Evening Pages (Nov 23, 2018): If it wasn’t so cold outside i’d be writing this in the backyard, instead i’m writing this in my room with the window open a bit, listening to everything that’s going on outside. I did go outside though, only for a bit of course, I walked around a bit in the backyard, holding my journal and pencil close to me……as I was back there, I couldn’t help, but look at everything, I looked at the grass, the trees, I looked at the birds that flew by, just everything. As I looked around, I thought about how everything eventually changes, the seasons are a clear example of that, we all know Winter doesn’t stay long, same goes for Autumn, Spring and Summer, eventually those seasons come to pass after they’ve welcome their stay. The seasons know they can’t stay for long, which is why when their time comes to move on, they don’t, well sometimes they tend to stay longer then they should and sometimes they’ll even switch in between each other, just so they don’t have to leave so soon, at least that’s how I like to see it. (End of Journal Entry)
This was a small entry from my writing journal, that I wrote yesterday……there was more to it, but I just wanted to write that part here and see if I could explain something different on this post. I talked about observing things in my last post and it seems as though I find myself doing that a lot, as well as reflecting on everything. While I was outside in my backyard, I was thinking on how I remember being back there and it being summer and the way I was during that time, I was a complete mess those days………i’d go back and although I wouldn’t dare admit this on any other day, I would go back there to mainly reflect and think, but whenever I’d do that, I would find myself crying a lot of the time back there too……..it wasn’t because I wanted to, but anytime I felt I needed to let my emotions out, that’s where i’d go, not a lot of people know that, so for those reading this you guys are the first to know.
I was really stressed out most of the summer and still kinda stress now, although I try and keep myself calm when I feel myself stressing nowadays, it’s not always easy though. You might want to know the reasons why I was or why I would cry to myself a lot of the time, if I sat here and told you why we’d be here all day, because there was a lot of reasons to it, one of the main reasons though was, well I was stressed for one and also because I would constantly worry about everything, whether I was doing okay, how everything was gonna go…….everything, I still worry about those things now, but I try my best to minimize how much I worry. In those days though, I think the best thing to come from all of that, was that I had my blog and my journals to write in when I needed something and although it took me a while, writing everything out I was feeling in the best way that I could, really helped.
It’s crazy how everything can just go from one thing and then be something completely different the next time you encounter it………It’s like when you really look at things from a different perspective and everything, you tend to find out different things then what you already know and in those things that you know, you find that it doesn’t matter what you do, some things are bound to change and no amount of trying to fix it is gonna work………but even then, it’s all about trying your best and doing your best to keep going, no matter the pain, stress, worry, uncertainty, all of it…….you just gotta keep going, even on those days where you aren’t sure whether you want to or not, just keep going. No matter what kind of changes take place, just try and go with it as best as you can, even if they aren’t the ideal changes that you wanted………..eventually things change and it’s just something we have to accept.
My quote of the day: You know I always loved Autumn, there’s just somethings about it, maybe it’s all the colorful leaves that lay on the ground or it could be the way the trees go from being brightly orange with a mix of red and yellow leaves attached………to nothing at all. It’s also the feel of it too.
All The Love ❤ ❤
Photo by Jonah Pettrich on Unsplash