All About Writing (Nov 16, 2018)

Today has been a day, i’m saying that as if the day just flew by already haha, no it’s only around 3pm at the moment as i’m writing this, if I were to tell you what my days consist of, you’d look at me as if I was nuts, not because I do a lot, or anything, it more because I just pretty much do the same things all the time, not that interesting I know. I’ll be honest I don’t really know what to write about today, I pretty much did most of my writing in my writing journal, I wrote about 12 pages of whatever was on my mind, insane right!? I didn’t quite expect to write as much as I did and even when I was writing there I didn’t know what I was gonna write about, I just started writing and whatever came out, came out………it’s crazy how just writing things out helps you.

I know I have loads of journals, but I gotta say I didn’t think i’d ever write this much in my life compared to how much i’m writing now, hopefully that made sense. I use to just write whenever I was really feeling something and that use to be rare, this year I find myself writing more than I ever would have imagined, everyday I feel something and now whenever I feel something I find myself reaching for my pencil and ready to write. I use to be so cautious though of the things i’d write, I only wanted to write positive stuff as best as I could………that’s what my thought journal was for, now I barely write in that which is weird. I only ever write in my writing journal and that’s where I write my thoughts now and I mean my actual thoughts. 

Not my “let me try and write this a certain way to where I only understand”……..I won’t lie to you, I only would write a certain way in my thought journal because well, for one it was the only way I knew how to express myself, without really expressing myself, if that makes sense………another reason was……..I guess……I was scared to really put down how I was feeling, because to me it was just me focusing on the negatives and I didn’t want to do that, that’s why when I started my thought journal I said to myself it would only be used for a positive outlook and then later I started realizing I was writing my actual feelings more and more and I couldn’t write it any other way, so I stopped writing it in.

Then when I heard about morning pages to where you learn that the purpose of it, is for you to get everything that you’re feeling out, not matter what it is, you just write, no cover ups or anything, just full on writing and having that option to where you’re like “So wait I can write anything!? no matter what it is, I don’t have to write it a certain way or anything!?” having that put in front of you, saying no strings attached, all you gotta do is write, it gives you both this sense of “okay I think I can do that” as well as “Wait can I do that!?” I don’t know, it’s helpful and it gives you that feeling of trust in a way if that makes sense, like as if you’re being told “hey you can do it and I believe in you”, I don’t know if that’s a good example, but I hope you know what I mean when I say that.

I guess what i’m trying to say is, i’m glad that writing was always one of my favorite things to do and i’m glad that I learned all about morning pages even though, I tend to write them in the evening a lot of the time………being able to just write without having to think about it too much, really really does help, plus once you’ve written down everything that you wanted or you were feeling, it always makes you feel better and it gives you that sense of focus that you need when everything seems like it doesn’t make sense and when it starts not to make sense, writing let’s you just drift away and escape from it all, well at least for me it does. 

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~

Photo by Colton Sturgeon on Unsplash

Listen To Yourself When It Tells You Not To Listen To YourSelf

I know the title’s probably confusing you guys, so i’m gonna explain it in the best way that I can on what I mean. The reasoning for this title is, because we all have a habit of going so deep within ourselves, well more like our minds like to make us go deep with ourselves and pick every flaw we have, as well as choosing memories that we try to avoid, all because it just likes putting all these negative emotions and feelings in front of us, so that way we go off track and wander off into that neck of the woods, even when we tell ourselves to avoid that part of the woods, sometimes we listen and sometimes we go and wonder off anyway. 

We all have moments where the negativity in our heads become so strong that it kinda makes it hard to ignore them and although we try and try to push them aside when they start to creep up, they never like to stay put. Negativity loves to get in our faces and make us believe that everything that we’re feeling, every little thought and worry that we have is worth stressing over and it’s not, it’s really not, yet, no matter how many times we tell ourselves to stop stressing and not think so much on it, we all know that sometimes it’s just easier said then done.

We can have days to where we listen to ourselves about it, but most of the time, although we try, we let our minds win and that’s not good because if we keep letting our minds win when it comes to negativity, we’re always gonna embrace the negatives and you never want that. Unraveling and drowning ourselves in our own negative thoughts………..we’re stronger than that and we don’t need it…….we don’t need it at all and that’s why I say listen to yourself, when it tells you not to listen to yourself. By telling yourself not to listen to your own thoughts anymore, when it comes to the negatives, you give yourself the chance to put your focus onto things, worth focusing on while giving yourself a better outlook and mindset as well.

I know that sometimes it can be super, heck extremely hard to try and keep yourself from going down that neck of the woods, believe me I know, but every time you find yourself or feel yourself wandering off, stop and really think, “Is this thing that i’m stressing on and overthinking really that important and is it doing me any good, am I benefitting from it!? If you find yourself unable to come up with anything useful, then wander off somewhere else because it’s not worth it.  Also remember sometimes we are our own worst enemy and although we should always trust ourselves, sometimes we have to keep ourselves from invading our own personal space at times. 

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~

Photo by Jon Eric Marababol on Unsplash

Why Do We Doubt Ourselves!? (Evening Pages Nov 14, 2018)

So i’ve been trying to figure out what to write for a bit now, i’ve been writing in my writing journal, earlier I wrote a new evening page, it was on what was in my head this morning, I started to write another journal entry on something and the title I wrote here, is the same title I wrote in my writing journal. The question I ask is why when it comes to self doubt…….why is it that we doubt ourselves so much!? It seems like when we were younger, we had more confidence then we do now in ourselves, which is crazy to look back on, i’m sure a lot of us were super energetic, didn’t have a care in the world on anything, we just all did our own thing without having to worry about it.

It’s like the older you get, the things that you would normally feel confident about as a kid, you don’t feel as much getting older. Now i’m not saying everyone does that, i’m sure there’s a whole lot of people who were the same from a child to now. However most of us, we know what it’s like to change in order to meet peoples standards the older we get. If someone doesn’t like something we do, we change ourselves so that way they do like us better, we try and mold ourselves to everyones perception of us that when it comes to really looking at yourself in the mirror, it’s hard to know who you really truly are……..and when you try to break out of those molds, you find yourself getting backlash for it.

People see that you want to change and you know you want to change, because you feel that there’s just so much more to you then what meets the eye and you want to see what that is, but not everyone will see it the same as you and that’s something that not only they need to come to terms with, but you need to come to terms with yourself. Everyone will have their opinions, judgements and thoughts about it, but you…….you have to know that this change, this thing that you find yourself in the middle of, you have to know that it’s not all bad, sure it may seems like it, but it’s not. Everyone changes and not everyone is gonna be the same for long.

If you’re going through some kind of change, maybe it’s because you need the change because maybe the way you were and the things you did before…….maybe they just aren’t meant to be there forever with you, maybe they were just there for the moments that you needed it………I find myself wondering whether the person I am now this version of me, I wonder whether I went wrong with her or something and the thing is………I actually don’t feel like I did, I know i’m not the same as I was a few months ago, a few months ago I was happy, happier than i’ve ever been, me now……..i’m half kinda happy, but also half not fully completely happy and you’re probably thinking what does this have to do with self doubt!?

Well……..when you know that you’ve changed and that you just aren’t the same person everyone was used to and that you were use to, it makes you look back on a lot of things from the moments that you were, to how you are now and it makes you question, even when you feel like this new you, this new version of you might just do you good…….it will still have you question yourself and it will leave you to doubt yourself and if you’ve always been the kind of person to have issues with self doubt, whether that be in yourself, the decisions that you’ve made, it will still effect you.

Even when it does though, you just keep in mind that everyone changes, you included, you may not understand why and you may not like it at first, but eventually you’ll come to realize that you changing isn’t a bad thing, it’s far from it. The only thing that comes from change is new opportunities and a new kind of growth, so again, no matter how many judgements you get, keep in mind that when you start to doubt yourself when it comes to how you’re doing things and all that, know that you have nothing to worry about, because you’re doing fine, you just gotta keep going and eventually you’ll see that the change you’ve come across will only be for the better even if you think it wont. 

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~

Photo by Christian Holzinger on Unsplash

Decided On A Title For This, I’m Calling It: Movie Talk……Yeah That Should Be Good!!

I’m not quite sure what it is that I want to title this post yet, but by the time you guys read this, i’m sure I would’ve come up with something. Alright so i’ll be honest, i’m a little lost on what to write today, I had something earlier and at first I thought it was starting out alright, but after a while of writing it…….I don’t know I wasn’t feeling it as much. What I was originally going to write first, was all about bad movies………well not to the extreme, I was gonna write how there’s two different kind of bad movies, you have the bad movies that you know are bad, but you still kinda enjoy in a way and then you have BAD movies to where, they just leave you completely disappointed after watching it.

With what I just said though, I was trying to explain how with me……….i’m not a super movie fanatic the way other people might be, so movies rarely leave me disappointed. It’s different with me, if I like a movie it will stick in my mind for a very good while and if I don’t, I just don’t watch it again, simple. The reasoning for why I wanted to talk about bad movies is because yesterday, I came across a video and it was a review on the Powerpuff girls movie, I don’t know if any of you know about the Powerpuff girls, but it was one of my favorite shows growing up as a kid and they made a movie about it.

Just to give you a quick synopsis on the whole thing, the movie is based around 3 girls named Blossom, Bubbles & Buttercup and they all have superpowers, now you might be asking “Why do they have superpowers or how did they get it!?” That I can tell you……….it all started in a laboratory, there’s this professor he goes by professor utonium (but he’s just referred to as professor in the show and movie) he goes and tries to create perfect little girls to pretty much have as his own, but before he created them, he had this monkey I guess as a pet or something.

Long story short, while the professor was creating the girls, you know adding sugar, spice and everything nice……..the monkey wasn’t happy because I guess it was feeling neglected and jealous, I can’t really remember everything about the movie because it’s been so long, but to sum up everything, the girls were mean’t to just be normal, but also not at the same time and well the reason for them having superpowers was because the monkey went crazy in the lab and started destroying everything and he made the professor accidentally drop this Chemical X into the mixture of where the girls were being created and that’s pretty much how the Powerpuff girls were born.

The whole point of me explaining that was because that’s how I came across the youtube channel, he was reviewing that movie, by the way the channel is called Channel Awesome, however the one reviewing the movie I just mentioned goes by the name of Nostalgia Critic and the way he does things is he just does what his name says, he reviews a movie (all the throwbacks mainly) and sometimes tv shows as well and criticizes them, saying whether he liked it or hated it. The good news is he actually didn’t mind that movie. The bad news is, the movies he did mind were movies I actually enjoyed as a kid and still enjoy on occasions, those movies are: The Cheetah Girls (the first one) Inspector Gadget: The Movie & Camp Rock 1 & 2.

Yeah he really hated those and what I was trying to get at before was that when it comes to movies, I don’t really hate the bad ones even if a lot of people see them as bad. I just watch them and if I don’t like it, I just move on and watch something else. I don’t really sit down to talk about what I didn’t like in a movie, because I don’t really know how to criticize movies anyway. I may be able to do it with music, well at least when it comes to my favorite artists, considering i’m more of a music person than I am of movies. So if I were to say I don’t like something, it would be more with music and other things of course than with movies, only because I feel I would do well in that department then in the movie genre scene, if you get what I mean!?

So that’s all I was trying to say in my other post that I haven’t finished, although I don’t really have to now, because I pretty much summed it all up here, I actually think a lot better than I did earlier………so yeah, I guess I ended up telling you about it anyway…….huh never mind. P.S. I know I may have sounded weird explaining the show well movie, but I promise this was a real thing, the Powerpuff Girls was awesome!!

All The Love ❤ ❤ 

~Lexa~

Photo by Frederick Tubiermont on Unsplash

Mood: I’m Feeling Both Calm & Happy Today (Nov 12, 2018)

How’s your day going everyone I hope you’re all doing well, right now it’s around 1pm close to 1:30pm where i’m at and I don’t really know why, but today i’m feeling really good, i’m happy which………yeah, I don’t know i’m just very happy right now, which is good. I’ve been smiling to myself for a long while now which doesn’t happen very often but i’m gonna take it and just really enjoy this because……..yeah it’s been a while, I was just posting both blog post from yesterday on my social media and when I went to post my 4 months of me blogging post it was like……….I don’t know I still can’t believe that it’s been 4 months since I started this blog, now I know that doesn’t seem like a very long time, but at the same time it feels like it’s been a very long time.

To me it feels like i’ve been blogging for longer than that, even though I just recently started not too long ago which is weird, but looking back on it………I don’t know it’s crazy like wow…….to think I came here thinking that I was just gonna use this to express my emotions, but then after a while of doing this, I was able to add some fun stuff to it, or at least what I think is pretty fun and interesting, ummm but yeah……..i’m just really happy today I don’t really have much that I want to say, i’m just feeling happy and good.

You know, it’s crazy, because when I was trying to figure out what to write, normally I sit and ponder for a very long time and get a little frustrated because i’m trying to come up with something, however today was different, I mean although I still wasn’t sure what it was that I wanted to write……I didn’t stress out about it, which i’m glad, because I don’t like stressing even though it can happen more often then I’d like, but that’s not gonna happen today, today i’m gonna take in and really enjoy this feeling of feeling good, does that make sense I hope so haha, but yeah, I feel good and that’s all I can really say at the moment.

I hope that you guys are doing well and you’re having a good day, if not I hope that you find something to brighten up your mood to where you feel better, if it’s tough today, just do your best to keep going and know that whatever it is that is bothering you, stressing you out or is just too much, it’ll get better and everything is gonna be alright, no worries.

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

Photo by Roman Kraft on Unsplash

Today Marks 4 Months Of Me Blogging (Nov 11th, 2018)

Hey everyone I hope you’re all doing well, i’m not quite sure how long this blog post is gonna be, I just wanted to share that today marks 4 months since I first started this blog!! I don’t really have a whole lot I want to say, I don’t think……..I started this back around the summer time (July 11th) when I wasn’t feeling the greatest and was a little lost on what it was that I wanted to do………when I was going through a lot, I turned to writing and I noticed that I was writing a lot more during my low times and I don’t know, I just had this thing come to me to where I thought to myself, “You know i’ve been writing a lot lately, maybe I should start a blog or something” and after that thought, the next day I did.

I remember being excited and nervous at the same time, because I wasn’t sure whether or not, I was gonna do well with it. I had a friend of mine help me get started and once I started and just wrote I found myself enjoying it and I also found myself becoming a little happier when I was writing. Now for me blogging, I thought it was just gonna be an outlet for me to just kinda help me get my emotions out and all that. I had moments where I questioned myself a lot on whether I was doing things right…….I also had moments where I didn’t write posts for a while and that was because I was still struggling on some stuff, I was having days where I didn’t have the inspiration or motivation and because of that I wouldn’t write and i’d wonder whether I should continue with this or not, but I remember also starting this to have things be different.

I didn’t want to continue to stick to my old habits where, I would start something for a good while and then lose interest for it later, so just to sum everything up that i’m trying to say……..even when I have days where, I don’t have the inspiration or when i’m having days where I question myself, where I lack motivation to even want to write posts, I still do my best to push myself to do it, because I don’t want to give up on this, I want to continue to grow this blog as much as I can, even on days where i’m not feeling that confident in myself or when I question whether or not i’m doing things right.

I know everyone has a different writing style and everyones different and as long as you believe in your own stuff and you continue to do your best, there isn’t really anything wrong you can do, you just gotta keep going and just continue to work hard and do your best, because that’s all you can really do. I still have my days where I think to myself “am I doing alright!?” that’s always on my mind, I actually wrote a post earlier on that, i’m sure you guys have days where that’s on your mind as well, but I think as long as we remind ourselves and reassure ourselves to just continue to do our best and keep going, then we’ll be fine, as long as we don’t throw in the towel when things seem to be a little rocky then we’ll be fine……..I’m happy that I started this and i’m glad that I started this.

By the time you guys read this, it’ll be the next day, I believe it’s already considered the next day, i’m finishing this post up close to midnight, it’s around 11:50pm and i’m tired, i’m in a calm state of mind though. I’m not quite sure how any of this is coming out, I hope it’s making sense…………I don’t really know what else to say, I can’t believe that i’ve been doing this for 4 months now, it’s mad, but again i’m happy and glad that I did and that I still am. That’s a big thing for me, because I thought the minute I found myself not posting as much before on here when it came to the times where I just didn’t have the motivation for it, I thought this would be something I gave up on after a while too.

I’m just glad to know that, I didn’t, I don’t know what it was that made me still want to go fourth with this and continue, but whatever it was i’m glad I didn’t stop. For those who read my posts and enjoy it enough to where they want to continue to follow along with me in my world of blogging and subscribe to my blog site…….thank you, it means a whole lot to me, it really does!! To those who I have shared a conversation with on here, I really enjoyed connecting with you in those times and I hope to connect with more of you along the way. I don’t really have anything else I want to say expect thank you and that i’m glad to have this blog, i’m gonna continue to do my best to grow it and just make sure I don’t give up on it even when i’m having one of those days to where i’m not sure.

Last thing I want to write before I call it a night, is that if you guys are interested in checking it out, I uploaded another chatting session of my new thing I have with All Things Random, you know where I talk random topics, if you’re interested in checking that out it’s on my blog site already, I shared it on here, when I uploaded it, I just forgot to share it with you guys, if you don’t want to scroll so much on my site, you can watch it here if you like: All Things Random: Writing/Blogging, PVRIS & Rock Sound Podcast (Nov 3, 2018)

Coming up with this idea of creating something where I could just sit and talk about pretty much anything that I wanted, I don’t know I just really like that idea. Although I didn’t have much confidence at first with going through with it, to have things that inspired me to want to give it a shot and just see where it could go, it means a lot.  Sometimes a little inspiration can help give you that boost and also that confidence in yourself to try it out even if you’re the only one enjoying.

Okay I don’t have anything else to talk about so, thank you once more and I hope that you all have a goodnight/morning and or evening.

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

Evening Blog Pages (Nov 11, 2018)

They say the best way to get what you’re feeling out is to write it down, which I did, I wrote a new evening page in my writing journal a little bit ago on what was in my head. When it comes to me it never seems to be just one thing though, it’s always a bunch of different things, you know trying to figure out everything, wondering whether or not i’m doing okay…….you know just mainly stuff like that, which I know I shouldn’t stress myself over on, it’s just hard sometimes, because it’s like, I know me stressing isn’t really gonna do anything, it’s just gonna make me more and more stress and do I want that, of course not I don’t want to constantly worry all the time and constantly have in my mind “am I doing okay!?” “is everything gonna turn out alright!?” I just want to know and trust that it will be if I just let things happen gradually, without any worries.

I just always tend to have this thing where I constantly worry and wonder about what the future is gonna hold for me and how it’s gonna be, I mean heck i’m sure we all do. We all worry about how everything is gonna turn out for us, it’s just that feeling of wanting to know, but knowing you don’t know, that stresses you out, because you just want some clarification that everything is gonna be okay, you’re gonna be okay and that  everything you’re hoping will turn out well, does………I don’t know………They say anxiousness comes from overthinking everything, If I wasn’t so good at overthinking, I know I wouldn’t worry so much, i’m sure everything will be okay and that everything else will be okay.

I just have to keep my brain and thoughts in order and do my best to only focus on being in the moment and not worrying so much, as well as just staying confident on everything that i’m doing and believing that everything will turn out okay in the process and just keep going and continue doing my best and working as hard as I can, because those are the thoughts that I should be holding on too and keeping my focus on.

 

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

 

Photo by Calum MacAulay on Unsplash