So i’ve been trying to figure out what to write for a bit now, i’ve been writing in my writing journal, earlier I wrote a new evening page, it was on what was in my head this morning, I started to write another journal entry on something and the title I wrote here, is the same title I wrote in my writing journal. The question I ask is why when it comes to self doubt…….why is it that we doubt ourselves so much!? It seems like when we were younger, we had more confidence then we do now in ourselves, which is crazy to look back on, i’m sure a lot of us were super energetic, didn’t have a care in the world on anything, we just all did our own thing without having to worry about it.

It’s like the older you get, the things that you would normally feel confident about as a kid, you don’t feel as much getting older. Now i’m not saying everyone does that, i’m sure there’s a whole lot of people who were the same from a child to now. However most of us, we know what it’s like to change in order to meet peoples standards the older we get. If someone doesn’t like something we do, we change ourselves so that way they do like us better, we try and mold ourselves to everyones perception of us that when it comes to really looking at yourself in the mirror, it’s hard to know who you really truly are……..and when you try to break out of those molds, you find yourself getting backlash for it.

People see that you want to change and you know you want to change, because you feel that there’s just so much more to you then what meets the eye and you want to see what that is, but not everyone will see it the same as you and that’s something that not only they need to come to terms with, but you need to come to terms with yourself. Everyone will have their opinions, judgements and thoughts about it, but you…….you have to know that this change, this thing that you find yourself in the middle of, you have to know that it’s not all bad, sure it may seems like it, but it’s not. Everyone changes and not everyone is gonna be the same for long.

If you’re going through some kind of change, maybe it’s because you need the change because maybe the way you were and the things you did before…….maybe they just aren’t meant to be there forever with you, maybe they were just there for the moments that you needed it………I find myself wondering whether the person I am now this version of me, I wonder whether I went wrong with her or something and the thing is………I actually don’t feel like I did, I know i’m not the same as I was a few months ago, a few months ago I was happy, happier than i’ve ever been, me now……..i’m half kinda happy, but also half not fully completely happy and you’re probably thinking what does this have to do with self doubt!?

Well……..when you know that you’ve changed and that you just aren’t the same person everyone was used to and that you were use to, it makes you look back on a lot of things from the moments that you were, to how you are now and it makes you question, even when you feel like this new you, this new version of you might just do you good…….it will still have you question yourself and it will leave you to doubt yourself and if you’ve always been the kind of person to have issues with self doubt, whether that be in yourself, the decisions that you’ve made, it will still effect you.

Even when it does though, you just keep in mind that everyone changes, you included, you may not understand why and you may not like it at first, but eventually you’ll come to realize that you changing isn’t a bad thing, it’s far from it. The only thing that comes from change is new opportunities and a new kind of growth, so again, no matter how many judgements you get, keep in mind that when you start to doubt yourself when it comes to how you’re doing things and all that, know that you have nothing to worry about, because you’re doing fine, you just gotta keep going and eventually you’ll see that the change you’ve come across will only be for the better even if you think it wont. 

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~

Photo by Christian Holzinger on Unsplash