Dear Little Me…..(Updated)

It’s been a while hasn’t it, if only you knew all things we have been through…..I mean seeing that you are apart of me, you probably already know huh!? I’ll be honest I wasn’t really expecting to write to you, it was only after that I read a bit of the first I guess you can call letter post that I wrote to you back in 2018 that I felt like I wanted to update you on a few things that we’ve managed to do…..I’m writing this a bit on the late side on the 15th of September nearly midnight, but not necessarily midnight it’s still around 11:30pm as I’m writing this now, I might just continue this post in the morning so I could really tell you everything that I want you to know….I’ll catch you up on what those things are soon, a part of me might keep the rest as a surprised though, see you in a couple of hours!

Good Morning me, well younger me…..it’s a little early, around 8:40am almost 9am, I don’t know if you remember us always getting up earlier than we needed to back then, there were moments when we got up a bit late as well! Sometimes we’d get up at almost 10am and if we got up at 11am we were upset the whole day…..I’m glad that I changed our sleep schedule all those times ago ha! I don’t know where to start with what’s been going on….We’ve been on quite the journey you and I, a lot of stresses, emotions both good and bad, we had some loses in our lives as well, that meant a lot to us….but on a good note, we did find someone that loves us for our weirdness as well as everything else believe it our not lol…..there’s a lot of things that’s happened since the last time I spoke to you!

We’ve been through some storms, but the one thing though that I feel you’ll really like is that…..we got through them and most of them we’re really hard, because they pushed us to really grow ourselves more and change as well, in the last letter I wrote you…..I felt like I was not doing you proud, that I had failed you as an older version of me and I never knew how to really express that in the best of ways, I only knew how to say sorry and feel bad about everything we were going through at the time…..I wanted you to be happy and I didn’t really give you that chance to be happy then….it took a long while, but I just want you to know that we’re doing good now, where we were then, we aren’t there anymore!

We managed to find our voice, now I won’t say we found it fully fully, there’s still some things that we both are still working out and trying to understand better, which is normal, because not everyone has figured everything out yet, but we have learned a lot and I can honestly say that we are becoming better versions of ourselves more and more each day! Don’t get me wrong we still have our moments where we aren’t always happy and feeling our best, but to how we used to handle those days to how we handle them now…..we’re doing pretty alright for ourselves, our emotions don’t constantly get at us the way they used to, we’ve learned to control them a lot better and not be so hard on ourselves….I mean we’re still hard on ourselves at times, but I think that’s never going to go away really, but that’s okay because it helps us to want to be better!

We’ve grown on a personal level, we’re still the same, but there our some new differences within ourselves that we’ve gained with our personality, for example….we’ve gotten a bit more sarcastic lately, we say what’s on our mind a lot more these days, a bit quickly too, might I add and we’ve gotten better at not taking up things that we know we don’t need in a negative sense….I guess you can say we’ve gotten a bit tougher and stronger since the last time, but I think part of those part of me comes from you if that makes sense, especially all the sassy parts that I wouldn’t have ever thought to come out!! All our fears that we used to worry ourselves about, we have moments where they pop up, but you’ll be happy to know that instead of always wanting to avoid them and run away, we try and face them the best we can…..we come way out of our comfort zone, well we’re nearing the surface at least, we don’t swim the best, but we do our best to get to where we want to be!

Like I said we’re still learning as we go along, but that’s only part of the journey we’re on…..it’s just the beginning and we’re just getting started, but we’re flying little me, just like you always wanted and I promise that I’m going to keep doing my best to make you proud to be me older, because I just want you to be happy and I want you to know that the adventures you go, as new and hard as they may be at times and you may feel like you’re not getting where you need to, but know that you’re always going to get where you need even when you get lost a bit, sometime you have to get a little lost before you’re found! We’re always going to be okay, I know that because I got you and I know that when I’m lost, you’ll found a way to point me to where you feel it’s best to go so I know to keep going, because together is where the magic starts to happen!

All the feelings of being scared, but wanting to still give it a shot anyway, taking those risks, I never thought we’d get to that point, but I got to say that, doing those things, makes me happy, I still get nervous and scared, but I hope that you feel happy that we’re finally doing them…..there’s still some stuff that I know I want to tell you, but I know know how to express them properly just yet, so I will leave them for another time, the moment I find those words and I’m able to piece them all together you’ll know…..I just wanted to tell you that we’re okay and that we’re a little bit more happier than we were before…..I’ll see you soon!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Just Another Manic Monday….

Okay so it’s not really a manic Monday, I just wanted to quote The Bangles song, I went to double check to make sure it was The Bangles I was quoting….we’re good, Good Morning by the way! Hope everyone is enjoying their 4 day weekend, I say 4 because everyone knows once Friday hits, it’s automatically considered an extra weekend, I’ll never understand why we only have 2 days during the weekend, like we have a full week to be as productive and busy, if you like busy as you can be and then the only rest time you have is Saturday and Sunday!? No wonder everyone adds Friday to the weekend days!

I remember when I was younger I’d always think “If there was an extra day added to the weekend and we had 8 days of the week instead of 7, what would we name it!?” and I would try and come up with some weird name for it, but it never felt right, although I do like mashing up words together, but it was very hard coming up with a third day to the weekend and trying to figure out a name for it, so I guess making the rule that Friday is both apart of the week and weekend, I’d say that was a good call, we don’t always need more days in the week, 7 is just fine!!

I hope that those celebrating Labor Day are having a nice relaxing day, if you’re out and about running errands or maybe you’re on a nice vacation, I hope you’re enjoying yourself and that it’s not too hectic, I mean we all know how holidays can get right!? If you don’t celebrate Labor day, I just hope everyone is having a good day overall and that it’s going well for you! I got up at my usual time this morning which is around 8am and I sat outside for about an hour, did you know that during the earliest mornings, you’ll find that it’s the most peaceful!? Especially during a holiday, it’s true!

If you ever go outside, be it for a walk, or just to get some fresh air, just take a moment to listen to everything, without saying a word….you’ll be amazed to how nice it sounds! Sometimes we don’t really have a lot of time to enjoy the day because we’re always doing something, always busy, but when we finally do, it’s important that we take advantage and do our best to embrace certain moments, even if it is to just listen to the birds and see them fly by, maybe hear the cicadas sing loud during the fall, even though they’re only supposed to be around for the summer, but hey I guess they stick around for longer after a while…..but however you choose to enjoy the day, don’t forget to just take in a bit of fresh air and have a listen to what’s around you!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Up And Early….With Some Thoughts!

Good Morning! Happy Saturday hope you’re all having a very nice and relaxing weekend or just a nice weekend, if you’re up and running around today! I got up a bit early today for no reason, but then went back to sleep for a while, originally when I got up it was about 7:48am I believe, I had a feeling it was early the first time I got up, I just didn’t know it was that early and when I went back to sleep and got up again, it was about 8:26am! I tend to get up around 8am anyway so that’s my usual time of getting myself up, if my body wakes me up early….I’ll get up about 7am and will stay up during that time if I feel I can’t get back to sleep or I’m just feeling like an early bird!

but if I’m just getting up early for nothing, I’ll randomly find myself up between the times of 2am, 3am, 4am, 5am & 6am, lately though the earliest of early of me getting up will be about like maybe 5am or 6am tops the other times are only when I have too much in my head and I have trouble sleeping…..the latest that I tend to get up or prefer to get up is 9am…..sometimes on rare occasions 10am, but that’s only when I’m really really tired and haven’t slept in a while, it’s not my preferred time to get up, but when it happens I know it’s because I barely slept so I try not to beat myself up when I do get up at that time!

I don’t really know why I’m writing about this so if you’re confused well so am I, sometimes I just write whatever feels like coming out and I try not to question it, but I don’t have a clue on why I just explained all of that to you guys…..don’t mind me! Hopefully everyone’s morning has gone well, I know for some of you out there, it’s probably the afternoon or getting close to the evening time, It’s 10am now as I’m continuing writing this post….when I got up this early morning I sat outside for a bit and was taking a lot of things in, for one….you know we’ve arrived in September cause it’s getting more chilly out, although it tends to be pretty cold in the early mornings anyway, but even when it’d not super early and the suns out beaming all over you, you tend to notice how different the air is and how cooler it’s gotten compared to the other days!

You know it’s September when you start to see more Crows flying by, before you’d only see them here and there, but the amount of crows I’ve been seeing since September started just by sitting outside is a good amount to count, it’s quite mad! I know I recently talked about doing a lot of thinking about things, which I am, I’ve not stopped thinking recently, there’s a lot going on personally, some a little too personal to share on here, although sometimes I want to, but I don’t for the simple fact of, it’s not everyone’s business, there are things you keep to yourself and there are things you only share with close people…..

Sometimes though, you don’t even want to share it with the people around you either, because you feel like it will only burden them and it’s best to not say anything and deal with it yourself! However it can get a lot to handle and sometimes you don’t know what to do, but you keep trying anyway, even when you know you should probably stop…..and you want to stop, but then just when you think that everything is good…..it comes right back and you’re there having to deal with it again! You keep strong though and you push through!

but life will keep pushing you until you do something and that could either be approaching the situation and facing the music or you leave it alone and sometimes life pushes you, for you to leave it alone or for you to finally say “THAT’S IT, NO MORE” I guess it all comes back to choosing your battles knowing when to fight or to just surrender, lay down the sword and walk away…..sometimes that’s hard because it could mean leaving something that was once important to you behind…..but at some point you have to realize that you can’t fight every battle and you can’t be the one to fix everything! You can be there for people and you help them in the best way possible, but if they refuse to listen and just continuously bring nothing, but drama after drama, you have to think about what’s best for you and your health!

Ask yourself if you want to keep fighting this fight!? Don’t get me wrong some things are definitely worth fight for, like love, happiness and whatever else you feel is worth it! That being said…..there are things that don’t need to always be fought over and if you find yourself stuck in the same old storm and fighting the same battle constantly, eventually you’re not going to have enough energy left to fight or just use for yourself and that’s where you’ll need to worry because without energy, you’ve already lost the battle….so save your energy and use it wisely on what to use it on!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa