Finding My Niche (My Confidence Struggle Story)

Confidence is something we all struggle with at some point in our lives, for some confidence comes pretty easy at least it seems like it, for those who have a lot of confidence i’m sure they at one point in their life didn’t have it and had to build up theirs until they had enough to feel good about themselves, sure there are a lot of other people who’s confidence is off the roof and it makes you wonder whether if they are just full of themselves, if that’s just their way of trying to get people’s attention or if it actually took them so long to gain the confidence and because they now have it, they’re happy and are just showing a different side to themselves that they never knew they had. Having so much confidence isn’t always a bad thing it just shows that you’re proud of who you are and who you’ve become if you struggled with confidence for a while, however sometimes for some people having so much confidence can get to you and it can turn you into a completely different person that isn’t good for you and that’s just gonna leave you in the middle of the road in the pouring rain by yourself, with that said though people who struggle with confidence there’s always a reason for it, maybe they had something really big happen in their lives to where confidence was hard to gain or every time they were confident about something they had people around them kinda push them down a notch or they just have trouble really seeing themselves the way others see them, there’s a lot of different reasons.

Some may think that having confidence is bad but it’s not, it’s just all on how you use your confidence, but if you’re the kind of person who struggles with being confident don’t you worry you’re not alone here, I too struggle with confidence, it was always one of those things I never really embraced, It’s weird though because I am happy with myself and I love who I am as a person, sure I have my flaws, but doesn’t everyone!? When it comes to confidence within myself and my personality that i’m good with, so if someone calls me weird and tells me I talk a lot, it doesn’t bother me because i’m happy with who I am personality wise, but when it comes to having confidence in my abilities and the things I do, that’s a different story……….you see I always had this thing where I would start something and i’d make progress with it, but then after a while i’d stop doing it and would never finish it, for example: Youtube, a lot of you won’t know this, but I did Youtube and I still have it, but I don’t upload on it much. I started Youtube a few times my first channel was back in i’d say 2011!? ( I checked it was in 2011) anyway so yeah I did Youtube a few times I have 3, but I only use 2, my first one I haven’t used in years though.

Long story short with me doing Youtube I never use to be super consistent with it, when I did start it I would post not everyday, but more than I did after I had it for a while if that makes sense and i’d enjoy it and have fun with it, but I wouldn’t really put my all into it, I had all these ideas and i’d write them down, but I wouldn’t go forth with most of them because I wasn’t feeling confident enough with it, there were times I had something going and then i’d give up on it after a while because I didn’t feel it anymore, well more like I wasn’t sure how it would be perceived so I stopped it before it could get somewhere……..I guess you can say I was scared in a way, you see yourself doing well and you’re happy, but then that doubt in you comes to play and tries to throw you off course and makes you second guess yourself, telling you that your ideas aren’t gonna work and no ones gonna like it, so everything where i’d put a lot of my heart into and would give a try, i’d step back and just pretty much abandon it, giving up on my ideas and the hard work that I’d put into it……..and I would try so hard not to do that, i’d step away from my channels thinking that I would come back a different person, but it was always the same person coming back, i’d stay for a bit, then disappear for a few months then come back once more and you get it.

So that’s where my confidence lacks, I would give up on myself and my ideas before I even got started and by me doing that to myself where i’d start something and not finish it, that caused me to sorta have an identity breakdown in a way, everything I tried to stick with I never stuck with and it just got the point where I just didn’t care anymore and I just kinda gave up in a way, I use to constantly wonder what I was gonna do with myself and with that it caused me to become unhappy with myself and I didn’t like that. I’d always express the way I felt to my friends and my boyfriend and goodness i’m surprised they’re still around because most people would just get tired of the same thing and you constantly telling them how you just don’t know what to do with yourself, but they always were patient with me and always gave me advice, the main things they’d say was to just stay consistent, focused and have fun with it and even though I would constantly beat myself up on it, they were always so supportive and believed that I would find something, always saw and still see the best in me when I didn’t see it myself, it’s just great to have people like that who even when you kick yourself down or you think that what you’re doing isn’t good, they’ll always tell you that you’re doing great, how proud they are of you, how they will always support you no matter what and that they’d always be there if anything.

When it came to finding my niche though, It wasn’t until I asked my friend Ray about her blog  and I was always curious on what it was like to have a blog, it was always one of my interests, but I never was sure whether to start one or not because I didn’t know if I was going be good at it but I realized when I was going through a self discovery thing and trying to find what was for me, I noticed how much I started writing more and I always questioned why it was I had so many journals and why I was so obsessed with them, but I also never questioned it at the same time, because I was happy. People would always ask why do you need/have so many journals!? and i’d always respond with “well because I like them” but I never actually questioned it unless someone would point it out and then i’d think “yeah why do I have so many Journals!?” but back to my friend Ray, so I asked her about blogging and she told me all that she knew and gave me advice and I told her I was thinking of starting one and she told me I should because in her words when she did it, she remembered how cozy it made her feel being able to write whatever she wanted and it’s thanks to her I now write everyday. She actually got me started on it and yeah I was nervous on starting it because I didn’t want to mess it up and have it be another thing that I give up on, I wanted this time to be different and I wanted to really have something that I could be proud of and say hey I do this everyday and i’m happy about it.

Well now I can finally say i’m happy and I mean happy then I ever was when I was doing Youtube not saying I didn’t like it I did, it helped me show my personality and I got to have fun with it, but what i’m saying is I love writing just a little bit more and it’s now been 2 weeks since I started blogging (2 weeks yesterday) and I keep saying to the people that know I blog and support me on it, that I feel like I finally found my thing and i’m proud of not only the blog, but also myself because i’m pushing myself everyday and really putting my heart and soul into it without feeling like I have to, it’s always because I want to and with writing I said this to my boyfriend yesterday, I always feel like it’s the one thing that I don’t ever have to question or doubt myself in because I love it so much and being able to express myself in a way that I may not be able to out loud, but I can with writing, makes me feel really good and also pretty confident in a way because I know that with this I don’t have to think twice, I can just write.

Confidence isn’t a feeling, I mean it is, but confidence comes from within you and all the different things that you do, so if you see that you’re doing something, you’re enjoying it and you see that you’re progressing in it, keep going and if you have ideas or you are feeling really good about something to where it’s making you happy, then try them out and don’t be discouraged on seeing where it can go and where it can take you, if you go into something with confidence and a positive mindset, you’re already there because you’re confident in your ideas, you’re believing in your abilities and just yourself in general. As for finding your niche (your thing) that will come to you naturally, you just got to let it and if you aren’t sure what your thing is try looking at the things you do the most and where you’re always being drawn to, maybe that’ll give you an idea on what is made for you. I hope you’re able to find your niche in life and when you do stick with it, believe in it and most importantly believe in yourself. If you’re having self doubt about whether something will work or not just replace those thoughts with it will work if I make it work. If you believe in something then go with it and just see what happens when you bring your ideas to life, it may surprise you and in the process you’ll become more confident and proud of yourself knowing you went for it.

Aaaaand that’s my blog post for today (tonight) I didn’t expect to write this much and for it to be this long, but sometimes you just gotta let your heart and soul do the speaking for you, I was having a conversation with my boyfriend on this topic yesterday and I guess it stuck with me and I needed to get my realizations out about myself, I hope you guys are able to take something from this blog post even though I pretty much told a story here………maybe there’s something in here that you can take from it who knows, anyways I hope you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening.

Originally written On July 26

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~