Tag: Self Doubt

Writing Prompt: Write About Yourself

On By Daydreamer LexIn Entries, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Objective: Describe yourself, surroundings, frame of mind and emotional state, but try and write it in a third person point of you (he/she not I or me)

She wakes up to a repeated routine, washing dishes, making coffee with toast and then sits on her bed in the center of the room. She grabs a few journals from her bookcase, adds a little background noise and tries her best to look busy when deciding on what she can write about in a journal.

Her mind soon starts wandering, thinking on how she should be more productive then this. Feelings of guilt and stress come over her, making the situation look like a good place to sulk and and sit in self-pity, she tries to come up with solutions that could help her to move forward, but she lets herself think of outcomes to trying, letting in the Anxiety and giving her an excuse to not go fourth with it, knowing full well it wasn’t a good one.

She asks herself questions, that she already has the answers to, asking people for advice and tips, hoping that this time she’ll finally put them into actions herself, without the need of guidance. She locks herself away and forces herself to stay where she is, even though she knows it’s not where she wants to be, she glances outside her window, watching everyone’s life inattentive of her own, as she sees it as better. Deep in thought,

She wonders how it got so bad, but only she would know the true answer to that, it was her that held back, allowing herself to fall behind when all she had to do was try harder, she allowed her head to get the best of her in moving forward, underestimating herself and believing she wasn’t good enough. If only she would allow herself to be confident and trust in the abilities that she possesses, instead of questioning and second guessing herself, things would change and be a little better, she just can’t bring herself to believe she has it in her to do so, why you might ask!?

Fear, it’s fear that keeps her hidden, it’s the thought of being judged and feeling as if she won’t fit in wherever she goes, that she’ll feel too out of place. It’s the worry that whatever she does, won’t be good enough, those fears have always been there, but it’s not until now that they’ve started slowly coming to the surface, not fitting in never really bothered her before, but now it ends up in the back of her mind at times, those fears need to go if she wants to get anywhere and even she herself knows it’s time to move.

P.S. I hope I did this whole writing prompt right, I found this creative writing prompt website last night, okay I searched for it more like, I was curious and wanted to see what kind of prompts there were so I could try my hand at it, there were quite a few, I might try out another one, this one was fun, it actually made writing a little less intimidating….

If you would like to give it a try as well, the link is here: Creative Writing Prompts there’s other prompts on there as well if you prefer to do a different one, it’s good writing practice, at least that’s what I think prompts are for, I don’t really do them all that often ha. Hope you enjoy!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Self Destruction (Dec 12, 2018)

On By Daydreamer LexIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Originally Written Dec 10, 2018

Why do we do it!? Why do we insist on watching ourselves suffer when we know that it’s not right!? Why is it so easy to tear ourselves down then it is to build ourselves up!? We sit and watch ourselves drown in our own sorrows and continue to rip ourselves in half when we feel we aren’t getting things right………we break and we break until we don’t have many pieces left to break. We expect everyone else to fix us and make us feel better, but we always know that deep down, it doesn’t matter how many people help and try and lift us up………..we’ll still feel broken inside and that’s because we’ve broken down ourselves so much that, although we want and try and let people in, we always end up pushing them away or trying to push them away when they try to help us, because we feel what’s the point!?

We can’t even fix ourselves so, how are we meant to let others help us if we can’t even help ourselves!? I mean we’re the one who chose to stay this way right!? We could fix ourselves and be better, yet we prefer to keep ourselves the way we are, on the ground or by locking ourselves away and choosing to stay isolated……..we chose to not try, we’d rather just dwell and keep ourselves just sitting in the dirt not wanting to change, why!? Why do we do that, why can’t we just fight ourselves, breakaway and set ourselves free!? We have the potential don’t we!? We have the creative mind and heart to go for it right!?…….Right!?

Maybe we don’t, maybe things are great where we are, it’s familiar and safe, I mean sure we fight against ourselves and, and we long for more than what we know and we try to make the most of where we are, even though we know we aren’t happy where we are. We continue to say, “let’s give it another try”, “i’m kinda happy, sorta, i’m trying” or “I don’t know how to move on, so I choose to stay here, because this is all I know………broken is all I know”………….I’m learning that if you try to convince yourself that you’re happy with what you’re doing and where you are, you’re just gonna continue to feel more and more unhappy and when that happens, that’s when you start to overthink and then your emotions start to take over, which then causes you to self destruct. 

There’s a lot of different ways you can self destruct: There’s trying your best to always be perfect, wanting to always make everyone else happy, keeping yourself isolated from everything, not being honest with yourself about your true feelings, keeping yourself in the same situation over and over……….I could sit here and list so many different things. We all self destruct at some point, some of us are good at hiding it and others it’s not always so easy………..the fact that we would rather hurt ourselves though and let ourselves get to the point of self destruction, is selfish and upsetting because it means you don’t care about yourself and when you don’t care about yourself, it’s hard to care about everything else………..you should care, you should be wanting to feel happy.

If you continue to let yourself have breakdowns after breakdowns or constantly make yourself feel like you’re not enough or you aren’t capable of anything, it’s only gonna leave you in a pile of your own destruction, do you really want that!? You have to be your own friend, if you start sabotaging yourself the only person to blame for all that is you, because you have the choice to finally stop yourself from completely destroying and I hope that you do finally stop tearing yourself away, because even though that mind of yours tells you that you aren’t good enough, you know that deep in your heart and soul, you are.

The mind can easily play tricks on you, but it’s you who has the choice to believe what the mind is telling you or fight back and save yourself from having a complete meltdown and if you’ve had meltdowns already, know that it’s okay, we all do, but  don’t think that it’s too late to change the way you are, because it’s not. Sometimes we have to have meltdowns after meltdowns in order to finally realize that what we do to ourselves affect us in a big way whether we think so or not, so please really look to yourself and ask yourself if what you’re doing is worth it and is what your doing making you happy!? If it’s not, then you know what it is you have to do, change it or keep self destructing, the choice is yours……..and I hope that you choose wisely. 

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~ 

Photo by Volkan Olmez on Unsplash

Why Do We Doubt Ourselves!? (Evening Pages Nov 14, 2018)

On By Daydreamer LexIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

So i’ve been trying to figure out what to write for a bit now, i’ve been writing in my writing journal, earlier I wrote a new evening page, it was on what was in my head this morning, I started to write another journal entry on something and the title I wrote here, is the same title I wrote in my writing journal. The question I ask is why when it comes to self doubt…….why is it that we doubt ourselves so much!? It seems like when we were younger, we had more confidence then we do now in ourselves, which is crazy to look back on, i’m sure a lot of us were super energetic, didn’t have a care in the world on anything, we just all did our own thing without having to worry about it.

It’s like the older you get, the things that you would normally feel confident about as a kid, you don’t feel as much getting older. Now i’m not saying everyone does that, i’m sure there’s a whole lot of people who were the same from a child to now. However most of us, we know what it’s like to change in order to meet peoples standards the older we get. If someone doesn’t like something we do, we change ourselves so that way they do like us better, we try and mold ourselves to everyones perception of us that when it comes to really looking at yourself in the mirror, it’s hard to know who you really truly are……..and when you try to break out of those molds, you find yourself getting backlash for it.

People see that you want to change and you know you want to change, because you feel that there’s just so much more to you then what meets the eye and you want to see what that is, but not everyone will see it the same as you and that’s something that not only they need to come to terms with, but you need to come to terms with yourself. Everyone will have their opinions, judgements and thoughts about it, but you…….you have to know that this change, this thing that you find yourself in the middle of, you have to know that it’s not all bad, sure it may seems like it, but it’s not. Everyone changes and not everyone is gonna be the same for long.

If you’re going through some kind of change, maybe it’s because you need the change because maybe the way you were and the things you did before…….maybe they just aren’t meant to be there forever with you, maybe they were just there for the moments that you needed it………I find myself wondering whether the person I am now this version of me, I wonder whether I went wrong with her or something and the thing is………I actually don’t feel like I did, I know i’m not the same as I was a few months ago, a few months ago I was happy, happier than i’ve ever been, me now……..i’m half kinda happy, but also half not fully completely happy and you’re probably thinking what does this have to do with self doubt!?

Well……..when you know that you’ve changed and that you just aren’t the same person everyone was used to and that you were use to, it makes you look back on a lot of things from the moments that you were, to how you are now and it makes you question, even when you feel like this new you, this new version of you might just do you good…….it will still have you question yourself and it will leave you to doubt yourself and if you’ve always been the kind of person to have issues with self doubt, whether that be in yourself, the decisions that you’ve made, it will still effect you.

Even when it does though, you just keep in mind that everyone changes, you included, you may not understand why and you may not like it at first, but eventually you’ll come to realize that you changing isn’t a bad thing, it’s far from it. The only thing that comes from change is new opportunities and a new kind of growth, so again, no matter how many judgements you get, keep in mind that when you start to doubt yourself when it comes to how you’re doing things and all that, know that you have nothing to worry about, because you’re doing fine, you just gotta keep going and eventually you’ll see that the change you’ve come across will only be for the better even if you think it wont. 

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~

Photo by Christian Holzinger on Unsplash