Self care and Well other things…..(Oct 9, 2019)

Tell me, how does one actually self care!? This is a question that i’m sure most people wouldn’t ask right!? Yeah well this is me, asking genuinely, you see i’m not the greatest at self caring, relaxing isn’t really my strong suit and I just find it to be really weird focusing on just myself, i’m just not use to tending to my own needs and that, I tend to worry about everyone else’s before my own, it’s just how i’ve always been.

I know they say it’s important to take care of yourself, I mean how are you suppose to take care of others if you don’t look after yourself right!? It’s the same for when they say how are you suppose to love someone else, if you can’t love yourself!? The needs of others are important, but so are our own, and I think that we forget that sometimes, we get so focused on wanting to look after others, we forget to look after ourselves in the process.

You wouldn’t think self care to be so hard to do, but it’s actually pretty difficult to keep an eye on, especially when your the type who rarely focuses on themselves…..i’m the type who will put her focus into everyone else’s feelings, making sure they’re doing alright and never ever really take a step back and look at how i’m doing……sometimes you think you’re able to just run at full speed and not be bothered, but you shouldn’t and can’t spread yourself too thin, it’s not healthy and although most of us know that, we still end up doing it anyway and that’s because we don’t really know how to do anything else, that’s what happens when you care too much.

You give all this love and caring away, without leaving any for yourself and then you find yourself wondering why everything happened and why you aren’t happy and you don’t ever want to feel like that, you have to know when to think of yourself and say, i’m worn out, tired and I need to pick myself up and take a break to recharge myself.

It can hurt doing that, but sometimes you need to do that, you need to set a bit of boundary for people and let them know, i’m only human, I can only handle, but so much and I need you not to cross this line right here, it’s important to make sure people know that as well as being able to say no when you feel you aren’t up for something or just when you know you should, all of what i’m writing right now is something that I lack to do,

I’ll admit that, I think a good amount of us have trouble with this, it’s hard to think of yourself when you have all these responsibilities and people that you care about and all you want is to see them well and happy and you shouldn’t think of that as a bad thing, there’s nothing wrong with caring and wanting others to be happy, but it’s okay to also care about yourself as well and wanting your own happiness, if your not happy then you can’t share happiness with others and that’s important…

Something i’ve been learning is you can’t give out positivity if you yourself aren’t feeling positive, I used to be the most positive person around, always tried looking at the glass half full, always tried to help people and everything, but along the way, I guess I just stopped feeling that and now i’m having to really look at everything differently and it’s so hard. When it comes to what i’m doing in life, I don’t like to give myself a break, I stress so much and that’s me doing that to myself, I worry so much about everything and if I do something that I know is a step in the right direction, to me just because it isn’t a big big thing I won’t see as progress, even though it is,

It’s kinda like when you’re a kid and it’s Christmas day and you’re expecting this huge Christmas gift, but the gift that you receive is not what you expected so you’re kinda like “oh, well that’s cool” you’re happy, but you’re not happy you know what I mean!? I think we just expect everything to be this big thing and when it’s not quite like that, we’re left feeling a little down, disappointed or as if we’ve failed when in reality, we shouldn’t.

I know I probably went off track a little, i’m hoping everything makes sense, but what i’m trying to get at is just because things aren’t always instant doesn’t mean there isn’t anything great leading to it……and when it comes to self care one of the things that is important to remember is, not too be so hard on ourselves and to know that it’s okay to take our time with things if we know we need it, it’s okay not to be positive all the time, it’s okay to tell people hey, I need me time for a while so please just give me that and it’s especially okay to put yourself first at times, we shouldn’t feel selfish or bad in doing that, it’s important to balance it out I know, but if you feel you need to really get back to your good ole self, know you’re able to, without reason.

I don’t know much about self care, it’s a weird thing for me, but I am learning that it’s important in order to live happily and healthy, i’m finding it really difficult to really allow myself to worry about just myself and make sure that i’m okay before anything else, it’s going to take me a while to do that, but I am doing my best to work on that, I don’t ever say I need it, other people have to tell me I need to do that, which is sad, because you should already know what your needs are, but again it’s a difficult task at hand to get that in our heads on just how important it actually is, i’m still getting it through mine, because I worry too much on everything else going on.

I’m sure it’ll stick, it’s just going to take some time, but if someone ever tells you they need space to take care of themselves first, as much as you may care, you have to let them do that and while they’re doing that, you have to make sure you’re doing good as well, even if it’s hard, even if it’s weird, i’m pretty sure it’s worth it in the end.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa

Ramble Of Thoughts…..

When we step back and look at all that we’ve done, what do we hope to see when looking!? Are we looking at something great or something lack luster to what we hoped we’d see!? Pondering and analyzing everything that’s lend up to where we are, we sometimes don’t know how exactly to feel with everything at hand. Have we worked things out in the best way possible or did we just give up on something way too soon then we should’ve!?

We ask ourselves to where we are actually heading and why does it take so long to get there, when you look back and observe everything, all these emotions and thoughts just pour out in front of you and sometimes you can’t stop it from happening, you try and try not to let it overwhelm you and you do your best to ignore it all together, but because we’re human,

We find masking our emotions and turning off all our feelings and thoughts isn’t as easy nor simple as it seems and sometimes you wish you could just take all those feelings, emotions, thoughts and everything in between and just put them in a box, leave a few holes in it, because we aren’t that careless of discarding them without letting them breathe a little and just ship them away, far away, so we wouldn’t have to feel them so hard.

You think by doing that, things would be okay, but then you come to the realization that bits and pieces of all your emotions, thoughts and feelings were left behind and you’re right back at square one. Now you’re not just feeling one emotion, but you’ve got everything so mixed up and jumbled together that you don’t even know what to do with them anymore, you know you can’t just throw them away and forget about them forever, there’s always something that’ll have you be reminded of them……

Although you wish you could just un-feel everything and just have one emotion on auto-pilot, you know that that’s not happening, you’re pretty much saying you’d rather feel empty by doing that and you think “yeah” that doesn’t sound like a bad idea right!? Sure maybe, but it doesn’t mean that what’s happened and what’s happening is going to go away for good.

You maybe not feel, feel, but you still will if that makes any sense…..and that’ll be because there’s always something that’ll remind you, if the impact was big enough, the only difference is you’ll be without emotions dealing with it, which may be a little worst because you’ve prevented yourself from feeling to where now you feel nothing at all, numbing and suppressing everything you’ve ever felt, plus the feelings and emotions to come……

With everything just racing around and slowing down before you, all at the same time, it’s hard to really know how to feel, at first you feel everything and then you only feel a little, later everything decides to rush on back to you out of nowhere and then you find a different emotion appears.

It’s just all confusing, you’re feeling all these different things, that you don’t know how to deal, one minute you’re happy, the next sad, later you find yourself getting frustrated and angry, but then you’ll have a moment thinking to yourself on whether you should’ve even felt that way in the first place…..not only is your brain confused, but so is every part of you inside.

How we deal with all these mixture of emotions at times is beyond me, when they’re running separately, it’s manageable, because you know what you’re dealing with, so you’re able to find a way to work with them,

But when you’re having to deal with them all at once, you find yourself scrabbling to find the best way to keep them under control which just calls for a mess to be made and in those moments, you kinda just want to turn them off and keep yourself on auto pilot, especially when they come in heavy. That being said, as much as we’d like to, we can’t just turn off those emotions, the closest to not worrying about them would be to numb them all together, now what is numbing!? To numb is to not feel,

You numb to keep any kind of pain away that you may be feeling, to keep from dealing with it, but just because you aren’t feeling anything, doesn’t mean you don’t feel anything, that probably sounds confusing i’m sure…. when you don’t feel, you do in a way, it’s just a little different, your purposely trying not to feel and when you don’t feel, you can’t react.

At least not in a proper way, you still feel it though, no matter what you think and tell yourself, it’s just suppressed deep down. When you numb away everything and shut off every emotion and thought possible, you’re just pretending it doesn’t exist and that makes you feel more without having to actually feel and what I mean with that is, just because everything else is closed off, doesn’t take away the fact that, you’re still holding on to an emotion, it’s just being kept on one level, you can’t react if you don’t know how and so you keep yourself in a neutral state to help you function.

Which is understandable, we all know that sometimes it gets too much and if helps to numb an emotion for a period of time then why not!? but to turn it off completely that’s something you never want to do, you want to be able to feel something and if you can’t, it kinda beats the whole purpose of being human doesn’t it!?!

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa

Never Mind……

I messaged yesterday after not replying for a few days, in that message I asked if we could speak sometime soon, it took me a while to actually ask that question, every time I went to write back to you that was one of the main questions I wanted to ask, but I wasn’t sure whether I should’ve, I did in the end and also explained how I understood everything that you wrote back to me……after I sent my message back, I went over in my head on whether sending you that message was good or not, i’m not sure if you read my message back or if it was left discarded, thinking back on it now,

Maybe I should’ve just left it……maybe I shouldn’t have continued on knowing I already knew what you were trying to do, I can’t help, but leave things alone I guess, I was just hoping we could speak you know!? But maybe that was a stupid idea……I haven’t checked to see if you did see it, normally I would, but I just left it this time…..I saw a post on where you asked what’s the actual point, I didn’t know what you mean’t,

I thought maybe it was about all of this, but last time I thought something, it wasn’t actually confirmed…..you know sometimes I wish I could just let things be and not bother so much about it…..I just always have the need to keep on pushing, you’d think persistence would be a good thing, but I guess it’s not always, sometimes it’s better to let things be, kinda like the Beatles song, I know you don’t like old songs much, but you know I always have to make a comparison to some kind of song, I can’t help it…..

My mind is asking me why i’m even writing this, I don’t know, I guess a part of me thinks that you’ll see this way better than you would if I just messaged you, I feel this is the only way i’m able to actually speak to you in way, even though I know there isn’t much talking be heard back.

I need to leave it alone don’t I!? I should leave it alone, all this does is make me seem and sound pretty needy, plus desperate if i’m being honest, cause who doesn’t love that right!? I just miss you, whether that’s I should or not isn’t a question, because I do, even though we haven’t spoken for over a week and counting, you’d think that I wouldn’t be bothered as much and i’d just be used to it by now, but….i’m not, because every time it gets close to the time we’d normally speak, I still have that hope that we will,

but then the time goes and we haven’t….I shouldn’t expect it, but I do and I know I need to let it be, you already explained you’re reasoning twice and here I am, focused on wanting us to speak, but that’s not what’s important, focusing is and keeping focused as well on where you’re wanting to go……why can’t I just leave this alone!?

You say things won’t change because they haven’t and never will, but I still think they can, maybe that’s stupid, but so be it, I still have hope with it, maybe I should just throw away the hope, but I can’t, because I still believe in us, maybe that’s wrong, but my heart doesn’t want to let it go…….

I want to say never mind on the message, that’s what I originally planned on writing out, but at the same time I don’t, because I want to talk to you and I can go and forget it, but it’s not that easy, however i’m not going to force it, if you want to talk and I mean properly talk, I have to let you do so when you want to, if you ever want to…..again this is probably stupid to even write all of this, because I know you’re focusing and not wanting to be distracted dealing with drama and everything in between.

What am I doing!? look whether you see this or not, just never mind all of this writing…..i’m just writing out of missing you and just wanting to hear from you, this is stupid……I just hope you’re well and doing alright, I proud of you by the way, always am and really happy for you, I saw the photo earlier you posted, i’m sure you’re doing a very great job with the team….

I hope they’re having a good time learning from you……i’m going to stop writing now, despite all I said in this, I really do hope you’re doing well, I still will want to always hear from you, that’ll never change, but if I don’t i’ll try and continue on dealing in the best way, none of this is to make you look bad or anything like that by the way, I don’t know if that’s what you think or not, but i’m just writing this because it’s the only way I know how to cope with not talking to you like I normally would, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want, but just know i’m always going to secretly want you to…..

Anyway, I love you always and miss you always too!!

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa

Just Chatting….(Oct 5, 2019)

Hey everyone, if that’s not the most standard way of a greeting you’ve ever heard, I don’t know what it right now, but since we said it, might as well continue going with it right!? I hope you’ve all been having a good weekend and doing well, I know I haven’t written in a few days, i’ve already checked that thought off my list so you guys don’t have to……I really don’t know what to talk about if i’m being completely honest here, I thought i’d just chat away if you don’t mind, sometimes you just need to do that, you know!?

This weeks been quite something I gotta say and I don’t know in what way to put it and when I say that, I mean more on whether it was in a good way or not….I guess it was okay, but at the same time, not, I really don’t know how to feel about these past few days, today’s been a mixture of feelings, it was alright, but not, like I really don’t know how to feel today, if I can say anything about today though it’s that i’ve been in thought mode,

but if i’m being honest, i’ve been that way these past few days, okay maybe a week or two, see, i’m everywhere I tell you!! I’ve been doing my best to keep focus and occupied and it’s worked, it’s only when i’ve stopped and i’m not focusing on something to keep my head from spiraling to where I start to go on a journey let’s just say, there’s a lot of things i’m feeling that it’s hard to pick one out of the bunch, I hate when that happens…..

Also I had this very weird dream last night, yeah I know random, but it’s true, I don’t even know where to begin to describe it, I only remember bits and pieces of it….let’s see, the setting was an odd setting, I think I was brought somewhere as like a helper of some sort I really don’t know, it seemed as though I was in some kind of institute or asylum maybe, at least that was the feel of it anyway, there were people in the place where I was who, i’m not really sure how to say it, but they were like patients pretty much, they weren’t fond of having company, I don’t remember much about the dream, but there was one part I remember kinda pretty well,

I was across from this girl, she very light skinned and had blond hair, I remember asking her, her name and she did not like that question and kinda started going away from me, she didn’t say words, but she made a sound, I then told her she didn’t have to tell me her name and she calmed down a bit, I then started getting closer to her to let her know I wasn’t trying to harm her or anything, I don’t think she thought I would harm her,

But from what I could remember she seemed unsure, at least that’s how i’m going to describe it anyway I think I was going for a hug of some sort, the last thing I remember was getting close to this random girl and then her turning and before I woke up it looked like she was going to bite me or something, it was like a weird vampire/zombie kind of situation,

It’s the only way I could explain it, I know this is weird dream to have, but it was a weird dream, I didn’t quite understand that one and i’ve had a lot of weird dreams before. I really don’t know what this post is about, I just kinda wanted to write something today since it’s been a few days, sorry if this ones very short and doesn’t make a whole lot of sense,

If it helps i’ll add another random thing to this post and say that it’s midnight and i’m just having dinner and when I say dinner I mean just rice, reason I stepped out for a few hours I ended up coming back around 11 and yeah I made the quickest thing to have in my stomach before I go to sleep which will be soon, most likely around 12:30am of some sort,

Hopefully i’ll be able to sleep, i’m really tired, but sometimes it takes me a while to actually get to sleep and my minds been pretty preoccupied today so we’ll just see how the night goes in terms of catching some z’s and that, I should be okay, but I don’t know….I guess I should close off this post now,

I was going to write something else, but i’ll just save it for later on today, since it’s now Sunday, I hope you all have a very good night and that you all are doing well, speak to you soon.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa

Late Night Chat…..

So it’s midnight, first day of October, goodness gracious did that go by quick…….I just wrote and reviewed one of my posts, that’s very long for those who happen to read it, sorry for the longness of it, I had a lot I needed to get out on a personal level, i’m sure you knew that if you did read it, it has a lot of feelings that I felt obviously not good ones, hopefully you just bypassed it, but i’m sure you didn’t, I was very nervous posting that.

I knew once I did, it was going to be there for everyone to read, but I wrote it for a reason, for someone specific and the only way I felt they’d possibly look at it is by posting it, I debated sharing it on my social medias because of how personal it was, I haven’t posted it on my social medias, it’ll be there here though, they say when you feel something, you have to let yourself feel it and be aware you’re feeling it and you have to ask yourself why you feel that way, I never ask myself why I feel a certain way, I just know i’m feeling it and when I feel it, I feel it really hard and I just let it out naturally.

If you read my last post you might be wondering what that was all about, i’d tell you, but you might already have it pieced together and if you don’t I wouldn’t want to share how it is because it’s very personal, not personal enough to write all that I did I know, but the writing and feeling behind it was just a little letter/message, remember when I said I have a hard time expressing how I actually feel, yeah out loud I can’t say how i’m feeling, to most people, I think it as loud as possible in my head, but never express it.

Writing helps me express those pent up emotions like that, I didn’t know what else to do, I just had a lot in my head and the first thing I did was grab my laptop, okay I grabbed my phone first, but when I realized I had a lot that wanted to come out, I grabbed my laptop and typed away, I sat with what I wrote for a bit, read it a few times, when I felt it was alright I posted it, I then started to panic a little and re looked at it, I took a few things out then changed some stuff and then updated it and then I sent it to the person I wrote it for after going over my head about whether it was a good idea or not, I still don’t know if it was, they might not even read it….I hope they do.

I’m really tired and it’s pretty much 1am already, I should sleep, but i’ve been having some trouble sleeping these past few days, so me sleeping now i’ll just end up tossing and turning and thinking too much, relaxing isn’t really my strong suit, you see, I try to, but i’m just not good at it.

It’s now 1am am as i’m writing this, I could sleep now, but the question is how long will it take me to sleep!? I hope what I wrote didn’t come off in a way that to how I tried to prevent it from coming out, if that makes any sense, these would be the thoughts that keep me up in the night. I just can’t help not thinking, when something goes off balance to me, everything is just off and it feels weird and although weird can be a good thing at times…..

The weird i’m talking about isn’t, it’s uncomfortable to where you just can’t sit still and you want the time to go by quickly, but it doesn’t and it drives you mad and you just don’t know what to do with yourself in that moment. I don’t have anything else to say, I think I said the last of what I wanted for now, so i’m going to try and get some sleep, I don’t know if i’ll be able to, but we’ll see, I let you know in my next post if I have anything good to write tomorrow now today, but anyway thanks for reading and listening if you did, you all have a good night or day since it’s morning already.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa

From Me To You…..I Hope You Read This….

I’m writing a message right now to you, but i’m not sure whether to send it or not, i’m afraid if I send it, you’re going to ignore it and not bother looking at it and i’ll just feel like i’m talking to myself…….

I know you’re not really wanting to speak and you’re figuring everything out, although I feel you might’ve already figured what you wanted to out. I see and hear your messages loud and clear believe it or not, if only you knew how hard I try to keep myself together everyday, it’s a challenge, I don’t always win at it, but I manage to keep it at a fine level for a good amount of time……it sucks that it’s this way and I just wanted to let you know that the last message I sent wasn’t to be taken in a way that was final,

I was just giving you the space you wanted and I don’t know if that was a good thing or if it was the worst idea possible, I know you’re doing fine, I can see it. I feel like the worst person ever and that’s the honest truth, I wasn’t trying to push you away, even though you said many times that the situation would do that and although you say it’s not me, I feel like you sorta might think it is a little, I don’t know……..

I know i’ve not given back what you gave me enough and I know you’re probably hurt about it, because it’s pretty much the same situation again that you wanted to avoid…….I tried to have you avoid that, but I guess I failed at doing so, I shouldn’t, but I take great pride at blaming myself for all of this happening and I don’t expect, nor do I want you to feel bad, I’m just trying to tell you how I feel and how I have been feeling for a long time,

I wanted to talk to you about it, but I never could say that to you, because you will always just tell me that it’s not my fault and that you know I wouldn’t do that, but it doesn’t change the fact that in a way, I will always feel as though you’ll think of it as it happened again and that’s why you went away from me……I can’t help, but apologize for it, I don’t know where we’re standing right now, but I feel as though I might already know.

I always saw you as my best friend as well, but I don’t even know if you still want to be that, I feel you’re mad at me and I hate it when you’re mad at me, sometimes i’m mad at you, there’s times where I was mad at you, but didn’t tell you because I couldn’t. I know the situation is the reason for all this as well as other things, I tried very hard to fix that…..

No one listens as you know, this here isn’t about me, it’s about you and what you’re feeling, I hate not knowing how you’re feeling, i’ve asked before, but I get you don’t like repeating yourself and you shouldn’t have to, but I learned keeping things in is the worst thing you can do, but I guess maybe you felt as though telling me things didn’t matter. Like your feelings didn’t matter, which they always did to me……I don’t know if you resent me, it feels like you do, believe it or not I can feel your anger and disappoint and i’m sorry, you were the last person I ever wanted to do that to.

You know the last thing I wanted was to ever hurt you, but yet that’s what I did, i’m still trying to find a way to fix it somehow even though I know you’re most likely done, I guess sometimes you just stop caring. I wish I could that….but I can’t, no matter how hard I try, I can’t…..maybe that’s why people walk all over me, because I care too goddamn much, but i’d be lying if I said I’d stop caring. Even when people don’t want to be bothered,

I still care, most of the time I can just forget and move on, but I can’t in this case, I can’t just forget and act unbothered, because I am bothered, I can forget it for a moment, but then it rushes back like a hurricane to the point where I can’t handle it, but I do my darn best. I hate this feeling and I can’t shake it no matter how much I try to get rid of it, I don’t know how you’re doing it, but you’re doing it well, I don’t feel like a thought anymore and I guess you can say everyone was right, right!?

I’m suppose to prove everyone wrong and I don’t really know how to do that, which gives everyone the satisfaction to say I told you so, just like you said, again I don’t expect you to feel bad, not that you would for a second. I know you kept giving me options and I kept telling you not to, because I had a feeling that if you did, you would leave and I wouldn’t speak to you anymore. We’d always said we’d speak, but I guess for a long time we just ran out of words to say, you’re all about action and i’m just words and I guess everyone knows that……every conversation we had with that, plays in my head, not all at once, but in different sections, I don’t know how to action things properly, i’ve been doing my best to work at it though.

I wish I could just send this to you without having to post it, but I can’t, how else will you see this!? If you want to hate me, you can, I was suppose to keep you safe and keep you reassured, but I failed to do that, I wanted to and still do, but I can’t until I figure myself out huh!? I’m never going to wish you harm or worse things, I care too much about you to ever do that and I love you too much to do that, plus you don’t deserve it.

Major loss that’s what you said, I had a feeling you’d go, I just didn’t think you’d go completely, but what was I to expect when you said “it’s going to push me away” I really made a mess didn’t I!? I was supposed to better for you, but I don’t think I ever was, only when I was around maybe, but I wasn’t really the best supporter was I!? I was supposed to keep you out of your head, but instead I had you go back into it, maybe not on purpose,

but I did, I think about you and your health a lot and I get sad, because I don’t know how you’re doing and i’m always afraid that it’ll happen again, but this time it’ll be my fault because of the situation and I hate that I feel like that, but it’s the truth, you may not think I care, but you’d be wrong to think that. I don’t know how else to talk to you, but I don’t know if you even want to talk to me anymore, it seems like you’re better off without me from the looks of it, but I don’t know if that’s true. I used to know you so well and I still feel like I do, but at the same time I don’t, I want to talk to you so bad, but I don’t know if we’ll still have words to say to each other…..

I guess you were right when you said it’ll hurt the other person more than you, if that’s not accurate I don’t know what is. I always want you to be happy and well, you’re always in my mind when I think of that, whether you still want me in your life in someway or you would rather just pretend I never existed, I still want you to be happy, I always hope it would be with me, but if you’ve taken things as final and you’re happy not talking or everything anymore, just know i’m still going to want the best for you,

because whether you believe me or not, you deserve that and I know you know that, i’m proud of you everyday and am really happy for you, for everything, i’m happy you finally found a career your going to enjoy for the rest of your life, i’m happy for how far you came and for starting your all girls team that you wanted to create……all I wanted was to make you happy, but if i’m unable to do that, I want you to let someone else do that for you.

I don’t like thinking like that, but I wanted to say that, i’m not giving up, because I don’t want to, I just don’t know how long you’ll want to wait, but I think you might be done with waiting and I get it, you have everything set and I still am stressfully trying to figure it out, I sometimes wish I would’ve figured it out a long time ago because then I wouldn’t be worrying about everything so much now…….

And before you say it or think it, I know you tried helping, don’t ever think I forget that and that I don’t appreciate it, because I do, but like you said there was only so much you could do and if you don’t help yourself no one else will and i’m trying to that. I don’t know if I have anything else to say, but I hope you talk to me and I hope you still want me around,

I’m not going to beg you because begging and chasing isn’t the best thing to do, but I am trying to fight here in someway whether you see it that way or not, I hope you do see it because i’ve never in my life have done this before and i’m scared and if i’m being honest I have no idea what i’m doing and I just feel I keep doing everything wrong.

If you want to talk, you know I have nothing better to do at the moment and i’m just gonna say it like that because it’s true, I know you’re busy and your focusing, i’m not trying to take you away from that whatsoever, but whenever you have the time, I hope you call or message back, i’d like to hear your voice, I miss it and I miss you, but if you don’t want to do that, that’s fine, I just hope you do talk to me at least.

I’m going to stop writing, because this is starting to become very long, but I do hope you’re okay and that you’re doing well, you stay safe and be careful and I hope you’re taking proper care of yourself, seriously!! I love you with all of my heart that’ll never stop ever, no matter how hard I try at it.

P.S. Sorry for this very long post, for those reading this, I needed to get it out.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa

Favorites: Song, Book, Tea and Channel Series (Sept 29, 2019)

Hiya, hope you all are having a good one and have been enjoying your weekend. If you ask me how i’ve been doing, well I would say fine and not another word more, let’s just get straight into this post here shall we!? Now I never shared one of these before, so I don’t know if i’m even doing it right, if there is a specific way to do it, but I also feel it’s not all that hard to figure out the more you go along.

Before we get to the titled things that I will share upon being my favorites, I just want to say that I looked at the date earlier today and I can’t believe how quick this months gone, we’re literally at the end of the month and soon, real soon, we’ll be in the spooky season that is October, how crazy is that!? I’d say very, but is it really!?

These months always tend to speed on by, before you can really settle into a month, another month is already arriving to town, Halloween town!! Ha kidding, although it is a pretty good movie!! Moving on let’s talk favorites, again i’m not really sure how this is going to turn out, I mean I know it’s just writing, but i’ve never done a post where i’m just talking about my favorite things, but let’s see where this goes.

Okay first up on the favorite list is book: Crazy Is My Superpower (How I Triumphed By Breaking Bones, Breaking Hearts and Breaking The Rules) By AJ Mendez Brooks (formerly known as AJ Lee)

I adding this first because I just finished reading two chapters of a book I started reading last month, towards the end of the month to be exact. I actually started reading this on a Sunday and ironically today is Sunday.

Fun fact (sorta): originally I wanted to read this book every Sunday since that’s when I started reading it, I was only going to read 1 chapter every Sunday, but uhh, yeah that didn’t happen…..I did keep the routine going for two Sundays when I picked it up finally, i’ve had this book in between my bookshelf for a good while and when I say good while I mean, a year….

Update: I just relooked at it and it’s been in my bookcase for not 1, but 2 YEARS, YOKES!! Yeah I wrote that right, goodness that long *heavy sigh*

I actually preordered this book, but yeah that’s just a small uninteresting fact ha…..ANYWAY!! When I started reading this, it was on a day that I was feeling really…..not my best, I was just not having a good day and was feeling a lot, so I ended up picking this book off my bookshelf to give it a read and it made me feel better, while also allowing me to let my emotions out that day, it gave me an excuse to just feel without worry.

Here’s proof well sorta, these are the accessories that came with the book, but the book is also within the picture, you just can’t see it, it’s probably on the side somewhere.

I also laughed because it’s just a really good book, i’m going to be honest I have no idea how to “book review” like at all……when I first read this, I wanted to talk about it, but I didn’t really know how, so I kinda just enjoyed it in the moment instead which I didn’t mind. To give you a brief idea of what it’s about, i’m going to attempt a brief run down, because I can just ramble on and on without stopping, but this book is an Autobiography,

Written by one of my favorite people, she’s a former wrestler, now author and actress I guess you can say, she’s been in some shows and movies that I never actually watched, yet anyway, but this book is about her life, she talks about all that she’s been through, her time in the WWE and also her struggle having to deal with being bipolar and what that’s like, there’s a lot more that she writes about in her book, but i’m only in the beginning part of the it, after reading two chapters today, i’m now on Chapter 5.

I’m saving it for next weekend, don’t want to finish the book too early, although I did debate on whether to read Chapter 5 as well after getting past 3 and 4, but I was like no i’ll save it for next time. I’m really enjoying this book, whenever I read a book, I never tend to finish the whole thing, there’s been a few occasions where I have read books towards the end,

Nowadays I read a book, stop at a certain chapter, open another book and repeat….but i’m giving this book a good amount of breathing room before I actually finish it, I don’t want to finish it too quickly because i’m really enjoying it and I want to keep the suspense to what else is going to be revealed possibly, there’s a lot of emotional moments in this, but with the way AJ writes, you’ll laugh, cry and get a better understanding of everything, pretty much your emotions will be all over the place.

I don’t know how to really give a good “Here’s why you should read this book” i’ve never reviewed a book before so I don’t know if i’m selling you this well enough, i’m not actually trying to, I just wanted to express how much i’m enjoying it, AJ is one of my favorite people, I love her so much, she’s really incredible and I know she’s writing another book so when that comes out, I will be getting it, but in the meantime, i’ll just keep on reading and enjoying Crazy Is My Superpower.

AJ’s quite the busy bee right now, she’s doing a lot of things and working on different projects, I think she’s going to be in a comic book or show something like that, I know she’s in a movie named Rabid, it’s a horror film and it’s a remake of the 1977 version, she plays along side her husband Phil Brooks (formerly known as CM Punk) and an actress from one of my all time favorite TV shows, that is Instant Star, Laura Vandervoort, she played Sadie Harrison, Jude Harrison’s older sister, played by one of my all time favorite artists Alexz Johnson, such a great show that was…..but back to AJ

She’s doing great, I love her!! Something I really like about the book is the fact that you get to feel her personality coming off the pages, when you read it, you’re literally hearing her voice inside your head as your reading it and I find that to be really neat, if you know AJ and know her personality and the way she is, then you’ll know what i’m talking about, but if not then your going to be so confused to what I just said and that’s okay!!

This is a really good book, I would recommend giving it a read, you don’t have to, but if you’re curious, it’s on the invisible table in front of you, unless there is a table in front of you than imagine it there.

Moving on to next favorite on the list Song: Mad By Cassie Steele

Just want to say, this song is AMAZING!! I love it!! I ended up coming across this one about a few days ago and after hearing it for the first time, I can say i’m pretty hooked with this one, I only heard it once when I first listened to it and that one time, I kept thinking about it. I didn’t listen to it for a few days after, but it stayed within my mind, where I kept thinking, “man I really want to listen to that song again.” it’s really good and it’s now my favorite song at the moment. For those who aren’t quite familiar with Cassie

You might or may not know, but she was in a show that I was obsessed with a couple months ago, it’s simmered down now, still a favorite though, but she played Manny Santos in the show Degrassi: The Next Generation from Season 1 to Season 8, plus 3 movies within the show, she’s got a few songs out as well as albums, she hasn’t made music in a while though, but there’s always hope that she will surprise us with something good maybe who knows, but Mad is one my favorites right now, she is so underrated as a singer it’s not funny, at least that’s my thoughts anyway, but it’s so good!!

If you want to listen to it, I will leave it for you guys here: Mad By Cassie Steele (Lyric Video)

Third on the list….Tea: Yeah I know, what!? Yes Tea, I don’t think i’ll have a whole lot to say with this one, but I have this specific tea that i’ve been drinking lately and it’s quite nice actually, it’s organic too, it’s called Organic Moroccan Mint Green Tea and it’s great!!

P.S. Sorry if this is a crappy photo, I took a lot last night and this came out to be the better looking, at least I thought it did, but yeah….

Anytime i’m feeling a little nervous or I feel my stomach is a little unsteady, which is often for me, I always go for tea, preferably peppermint, because it tends to help calm my stomach down, but we ran out of that one and I had this one to try out and so yeah i’ve been drinking it a lot lately, it’s really good and I actually have some next to me, it’s cold now, very cold, I don’t drink tea all that much and I also don’t drink it very quickly, that would burn if I did that, I actually burned my tongue yesterday by accident,

that was fun, but it happens…..I only drink tea every few days, I tend to make it the most when I start feeling anxious or when my stomach acts up, now don’t kill me, but I don’t always finish it…..but I do feel bad when I don’t because I know I made it to drink it, but I somehow end up forgetting about it and it’s not until i’m heading to sleep where i’m like “ahhh I did it again” but i’ve been really enjoying the mint/green tea i’m going to have to get some more soon because i’m running out, it’s a favorite of mine though.

Last, but not least, Channel Series: Jacksepticeye’s Minecraft Videos…..

I’m going to say this now…..i’ve never in my life thought I would ever write this, i’m not really into Minecraft, I wouldn’t go playing or going out of my way to watch videos on it, but Jacksepticeye’s series on it…..is pretty alright, i’ll be honest I didn’t get into it right away, it took me a little bit to sit and watch his gameplay on it, the first time I watched it, I couldn’t really be bothered to watch the whole thing, I went out my way to skip it, but I later went “let’s just give it another go” I used it as background noise while I rested my eyes a bit in the start, but after a couple of episodes in,

I ended up actually wanting to watch it which surprised me big time because I would never watch a Minecraft video, I actually remember talking about this to my little cousin when we were talking about video games, he was obsessed with Minecraft at one point, made me watch a few videos of it, I didn’t want to, but I did because he was interested in it and it made him happy. I watched as much as I could back then, until I couldn’t anymore, but now i’ll say it’s okay, Jack always makes his gameplays fun and enjoyable so that’s why I watch his channel, plus he’s one of my favorite people to watch, I love his video’s they’re very entertaining!!

If you’re into Minecraft and you want to check out Jack’s gameplay of it, I will leave it here for you guys: Jacksepticeye (Minecraft Gameplay)

Well there you have it,

We now have reached the end of this post, this was actually pretty fun, i’m not going to lie, I enjoyed writing about my favorite things at the moment, it’s something new and different, didn’t expect to write so much about the book i’m reading, but I did which is insane, but hey if you enjoy something why not talk highly about it right!? Plus AJ, she’s the best we all know that……okay maybe it’s just me on that boat, but with all of that seeing as though this is very long, I won’t keep you anymore than I already have, I hope you enjoyed this post, I felt it to be a good distraction.

P.S. I wrote this all last night, but wanted to add photo’s to it so that’s why it’s being posted today, so Sunday’s post is now Monday’s post.

What are some of your favorite things at the moment!?

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa