Levels Of Growth

Maaan has it been a while since my last post, it’s not yet been a month, but it’s been a while! Honestly I’ve wanting to write something for the longest, yet nothing ever sparked my interest enough to say “yeah this might be a good thing to talk about” We’re already in the middle of April and each day that came by I would just say to myself, I haven’t written not one thing this month and maybe that’s alright, but to me I just felt like What is going on there!? Today however, I feel a little bit inspired to write so I shall take whatever this inspiration is and do my best to just go with it! It feels good to write something that I can share after a long while….

Now before we continue on, I just want to say that I have been writing this month, I just haven’t written anything to share, my writing have been more personal based these days, I guess that’s just where I’m at currently, which I know isn’t a bad thing, but still I have been wanting to share something and I guess that’s where this post comes in! As you can see I’ve titled this post levels of growth, why exactly? That’s a good question, let’s just say it was something that felt right to title here…..growth is a significant thing that we all experience in our lifetime constantly, be it a small growth or a really big way of transforming…sometimes we can see it pretty clear and sometimes we don’t always know when the next transformation will be….we can sense it and feel it coming, but we don’t always know, but that’s the beauty of it yeah!?

Life has many ways of challenging you, as well putting you in a postition of what you feel to be the best way to grow and trive, but it doesn’t mean that it’s entirely easy…..it can be as simple as choosing your favorite game to play or what kind of snack you’re in the mood for, I know pretty weird seeing it that way, but what I mean by that is life is that simple most times, it’s just other things that can make it seem difficult! When you look at the word Growth on it’s own, it makes you feel something doesn’t it? You know it’s got an importantance to it, yet the word looks simple, it doesn’t really look all that intimidating when you’re just reading the word….but the feel and experience that comes with it can be quite frightening when you’re looking at it more deeply.

It’s like when admiring a flower, you wouldn’t think they’re able to harm you, but look at roses, although they’re very beautiful to look at, you got to be careful when picking them, because they hold thorns….if you look at cacti you know not to touch them because you can see all the little needles it’s got, but even with knowing that people like to have them as plants and then there’s the Aloe plant although it’s got healing abilities, it too has it’s own thorns/needles, if you really think about though, the Aloe plant kind of has an accidental proneness connected to it, I say that beacause even when it hurts you, it’s character speaks loud without actually talking and it let’s you know “Oh i’m sorry, didn’t mean to hurt you, here let me help you”

I know this is probably getting off track, I was trying to make a point where I explain how just like some flowers have a bit a gray area, so does growth, I don’t know if I tied it in nicely enough, but hopefully it makes some kind sense! Anyway back to what I was saying….we all experience growth differently and sometimes it can be hard to embrace different levels of it, due to the fact that it can require a lot of braveness, courage and strength to help unlock that next transformation that we’re needing and majority of the time, however you feel yourself growing and changing, it’s not always going to be ideal for others, even those who are close to you….

You see for some, even when you are putting it out there how much you’ve progressed and evolved, sometimes it doesn’t get taken seriously and it can get very frustrating, because although your doing your best to show and let people know who you are and who you kind of always been deep down…..it can feel like they’re not really seeing you the way you’re wanting them to and are still sorta treating you the same, even when you know you’ve grown from that point. There’s going to come a moment where you know that, even though you may not want to, you’re going to have to do something so out of character where they have no choice, but to notice and really get them to see and think to themeselves “this is not the same person that I know”

After the reactions, you will probably most definitely feel a bit of a shift following that experience and to be honest there’s probably going to be some hurt involved and that’s going to probably hurt you, but with growth, you have to be strong and brave, you have to hold that courage inside otherwise what was it for!? If you want people to start seeing YOU and taking you more seriously…..you can’t be afraid to push back! Now even if you happen to leave someone hurt….don’t see it as an automatic negative experience, growth comes in many forms and although we all like life to be smooth sailing…..it’s not always going to be like that, there will be moments where you have to choose the road that involves a bit more…..deep breathing to get through and you will have to make a choice!

We always hear, take the road less traveled and I’m starting to realize and understand that, the road less traveled gives you the most experiences and how you choose to travel through it really comes down to what you feel inside and what your inner compass/heart is leading you toward….so if you feel you want to go a specific way, but you have people telling you to do it a certain way, you have to go with your own feelings, because at the end of the day….it’s your journey, we all share life, but we all have our way of living it, so if you feel strongly about something and you want to do it…..do it…..even if it requires you to go into the unknown of it and it may upset people, we shouldn’t have to feel like we can’t do something because it’ll make someone upset!

Sometimes we can get caught up in what others are saying, that we forget we have our own voice too and we don’t have to always go by what they say, if they can’t support you in the journey you choose for yourself then you have to know that it’s not on you to make them understand, cause they’re either going to understand by you be honest and letting them know right away or by you saying I’m going to do it anyway whether you like it or not and who knows maybe you’ll get the combination which can be more challenging and if you do get them both, it just shows you got more edge to you and your a badass kind of person!

Whatever is in your heart to do, please don’t hold yourself back, growth is scary, yes, but it’s also necessary for you to grow into the person you feel yourself to be….so with all that said, I shall leave you all with a quote, one of my favorites actually ^_^

“Don’t Hold Back, For Anyone…..The Further You Go, The Prouder I’ll Be”

Ming-Turning Red

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Changes and Transformations….

Good Morning, hope that you all have been well these days! We’re now a week into the month of March for many out there, a lot has probably happened already be it big or something small that you’ve been also looking forward too and for others March might still feel like you’re just getting started and that’s perfectly okay! We all have a specific pace that we start with, things could be going really fast and quick for a lot of you, while for some March could be catching you by surprise where things start feeling a bit unexpected, in a sense where, you may find yourself more busy then usual or in other ways where you may not normally be used to if that makes sense!?

Yesterday I found myself deep in thought about a lot of things, I was out for most of the day so it was a bit productive, however I wasn’t really in a talkive mood, I mean don’t get me wrong I did speak a bit, but I wasn’t in my usual talkive state that I normally am….a lot of the time when that happens, it’s because I just have a lot on my mind and it gets to the point where I don’t really want to talk…..in those moments talking for me becomes a bit of chore to deal with so I like to say as little as I can if I’m able to! I started to become a bit more chatty during the evening though, but it still took me a while!

I guess it’s just my way of processing my own thoughts and dealing with them in some way, I normally try and distract myself when I start getting really into my own mind, but I also know when I need to allow my thoughts to be what it is they are and not push them aside, by doing that it’s only going to come at you harder so you want to make sure that your being considerate with yourself in those times of deep thinking…..yesterday I had a thought to myself regarding my surroundings, but involving how everything’s changed!

All the places that I once knew and saw growing up, most of them are all different now, building that, were once there are no longer around and if they are, they’ve changed so much to where you don’t really recongize them, it’s kind of like seeing a time lapse of what you used to know recontructed right before your eyes, but you’re seeing the transformation of what it was then, to what it is now and seeing that, seeing all the places that you’ve grown up with change and look completely new to what you used to see, it really hits you just how much things really transform an old shop that you may have gone to a lot when you were a kid, is either no longer there or isn’t quite the same as you once remembered it!

It’s a mind blowing experience because even though you know it’s different, there something in you that feels like you still need a bit of time to process it fully, yet you never really get the chance to, due to the fact that it’s already changed and transformed so much that you don’t get much room to feel it entirely the way you want. It’s the same with people, although they have certain things with them that stayed the same, you already know that they too have transformed and are a lot different to what you remember them to be, but be it so,

There’s always that part of you that hopes that the relationship that you had with them and the bond that you once shared didn’t change and a lot of the time you find it did, but you do get those one of kind moments where even though you and that person have grown and seen things in a more….I guess you can say mature perspective to how you used to see things….even though all that’s happened, you find that it’s easy for you to just come back together as if nothings changed at all and just pick up where you left off….with those moments though it can feel a bit nervewracking and scary, it’s like meeting someone that you already know for the first time all over again….and it’s not something you would normally think to get nervous about, but you do because you know it’s different!!

You start feeling like you have to prepare yourself again and get ready for it, it’s like a new journey and adventure that you know, but don’t know at the same time so you’re kind of just hoping for the best and for things to turn out okay, it’ll sometimes even leave you wondering if they still feel the same about you even if you know they do, you still can’t help, but have those thoughts in mind that, now that doesn’t neccasarily mean it’s a bad thing, it’s just curious wonders! That being said, you won’t really know unless you put yourself out there to feel those things and be okay with feeling them, I like to think they’re normal, it just simply shows how much you really truly and deeply care as well as how much that person still means to you!!

Fear or no fear, changes and transforamtions will always happen, even if you don’t really get the chance to take it in the way you want or you find you aren’t able to really prepare, it’s okay….I guess the best way to look at it is to just give it a go anyway when it involves a new experience, but if it involves a change that you have no control of, like seeing a place you once knew when you were younger in a whole new way, you kind of just have to adapt the best way you can with it, keep those memories close to you always and whatever connection you made with it…..just know that it will always be with you, never be afraid of changes and don’t be afraid of transforming the way you feel you are wanting to, it’s all part of living life so try not to hold yourself back from experiencing all that you want to experience at the end of the day you gotta do what makes you happy!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Do What You Like, Be Free To Be Whatever!

This is probably one of the most cheesiest titles you’ve read or maybe not….if I’m being honest this title is a combination of two different lyrics from two different songs, both favorites of mine and by two artists that I admire! The first part of the title come from the song Living In Colour by non other than my all time favorite artist Alexz Johnson while the other part, kind of comes from the song No Regrets by an artist named Dappy at least it’s inspired by it anyway….I don’t know how many people know of either artist, but Alexz Johnson has always been one of my favorites since the moment I saw her show Instant Star, it was then I knew I found an artist I was going to listen to forever!

As for Dappy, I was introduced to his music by my partner whose a really big fan of his, the first song he ever had me listen to by Dappy was called Money Can’t Buy, it’s a love song of course, but it’s an amazing song and one of my other favorites!! Now Dappy isn’t just a singer he also raps too and comes from the UK, he also had this group called N-Dubs which had him, his cousin Tulisa and a friend of his I believe named Fazer who happens to rap as well! Now I’m not here to talk about these two artists, although they are great and their music is always a pleasure to listen to, I just wanted to explain the title name…..however I should point out that the actual lyrics to Dappy’s No Regrets is “I’m Free To Be Whatever I….”following a few bar flows after those lyrics!

What I really wanted to talk about is what I mean with the title I have there, well I will do my best to explain it at least! Now to me, both these lyrics have an encouragement feel to them, “Do what you like” by Alexz Johnson meaning “go for it” while the actual lyrics to Dappy’s song No Regrets ” I’m free to be whatever I…” that one goes more on the fact of having that freedom to do, well going back to the first song, pretty much whatever you like, being whoever it is you choose to be and allowing yourself to have the confidence to say “this is my life and I will decide how I want to live it” it’s letting you know to go after anything you believe in and are truly wanting without those regrets in the back of your mind, where you’re asking yourself “what if”

Keeping the what if’s in your head will always make you feel like, you have to just go with what’s there, but life isn’t about being okay with that, you have to be okay with change no matter how scary it is…..you don’t want to sit back and think to yourself “I didn’t, I should’ve, maybe” We always hear how short life is and the thing with it is, we think because we are still here doing the things we’re doing and getting to certain ages that it’s not really short, but it actually is….because you can walk past someone and that day their fine, but when you go to see them again….something is different and then next thing you know….you’re no longer seeing them!!

It’s a frightening scary thing and it’s something I don’t like to think about, but when you really look at it, it really does say a lot….we’re always worrying about everything, but that’s because we’re feeling things that we don’t even understand sometimes…..but it comes with the experience of life, but life is also meant to be experienced, you’re meant to be inspired, to be entertained and say “woah I’ve never seen that before or let alone known that it could exist” You’re meant to explore and feel different things, in different ways then imagined!!

There’s a lot of fear that is hard to shake within us, I have a few fears myself and one of them used to be change, I didn’t like things changing, I liked being safe and comfortable, I always thought that I wanted everything to stay the same, until eventually I witness change happening around me, forcing me to become uncomfortable and really see things differently and before I knew it…..I started to change and I saw how me changing and wanting different started to effect people around me!

I was always a certain way and when I stopped being that certain way and being vocal about it….it wasn’t well received, but I knew that it needed to happen because had it not happened, I would’ve still been in that situation…..the older I get the more I’m realizing how important it is to really go after what it is you want and not be afraid or feel bad for wanting those things, we’re allowed to want things, we’re allowed to say “hey this is what I’m doing, it’s okay that you don’t agree or like it, but I’m doing it anyway” it may be a scary thing to do, but it’s better to be brave and do it while shaking the nerves away, then to not do it and stress yourself out about it and how you should’ve done it….it’s okay to take that breath if needed, but if you find yourself feeling something like this lately then you may just want to consider some of these words

You don’t necessarily have to, but if you know there’s something in your heart that you would like to do and have been thinking about for a while, it really doesn’t hurt to give it a go and try, the only thing that will happen is that you’ll find yourself growing more and possibly enjoying yourself as you experience that new thing that is speaking to you!

That’s all I want to say, hope you all have a good rest of the day, stay safe and take care!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

It’s Feb 22, 2022 (2/22/22)

You might have noticed that today feels a little more significant compared to other days and even if it doesn’t feel different, I’m sure that you had a moment where you might have looked at the calendar today and thought “huh interesting” after realizing todays date! Now I’ve spoken about numbers and numerology before all while explaining how I’m not that the biggest fan of math, but regardless to my feelings with the number subject, numerology is just one of those things that is kind of hard to pin point and what I mean by that is there’s just something about it that always leaves me curious with it to where I feel the need to what to look up certain numbers when their lined up like today’s date is or just when seeing the number 11:11 or 555!

Now I won’t go too into it as I know I already shared my thoughts about it previously before, plus I wouldn’t even know what to say exactly, so who knows how long this post will be, I honestly don’t feel it’ll be too long, but then again I’m not sure if it’ll be true, there’s times where I think a post is just going to be, only but a few lines long and it’s more than what I expect so haha!

Now if you’ve been wondering just what the numbers 2/22/22 means well, I wouldn’t be able to tell you off the top of my head, without looking it up myself, speaking of I actually did look it up because as I stated earlier I was very curious and just wanted to know it’s meaning and in case some of you would like to know or have been curious yourself about it, to try and sum it up really…the number 2/22/22 it’s got a very detailed meaning within it and one of those meanings comes in the form of taking charge of your life and not feeling bad about how you choose to live it, it also talks about balance and instability, but also not allowing yourself to get caught up in the chaos of your surroundings and learning to keep positive even during difficult times!

I know with that last part it’s a lot easier said and then done, believe me I know, for me yesterday was a very rough day, these past few days have been a bit harder to handle, but yesterday I have to say definitely took the cake, but it’s not really about pretending that your emotions don’t exist or that you have no right to feel the way you might be feeling, what it really comes down to is letting yourself feel the things your feeling, but also being aware of how you react to situations!

Look I’ll admit that sometimes it’s harder to push through days when you already can feel it within yourself that it’s not your day or a day in general, I think in order to really embrace what number 2/22/22’s message is trying to share, we need to allow ourselves to feel our emotions, so that we’re not just pushing them down and keeping everything bottled up! I understand that not everyone likes expressing themselves because they either don’t want to be a burden, they don’t want to share what is actually bothering them or they don’t actually know how to express their thoughts well so they just keep it all to themselves….but when you hold your thoughts and feelings in especially for a prolonged period of time, you’re only hurting yourself,

Eventually all the things that you’ve hidden under the surface will start brewing and before you know it, you’ve gone from being an inactive volcano to an active volcano and everything that you’ve tried so hard to keep within starts looking like magma flowing about and you find yourself looking at it wondering how you allowed yourself to let it get that bad! I know I’ve gone all science here, but what I’m trying to get at is, we have to be okay with feeling our feelings, but also not think that because we feel them, we can’t talk about them if we feel we need to, although sometimes we may not want to share them right then and there, which is okay….

It’s alright to want space and time to think about things and really take them in, if you feel that to help you best! Most times it helps to take that moment so you’re able to keep all those thoughts and feelings at a happy medium so they’re not just coming out without much of a thought, it’s better to think and then react then to react first then think! It helps to really bring clarity and a different responds and way of explanation compared to just going off to what the first reaction might’ve been!

It also helps if we didn’t give ourselves a hard time about it as well, most times we forget though….but back to what today brings and what this once in a lifetime line up of aligned numbers is wanting us to take in and keep as a reminder, what is that reminder exactly!? Well today brings the message to keep going and to know that whatever struggles and difficult times that we may find ourselves in that no matter what we can overcome them! We have to keep in our minds the saying of “This Too Shall Pass” and that “all is well and will be well” even when it may seem like it won’t in the moments!

We have the ability to turn any situation into a positive one in someway or form, honestly I feel like with yesterday being the way it was…..it kind of felt like a test with the chaos happening, like it was a challenge to see basically saying “how do you chose to react!?” So it really comes down to knowing when to choose a battle, most of the time, the universe will play out certain scenes/scenarios for you so you can really be aware and understand which approach to take!

That also just goes with when choosing where you want to go, no matter what you do and how you choose to live your life, you will always have to know when to react to things and when not to react, as well as how to react….we always have a choice and it’s important that we pick our next action to those choices wisely so that way we know we’re doing our best to making sure that things go smoothly and that we’re really taking everything in properly!

We’re coming to the last hour of Feb 22, 2022 so whatever you feel it’s meaning to mean to you, keep it in mind and if life is feeling a bit upside down at the moment, know that it doesn’t always mean it’s a bad thing, so just keep pushing, keep doing your best and live your life how you feel you want to live it…..it’s okay to be afraid, change isn’t always an easy thing to embrace, but it is necessary in growth and when you allow yourself to grow, that’s when you start seeing things really kick off…..in a good way and sometimes you have to go through those tough periods in order to see what is really going on and is being brought to you (as hard as it is to see) so even when the nerves start up, keep going and do what you like and what you feel you want to do!

I would definitely say to look up this number you’d be surprise to what you may find, that’s all I have here, I hope that you had a good/decent/okay day and happy synchronistic Tuesday!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Dear Little Me…..(Updated)

It’s been a while hasn’t it, if only you knew all things we have been through…..I mean seeing that you are apart of me, you probably already know huh!? I’ll be honest I wasn’t really expecting to write to you, it was only after that I read a bit of the first I guess you can call letter post that I wrote to you back in 2018 that I felt like I wanted to update you on a few things that we’ve managed to do…..I’m writing this a bit on the late side on the 15th of September nearly midnight, but not necessarily midnight it’s still around 11:30pm as I’m writing this now, I might just continue this post in the morning so I could really tell you everything that I want you to know….I’ll catch you up on what those things are soon, a part of me might keep the rest as a surprised though, see you in a couple of hours!

Good Morning me, well younger me…..it’s a little early, around 8:40am almost 9am, I don’t know if you remember us always getting up earlier than we needed to back then, there were moments when we got up a bit late as well! Sometimes we’d get up at almost 10am and if we got up at 11am we were upset the whole day…..I’m glad that I changed our sleep schedule all those times ago ha! I don’t know where to start with what’s been going on….We’ve been on quite the journey you and I, a lot of stresses, emotions both good and bad, we had some loses in our lives as well, that meant a lot to us….but on a good note, we did find someone that loves us for our weirdness as well as everything else believe it our not lol…..there’s a lot of things that’s happened since the last time I spoke to you!

We’ve been through some storms, but the one thing though that I feel you’ll really like is that…..we got through them and most of them we’re really hard, because they pushed us to really grow ourselves more and change as well, in the last letter I wrote you…..I felt like I was not doing you proud, that I had failed you as an older version of me and I never knew how to really express that in the best of ways, I only knew how to say sorry and feel bad about everything we were going through at the time…..I wanted you to be happy and I didn’t really give you that chance to be happy then….it took a long while, but I just want you to know that we’re doing good now, where we were then, we aren’t there anymore!

We managed to find our voice, now I won’t say we found it fully fully, there’s still some things that we both are still working out and trying to understand better, which is normal, because not everyone has figured everything out yet, but we have learned a lot and I can honestly say that we are becoming better versions of ourselves more and more each day! Don’t get me wrong we still have our moments where we aren’t always happy and feeling our best, but to how we used to handle those days to how we handle them now…..we’re doing pretty alright for ourselves, our emotions don’t constantly get at us the way they used to, we’ve learned to control them a lot better and not be so hard on ourselves….I mean we’re still hard on ourselves at times, but I think that’s never going to go away really, but that’s okay because it helps us to want to be better!

We’ve grown on a personal level, we’re still the same, but there our some new differences within ourselves that we’ve gained with our personality, for example….we’ve gotten a bit more sarcastic lately, we say what’s on our mind a lot more these days, a bit quickly too, might I add and we’ve gotten better at not taking up things that we know we don’t need in a negative sense….I guess you can say we’ve gotten a bit tougher and stronger since the last time, but I think part of those part of me comes from you if that makes sense, especially all the sassy parts that I wouldn’t have ever thought to come out!! All our fears that we used to worry ourselves about, we have moments where they pop up, but you’ll be happy to know that instead of always wanting to avoid them and run away, we try and face them the best we can…..we come way out of our comfort zone, well we’re nearing the surface at least, we don’t swim the best, but we do our best to get to where we want to be!

Like I said we’re still learning as we go along, but that’s only part of the journey we’re on…..it’s just the beginning and we’re just getting started, but we’re flying little me, just like you always wanted and I promise that I’m going to keep doing my best to make you proud to be me older, because I just want you to be happy and I want you to know that the adventures you go, as new and hard as they may be at times and you may feel like you’re not getting where you need to, but know that you’re always going to get where you need even when you get lost a bit, sometime you have to get a little lost before you’re found! We’re always going to be okay, I know that because I got you and I know that when I’m lost, you’ll found a way to point me to where you feel it’s best to go so I know to keep going, because together is where the magic starts to happen!

All the feelings of being scared, but wanting to still give it a shot anyway, taking those risks, I never thought we’d get to that point, but I got to say that, doing those things, makes me happy, I still get nervous and scared, but I hope that you feel happy that we’re finally doing them…..there’s still some stuff that I know I want to tell you, but I know know how to express them properly just yet, so I will leave them for another time, the moment I find those words and I’m able to piece them all together you’ll know…..I just wanted to tell you that we’re okay and that we’re a little bit more happier than we were before…..I’ll see you soon!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

The Journey Of Learning & Growing….

One of the best things to witness is watching someone grow and evolve, be it a child, someone that you saw go through a very tough point in their life or even just you yourself, there’s no age limit when it comes to learning and growing…..you could be in your 50s and you may already know a whole lot, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still learn something new let alone won’t learn something new, there’s so much to life that will always leave us surprised even when you think you’ve seen it all already!

I’ve witness a few transformations, a lot of them may not be fully, but I’ve seen a few and the ones I have seen, still amaze me and sometimes I find myself thinking about those transformations, I’ve watched my boyfriend come out of something that he struggled with for a while, not necessarily in person, but just the aftermath of what happened in his life in that time, it’s how we met, he was just starting to get back to himself again! I’ve seen my nephew who I consider my nephew, I first met him when he was 3, so I’ve only known him for a year now pretty much and I remember how he’d never wanted to listen to anyone, you know usual kid stuff, his favorite word was always NO and you couldn’t tell him anything, without him crying and throwing tantrums and wanting everything to be his way

and then you have his mom who worked all the time and when it came to trying to stop him from having those tantrums it was hard for her to put her foot down with him, obviously no parent wants to yell at their child, any good parent anyway, it’s hard because you try to be a parent, but you also don’t want to be a parent in a sense of when your child starts throwing those tantrums and they aren’t listening to you, you don’t want to have to punish them for it, because all you want is for them to see you in the best light possible and when you come to those moments to where you know there needs to be rules……it can be hard, but sometimes you know you have to do it!

But back to what I was talking about…..all three people here have gone through big transformations and you wouldn’t believe it if I told you, my boyfriend one of the biggest transformation I’ve ever seen and also haven’t seen, but if you knew him when I met him and you were to see and learn about everything he endured, you’d be extremely surprised, it still surprises me when I think about it sometimes, just to see and learn the difference in the person that he once was to who he is now, like I wouldn’t know where to begin on that story, hopefully I’ll be able to really tell it or have him tell it one day, I mean it is story about his journey anyway and it really is a beautiful and life changing one at that! I’m very proud of how far he’s gotten, I love you Jord, forever and always!

As for my Nephew…..he’s 4 now, but will be turning 5 in November and let me tell you something, he is one hell of a smart kid, seriously and he’s gotten a lot better at really trying to understand everything, he doesn’t give you too much of a issue now when you are telling him not to do something or you’re trying to help him learn certain things, he actually listens expressing something to him which I’m glad to see, it was a mission and a half when I first met him, he talks a whole lot more now, like a lot, he wouldn’t really say much before, he was just always shy and wouldn’t come up to you, he’d just be in his own little world, now forget about it!! He will talk to you for hours if he really wanted to, he’s quite the character, very silly, but he’s the sweetest boy every, he’s very kind, he likes making people laugh and just showing you things all the time, buut don’t let his adorableness fool, he knows what he’s doing!

He’s a little demon and I say it all the time to him, which he knows too because he always laughs about it! He knows how to get what he wants, however he knows who to go for when he wants something, spoiler it’s not me, he knows better than to pull anything with me, like I said he’s a smart one, I wouldn’t be surprised if he turned out to be an evil genius, I’m joking, he’s a good kid when he wants to be, but he’s also grown to know better and I just hope that continues the older he gets!

Lastly, we come to my Nephew’s mom who has also transformed a lot from when I met her, she’s kind of hard to explain with her transformation though, but I’ll do my best, when I first started coming around and hanging out with her, she was always working, but she worked from home, so she always tried her best to balance out work and her son and when I was hanging out with her as she was working, I would notice a lot that she was having to do, when it came to her son like I said earlier it was hard for her to put her foot down with him at first, because she didn’t like having to be that….not strict parent, cause she’s really not that strict, but he’d would get babied a lot before, he still does, but it’s not so much from his mom these days, but the grandparents…..you know how that goes!

It was hard for her to tell him when he was doing something wrong and when it came to punishment so that he learns that he can’t do certain things, with work she was always stressing, she dealt with a lot….I guess the only way I can say it is her transformation comes from how she’s grown as a parent from when I met her and what I know her to be now as well as how certain parts of her personality has changed and grown, she’d always wanted to please everyone even when she didn’t want to do whatever it was that she didn’t want to do, she’s showing more of her voice with people,

Which is good and she would always feel like nothing was going her way, but now everything is now working for her which is great, in terms of her son, she’s learn to put her foot down with him more and not let him try and control her and what I love about that is, I feel since then, both her and her son have gotten more closer and it’s a beautiful things to see, because you can tell she loves her son and only wants the best for him and that’s how parent should be and he loves her which is also wonderful! I’ve witness what she had to go through before and I’m so proud of her for how far she’s come even if she doesn’t know it, she’s an amazing mom and an amazing person, as well as a really good friend and I’m glad that I got to know her and continue to get to know her, fun fact, we’ve crossed paths before me and her a few time even, but we never actually encountered one another face to face just always by a pass by, it wasn’t until she started dating my brother to where we finally met, I guess you can call it a small word!

The three people I just spoke about all mean something to me and I’m glad to know them and have them apart of my life, I’m glad that I’ve been able to experience the transformations they’ve gone through, they all have taught me a lot of things as well as important lessons and are still teaching me a lot even if they don’t know it necessarily, but I wouldn’t trade them and all that they’ve taught me for the world and if ever down the line our journey’s together were to take different paths or transform in some kind of way to where I still have them in my life, I’m always going to take what they’ve given me and do my best to make sure I never forget it!

F.Y.I. I didn’t expect to write all of this, the way I did, I just felt very strongly to write this for some reason so I did, call it a moment of a thought in time!!

P.S.

By the way, I’ve switched up my podcast episode schedule just for this week, so instead of Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I’m doing Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday (I’m going to try for Saturday anyway) again just for this week, I just felt like switching things up a a bit! You can check out yesterday’s episode here:

Take Flight Like A Bird…. Ep. 37 Daydreamer's Podcast

Happy Tuesday everyone, hope your having a good day! In todays episode we talk a bit about birds and the way they fly, not just about that though, it gets a bit deeper than that, we're always afraid to explore the unknown and take those big leaps that we've been wanting to take, but isn't that what life's about!? Facing those unsure feelings and seeing where it takes you, just like that Moana song, one day I'll know how far I'll go!!

All The Love ❤ ❤ ❤

Lexa

Plans & Decisions…

I’ve never been one for planning you know, which you probably do because I’ve mentioned it a few times on here, me and plans….don’t mix, however I’ve come to a point in my life where, I’m finding myself trying to plan for things which is usually not my department, but if the time has come for me to really sit and plan things properly then I’m going to do it! I’m going to put myself in an uncomfortable situation and face it the best way I can, scared and full of nerves combined!

Today has been a bit of a rough day for me, I’ll admit, I woke up with soooo many thoughts in my head and trying to sort them is completely new to me, I don’t normally sort my thoughts out well and so trying to do that today has got my head just full of aches lol…..but it’s okay because I know that there’s something that is very important I want to do and if I end up losing a little bit of sleep from it or feel myself getting slightly anxious on, I’m alright with that! Plans aren’t my normal cup of tea, but I’ve been trying to embrace it a little better instead of getting intimidated by them,

Plans are important they can help layout things so you don’t feel all over the place! Normally I like going with things naturally, but I’ve also been learning that sometimes you need to plan for things in order to work them out, if you just let things always go as they are, whatever is most important to you can get away from you and if that’s something you don’t want then you have to really work at them and take those steps to having them come to fruition and making them happen…..I’m always being told that life is short and you want to make sure you’re always giving attention to the things that matter most even if it seems hard, it can seem like you won’t get there, but if you want it enough and you believe in it enough….you already know that it can get there, you just have to take those steps to get them there!

Now with the things that I’m planning, there’s a few decisions that I’ve come to realize I need to face and deal with, even though some of the stuff may not be my favorite to want to deal with…..it’s up to me to take that breath, put on a brave face and do it anyway…..with planning you also have to make decisions tough or not, because that’s the only way for you to grow better and to experience things without all the limits of it all it all, you have to allow yourself to fly even if you are bat scared shit of it and yes I’m saying it just like that because it’s how I’m feeling it at the moment….if we continue to always keep ourselves on the ground, as safe as it may be sometimes you have to also fly or float otherwise you’ll always be there wishing you could soar that blue sky!

I recently went on a trip as you may know if you read that post and I was really nervous when I was waiting to go on the plane, but once I got on the plane…..I don’t know I was very happy, I smiled to myself knowing I did something that scared me and even when I was on the vacation I was on…..I was ready to go back on the plane……it just felt good and I really enjoyed myself knowing that I was ahead somewhere that I hadn’t been yet and that’s what I want to continue, I want to keep discovering, exploring and going on adventures…..but also I want to share that experience and so if I need to plan in order to do that, like I said…..I will!

The upcoming plan idea is to finally be able to see my love again and figure out how we can be together permanently, we both have wanted that for a good now sooo, I’m just hoping that it all goes well for us this time, which we’ll make sure it does!

Planning By A Non Planner (Personal Thoughts) Ep. 32 Daydreamer's Podcast

Hiya everyone, hope you've been having a good week so far! In today's episode, I talk about some of my own personal thoughts that I've been feeling today and about planning….something I see as intimidating normally, but I've been trying to embrace it a little better this time around and really do my best with it all! 

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Honestly….I Want To See You Be Brave (Title May Change)

There comes a moment, well I guess you can say there comes a good amount of moments in life where you have to make some really hard decisions and sometimes those decisions aren’t always the easiest, most times you’ll find that not a lot of people agree with the decisions you make, but whether they agree with them or not, it’s up us to decide what we feel works best for us and if it’s also healthy for us as well! What I mean by that is if you find that you’re in a situation where everyday it’s always issue after issue and no matter how much you try to make it better, it never feels like it gets anywhere, that’s where the really big decision comes in…..you have to ask yourself is this worth the time and energy am I sacrificing too much of my happiness trying to make everyone else happy!?

Sometimes it’s difficult because you feel like with certain situations you don’t have a choice, especially when say it’s family or really close friends or just anyone you feel a great connection with! If you are the kind of person that always puts everyone else’s needs before their own this can be especially difficult and a bit of a battle to get yourself out of, but once you do get out of it, you’ll start to find yourself getting more and more better and you’ll also start to become happier because you’re not having to always please people, you might have moments where you feel slightly guilty, but that’s only due to the fact that you’re used to helping so many people out without a single thought about yourself so it’ll feel a little weird at first of course!

However you have to know when to say no and that it’s okay to say no, as hard as it is, it’s important for your wellbeing, if you’re constantly agreeing to everything that someone says or always saying yes when really you mean no, you don’t give yourself that proper attention that is needed and when you know you have no energy left, yet you still try and give everyone what their asking you for…..it’s just going to be this endless cycle only you’ll be the one without energy while others knowing they have their own energy, continue to take all of yours!

You never want to allow yourself to enter that cycle, but then you ask yourself, how do you know you are in that situation!? Sometimes it all goes based off feeling, so if someone askes you for something or to do something, whatever the question or situation is and inside you feel like it’s not right or maybe you just don’t want to do it in that moment, yet you do it anyway because you’re being asked that’s the first sign of it’s okay to say no when you feel it to be no…..as for situations alone, you have to know which ones are worth putting yourself into and which ones are best to stay out of, it’s not always an easy thing to do, but for the best shield for yourself,

Don’t know how else to state it….it’s important to be aware of and if people choose to scold you for wanting to stay away from all the drama and not wanting to be around them because it’s never a good moment or there’s always something then just a genuine let’s spend time together or conversate and all that jazz, then those are the people you want to keep at a distance, if they can’t respect that then you’re best to just keep to yourself and look towards filling your circle with better surrounding people that you know will keep your energy high and not the other way around, the people who really care will always support you, even if they maybe don’t agree, a good support system will always encourage you to just go out there and do your best and will always want to see you happy!

I express a little more on this topic in my latest podcast episode, it’s a bit lengthy, but I felt it was important and wanted to share on it, if you would like to have a listen, check it out:

Wind Of Change….(Personal Thoughts) Ep. 30 Daydreamer's Podcast

Happy Wednesday! Hope you're enjoying the day…we've reached episode 30….wow! In today's episode, we go a bit personal with it, I had a lot of thoughts that I wanted to share with this episode and it's pretty much based on a situation that I'm dealing with currently! I don't normally share on personal issues, but I felt I wanted and needed to say some stuff and so this episode might be a little heavy topic wise, but I try to keep it a little light as well, without all the extra details so it's not all that bad, just some thoughts…  

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

I’M BAAAACK!!

Did you miss me!? I’m kidding, I was only gone for a week, nothing too big I went on a little vacation if anyone was wondering, like literal vacation, also we’ve officially made 3 YEARS on this blog on the 11th of July!! “CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES COME ON!!” I cannot believe I’ve continued this far in with this blog, even though I told myself I was to keep doing this and not allow this blog to be a thing I start and then stop, I never actually thought I’d still be writing on here and that I’d come to 3 years of it, I started this blog as a way of expression when I felt I couldn’t express myself out loud, a lot of the time it helped me to release anything I felt I was having a hard time saying, now I use it to say anything I want and talk about anything I feel I want to share!!

It really helped me to grow in different ways and helped me find that voice I was having a hard time finding for a good while, but I honestly feel like, I’ve done a good job finding that voice, even though I have some days where I may not always know what to write about, I know that when I do, this is the first place that I will go before I choose to say it out loud, that and the fact that I always find it better and easier to express my thoughts in writing before speaking it, but once I have it down on paper or blog in this case…..I then am able to share it speaking wise, without this blog, I feel like I wouldn’t know what to do with my voice, so the fact that I have something I can go to whenever I have too many thoughts that is hard to share or when I have something important to me that I want to talk on, I love that I can say it all here if I felt it to be best and that I don’t have to worry about it too much!

3 years though, is mad and I hope to continue on sharing what I feel with you guys that read and share on things that mean a lot to me, but yeah….. I will be writing and sharing on my personal vacation time and where I went and everything soon! I have a good amount of pictures to share, I’m going to have to choose which ones I share though cause there’s a lot, but I’m excited to show you all….I know I said I wanted to do something special for my 3 year blog anniversary…..I still don’t have a clue what exactly that’s going to be, sometimes I wish I would’ve had the podcast be reveal that day….but again I did it a little early, but it’s okay, because I feel like I did it when I felt I wanted to do it and I wouldn’t change it!

However I was thinking…..maybe I could have this blog go into a transition in honor of it being 3 years of me blogging, so whatever new experiences I encounter or am about to have come into my life, I can share that with you guys, have it be a journey kind of thing, I mean I did name this blog Life As A Daydreamer so it might be time to have it grow and bloom into a new thing…..it might take a bit to become what it is I want it to become or have in mind at least for it sooo bare with me, it won’t be a right away thing, but I think when I feel it to be a good time, you’ll just start seeing it happening, probably not in a big way, I’m not a showy showy kind of person, I’m more subtle and little by little

But I feel that I’ll know when to do it! Soooo expect or be on a lookout for a bit of travel stuff coming later down the line, where I share places I’ve explored, personal journeys that I might share later as well and some other stuff that I have yet to think about, but don’t expect me to not continue to not talk about music, video games and anything else that’s in my interest, because I will, that’ll be for the time remaining until my next adventure whenever that is and even after because I can’t help myself, I like talking about those things, but I feel a change is coming and I’m ready for it, a little nervous, but a lot excited too!! Here’s hoping that is all turns out well, but I have hope and believe that it will!!

Like I said….little by little, but patience is a virtue and I believe that it’ll be worth it!! Anyway stay tune for my travel destination experience that I was on recently…..I think you’ll like it!! Thank you for reading and for all your support for those that follow along, read it even if you’re just passing by and won’t read it ever again, just anyone whose liked my content and have enjoyed themselves for the moment, I appreciate and love you all and I hope you continue to go on this weird, random and wandering journey with me!! ^_^

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Pep Talks With Coffee And Me……Plus Learning To Spend A Little Time With Yourself…….

Have you ever given yourself a pep talk before you did anything first!? If so let me know how that goes for you and if it makes you feel any better, does it give you more of a confidence boost just share your thoughts, I would really like to know. The reason why i’m asking is because today I had to give myself a pep talk for the very first time in a long time, now a lot of you who read my blog posts probably know that I don’t leave my house much due to the way I am, but lately i’ve been slowly progressing and getting out more, mainly with just going and sitting in my backyard. I’ve actually been sitting in my backyard a lot more recently, I use to go like once or twice, but lately i’ve been going in my backyard a lot more than I normally would, i’m finding myself to really come to enjoy sitting in the back and just kinda taking everything in and sitting with my thoughts.

Anyway back to pep talking, so like I just expressed normally I just sit in my backyard but today was different, why was it different you may or may not ask and wonder!? Well today was different because for the first time in a very long time, I decided to take myself out for coffee, because I really wanted it, now i’m sure all of you are thinking “Why would you take yourself out for coffee, don’t you have a coffee maker at home!? (maybe you’re not thinking this I don’t know) but to answer your question if you have thought it…….yes I do have a coffee maker at home, but I was really feeling for french vanilla coffee today and we don’t have french vanilla, plus I kinda wanted to walk at the same time so I thought “You know what!? i’m gonna go walk down to Dunkin’ Donuts and get me a french vanilla coffee” if some of you are wonder why french vanilla, well that’s because french vanilla is my all time favorite coffee, I love it!! I have other favorites, but yeah I won’t bore you with that lol……..anyway……..So yeah I got dressed and took my dog for a walk first before I went to get coffee (btw I got my coffee a little late it was like 11am when I went so yeah, i’m sure it doesn’t make a difference though)

After I walked my dog, I gave her some water and some food and this is where the adventure starts for me……..okay so before I left the house again, I had to make sure I had everything that I needed, I always do that before I go anywhere or leave somewhere just to make sure you know!?…………So once I checked my bag to see if I had everything, I then headed on down to my destination and it was alright not too bad, every step I took, I gave myself a little boost of confidence saying “See this ain’t so bad” and also “you’re doing great” a little way of walking I then thought to myself, do I have my headphones!? cause I kinda wanted to listen to some music and so I stopped to check my bag to see and what a surprise………I didn’t have them…….thought to myself “YEP forgot my headphones”

Now what i’m about to say is a thing that actually came out of my mouth, I then said this “looks like it’s just me and thoughts then….great” not kidding that’s actually what I said and you can’t see me right now, but i’m laughing to myself because I just remembered I said that…….moving on………so i’m walking to get my coffee, observing everything, taking in the scenery. Half way of walking I start to contemplate in my mind, don’t worry I was just contemplating what it was I wanted to order, I knew I wanted coffee, but as you know, there’s a lot of coffee to chose from, but I was just thinking if I wanted a hot coffee or a cold one, reason being was because it was sorta hot out today and I wasn’t sure if I wanted a hot beverage on a hot day, I mean who wants that right!? (if you’re the type of person who does get hot beverages on a hot day, then power to you no judgement here)

So long story short I get to my destination I even said it as if I was a GPS when I walked close to it……..i’m not kidding (I know i’m a nerd, but I embrace it) anyway so I get to Dunkin’ Donuts and when I was walking in I saw this girl with a dog outside, I said hi when I walked in, the dog was cute it was a pug just in case you were wondering, so I go inside and there were a few people in front of me and while they were ordering, I of course start scanning the menu and then I realized while in line…….I forgot my glasses………i’m not really the best at seeing from afar…….soooo I had to just squint my eyes to see what I wanted, now my eye sight isn’t that bad or anything, I just can’t see that well from afar mainly with words……anyway I ordered my stuff and then went back home, after a little while of eating my stuff, I went to the backyard again and sat there for a good while and was just you know taking stuff in and everything.

Now what I realized today was, it’s been a good while since I hung out with myself, I mean normally i’m with myself in room all the time and you would think that it wouldn’t be weird because i’m always to myself, but when you take yourself out be it going to get coffee or just even going for a small walk by yourself, it’s a different feeling compared to just being with yourself in your home you know!? Going to get coffee by myself…….I mean it wasn’t weird, but it also was at the same time, I don’t know if that makes sense, but yeah it was a bit odd, because I don’t normally take myself out. Now this may sound like i’m going off topic but hear me out, some of you know that I loved where I use to live, it was one of my favorite places ever and there was a time where I did go on walks by myself, whether it was to meet up with my friend or getting something from the store and it was like I enjoyed it there more then I did going to get coffee today.

Now i’m not saying that it was terrible going for a walk and treating myself to some coffee outside my home, i’m just saying it was a bit weird for me because i’m not use to taking myself out and just treating myself to things, sometimes that even happens when i’m with people and they tell me to get something that’s on the expensive side of town because they know I don’t treat myself but 1. I’m not really into getting myself super expensive things especially if I know i’m not really gonna use it or if i’m just not feeling it, in order for me to get something that’s a bit more expensive compared to what I’d normally spend money on, I would have to really like it or really want it and 2. The things i’d normally get for myself don’t really cost that much and that’s because again i’m not into super expensive things, I prefer to just get stuff that i’m gonna use and that I know will bring me more joy for example: journals, band/graphic tees, books, I love Funko pops as well certain ones, stuff like that, you know things that I feel would mean more to me.

Now there are a few things that i’ve bought myself before that was on the expensive side of town and some I use and others I don’t use that much which is why I don’t buy things nowadays, but my point is I don’t really treat myself to stuff that often only when I really want it or if i’m interested it in and it’s not just things i’m talking about here, I don’t treat myself to much in general. It’s pretty rare for me to just take myself out, enjoy the day and spend time with myself outside of home, in all honestly I actually prefer to be home instead of going out, if I go out I like to be with someone I just feel it’s more fun that way, but i’m also realizing that it’s okay to treat yourself once in a while and just be with yourself even if you’re just going for a walk. Sometimes you need that alone time to gather your thoughts, really get to know yourself as a person more and just see how you feel sitting or spending time with yourself, sure if you’re not use to getting yourself out and treating yourself to not just things, but also a good time, it’s gonna feel weird and you’ll most likely feel very uncomfortable in your own skin, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least give it a try, do go for that walk alone and do sit with yourself.

Pushing yourself to kinda get out a bit more or treating yourself to things, can help you really get to know yourself on a deeper level to what you’re use to. You might find a lot of new things out about yourself that not even you knew and you may think “we’ll i’m with myself 24/7 what wouldn’t I know everything about myself!?” There might be a lot of things that you don’t realize about yourself actually…….I found out today after a very long time, that when I push myself and help myself do things that i’m not use to, I actually feel a little better, I won’t lie to you……I was actually super nervous leaving the house, I mean I walked my dog first and that’s not something to be nervous about of course, but it was knowing once I finished walking my dog, I would be walking alone to get coffee and it may sound dumb and not that big of a deal, but when you’re use to something and then you find yourself pushing past the things you’re use to……it can be kinda scary and it’ll make you anxious, but once you set your mind to it, you don’t try and second guess yourself and you just kinda go for it, you realize it’s not so bad.

It’ll be weird yeah, but if you just kinda give yourself that pep talk to boost your confidence a bit so you don’t try and psych yourself out, then you’ll find yourself just going with it pretty much. So if you think about maybe going on that walk alone, maybe treating yourself to some lunch or something, give it a try, see if it’s something that you might enjoy and if you do, see if you want to do it again. Don’t let your mind keep you from wanting to do certain things and don’t be afraid to spend a little time with yourself. You don’t even have to do anything big, just sitting alone in the backyard with you and your thoughts will do, once you find yourself doing that and you start to feel comfortable enough in your own skin and mind, try going for a good walk by yourself and just keep working towards certain things until you feel really confident within yourself to want to do a bit more and all that.

Work at your own pace and don’t worry about everyone else, just do things when you feel you’re ready for them. You’ll know you’re ready when something inside you kinda gives you that push and you find yourself just kinda doing things that you normally wouldn’t do, everything will just come to you and you won’t know why, but you’ll find yourself just going with it and when that happens, you’ll see that you’ve reached a certain level on your confidence bar which is good and it’s also something to be proud of yourself for, because it means you’re growing and coming into your own little by little.

Annnnd that is all from me for today, I don’t really have much to say, buuut I hope you were able to take something from this and that it helped some of you in some way, anyway I hope you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening 🙂

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~