4 Years Of Sharing My Thoughts!

Gooooood morning, everybody! I hope you all are having a good Monday and the days treating you well, we’re nearly half way through this month, talk about what the heck am I right!? It’s a bit of an early morning for me, not super early, it’s around 9am currently as i’m writing this! I know it’s been a while since I’ve written anything lately, I’ve been meaning to do some writing, but I haven’t really gotten around to it, I try not to rush/force when it’s time to write because for me it doesn’t really work all that well!

I know some people are really good at forcing themselves to write even if they aren’t quite feeling it and hey that’s great, because it just shows how good they are at honing their craft and creativity even when pressure rises, i’d like to say I am good at doing that myself, but that wouldn’t be true, I don’t do too well under pressure, I do my best at handling it to a certain extent, but me and pressure don’t really see the same side of the painting, which is fine, everyone is different!

Anyway there’s a couple of things I wanted to express on today, possibly at least, the main reason to why I decided to take the time to write today is…..well it was on this day, that I went ahead and created this blog! I know quite surprising…..honestly it feels longer than 4 years, which is weird to think about! A lot has changed for the most part since I created this blog, when I first started I tried to write as much as possible on here and I found that I enjoyed it and at point I thought, “hey I finally found what I am good at” fast forward 4 years today and you’ll find out that I don’t quite have that same thought process now!

I’m not saying that my thoughts of it have changed completely, I do still enjoy writing, I mean it’s pretty much in me to write, always has been since I was young, but from when I first started where I would constantly write to nowadays, i’m finding myself on cruise mode with it! Instead of feeling like I need write something everyday, to the point where I would stress myself out about it sometimes, I write when it feels right to me if that makes sense!?

I’ve been down a very interesting path that I can’t quite explain, there’s moments where you think you got it and then out of nowhere, you find that you’ve gone ahead and gotten yourself lost again somehow or just happened to wander off because something caught your eye to the point where you felt the need to check it out because curiosity, you know that kind of thing! So blogging these days have sorta been…..around the area, but not exactly near the area…..it doesn’t mean I don’t write anymore, I do, but a lot of my writing has become personal, sometimes I share them and depending on how personal it actually is will determind whether people are able to read it or will be unable to see it because it’s privately posted and only those I want to read it will read it!

There’s parts of me I’m open to share, but there’s also parts of me that I’d like to keep personal and I’d like to think that it’s okay because everyone has a right to what they want to share and what they want to keep to themselves! That being said, I personally didn’t think I would last this long blogging in all honestly, I’ve had moments to where I thought about….I don’t want to say quitting, but more on not wanting to write at all on here, but then I thought I don’t know how to not do that, so instead of leaving this blog behind,

I felt that it’s okay if I’m not always in the mood to write….because anybody who is naturally creative and who gravitates to things that allow them to be who they are and share what’s inside in someway…..they too have moments of ups and downs with their creativity, it doesn’t mean they don’t love it, it’s just part of the process of being creative, if you don’t have those moments of doubt, of not feeling motivated or just burnt out and uninspired then you’re not really experiencing the true journey of creativity!

We need to understand that we’re not always going to have all these ideas right away, it’s important to wander off sometimes so that you can return refresh and ready to go, being excited and not really knowing what it is you’re going to do next, it’s also good to discover different kind of things too that can help your creativity grow and feel like it’s getting the best energy of it’s life as well as allowing yourself to grow and evolve in ways that you never thought or imagined possible, so it’s because of that knowing inside of me that I don’t really stress much about feeling the need to write and only doing it when I feel it to be of some kind of importance or if I feel it’s going to help me grow better as a person!

I’m not perfect, no one is to be fair, but I do my best with what I know and even when I don’t know, I still try my best to understand whatever it is that I’m learning and to take it in the best way I’m able to and when I feel like I’m getting the hang of it, that’s when I will take it and try to make it into my own little thing! I know that there are other things that I wanted to say, but I feel like it would be more appropriate to write in a whole new post, I say that because it’s something that I recently started and I really want to share what it is, but I think it would be better to share it seperately…..that’s everything I have to say for now, I’ll try and write on what else I wanted to share later on today, in the meantime, I hope you all enjoy the rest of your day!

By the way, for anyone who happens to come across this blog and go out of their way to share their support in whatever way that is, I just want to say thank you sooo much!! It really does mean a lot knowing that what I write, people are enjoying themselves and that also goes big time to those who have been with me on my blogging journey from the beginning/middle up until now, I can’t express how much that means and if ever I wrote something that helped someone in anyway……then I’m happy! Take care and I hope you have a good one ^_^

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Don’t You Ever Grow Up….

There comes a day when you start to realize just how quickly everything goes….at first you don’t really think all that much about it, until that wave of realism comes rushing over you. At times it can be extremely overwhelming and hard to grasp, but the more you go about it, the less anxious it gets, sometimes it can make you feel a bit more anxious then what you thought….but it’s important to find some kind of grounding with those kind of moments and try to push through them!

This journey that we’re all on, although very much different, is still quite the same….what I mean by that is for one, we all have some kind of challenges to face, we have to get over bumps to be able to head towards where we’re going and many other things….one thing for sure though…..we’re all just a little or very much scared with each unknown thing that we come across! It’s not until we actually face those uncertain moments that we become less worried about them!

When we’re kids, there’s not really much to worry about is there!? At least for us kids, it’s the parents that do all the worrying, while we’re being quite the curious beings we are, trying to explore all that’s around us…..once we become teenages well that’s where all the challenges come in and where we start to discover who we are just a little bit more….some of us become trouble makers and some may still be trying to find their own voice! I won’t tell you which one I was, although you can probably guess….if you took a guess and said troublemaker well you would be somewhat correct, but more opposite based then what it may seem.

I enjoyed testing people as a kid and if I didn’t like something I would have no problem saying it…..I was a lot tougher and outspoken as a kid more than as a teen……I was what you would call the quiet kid during my teenage years, especially in high school, you would think that, it’d be the other way around, but no…..I didn’t really step out of comfort much during the higher level that life had going for me then…..I became what everyone loves to be (sarcastically speaking) a people pleaser…..to keep the story short…..it took a very long time to get myself out of that!

When I say a long time, let’s just say it wasn’t until recently that, I let that side of me go….well most it at least and when I say recently I mean about…..2 years ago…..it may seem long and yeah it is, but at the same time no it’s not! I’m 27 now and to quote one of my all time favorite artists Alexz Johnson and her song Aftermath “Who I was back then I barely recognize her” which is the truth, right now at this moment….I never thought I would be where I’m currently at now in a more, as a person kind of base, as well as a bit of surroundings!

There are days where I will randomly sit with myself and take everything in and even though I know i’ve gone through it…I still get a bit surprised on how much I’ve transformed as a person and for me it’s a little hard to believe sometimes! There’s still stuff that I know will eventually be improve on, but to collect on everything so far, it’s a little of a wow moment….it may not be a lot to you, but for me it’s a lot….but that’s what growth does to all of us…..we don’t realize certain aspects to ourselves until it sorta hits us in the face and at that point, you have no choice, but to really look at it for a second, to look at yourself and all that you’ve overcomed, each and every challenge that you didn’t think you would possibly get through!

Mind the fears and anxieties of those particular moments and not realize through everything you did eventually get through them, there may have been a lot of ups and downs, hard turns, feeling like you’re going in some kind of loop and let’s not pretend that, there weren’t a couple crashes in those times as well…..we’ve all felt like we hit a dead end and just when that hope and wonder of not knowing whether you’d get out or not, enters your mind…..there would always be that one thing, that made you feel like “I can’t give up…I need to keep going” we might’ve not known where you were going, but you had something in your heart and deep down where you knew….the more you went you would be alright!

We always know the way….even when we think we don’t, it’s always important that we take a moment to listen to our hearts as well as intuition…..it can be hard though because sometimes we do fight with ourselves about what it we actually feel, but even if we aren’t exactly sure in the moment….all we have to do is just go with the next best thing that feels right and makes sense to us…..it may not make sense to everyone else, including those close to you, but honestly the only person it needs to make sense to is you…..no one is really going to truly understand the jouney you go on or that I go on, because it’s not their journey it’s yours, it’s mine, it’s ours as a collective, we’re all experiencing things differently and the older that we get….it can become more difficult to choose the right direction.

Here’s the thing though, there’s really no wrong way of doing things…..if you feel it to be right then it is, who cares if people don’t see it the same way, if it really wasn’t going to be the best for you…..you would know and you’d be told in some way, but you’re not ever going to truly know if you don’t take the chance in finding out! You can be scared and nervous, but don’t ever let it stop you, you got to go for what it is you believe in, because that’s where you will see how much growth you’re going to get from it. You don’t need to feel like you can’t because of whatever or you feel it’s going to upset people….as hard and frightening it is to grow up a bit….it is absolutely necessary especially when you know you want it!

You want to be able to say you tried everything and learned a whole lot from it, all while also saying “I discovered this and I love it” or “Yeah I’ve seen this and even gave it go….it wasn’t my favorite thing, but it was alright” take that in whatever context you want, however I mean it more in a sense of, experiencing all that you have yet to see and would like to see, but not being afraid to step out of comfort, those kind of things! Channel into your kid energy, which by the way is always there, you just have to allow yourself to bring it out at times, but when it comes to curiosity and fearlessness that’s where it can really help guide you!

Just bare in mind that, there will be unexpected and uncomfortable situations that you’ll have to go through and that’s okay! You may not enjoy the things you came across along the way fully, but you’ll still learn something from it and hey even with those not so great moments, there is still something great within them….but a lot of the time, they show themselves when you’re not really paying attention, so if you want to catch them just be aware and stay open to the possibilities!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Friday Moods

Happy Friday! I hope everyone has been well and that you’ve been enjoying the new month! I’m a little surprised knowing that we’re in June now, normally when a new month rolls around I just accept that it’s here and leave it be, but we’re really in the month of June…..and we’re at the second week of it at that…..It’s a little weird because it sorta feels like mid June then beginning of it, which technically we are nearing the middle of June so i’m not too far off with how this month is feeling.

We’ve come to another end of the week, part of it went pretty quickly, honestly I think the only day that felt very long was Tuesday other than that, this week pretty much flew by, maybe it’s just me, I don’t know the second week of June has felt somewhat weird, not in a bad way, but it did feel weird. You know i’m just going to be honest here, I’m not really sure what exactly I’m trying to write here in this post…..I felt the need to write something, however I don’t necessarily know what I was feeling to write, so there’s a good chance that this post won’t really be that long, sorry about that….I’m not going to count this one as my monthly chat where I express how the month as been and how it’s going, if I am to be honest….I sorta woke up feeling….how to express it!?

Maybe a little unmotivated as well as not even sure what I’m feeling to be fair, sometimes I’ll just have random moments where I don’t feel like I’m there, like I know what I’m doing and I can see myself doing certain things, but I’m just not 100 percent there and when I run into those kind of days, I try to figure out what it is that I’m feeling and sometimes I can pin point it a little, but there’s other days where I find myself having somewhat of a hard time figuring it out! I’m not exactly sad and I’m not angry, but I’m also not quite up there energy wise…..

If I had to give it a percetage, I would say….45/50 ish percent on the mood scale, I feel fine, but not fine! I don’t usually express on my moods honestly like that, but I’m hoping that it’s okay to feel that way and be open about it….I’d say that it’s okay that I am feeling that way, because as human beings we don’t always allow ourselves to feel the things that we’re feeling in the moment, especially when we know we aren’t feeling the greatest or we’re not exactly feeling like ourselves and maybe that’s why we give ourselves a hard time, we’re always trying to push those unwanted feeling away and just pretend that we’re okay when we know that we’re not really doing okay and it’s completely alright to not feel 100 percent all the time!

At the end of the day, we’re all human, we all feel and sometimes our moods are just not there and that’s okay, we need those not so great days in order to continue to be our best selves, it’s not always the good moments that allows us to be who we are, it’s important that we have crappy/shitty days, we need to feel those things in order to grow, without those not so great days we wouldn’t be 100 percent us, we’d only be half of that, it takes a lot of strength to be honest about how you’re really feeling even if you aren’t feeling great, now you don’t need to say it out loud, but it is important that you at least acknowledge your emotions, especially when you don’t want to, because when you find yourself not wanting to be bothered with your own thoughts and feelings that’s when you should check in the most!

Again you don’t have to express it out loud if you don’t feel like you want to, but just identify it, see it, feel it and allow them to be! If you want to express those feelings you can, only you will know whether you feel like letting it out or not, but if you don’t know that it’s okay too, when you’re ready you will, but don’t push them away from yourself if you need a moment, be sure to take that moment and remember that this too shall past and eventually you’ll start feeling okay!

I honestly didn’t expect to write this much, I really believed it was going to be a short one, but apparently I needed to say this….so if by any chance someone right now happens to come across this post and you find any of this helpful, I’m glad to hear it! I hope that you’re doing alright and enjoying this Friday and if you’re not I hope that you have a well deserved relaxed weekend and I really hope this upcoming week is a little better for you! Take care ^_^

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Levels Of Growth

Maaan has it been a while since my last post, it’s not yet been a month, but it’s been a while! Honestly I’ve wanting to write something for the longest, yet nothing ever sparked my interest enough to say “yeah this might be a good thing to talk about” We’re already in the middle of April and each day that came by I would just say to myself, I haven’t written not one thing this month and maybe that’s alright, but to me I just felt like What is going on there!? Today however, I feel a little bit inspired to write so I shall take whatever this inspiration is and do my best to just go with it! It feels good to write something that I can share after a long while….

Now before we continue on, I just want to say that I have been writing this month, I just haven’t written anything to share, my writing have been more personal based these days, I guess that’s just where I’m at currently, which I know isn’t a bad thing, but still I have been wanting to share something and I guess that’s where this post comes in! As you can see I’ve titled this post levels of growth, why exactly? That’s a good question, let’s just say it was something that felt right to title here…..growth is a significant thing that we all experience in our lifetime constantly, be it a small growth or a really big way of transforming…sometimes we can see it pretty clear and sometimes we don’t always know when the next transformation will be….we can sense it and feel it coming, but we don’t always know, but that’s the beauty of it yeah!?

Life has many ways of challenging you, as well putting you in a postition of what you feel to be the best way to grow and trive, but it doesn’t mean that it’s entirely easy…..it can be as simple as choosing your favorite game to play or what kind of snack you’re in the mood for, I know pretty weird seeing it that way, but what I mean by that is life is that simple most times, it’s just other things that can make it seem difficult! When you look at the word Growth on it’s own, it makes you feel something doesn’t it? You know it’s got an importantance to it, yet the word looks simple, it doesn’t really look all that intimidating when you’re just reading the word….but the feel and experience that comes with it can be quite frightening when you’re looking at it more deeply.

It’s like when admiring a flower, you wouldn’t think they’re able to harm you, but look at roses, although they’re very beautiful to look at, you got to be careful when picking them, because they hold thorns….if you look at cacti you know not to touch them because you can see all the little needles it’s got, but even with knowing that people like to have them as plants and then there’s the Aloe plant although it’s got healing abilities, it too has it’s own thorns/needles, if you really think about though, the Aloe plant kind of has an accidental proneness connected to it, I say that beacause even when it hurts you, it’s character speaks loud without actually talking and it let’s you know “Oh i’m sorry, didn’t mean to hurt you, here let me help you”

I know this is probably getting off track, I was trying to make a point where I explain how just like some flowers have a bit a gray area, so does growth, I don’t know if I tied it in nicely enough, but hopefully it makes some kind sense! Anyway back to what I was saying….we all experience growth differently and sometimes it can be hard to embrace different levels of it, due to the fact that it can require a lot of braveness, courage and strength to help unlock that next transformation that we’re needing and majority of the time, however you feel yourself growing and changing, it’s not always going to be ideal for others, even those who are close to you….

You see for some, even when you are putting it out there how much you’ve progressed and evolved, sometimes it doesn’t get taken seriously and it can get very frustrating, because although your doing your best to show and let people know who you are and who you kind of always been deep down…..it can feel like they’re not really seeing you the way you’re wanting them to and are still sorta treating you the same, even when you know you’ve grown from that point. There’s going to come a moment where you know that, even though you may not want to, you’re going to have to do something so out of character where they have no choice, but to notice and really get them to see and think to themeselves “this is not the same person that I know”

After the reactions, you will probably most definitely feel a bit of a shift following that experience and to be honest there’s probably going to be some hurt involved and that’s going to probably hurt you, but with growth, you have to be strong and brave, you have to hold that courage inside otherwise what was it for!? If you want people to start seeing YOU and taking you more seriously…..you can’t be afraid to push back! Now even if you happen to leave someone hurt….don’t see it as an automatic negative experience, growth comes in many forms and although we all like life to be smooth sailing…..it’s not always going to be like that, there will be moments where you have to choose the road that involves a bit more…..deep breathing to get through and you will have to make a choice!

We always hear, take the road less traveled and I’m starting to realize and understand that, the road less traveled gives you the most experiences and how you choose to travel through it really comes down to what you feel inside and what your inner compass/heart is leading you toward….so if you feel you want to go a specific way, but you have people telling you to do it a certain way, you have to go with your own feelings, because at the end of the day….it’s your journey, we all share life, but we all have our way of living it, so if you feel strongly about something and you want to do it…..do it…..even if it requires you to go into the unknown of it and it may upset people, we shouldn’t have to feel like we can’t do something because it’ll make someone upset!

Sometimes we can get caught up in what others are saying, that we forget we have our own voice too and we don’t have to always go by what they say, if they can’t support you in the journey you choose for yourself then you have to know that it’s not on you to make them understand, cause they’re either going to understand by you be honest and letting them know right away or by you saying I’m going to do it anyway whether you like it or not and who knows maybe you’ll get the combination which can be more challenging and if you do get them both, it just shows you got more edge to you and your a badass kind of person!

Whatever is in your heart to do, please don’t hold yourself back, growth is scary, yes, but it’s also necessary for you to grow into the person you feel yourself to be….so with all that said, I shall leave you all with a quote, one of my favorites actually ^_^

“Don’t Hold Back, For Anyone…..The Further You Go, The Prouder I’ll Be”

Ming-Turning Red

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Changes and Transformations….

Good Morning, hope that you all have been well these days! We’re now a week into the month of March for many out there, a lot has probably happened already be it big or something small that you’ve been also looking forward too and for others March might still feel like you’re just getting started and that’s perfectly okay! We all have a specific pace that we start with, things could be going really fast and quick for a lot of you, while for some March could be catching you by surprise where things start feeling a bit unexpected, in a sense where, you may find yourself more busy then usual or in other ways where you may not normally be used to if that makes sense!?

Yesterday I found myself deep in thought about a lot of things, I was out for most of the day so it was a bit productive, however I wasn’t really in a talkive mood, I mean don’t get me wrong I did speak a bit, but I wasn’t in my usual talkive state that I normally am….a lot of the time when that happens, it’s because I just have a lot on my mind and it gets to the point where I don’t really want to talk…..in those moments talking for me becomes a bit of chore to deal with so I like to say as little as I can if I’m able to! I started to become a bit more chatty during the evening though, but it still took me a while!

I guess it’s just my way of processing my own thoughts and dealing with them in some way, I normally try and distract myself when I start getting really into my own mind, but I also know when I need to allow my thoughts to be what it is they are and not push them aside, by doing that it’s only going to come at you harder so you want to make sure that your being considerate with yourself in those times of deep thinking…..yesterday I had a thought to myself regarding my surroundings, but involving how everything’s changed!

All the places that I once knew and saw growing up, most of them are all different now, building that, were once there are no longer around and if they are, they’ve changed so much to where you don’t really recongize them, it’s kind of like seeing a time lapse of what you used to know recontructed right before your eyes, but you’re seeing the transformation of what it was then, to what it is now and seeing that, seeing all the places that you’ve grown up with change and look completely new to what you used to see, it really hits you just how much things really transform an old shop that you may have gone to a lot when you were a kid, is either no longer there or isn’t quite the same as you once remembered it!

It’s a mind blowing experience because even though you know it’s different, there something in you that feels like you still need a bit of time to process it fully, yet you never really get the chance to, due to the fact that it’s already changed and transformed so much that you don’t get much room to feel it entirely the way you want. It’s the same with people, although they have certain things with them that stayed the same, you already know that they too have transformed and are a lot different to what you remember them to be, but be it so,

There’s always that part of you that hopes that the relationship that you had with them and the bond that you once shared didn’t change and a lot of the time you find it did, but you do get those one of kind moments where even though you and that person have grown and seen things in a more….I guess you can say mature perspective to how you used to see things….even though all that’s happened, you find that it’s easy for you to just come back together as if nothings changed at all and just pick up where you left off….with those moments though it can feel a bit nervewracking and scary, it’s like meeting someone that you already know for the first time all over again….and it’s not something you would normally think to get nervous about, but you do because you know it’s different!!

You start feeling like you have to prepare yourself again and get ready for it, it’s like a new journey and adventure that you know, but don’t know at the same time so you’re kind of just hoping for the best and for things to turn out okay, it’ll sometimes even leave you wondering if they still feel the same about you even if you know they do, you still can’t help, but have those thoughts in mind that, now that doesn’t neccasarily mean it’s a bad thing, it’s just curious wonders! That being said, you won’t really know unless you put yourself out there to feel those things and be okay with feeling them, I like to think they’re normal, it just simply shows how much you really truly and deeply care as well as how much that person still means to you!!

Fear or no fear, changes and transforamtions will always happen, even if you don’t really get the chance to take it in the way you want or you find you aren’t able to really prepare, it’s okay….I guess the best way to look at it is to just give it a go anyway when it involves a new experience, but if it involves a change that you have no control of, like seeing a place you once knew when you were younger in a whole new way, you kind of just have to adapt the best way you can with it, keep those memories close to you always and whatever connection you made with it…..just know that it will always be with you, never be afraid of changes and don’t be afraid of transforming the way you feel you are wanting to, it’s all part of living life so try not to hold yourself back from experiencing all that you want to experience at the end of the day you gotta do what makes you happy!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Do What You Like, Be Free To Be Whatever!

This is probably one of the most cheesiest titles you’ve read or maybe not….if I’m being honest this title is a combination of two different lyrics from two different songs, both favorites of mine and by two artists that I admire! The first part of the title come from the song Living In Colour by non other than my all time favorite artist Alexz Johnson while the other part, kind of comes from the song No Regrets by an artist named Dappy at least it’s inspired by it anyway….I don’t know how many people know of either artist, but Alexz Johnson has always been one of my favorites since the moment I saw her show Instant Star, it was then I knew I found an artist I was going to listen to forever!

As for Dappy, I was introduced to his music by my partner whose a really big fan of his, the first song he ever had me listen to by Dappy was called Money Can’t Buy, it’s a love song of course, but it’s an amazing song and one of my other favorites!! Now Dappy isn’t just a singer he also raps too and comes from the UK, he also had this group called N-Dubs which had him, his cousin Tulisa and a friend of his I believe named Fazer who happens to rap as well! Now I’m not here to talk about these two artists, although they are great and their music is always a pleasure to listen to, I just wanted to explain the title name…..however I should point out that the actual lyrics to Dappy’s No Regrets is “I’m Free To Be Whatever I….”following a few bar flows after those lyrics!

What I really wanted to talk about is what I mean with the title I have there, well I will do my best to explain it at least! Now to me, both these lyrics have an encouragement feel to them, “Do what you like” by Alexz Johnson meaning “go for it” while the actual lyrics to Dappy’s song No Regrets ” I’m free to be whatever I…” that one goes more on the fact of having that freedom to do, well going back to the first song, pretty much whatever you like, being whoever it is you choose to be and allowing yourself to have the confidence to say “this is my life and I will decide how I want to live it” it’s letting you know to go after anything you believe in and are truly wanting without those regrets in the back of your mind, where you’re asking yourself “what if”

Keeping the what if’s in your head will always make you feel like, you have to just go with what’s there, but life isn’t about being okay with that, you have to be okay with change no matter how scary it is…..you don’t want to sit back and think to yourself “I didn’t, I should’ve, maybe” We always hear how short life is and the thing with it is, we think because we are still here doing the things we’re doing and getting to certain ages that it’s not really short, but it actually is….because you can walk past someone and that day their fine, but when you go to see them again….something is different and then next thing you know….you’re no longer seeing them!!

It’s a frightening scary thing and it’s something I don’t like to think about, but when you really look at it, it really does say a lot….we’re always worrying about everything, but that’s because we’re feeling things that we don’t even understand sometimes…..but it comes with the experience of life, but life is also meant to be experienced, you’re meant to be inspired, to be entertained and say “woah I’ve never seen that before or let alone known that it could exist” You’re meant to explore and feel different things, in different ways then imagined!!

There’s a lot of fear that is hard to shake within us, I have a few fears myself and one of them used to be change, I didn’t like things changing, I liked being safe and comfortable, I always thought that I wanted everything to stay the same, until eventually I witness change happening around me, forcing me to become uncomfortable and really see things differently and before I knew it…..I started to change and I saw how me changing and wanting different started to effect people around me!

I was always a certain way and when I stopped being that certain way and being vocal about it….it wasn’t well received, but I knew that it needed to happen because had it not happened, I would’ve still been in that situation…..the older I get the more I’m realizing how important it is to really go after what it is you want and not be afraid or feel bad for wanting those things, we’re allowed to want things, we’re allowed to say “hey this is what I’m doing, it’s okay that you don’t agree or like it, but I’m doing it anyway” it may be a scary thing to do, but it’s better to be brave and do it while shaking the nerves away, then to not do it and stress yourself out about it and how you should’ve done it….it’s okay to take that breath if needed, but if you find yourself feeling something like this lately then you may just want to consider some of these words

You don’t necessarily have to, but if you know there’s something in your heart that you would like to do and have been thinking about for a while, it really doesn’t hurt to give it a go and try, the only thing that will happen is that you’ll find yourself growing more and possibly enjoying yourself as you experience that new thing that is speaking to you!

That’s all I want to say, hope you all have a good rest of the day, stay safe and take care!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

It’s Feb 22, 2022 (2/22/22)

You might have noticed that today feels a little more significant compared to other days and even if it doesn’t feel different, I’m sure that you had a moment where you might have looked at the calendar today and thought “huh interesting” after realizing todays date! Now I’ve spoken about numbers and numerology before all while explaining how I’m not that the biggest fan of math, but regardless to my feelings with the number subject, numerology is just one of those things that is kind of hard to pin point and what I mean by that is there’s just something about it that always leaves me curious with it to where I feel the need to what to look up certain numbers when their lined up like today’s date is or just when seeing the number 11:11 or 555!

Now I won’t go too into it as I know I already shared my thoughts about it previously before, plus I wouldn’t even know what to say exactly, so who knows how long this post will be, I honestly don’t feel it’ll be too long, but then again I’m not sure if it’ll be true, there’s times where I think a post is just going to be, only but a few lines long and it’s more than what I expect so haha!

Now if you’ve been wondering just what the numbers 2/22/22 means well, I wouldn’t be able to tell you off the top of my head, without looking it up myself, speaking of I actually did look it up because as I stated earlier I was very curious and just wanted to know it’s meaning and in case some of you would like to know or have been curious yourself about it, to try and sum it up really…the number 2/22/22 it’s got a very detailed meaning within it and one of those meanings comes in the form of taking charge of your life and not feeling bad about how you choose to live it, it also talks about balance and instability, but also not allowing yourself to get caught up in the chaos of your surroundings and learning to keep positive even during difficult times!

I know with that last part it’s a lot easier said and then done, believe me I know, for me yesterday was a very rough day, these past few days have been a bit harder to handle, but yesterday I have to say definitely took the cake, but it’s not really about pretending that your emotions don’t exist or that you have no right to feel the way you might be feeling, what it really comes down to is letting yourself feel the things your feeling, but also being aware of how you react to situations!

Look I’ll admit that sometimes it’s harder to push through days when you already can feel it within yourself that it’s not your day or a day in general, I think in order to really embrace what number 2/22/22’s message is trying to share, we need to allow ourselves to feel our emotions, so that we’re not just pushing them down and keeping everything bottled up! I understand that not everyone likes expressing themselves because they either don’t want to be a burden, they don’t want to share what is actually bothering them or they don’t actually know how to express their thoughts well so they just keep it all to themselves….but when you hold your thoughts and feelings in especially for a prolonged period of time, you’re only hurting yourself,

Eventually all the things that you’ve hidden under the surface will start brewing and before you know it, you’ve gone from being an inactive volcano to an active volcano and everything that you’ve tried so hard to keep within starts looking like magma flowing about and you find yourself looking at it wondering how you allowed yourself to let it get that bad! I know I’ve gone all science here, but what I’m trying to get at is, we have to be okay with feeling our feelings, but also not think that because we feel them, we can’t talk about them if we feel we need to, although sometimes we may not want to share them right then and there, which is okay….

It’s alright to want space and time to think about things and really take them in, if you feel that to help you best! Most times it helps to take that moment so you’re able to keep all those thoughts and feelings at a happy medium so they’re not just coming out without much of a thought, it’s better to think and then react then to react first then think! It helps to really bring clarity and a different responds and way of explanation compared to just going off to what the first reaction might’ve been!

It also helps if we didn’t give ourselves a hard time about it as well, most times we forget though….but back to what today brings and what this once in a lifetime line up of aligned numbers is wanting us to take in and keep as a reminder, what is that reminder exactly!? Well today brings the message to keep going and to know that whatever struggles and difficult times that we may find ourselves in that no matter what we can overcome them! We have to keep in our minds the saying of “This Too Shall Pass” and that “all is well and will be well” even when it may seem like it won’t in the moments!

We have the ability to turn any situation into a positive one in someway or form, honestly I feel like with yesterday being the way it was…..it kind of felt like a test with the chaos happening, like it was a challenge to see basically saying “how do you chose to react!?” So it really comes down to knowing when to choose a battle, most of the time, the universe will play out certain scenes/scenarios for you so you can really be aware and understand which approach to take!

That also just goes with when choosing where you want to go, no matter what you do and how you choose to live your life, you will always have to know when to react to things and when not to react, as well as how to react….we always have a choice and it’s important that we pick our next action to those choices wisely so that way we know we’re doing our best to making sure that things go smoothly and that we’re really taking everything in properly!

We’re coming to the last hour of Feb 22, 2022 so whatever you feel it’s meaning to mean to you, keep it in mind and if life is feeling a bit upside down at the moment, know that it doesn’t always mean it’s a bad thing, so just keep pushing, keep doing your best and live your life how you feel you want to live it…..it’s okay to be afraid, change isn’t always an easy thing to embrace, but it is necessary in growth and when you allow yourself to grow, that’s when you start seeing things really kick off…..in a good way and sometimes you have to go through those tough periods in order to see what is really going on and is being brought to you (as hard as it is to see) so even when the nerves start up, keep going and do what you like and what you feel you want to do!

I would definitely say to look up this number you’d be surprise to what you may find, that’s all I have here, I hope that you had a good/decent/okay day and happy synchronistic Tuesday!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

Dear Little Me…..(Updated)

It’s been a while hasn’t it, if only you knew all things we have been through…..I mean seeing that you are apart of me, you probably already know huh!? I’ll be honest I wasn’t really expecting to write to you, it was only after that I read a bit of the first I guess you can call letter post that I wrote to you back in 2018 that I felt like I wanted to update you on a few things that we’ve managed to do…..I’m writing this a bit on the late side on the 15th of September nearly midnight, but not necessarily midnight it’s still around 11:30pm as I’m writing this now, I might just continue this post in the morning so I could really tell you everything that I want you to know….I’ll catch you up on what those things are soon, a part of me might keep the rest as a surprised though, see you in a couple of hours!

Good Morning me, well younger me…..it’s a little early, around 8:40am almost 9am, I don’t know if you remember us always getting up earlier than we needed to back then, there were moments when we got up a bit late as well! Sometimes we’d get up at almost 10am and if we got up at 11am we were upset the whole day…..I’m glad that I changed our sleep schedule all those times ago ha! I don’t know where to start with what’s been going on….We’ve been on quite the journey you and I, a lot of stresses, emotions both good and bad, we had some loses in our lives as well, that meant a lot to us….but on a good note, we did find someone that loves us for our weirdness as well as everything else believe it our not lol…..there’s a lot of things that’s happened since the last time I spoke to you!

We’ve been through some storms, but the one thing though that I feel you’ll really like is that…..we got through them and most of them we’re really hard, because they pushed us to really grow ourselves more and change as well, in the last letter I wrote you…..I felt like I was not doing you proud, that I had failed you as an older version of me and I never knew how to really express that in the best of ways, I only knew how to say sorry and feel bad about everything we were going through at the time…..I wanted you to be happy and I didn’t really give you that chance to be happy then….it took a long while, but I just want you to know that we’re doing good now, where we were then, we aren’t there anymore!

We managed to find our voice, now I won’t say we found it fully fully, there’s still some things that we both are still working out and trying to understand better, which is normal, because not everyone has figured everything out yet, but we have learned a lot and I can honestly say that we are becoming better versions of ourselves more and more each day! Don’t get me wrong we still have our moments where we aren’t always happy and feeling our best, but to how we used to handle those days to how we handle them now…..we’re doing pretty alright for ourselves, our emotions don’t constantly get at us the way they used to, we’ve learned to control them a lot better and not be so hard on ourselves….I mean we’re still hard on ourselves at times, but I think that’s never going to go away really, but that’s okay because it helps us to want to be better!

We’ve grown on a personal level, we’re still the same, but there our some new differences within ourselves that we’ve gained with our personality, for example….we’ve gotten a bit more sarcastic lately, we say what’s on our mind a lot more these days, a bit quickly too, might I add and we’ve gotten better at not taking up things that we know we don’t need in a negative sense….I guess you can say we’ve gotten a bit tougher and stronger since the last time, but I think part of those part of me comes from you if that makes sense, especially all the sassy parts that I wouldn’t have ever thought to come out!! All our fears that we used to worry ourselves about, we have moments where they pop up, but you’ll be happy to know that instead of always wanting to avoid them and run away, we try and face them the best we can…..we come way out of our comfort zone, well we’re nearing the surface at least, we don’t swim the best, but we do our best to get to where we want to be!

Like I said we’re still learning as we go along, but that’s only part of the journey we’re on…..it’s just the beginning and we’re just getting started, but we’re flying little me, just like you always wanted and I promise that I’m going to keep doing my best to make you proud to be me older, because I just want you to be happy and I want you to know that the adventures you go, as new and hard as they may be at times and you may feel like you’re not getting where you need to, but know that you’re always going to get where you need even when you get lost a bit, sometime you have to get a little lost before you’re found! We’re always going to be okay, I know that because I got you and I know that when I’m lost, you’ll found a way to point me to where you feel it’s best to go so I know to keep going, because together is where the magic starts to happen!

All the feelings of being scared, but wanting to still give it a shot anyway, taking those risks, I never thought we’d get to that point, but I got to say that, doing those things, makes me happy, I still get nervous and scared, but I hope that you feel happy that we’re finally doing them…..there’s still some stuff that I know I want to tell you, but I know know how to express them properly just yet, so I will leave them for another time, the moment I find those words and I’m able to piece them all together you’ll know…..I just wanted to tell you that we’re okay and that we’re a little bit more happier than we were before…..I’ll see you soon!

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa

The Journey Of Learning & Growing….

One of the best things to witness is watching someone grow and evolve, be it a child, someone that you saw go through a very tough point in their life or even just you yourself, there’s no age limit when it comes to learning and growing…..you could be in your 50s and you may already know a whole lot, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still learn something new let alone won’t learn something new, there’s so much to life that will always leave us surprised even when you think you’ve seen it all already!

I’ve witness a few transformations, a lot of them may not be fully, but I’ve seen a few and the ones I have seen, still amaze me and sometimes I find myself thinking about those transformations, I’ve watched my boyfriend come out of something that he struggled with for a while, not necessarily in person, but just the aftermath of what happened in his life in that time, it’s how we met, he was just starting to get back to himself again! I’ve seen my nephew who I consider my nephew, I first met him when he was 3, so I’ve only known him for a year now pretty much and I remember how he’d never wanted to listen to anyone, you know usual kid stuff, his favorite word was always NO and you couldn’t tell him anything, without him crying and throwing tantrums and wanting everything to be his way

and then you have his mom who worked all the time and when it came to trying to stop him from having those tantrums it was hard for her to put her foot down with him, obviously no parent wants to yell at their child, any good parent anyway, it’s hard because you try to be a parent, but you also don’t want to be a parent in a sense of when your child starts throwing those tantrums and they aren’t listening to you, you don’t want to have to punish them for it, because all you want is for them to see you in the best light possible and when you come to those moments to where you know there needs to be rules……it can be hard, but sometimes you know you have to do it!

But back to what I was talking about…..all three people here have gone through big transformations and you wouldn’t believe it if I told you, my boyfriend one of the biggest transformation I’ve ever seen and also haven’t seen, but if you knew him when I met him and you were to see and learn about everything he endured, you’d be extremely surprised, it still surprises me when I think about it sometimes, just to see and learn the difference in the person that he once was to who he is now, like I wouldn’t know where to begin on that story, hopefully I’ll be able to really tell it or have him tell it one day, I mean it is story about his journey anyway and it really is a beautiful and life changing one at that! I’m very proud of how far he’s gotten, I love you Jord, forever and always!

As for my Nephew…..he’s 4 now, but will be turning 5 in November and let me tell you something, he is one hell of a smart kid, seriously and he’s gotten a lot better at really trying to understand everything, he doesn’t give you too much of a issue now when you are telling him not to do something or you’re trying to help him learn certain things, he actually listens expressing something to him which I’m glad to see, it was a mission and a half when I first met him, he talks a whole lot more now, like a lot, he wouldn’t really say much before, he was just always shy and wouldn’t come up to you, he’d just be in his own little world, now forget about it!! He will talk to you for hours if he really wanted to, he’s quite the character, very silly, but he’s the sweetest boy every, he’s very kind, he likes making people laugh and just showing you things all the time, buut don’t let his adorableness fool, he knows what he’s doing!

He’s a little demon and I say it all the time to him, which he knows too because he always laughs about it! He knows how to get what he wants, however he knows who to go for when he wants something, spoiler it’s not me, he knows better than to pull anything with me, like I said he’s a smart one, I wouldn’t be surprised if he turned out to be an evil genius, I’m joking, he’s a good kid when he wants to be, but he’s also grown to know better and I just hope that continues the older he gets!

Lastly, we come to my Nephew’s mom who has also transformed a lot from when I met her, she’s kind of hard to explain with her transformation though, but I’ll do my best, when I first started coming around and hanging out with her, she was always working, but she worked from home, so she always tried her best to balance out work and her son and when I was hanging out with her as she was working, I would notice a lot that she was having to do, when it came to her son like I said earlier it was hard for her to put her foot down with him at first, because she didn’t like having to be that….not strict parent, cause she’s really not that strict, but he’d would get babied a lot before, he still does, but it’s not so much from his mom these days, but the grandparents…..you know how that goes!

It was hard for her to tell him when he was doing something wrong and when it came to punishment so that he learns that he can’t do certain things, with work she was always stressing, she dealt with a lot….I guess the only way I can say it is her transformation comes from how she’s grown as a parent from when I met her and what I know her to be now as well as how certain parts of her personality has changed and grown, she’d always wanted to please everyone even when she didn’t want to do whatever it was that she didn’t want to do, she’s showing more of her voice with people,

Which is good and she would always feel like nothing was going her way, but now everything is now working for her which is great, in terms of her son, she’s learn to put her foot down with him more and not let him try and control her and what I love about that is, I feel since then, both her and her son have gotten more closer and it’s a beautiful things to see, because you can tell she loves her son and only wants the best for him and that’s how parent should be and he loves her which is also wonderful! I’ve witness what she had to go through before and I’m so proud of her for how far she’s come even if she doesn’t know it, she’s an amazing mom and an amazing person, as well as a really good friend and I’m glad that I got to know her and continue to get to know her, fun fact, we’ve crossed paths before me and her a few time even, but we never actually encountered one another face to face just always by a pass by, it wasn’t until she started dating my brother to where we finally met, I guess you can call it a small word!

The three people I just spoke about all mean something to me and I’m glad to know them and have them apart of my life, I’m glad that I’ve been able to experience the transformations they’ve gone through, they all have taught me a lot of things as well as important lessons and are still teaching me a lot even if they don’t know it necessarily, but I wouldn’t trade them and all that they’ve taught me for the world and if ever down the line our journey’s together were to take different paths or transform in some kind of way to where I still have them in my life, I’m always going to take what they’ve given me and do my best to make sure I never forget it!

F.Y.I. I didn’t expect to write all of this, the way I did, I just felt very strongly to write this for some reason so I did, call it a moment of a thought in time!!

P.S.

By the way, I’ve switched up my podcast episode schedule just for this week, so instead of Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I’m doing Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday (I’m going to try for Saturday anyway) again just for this week, I just felt like switching things up a a bit! You can check out yesterday’s episode here:

Take Flight Like A Bird…. Ep. 37 Daydreamer's Podcast

Happy Tuesday everyone, hope your having a good day! In todays episode we talk a bit about birds and the way they fly, not just about that though, it gets a bit deeper than that, we're always afraid to explore the unknown and take those big leaps that we've been wanting to take, but isn't that what life's about!? Facing those unsure feelings and seeing where it takes you, just like that Moana song, one day I'll know how far I'll go!!

All The Love ❤ ❤ ❤

Lexa

Plans & Decisions…

I’ve never been one for planning you know, which you probably do because I’ve mentioned it a few times on here, me and plans….don’t mix, however I’ve come to a point in my life where, I’m finding myself trying to plan for things which is usually not my department, but if the time has come for me to really sit and plan things properly then I’m going to do it! I’m going to put myself in an uncomfortable situation and face it the best way I can, scared and full of nerves combined!

Today has been a bit of a rough day for me, I’ll admit, I woke up with soooo many thoughts in my head and trying to sort them is completely new to me, I don’t normally sort my thoughts out well and so trying to do that today has got my head just full of aches lol…..but it’s okay because I know that there’s something that is very important I want to do and if I end up losing a little bit of sleep from it or feel myself getting slightly anxious on, I’m alright with that! Plans aren’t my normal cup of tea, but I’ve been trying to embrace it a little better instead of getting intimidated by them,

Plans are important they can help layout things so you don’t feel all over the place! Normally I like going with things naturally, but I’ve also been learning that sometimes you need to plan for things in order to work them out, if you just let things always go as they are, whatever is most important to you can get away from you and if that’s something you don’t want then you have to really work at them and take those steps to having them come to fruition and making them happen…..I’m always being told that life is short and you want to make sure you’re always giving attention to the things that matter most even if it seems hard, it can seem like you won’t get there, but if you want it enough and you believe in it enough….you already know that it can get there, you just have to take those steps to get them there!

Now with the things that I’m planning, there’s a few decisions that I’ve come to realize I need to face and deal with, even though some of the stuff may not be my favorite to want to deal with…..it’s up to me to take that breath, put on a brave face and do it anyway…..with planning you also have to make decisions tough or not, because that’s the only way for you to grow better and to experience things without all the limits of it all it all, you have to allow yourself to fly even if you are bat scared shit of it and yes I’m saying it just like that because it’s how I’m feeling it at the moment….if we continue to always keep ourselves on the ground, as safe as it may be sometimes you have to also fly or float otherwise you’ll always be there wishing you could soar that blue sky!

I recently went on a trip as you may know if you read that post and I was really nervous when I was waiting to go on the plane, but once I got on the plane…..I don’t know I was very happy, I smiled to myself knowing I did something that scared me and even when I was on the vacation I was on…..I was ready to go back on the plane……it just felt good and I really enjoyed myself knowing that I was ahead somewhere that I hadn’t been yet and that’s what I want to continue, I want to keep discovering, exploring and going on adventures…..but also I want to share that experience and so if I need to plan in order to do that, like I said…..I will!

The upcoming plan idea is to finally be able to see my love again and figure out how we can be together permanently, we both have wanted that for a good now sooo, I’m just hoping that it all goes well for us this time, which we’ll make sure it does!

Planning By A Non Planner (Personal Thoughts) Ep. 32 Daydreamer's Podcast

Hiya everyone, hope you've been having a good week so far! In today's episode, I talk about some of my own personal thoughts that I've been feeling today and about planning….something I see as intimidating normally, but I've been trying to embrace it a little better this time around and really do my best with it all! 

All The Love ❤ ❤

Lexa