but I don’t because I know how busy you are…..and if I’m being honest I sometimes think you won’t answer if I do anyway!

If I was able to write a song to you on what I’ve been feeling I would, I know that’s random, but it was the next thing that came to my head so I said it, but I’m also not saying I haven’t written lyrics for you…..I’m just saying…..also me writing that helped to get nerves out, don’t ask me why I’m nervous I just am…..I guess in a way this is the first time where I’m trying to be completely open with you to my feelings that I always have trouble expressing to you…..you’ll ask me if I’m okay and I’ll always say yeah, but there will be things that I won’t say as well and I know you’re the same way….. I know that’s why you don’t really say much these days, I always feel you want to, but I also know that you feel you work it out best alone and I never want to push you to saying things you aren’t ready to say…..I’ll always give you the time that you feel you need, even when all I want to do is talk to you, I’ll always have patience for you.

I love hearing from you, you have no idea how much that brightens my day! That aside…..How you been!? I hope you’re doing okay and I hope your family’s doing alright too as well your nan, I hope she’s been okay!? I hope everything’s been going well with what you’re doing and that you’re enjoying yourself with it all! I’ve been watching some of your videos and I always see how happy you are doing it which makes me smile, I love it when you smile and are happy though…..I know this week was hard, did you feel it!? If so I felt it too…..did you know there was a Lunar Eclipse yesterday, I know you don’t like hearing these facts, but you know I always like telling you them anyway,

It’s just me! I don’t know what else to say…..I feel I might’ve said everything I needed, but I also feel I still got more I want to say, maybe I’ll say it when we have a proper talk if you want to do that! I think that’s everything for now, before I finish up this post message for you, I just want you to always know and remember how much I love you, no matter what goes on and how much we talk and how much we don’t…..just know I love you and that I always will that’s never going to change…..hopefully you read this, because it’s kind of why I wrote it lol…..I’d used the sticking out of the tongue icon here, but I’m on my computer writing this…..hold on wait 😛 never mind that works, hopefully you laughed, yes I know I’m weird you don’t have to tell me….okay I’m done….for now!

P.S.

I’ve been listening to a lot of Dappy lately…..especially I.O.U that keeps coming on for some reason and it’s not me choosing to play it, it just comes on by itself, although I have been purposely listening to Beautiful Me and No Regrets mainly Beautiful Me though, I forgot how good both those songs were….Oh and Grease has been coming on a lot as well, can you guess what song!?

All The Love Always ❤ ❤ ❤

Lexa

Hiii…..Happy Late New Yeeear Along With All The Other Holiday’s Prior!!

Alright let’s get this all out of the way without being awkward about it!! I’ve been gone for quiiite a while now as most or some may have noticed, my last post was back in October of last year, but as we all know we’re now in the year of 2021, it’s a bit crazy when you think about it I know!! Now we are in mid January close to moving to a New month, but we’ve still got a couple more days to this month before we transition over to that month so don’t go worrying too much about it!!

You might be wondering why i’ve been away for quite some time and the truth to that is……there was nothing for me to bring here…..I didn’t have much to say…..i’ve been also trying to figure out a lot of things in terms of not just new ideas, but I wanted to bring for myself, now whether that makes sense or not is to tell…..I didn’t feel happy with a lot of things, as much as I tried to share here, nothing ever felt important to share and because of that…..I just felt like I needed to step back from the things that I was doing within that time.

There was a lot of sorting that was needed from me and I felt and knew that, i’d like to say that i’ve sorted it all and i’m all good to go, but the truth is that’s not the case lol, there are still things that i’m working on, but from where I was and where i’m at now i’ve gotten a bit better that i’ve had the most trouble with, that aside I do still feel like I have a bit more to go before i’d say i’m at least 80-95% good!! 100% is a little too high right now for me to rate, but i’m in no rush to get to that percentage if i’m being honest I know i’ll get there eventually!!

In terms to how i’m feeling, obviously you have your days, that’s just part of being human, but for the most part i’d say i’ve been pretty alright, I feel good, but not GOOD with capital letters, it’s a little hard to explain,

I guess it’s kinda like a temperature thermostat, but instead of it telling you where you’re at on a hot/cold scale, it tells you where you’re at on a feeling scale and mine is at pretty alright/good, pretty alright is the middle and good (lower case letters) is just above it!! That’s where i’m at right now overall, which is good for me for now, I still worry about a lot of things that’s never going to change, but i’ve been slowly trying to embrace things more which is still new to me, but i’ve gotten better at it that I can say!!

I like to say that i’m still a work in progress, but slowly, yet surely I feel myself getting there little by little and i’m happy with myself about that, I still feel scared a lot of time with not really knowing where i’m going next, but that’s a fear within me that i’m doing my best to get over, I have been thinking of ideas where I have in mind of heading next, it’s something I have yet to try, but it’s something that has caught my interest and once I sort that all out i’ll speak of it more later down the line of course….

I do have another idea in mind that i’m probably going to try to mix in with my other idea, however this idea is one i’ve already had in my head for a while now…..again still have to sort it out first, obviously i’ll be doing it one by one because that’s the only way i’ll be able to fully give attention to it, but that’s just the half of it kinda….i’ve already written down slight notes to what I have in mind so i’d have an idea of how to do it, but because it’s something new and something that i’ve yet to try, I get nervous about it not knowing how it’s going to be, but if i’ve learned anything lately it’s to just let things happen when they happen and try not to think about it too much….which is something i’m still getting used as you can tell ha……

I’m sure once I get there, everything will just come through right then there, I just have to not think too much on it and let myself explore and figure it out on the way as scary as it may be and all, I just have to keep my focus on one thing at a time and know that everything else will follow along in the time that it’s supposed to. Excited, yet terrified in a good way of course!! I hope you all have been well and that this year has been treating you well, if you too are still on the journey of discovery of ones self,

know that no matter how worried you may be or how scared you may be…….it’s okay to feel that way….just take it one by one and whatever moment you’re in right now, embrace it and let it lead you somewhere you’d never think of going, in someway it’s bound to surprise you with where it takes you and wherever that may be….I wish you all the best on your adventures ^_^ Happy New Year and here’s to unexpected journey’s!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Reading Between The Lines….(July 27, 2019)

Sometimes the things we say, are misinterpreted or aren’t as direct as we’d like them to be, even when the things we may be saying are literally said to be direct and taken in properly, does that make sense!? I hope so……

In case you’re still confused to what I mean with that well, no worries, i’ll try and explain it in the best way that I can……as the title says reading between the lines…..what does that mean you might wonder or maybe you know exactly what it means……

The way I see it, is when you’re being told something or you say something to someone else or maybe you’re reading something (I know that’s a lot of somethings in one sentence…..sorry….) that has a specific, message, advice or maybe even someth……I mean, maybe there’s a thing that you wouldn’t see as important, but is important for you to know, even though it’s being presented in a subtle kind of way (I think I nailed that okay…..hopefully)

It doesn’t matter how much you may try and get someone to see what you mean or are trying to get them to understand, sometimes, it still gets overlooked and you could even say it directly to how you mean it, yet you’ll probably end up facepalming yourself because the understanding of it, is still unclear to them or you maybe even sometimes, which is frustrating!!

Just when you think you maybe getting through and everything is sorted and properly understood the way you wanted it to be…..it always ends up being just a little bit off the center in some sort……sometimes you may think screaming it out will help the understanding of it better, but that’s not always the case, when that happens you sometimes think, somethings missing and that maybe you didn’t say it clear enough even when you did…..

Am I making sense here, feel free to let me know if i’ve lost you…..

I don’t know how else to explain it or how else to get it to be clearer, i’ve tried all these different ways of expressing it, but I just don’t know if it’s actually being understood, it’s said to be, but it’s really not when, what is being said in regards of the problem within a situation keeps getting overlooked and avoided as not being important enough………

I mean I know there’s other things to it as well and i’m working on it to fix it this time around, because I know it’s becoming a big issue and I really don’t want it to continue being that way because it’s not really fair for it to be that way…….in order for things to move forward, you have to allow yourself to move forward in the way that you’re wanting to, which can be hard, but at the same time beneficial and good too……

Overall, here’s to hoping that the reading between the lines here sits in this time, otherwise we’re going to be reading the same chapter over and over and to tell you the truth, it got old a long while ago, a new and different chapter to read and enjoy would really be nice, hope you got all that……

So what’s some of your takes on reading between the lines, is it similar to my definition or is yours a bit different, feel free to share if you like!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~