Anxiety…..

What are you doing here!? I didn’t ask for your company……I’m trying to stay calm, yet you keep wanting me to worry!?

Although you maybe trying to take over completely, I will not let you in, I will continue to stay calm and keep you from getting to me.

I maybe stressed and unable to focus, but that doesn’t mean, you have the right to try and push your way in, so go away because you’re not welcome.

You can try and scare me off, but it’s not going to work, i’m in charge, you’re just an emotion, a fear that I refuse to let win.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Jan 20, 2019

So i’m in the process of trying to stay calm, it’s a little hard though, because when i’m worried about something, it’s hard for me to relax………i’m just having a real hard time focusing on anything, i’ve been trying to write new poems since this morning and nothing is really coming to me, I did start on one, but i’m still working on it, i’m feeling a little on edge with everything………..I don’t know………I really don’t know………

I’m really trying to stay calm and not overthink, but when my brain’s focused on something, it stays locked on the first thing i’m focused on, but i’m trying so hard to put my focus on something else, because I know how my mind works, if it’s not occupied with something it’ll continuously wander to what i’m worrying about.

I got so many things going in and out of my head though, it’s hard to keep them all in one pile……………I’ve gotta keep my mind distracted somehow, it’s a pain when i’m worrying about things because it’s all I focus on, that’s why i’m trying to write even if it’s about my mind, because at least it’s keeping me busy and not drifting me back into my mind, i’m also trying to keep my emotions in order, it’s a little hard, but i’m doing my best with it.

P.S. I wrote another poem, but i’m still working on the first one……..

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Jan 19, 2019

I’m just gonna start this entry by saying i’m pretty tried today, i’ve been having a bit of of a day, I haven’t really been able to think straight properly, I actually tried to write a poem on that, but I couldn’t really think of anything else, there’s only 4 lines in it, I might come back to it in time though who knows………I did write two other poems though, one i’m sharing with you guys and the other one, i’m gonna keep in my journal only.

I have no idea what to write about here and I don’t want to write about how my day’s been because you guys shouldn’t have to read that, I want to talk about something that’s better than that, not exactly sure what I want to write about, but I want it to be something you guys can enjoy in the moment even though i’m not sure how i’ll turn out, but we’ll see.

It took me a bit, I actually started drifting off as I was trying to figure out what to write about, I think I want to share a memory with you guys, this might not be a very long post, but hopefully you guys still enjoy it. This memory comes from a moment that I had a long time ago and it was when my friend Angel was still around, he had stayed over my house and this was in the morning, we were watching this cartoon by the name of Teen Titans Go.

Now this show isn’t my favorite show, it’s okay, it has some good episodes to it, but there was this specific episode, I think it’s called 40% 40% 20% anyway, we’re watching this show and there’s this song that played, also this episode, a lot of people enjoyed, myself included because it was the closes thing we got to it being like the original Teen Titans………but back to the story, so there’s a song called Night Begins To Shine in the episode and long story short, the minute my friend Angel heard it he immediately loved it and went to download it.

I didn’t think they’d actually have the song to where he’d be able to download it right away, but they had it and well he continuously played it non stop while he was at my house and mind you although it wasn’t a bad song I wasn’t at the time super into it, but I didn’t mind it either, however he played it so much because he knew that I was going to get annoyed with it and what happened, I got annoyed with it.

He kept saying to me how great of a song it was and tried singing along to it, he didn’t really know the words, but that wasn’t going to stop him from singing to it and because he played it so much, I ended up getting the song stuck in my head and you can probably guess the look I gave him because of that, I was so mad……….we all know how hard it is to get a song out of your head especially when it’s a really catchy one and he knew that too and thought it was hilarious.

It’s not a surprise though, he always played weird songs that ended up getting stuck in your head later or made you give him a weird look, he didn’t care though, he’d still play them half of the time we just laugh at him and shake our heads, he was a character, but we loved him anyway.

Now that i’m looking back at it though, I guess it was kinda funny, still annoying, but also pretty funny too, at least I can say I have very interesting friends as well as great ones, btw thinking about that memory made the song get stuck in my head a bit which is great, i’m not singing it now though so that’s good, but if it comes back, i’m gonna be annoyed, but also laugh about it.

If you guys have a memory you want to share that you always look back and laugh at, feel free to comment it down below, i’d love to hear about it.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Impatient…..

Impatient I am, Impatient i’ll be, impatient because of me……i’m calm, but i’m not, i’m trying, yet I still feel I need to try harder.

Can’t think straight and my mind is tired, but I know that I can’t stop……..holding on to my emotions, while trying to keep these thoughts from scattering.

Breathe I know, relax I know, i’m trying can’t you see!!? My frustration grows and emotions flow, but i’m trying to somehow keep it together……

Impatient I am, but patient is what I have to be, because even though my impatience is me……at least i’m trying…….

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Lost In Thought…..

My mind thinks, as i’m lost in thought. Every little thought calmly floating around in my head, thinking deeply as I add a little emotion to the mix.

These thoughts, I ponder and these emotions they linger, wanting me to hear them, forcing me to feel them, can’t hide it or ignore it if I tried…….

Lost in thought again, thinking deeper now, sitting still as i’m trying to keep my mind and emotions under control.

I’m no longer lost in thought, now i’m just thinking……

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Action……

So I tried to write a poem on the word action and I couldn’t really think of anything so I ended up writing a different one. Action……….I don’t know what exactly it is about the word, but for some reason I can’t help, but feel a little nervous with it and I know that sounds silly, because who would be nervous just seeing the word action, it’s just a word right!?

Yes and no, it’s a bit of both really, most people wouldn’t mind the word overall, it’s a form of productivity, you know getting things done and everything, so why can it make us feel nervous or scared!? Why does it tend to make us freeze or frantic about sometimes!? If I had the answer i’d tell you, believe me I would, but i’m not really sure about it myself……….

I guess when it comes to it the whole phrase “Actions speaks louder than words” it can leave you feeling this pressure which can cause you to want to either go into frantic mode or panic mode. This may sound very silly, but as i’m writing this i’m actually feeling a little anxious, makes no sense I know, but that’s an example of when I say it can it can leave you feeling pressured.

It doesn’t matter whether we’re up and moving with it or not, we’ll always have some kind of pressure added with it and that’s because we naturally put pressure on ourselves. Some of us put too much pressure and some of us find a way to add the right amount of pressure that’s needed, how I have no idea, I guess it’s just because some of us are better at handling pressure.

I’m not really the best under pressure though, I always tend to beat myself up when it comes to things in general, so when i’m already doing that and there’s more pressure added to that, it just makes things worst and believe me sometimes I wish I wasn’t so bad under pressure, but because I know that I am, i’m trying to keep myself calm and not get so worked up easily.

I also know that when it comes to action, I panic before the whole action part and I don’t understand why that always happens with me, but it does, I have ideas and sometimes it’ll take a while for me to actually go through with them………..it’s just a lot of things I guess I don’t know………….i’m not really sure where it started, where I started being afraid of taking action!?

It’s weird because, i’ve been going back into my mind, thinking about the times where action wasn’t a problem, i’m trying to figure out when exactly it happened to where I started going more and more into myself, wanting to understand why I have so much trouble with going fourth with certain things and why i’m always thinking about things too much!?

Why is action always a brick wall in my mind!? I don’t really know why and I don’t think I should ask why, the action part of me I know has to come out eventually and the part that likes to sit and do a deep analyze on whether I should or not, needs to come up with something, patience with a little assertiveness added, might just be the trick to keep the pressure balanced.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Don’t Think…..

Don’t think, it’s only going to cause you stress, don’t think it’ll only leave you anxious, don’t think you might just talk yourself out of things.

Don’t think or else you’ll be there all day, don’t think I can see the pressure building, quick think of something else!!

Anything except for what i’m telling not to think about………are you calm now!? Have you stopped thinking!?………..You haven’t stopped have you!?

Don’t think too much, just relax and breathe, everything’s going to be fine, if you have to think, think calmly, but don’t let the thinking get to you.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~